Thank you all for the lively discussion on my last post. I enjoy reading the comments and thoughts, so please keep them coming!
I am doing well. The baby is growing and growing. Oh my! Crossing my legs is difficult. Seriously. Bending over the crib for my son is...impossible. When I merely lean forward the baby kicks like I am invading his/her space. My son's pediatrician said yesterday "when are you due? you are huge!" lol It doesn't bother me. I am huge. I am trying to find my camera to post some pics.
It was funny, a few weeks ago my dh said to me "did you tell you were pregnant?" I laughed and laughed telling him that there is no way the folks seeing me in person would doubt. God love him! He really is just used to seeing me for me!
It has been fun getting out the newborn clothes and washing them and putting them away. We don't have as many gender neutral as I recalled, so many came to the rescue after he was born with gifts of clothing and a trip to Wal-Mart accomplished the rest. I was thinking we didn't need much in newborn size with my son since they grow so fast. But, between him losing weight before he gained, my mastitis that affected nursing and more weight loss, and the fact that they poop out those little diapers and soil their clothes OFTEN. I recall washing every newborn outfit every day the first week until I went out and bought more! My sister has girls born in similar seasons and so I know we will be fine. I did, however, break down and buy a very sweet girl's outfit to take to the hospital with us, just in case. Pictures coming!
Sleeping this past week was so difficult, but it is much better now. Charlie had been a seven to seven sleeper-huge blessing-but his awake time kept getting earlier over the past month. Well, part of it was we had started putting him down just little bits later and that makes such a difference with him! Then last week, about 9 days ago actually, he started getting up in the night. Not the ten min here or there and fuss and go back without assistance. No-full on screams for an hr and inconsolable. If it occurred to close to morning, then he was up-4am on some days. Dh and I were dragging!
I went through every possible reason and decided the reflux was to blame and he had grown out of his dose. At the pediatrician we found out his ear tubes were blocked with wax, likely creating pressure similar to an ear infection. Since my son can feel his toe nails grow, I am sure that is the case! I was shocked and happy to have an obvious fixable reason. We were prescribed ear drops. We have now had 3 days (with one in between) of perfect night sleeping-7pm to 7am again. It is glorious and I feel so much better!
Now for the horrible situation. My dad is a sweet soul. He is a helper by nature. He likes to be needed. Sadly, he doesn't know how smart or wonderful he is and no amount of convincing helps because it is something internal to him. He suffers from depression among other things. It rarely comes up these days as he is on good medication, but every once in awhile a situation arises where all those dark feelings of worthlessness in him rise to the top. Yesterday was one of those days.
We have all heard of internet schemes of folks who need money wired or are in some trouble in another country. I have personally received five this year already. Our priest mentioned them at mass, even, because he almost fell for one. In that particular situation the person was out of the country so it seemed more logical. Yesterday morning I received one such email from my cousin who lives in Jordon. She is very close to my folks, perhaps closer to her own parents. I recognized the email as spam and did forward it to her to let her know. While I didn't want to be the millionth person telling her something she already knew, it was too important not to. My email also said that since she is out of the country, it is more likely some folks will fall for this and please let people know. Unfortunately she couldn't because she was locked out of her email and the addresses weren't all in her new account. I didn't think to repy all and warn them myself.
My dad got the email. He thought it was real, again it seemed plausible in her situation and he had never received something similar to know. He took some special money he had saved and wired it to her. He got a reply that she needed a bit more. He sold some very special items to him at cents on the dollar to someone he knew would buy them to get the rest of the money and wired it to her again. Then he called her husband later in the day to see how she was. And he realized. And while this hurt extra bad because of the parts sold, the money lost (over $3k), etc more than anything it hit his self-esteem. He felt like the biggest idiot ever there was. And not how you and I would feel it, but amplified. He told my mother he wanted to die. He said he was going to kill himself. He didn't get out of bed.
To hear that your father said these things, I don't know how to explain it. My heart aches for him so badly. There is literally nothing I can do. I am not even supposed to know, but I am debating talking to him if I think I can do more good than harm with him knowing I know. My sister was able to help through my mom, by sharing something her husband fell for out of the country. He is a very educated doctor and it seemed to make a difference to my dad and he perked up a little. That was last night. I haven't heard an update today.
Please, take the time to say a prayer for my dad. We all make mistakes. He won't be able to get the specialty items back that were dear to him, or the money, but he is not a material person. What he needs back is his own self-worth. He is so important to our family and so loved and respected, even if he doesn't know it.
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
7.29.2010
7.27.2010
Conversations with Insensitive Friends with Regards to IF
I just read an excellent post and it spurred a super long comment from me (what is new) and I wanted to share my thoughts here. It is a topic that I think we might all have different opinions on, and I am genuinely interested in hearing your thoughts/experiences.
Basically the topic was about folks (friends or family) being insensitive by going on and on about something that is hurtful to us as IFers. The author asked, honestly, if it was too much to ask for someone not to go on and on about something so obviously hurtful to someone they knew was IF. In this case that was blessings of being a mother. That isn't the whole story, but the point here is about those encounters with people being insensitive to those with IF.
As always, I have some opinions on the general subject, and I thought I would share and get your thoughts as it is clearly relevant to all of us. Here is, in a nutshell, are my thoughts on the topic.
I think it is reasonable to be upset with someone for being rude and insensitive. Personally, I want to say I don't think it is too much to ask for someone to be sensitive to an known IFer friend; however, life/experience has told me that maybe it is. I mean, I don't think in most cases the folks are trying to be idiots. But they are insensitive quite frequently. I am appalled at all the stories I hear over and over again on blogs re: friends being insensitive. And I hate to see how much it hurts the girls I care about. So I have come to conclude that they just can't step into someone else's shoes very well.
Additionally, I have learned something else from the blogs. Some things that bother other IFers would not necessarily bother me and vice versa. I have heard people say they want pregnancy announcements done in a specific way (ahead of time or whatever) or maybe they don't want someone to act toward them any differently. In some cases "special treatment" can be hurtful. There isn't 100% consensus.
Of course, it makes sense all IFers aren't the same. And we have different things that bug us like anyone else. And I can't expect someone else to know that. Of course, I can be known for giving someone too much the benefit of the doubt. However, here is the thing, if you set parameters and someone still doesn't respect them, then I think you have every right to be frustrated and they should be confronted about that in an appropriate way. But I think we all have rules in our mind that others just don't know, even if the rules are perfectly reasonable.
So here is my solution. If it is someone that it is worth it to you (you will see repeatedly, you are close to, etc) share what expectations you have with her (kindly of course and not when you are upset) so that she can follow what would work best for you. I know that is what I would want if I were friends with someone with a sensitive issue-just to be told some parameters if I didn't already intuitively know them. I go back to a favorite phrase: those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter!
Honestly, the first thing I thought of reading others' stories of insensitive remarks is would I have known that? Would I have made that same mistake? I certainly have put a few "foot in mouth" before not knowing things I should have. I mean, I have learned a ton from you girls, but still there isn't a consensus and everyone is unique. I wonder, is someone wanting the same things I would want to hear/know after a miscarriage, or is her situation specific to her? I worry and wonder and agonize over wording of cards. And then there are the situations I am much less familiar with (IVF, divorce, terminal illness...) these are things I have little experience with and am much more likely to step my foot in it with a true friend during a long conversation.
So those are my thoughts and I am curious what yours are on this subject. Have you had good luck outlining expectations with folks? Is it just too awkward? I mean, I have a very upfront honest personality. I am not shy, and so I tend to error on the other side and be too blunt. I may be suggesting something that is unreasonable to those that tend to avoid confrontation etc. Or what are your suggestions for dealing with this situation. IFers want to know :)
Basically the topic was about folks (friends or family) being insensitive by going on and on about something that is hurtful to us as IFers. The author asked, honestly, if it was too much to ask for someone not to go on and on about something so obviously hurtful to someone they knew was IF. In this case that was blessings of being a mother. That isn't the whole story, but the point here is about those encounters with people being insensitive to those with IF.
As always, I have some opinions on the general subject, and I thought I would share and get your thoughts as it is clearly relevant to all of us. Here is, in a nutshell, are my thoughts on the topic.
I think it is reasonable to be upset with someone for being rude and insensitive. Personally, I want to say I don't think it is too much to ask for someone to be sensitive to an known IFer friend; however, life/experience has told me that maybe it is. I mean, I don't think in most cases the folks are trying to be idiots. But they are insensitive quite frequently. I am appalled at all the stories I hear over and over again on blogs re: friends being insensitive. And I hate to see how much it hurts the girls I care about. So I have come to conclude that they just can't step into someone else's shoes very well.
Additionally, I have learned something else from the blogs. Some things that bother other IFers would not necessarily bother me and vice versa. I have heard people say they want pregnancy announcements done in a specific way (ahead of time or whatever) or maybe they don't want someone to act toward them any differently. In some cases "special treatment" can be hurtful. There isn't 100% consensus.
Of course, it makes sense all IFers aren't the same. And we have different things that bug us like anyone else. And I can't expect someone else to know that. Of course, I can be known for giving someone too much the benefit of the doubt. However, here is the thing, if you set parameters and someone still doesn't respect them, then I think you have every right to be frustrated and they should be confronted about that in an appropriate way. But I think we all have rules in our mind that others just don't know, even if the rules are perfectly reasonable.
So here is my solution. If it is someone that it is worth it to you (you will see repeatedly, you are close to, etc) share what expectations you have with her (kindly of course and not when you are upset) so that she can follow what would work best for you. I know that is what I would want if I were friends with someone with a sensitive issue-just to be told some parameters if I didn't already intuitively know them. I go back to a favorite phrase: those that matter won't mind and those that mind don't matter!
Honestly, the first thing I thought of reading others' stories of insensitive remarks is would I have known that? Would I have made that same mistake? I certainly have put a few "foot in mouth" before not knowing things I should have. I mean, I have learned a ton from you girls, but still there isn't a consensus and everyone is unique. I wonder, is someone wanting the same things I would want to hear/know after a miscarriage, or is her situation specific to her? I worry and wonder and agonize over wording of cards. And then there are the situations I am much less familiar with (IVF, divorce, terminal illness...) these are things I have little experience with and am much more likely to step my foot in it with a true friend during a long conversation.
So those are my thoughts and I am curious what yours are on this subject. Have you had good luck outlining expectations with folks? Is it just too awkward? I mean, I have a very upfront honest personality. I am not shy, and so I tend to error on the other side and be too blunt. I may be suggesting something that is unreasonable to those that tend to avoid confrontation etc. Or what are your suggestions for dealing with this situation. IFers want to know :)
7.20.2010
Another Day at the Mill
I know I have mentioned on here at least once that I sidewalk counsel outside our local Plan.ned Parentho.od. If this is news to you, don't go congratulating me yet.
I have also mentioned how much I dislike doing this. The getting up and being there at 6:30am, the cold or the heat (there are only extremes here), and most of all my own insecurities. I only do one Saturday a month-the minimum. I am not good at it, so I usually take the back drive with less traffic. I think I would be better at it if I studied more outside of actually doing it, if I did it more often, etc etc. I mostly think about these things I need to do differently as I drive there.
Last Saturday was my Saturday. I woke at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. I got ready and kept thinking that I wanted to look like girls could identify with me, and that they would want to be me (round belly and all) or at least not not want to be me! I was driving there armed with a small coffee and McDonalds (a girl needs a few things to function and these are it for me on these days). I was already thinking of telling the others, hey I've been up since four so I might head out early. They'd understand right? And then, again I swear it is being surround by all of you awesome examples, I thought, the devil is after me again. It is like in the Scr.ewtape Let.ters and he is just feeding off my every fear and insecurity. He is saying in my ear "why don't you just stay home. No one will miss you. No one will mind. You won't do any good being there anyway. Why don't you just stop this and let those that are good at it do it...you are pregnant, they will understand" I realized the lie in all of this. I realized that there aren't enough women as there is. I realized that God will work through me if I just show up. So I did it, I offered up all those insecurities for the conversion of the women's minds that day. And boy, do I think those insecurities did some powerful work in the right hands.
I arrived first. I was alone. The other two rode together and were late. The older male was not joining us this week. I was alone. At first I didn't get out of my car because I thought they would be there soon. We have a rule to wait and pray and go up together because there have been some issues with the police etc. But then I saw two couples pull in. I thought, they didn't even have the chance to stop for the literature if they wanted to. And here, the mill was still closed, they would have had time to read it in their cars (PP will take it away from them). So I got out of my car, figuring the lawn workers there were witness enough to feel safe, and headed to the front drive. At first, there were no cars. Just two couples outside the doors, beyond ear reach but within site. (we can't go on the property). I did what I like to call my care bea.r stare. I pointed my round belly right at them. And I looked at them with sadness and compassion. And I prayed my little heart out. And I pictured my heart with rays reaching to them. And then I pictured something new, my baby's heart reaching out to them as well. And I prayed and prayed. At least now I felt I was doing something. Not in my car. And certainly not in my bed at home.
Those couples went in. It appears they went through with it. The other girls came. We offered materials. I only handed out one. I told God I don't need the glory of a turn around, I just wanted the conversion of the hearts and minds regardless of me knowing about it. The counselor across from me was able to give material at one point and speak to the mom who dropped her young daughter off. I saw her talking so fast, though I couldn't hear what she was saying. I was on the other side of the car and my lips were moving just as fast, as if the life depended on how many Hail Mary's I could get out. God didn't mind my own ignorance. He smiled on my efforts and the other counselors. It was impressed upon that mom that she could do something about the situation. And she did. She got her daughter the heck out of there. She rolled back up to the driveway with her and smiled, said they had changed their mind, denied any further assistance from us, and left.
After I went home at my normal time, the other counselors stayed a bit later and had another chance to talk to a women. The poor women had another daughter, no support(alcoholic mother), no job, so many things against her. She didn't want to abort the child. She didn't feel she had other options. The counselor took her to the crisis pregnancy center. They are helping her find a job. They told her of all the supports they could offer her. She came out grinning, saying she was not aborting and she was deciding whether to give the baby up for adoption or not. The counselor told her she didn't have to decide that today, one step at a time. We will be staying in contact and supporting her, including throwing her a baby shower. This mom said "I had no idea the baby has arms and legs right now!" These women...they just don't know. They just don't have the support. They just don't have the maturity. They have pressure and fears. They want to turn the clock back to before they were pregnant, but that is not what abortion does.
I am so proud to be associated with these amazing women. Three turn arounds have occurred in the last two weeks that we know of. This is pretty typical, surprisingly. Our prayers, our presence, makes such a difference. By showing up, letting God work through us, oh the things He accomplishes! I can't promise I will do much between now and next month on brushing up on my skills, but I can guarentee that I will be there to do my part. And I will certainly be telling that whispering devil in my ear where he can go! Thank you all for standing up for the beautiful pro life teachings of the Church!
I have also mentioned how much I dislike doing this. The getting up and being there at 6:30am, the cold or the heat (there are only extremes here), and most of all my own insecurities. I only do one Saturday a month-the minimum. I am not good at it, so I usually take the back drive with less traffic. I think I would be better at it if I studied more outside of actually doing it, if I did it more often, etc etc. I mostly think about these things I need to do differently as I drive there.
Last Saturday was my Saturday. I woke at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. I got ready and kept thinking that I wanted to look like girls could identify with me, and that they would want to be me (round belly and all) or at least not not want to be me! I was driving there armed with a small coffee and McDonalds (a girl needs a few things to function and these are it for me on these days). I was already thinking of telling the others, hey I've been up since four so I might head out early. They'd understand right? And then, again I swear it is being surround by all of you awesome examples, I thought, the devil is after me again. It is like in the Scr.ewtape Let.ters and he is just feeding off my every fear and insecurity. He is saying in my ear "why don't you just stay home. No one will miss you. No one will mind. You won't do any good being there anyway. Why don't you just stop this and let those that are good at it do it...you are pregnant, they will understand" I realized the lie in all of this. I realized that there aren't enough women as there is. I realized that God will work through me if I just show up. So I did it, I offered up all those insecurities for the conversion of the women's minds that day. And boy, do I think those insecurities did some powerful work in the right hands.
I arrived first. I was alone. The other two rode together and were late. The older male was not joining us this week. I was alone. At first I didn't get out of my car because I thought they would be there soon. We have a rule to wait and pray and go up together because there have been some issues with the police etc. But then I saw two couples pull in. I thought, they didn't even have the chance to stop for the literature if they wanted to. And here, the mill was still closed, they would have had time to read it in their cars (PP will take it away from them). So I got out of my car, figuring the lawn workers there were witness enough to feel safe, and headed to the front drive. At first, there were no cars. Just two couples outside the doors, beyond ear reach but within site. (we can't go on the property). I did what I like to call my care bea.r stare. I pointed my round belly right at them. And I looked at them with sadness and compassion. And I prayed my little heart out. And I pictured my heart with rays reaching to them. And then I pictured something new, my baby's heart reaching out to them as well. And I prayed and prayed. At least now I felt I was doing something. Not in my car. And certainly not in my bed at home.
Those couples went in. It appears they went through with it. The other girls came. We offered materials. I only handed out one. I told God I don't need the glory of a turn around, I just wanted the conversion of the hearts and minds regardless of me knowing about it. The counselor across from me was able to give material at one point and speak to the mom who dropped her young daughter off. I saw her talking so fast, though I couldn't hear what she was saying. I was on the other side of the car and my lips were moving just as fast, as if the life depended on how many Hail Mary's I could get out. God didn't mind my own ignorance. He smiled on my efforts and the other counselors. It was impressed upon that mom that she could do something about the situation. And she did. She got her daughter the heck out of there. She rolled back up to the driveway with her and smiled, said they had changed their mind, denied any further assistance from us, and left.
After I went home at my normal time, the other counselors stayed a bit later and had another chance to talk to a women. The poor women had another daughter, no support(alcoholic mother), no job, so many things against her. She didn't want to abort the child. She didn't feel she had other options. The counselor took her to the crisis pregnancy center. They are helping her find a job. They told her of all the supports they could offer her. She came out grinning, saying she was not aborting and she was deciding whether to give the baby up for adoption or not. The counselor told her she didn't have to decide that today, one step at a time. We will be staying in contact and supporting her, including throwing her a baby shower. This mom said "I had no idea the baby has arms and legs right now!" These women...they just don't know. They just don't have the support. They just don't have the maturity. They have pressure and fears. They want to turn the clock back to before they were pregnant, but that is not what abortion does.
I am so proud to be associated with these amazing women. Three turn arounds have occurred in the last two weeks that we know of. This is pretty typical, surprisingly. Our prayers, our presence, makes such a difference. By showing up, letting God work through us, oh the things He accomplishes! I can't promise I will do much between now and next month on brushing up on my skills, but I can guarentee that I will be there to do my part. And I will certainly be telling that whispering devil in my ear where he can go! Thank you all for standing up for the beautiful pro life teachings of the Church!
7.13.2010
They Are All Quick Takes
I just realized why I have never done quick takes...every post is a quick take (i.e. seven, give or take, random thoughts with not much linking them together). This one is no different. Except maybe mine should be called "long takes?" lol
Sew sent out a great document I wanted to share with my readers-dignitas personae. http://www.ewtn.com/library/CURIA/cdfdigpersbio.htm
I am really looking forward to reading it. It was being discussed yesterday on Catholic Answe.rs Live. It was such a great discussion-I only wish I could have heard more. The priest on the show recommended two books I am excited about. One for my husband "Be a Man" by Fr. Larry Richards (love him!) and Dehumanizing the Vulnerable, which is right up my ally. My degrees are in special education so I think that this book will speak to me on multiple levels-it is a about changing semantics to dehumanize a population (those of Jewish decent, other minorities, those with disabilities, the unborn, etc).
On a ten times lighter note, I am wondering if I could possibly have consumed more empty calories. Is there anything worse for you than jello and marshmallows? Because I ate them both...today. Don't worry, I eat healthy and actually love healthy food for the most part. But I love a lot of other things as well. I pretty much eat them all. Including whatever I happen to be talked into eating by others, the tv, whatever is in the checkout line, etc. I wouldn't call them cravings, I am just very impressionable these days.
I have a few belly pics to share. Rarely am I dressed and showered and looking nice and think about getting a pic so they are kind of spaced oddly.
Sew sent out a great document I wanted to share with my readers-dignitas personae. http://www.ewtn.com/library/CURIA/cdfdigpersbio.htm
I am really looking forward to reading it. It was being discussed yesterday on Catholic Answe.rs Live. It was such a great discussion-I only wish I could have heard more. The priest on the show recommended two books I am excited about. One for my husband "Be a Man" by Fr. Larry Richards (love him!) and Dehumanizing the Vulnerable, which is right up my ally. My degrees are in special education so I think that this book will speak to me on multiple levels-it is a about changing semantics to dehumanize a population (those of Jewish decent, other minorities, those with disabilities, the unborn, etc).
On a ten times lighter note, I am wondering if I could possibly have consumed more empty calories. Is there anything worse for you than jello and marshmallows? Because I ate them both...today. Don't worry, I eat healthy and actually love healthy food for the most part. But I love a lot of other things as well. I pretty much eat them all. Including whatever I happen to be talked into eating by others, the tv, whatever is in the checkout line, etc. I wouldn't call them cravings, I am just very impressionable these days.
I have a few belly pics to share. Rarely am I dressed and showered and looking nice and think about getting a pic so they are kind of spaced oddly.
This first one is May 9th-14 weeks.
This is June 27th-21 weeks.
This is just recently July 10th-so 23 weeks. Yes only 2 weeks after the last picture, but def larger. I had totally fallen asleep, woke up, and thought I had better get a pic while I still look nice, lol. Should've looked in the mirror! I have very fine hair and it totally had gone flat. Oh well, you get the picture. Grow, baby, grow!
One more random thing, dh and I have been watching home movies of Charlie when he was little before bed. It has been so much fun! Crazy how much I have forgotten, crazy how much he has grown and changed! So glad we got a camcorder right before he was born. We will definitely treasure these memories forever!
7.08.2010
Ultrasound Results-no gender reveal but name reveal
Today's appt was amazing. We went around lunch time so dh could join. We did the "big" ultrasound late because we were going to a perinatologist and ob didn't want to send us back if we were too early. We are 22 1/2 weeks, so for those wanting to know gender it would have been a killer, but we aren't finding out again so we didn't mind. What we found out today is basically everything is awesome. There is something so great about hearing the baby measures on for a Nov. 9th due date when Nov. 7th is your date by conception. I mean, after all that business during miscarriages about maybe your dates are wrong this and that and I wanted so bad to believe that, but come on! There is no chance this Creighton girl doesn't have her dates right. Seriously. Wanna know the hour? lol (Pics from the ultrasound are below). The only annoying thing about today? The perinatologist said " I find very little to complain about." Seriously? I have been perseverating on the wording all day and I know how ridiculous that is, but why didn't I just confirm that was her dumb way of wording it?! I am gonna leave that behind now. Btw, usually a perinatologist is reserved for bigger risk problems than mine, but ob had to send me out of the office due to insurance and he trusts these folks the most. So I was happy to have a super experienced highly trained doc for at risk cases do my ultrasound v. a tech.
Just some random thoughts on the gender discovery topic. First, I totally get the people that find out. Dh and I are not hard core in the "don't find out camp." Secondly, oddly enough dh and I are incredibly anal planners. We are also financially conservative in a lot of ways. Which is why we would go gender neutral regardless so finding out wasn't a huge deal in that respect. But we both figured we would want to know. But when it came time to talk to dh about it we were both so...impartial. Seriously. It was spooky strange. I recall saying, "if we don't really care one way or another, let's wait. We can always change our minds." And so we waited with Charlie. And it was only crazy hard the last three weeks when we wanted to meet him so bad we could taste it. He was one week late so that didn't help. Anyway, I am sure everyone's delivery date is a big deal, and we have nothing to compare it to, but it just felt so special with dh announcing the gender to me and then to our families. So here we go again.
I will say I do find it a little odd, though not bad, to know the exact gender AND name of my friend's babies. But then I never liked new and different and this is new and different for them to refer to a child by its name with such certainty before they are here. I am a creature of habit. Surprise on at least one or the other is my preference. As far as keeping names a secret, again personal choice. And again, dh and I are sort of impartial-odd. I swear we are normally really opinionated, lol. It seems we have no firm rule and tell some folks and not others. In some ways I am pro telling b/c I think people take your name less if it is public. But I have other friends who say the opposite. We had two names for Charlie-Annabelle Grace (spelling not confirmed) and Charles Raphael. For this baby, we are likely going with Anthony James or Annabelle Grace. Like finding out the gender, we tell ourselves we can change them at anytime, but in reality they've been set since about a week in. We are funny that way. Both my sisters didn't have a name going into delivery and it was checkout time at the hospital before they filled in the birth certificate. So not my style!
Here is how dh and I choose names. I do homework. I look up saints and feast days, significant people in our lives, etc. I have had lists since childhood. I like to look at the meaning and see how they sound with our last name. I like very feminine for the girls' names (I won't give away all the others, but flowy "anna" type names...) and very classic for boys' names. I like names that are different because you either don't hear them that often (like a classic coming back, an old familiar shoe!) or names that are just a tad off the beaten path (Isabelle is popular, I have only heard Annabelle once, on an adult). I like names with personal and spiritual meaning. Nothing too crazy, but something that isn't a dime a dozen. But something that is comfortable. So I do this and then I start throwing them out. And dh starts rejecting them. And he says why-so and so was named X and he peed his pants in elementary school (blah blah blah). Ha! But sometimes he has no reason except they are new and we like familiar. In that case, like Annabelle, I just keep bringing it up. I make it familiar. Am I mean or what?! So then I told dh (when preg with Charlie), we need to have a girl name. And he says, don't we already have one? lol. Love that dh! Did I mention he spent hours picking out glasses once and chose the exact same ones as he owned before. We like familiar! It seems that if dh doesn't reject a name immediately, he actually may like it.
That is how we got our new boy name Anthony. I looked up saints on our due date, Nov. 7th. I liked the name. Okay that is shallow, but true. I don't even know his story and keep forgetting what Anthony to look it up. Sheesh. But that is the truth. We both agreed no "Tony". No offense, but it just doesn't feel right. My dad's name is James, and most of you know by now that I am a variation of that so that is how we got th middle name. We both like A.J. as a nickname, maybe when he is a little olde.r I must say, I don't like that James means surplanter (sp?) when I looked that up, but getting over it...Annabelle means "lovable" and of course Grace is "gift from God." By the way Charles is named after his grandpa (paternal). He passed when dh was 12. Most of you know where Raphael comes from, but it is all in the archives if you want to look it up-it's worth it, trust me! So Charles Raphael means "strong man" (that) "God has healed." Love it! And Anthony? "flourishing." I swear. Look it up. (And ignore the one that says "drunk.") I am not kidding! lol I mean, really, what does a newly pregnant IFer want to hear about her son/daughter-that they are flourishing of course! Love it! So those are our names. But you have to wait for the gender. :)
Just some random thoughts on the gender discovery topic. First, I totally get the people that find out. Dh and I are not hard core in the "don't find out camp." Secondly, oddly enough dh and I are incredibly anal planners. We are also financially conservative in a lot of ways. Which is why we would go gender neutral regardless so finding out wasn't a huge deal in that respect. But we both figured we would want to know. But when it came time to talk to dh about it we were both so...impartial. Seriously. It was spooky strange. I recall saying, "if we don't really care one way or another, let's wait. We can always change our minds." And so we waited with Charlie. And it was only crazy hard the last three weeks when we wanted to meet him so bad we could taste it. He was one week late so that didn't help. Anyway, I am sure everyone's delivery date is a big deal, and we have nothing to compare it to, but it just felt so special with dh announcing the gender to me and then to our families. So here we go again.
I will say I do find it a little odd, though not bad, to know the exact gender AND name of my friend's babies. But then I never liked new and different and this is new and different for them to refer to a child by its name with such certainty before they are here. I am a creature of habit. Surprise on at least one or the other is my preference. As far as keeping names a secret, again personal choice. And again, dh and I are sort of impartial-odd. I swear we are normally really opinionated, lol. It seems we have no firm rule and tell some folks and not others. In some ways I am pro telling b/c I think people take your name less if it is public. But I have other friends who say the opposite. We had two names for Charlie-Annabelle Grace (spelling not confirmed) and Charles Raphael. For this baby, we are likely going with Anthony James or Annabelle Grace. Like finding out the gender, we tell ourselves we can change them at anytime, but in reality they've been set since about a week in. We are funny that way. Both my sisters didn't have a name going into delivery and it was checkout time at the hospital before they filled in the birth certificate. So not my style!
Here is how dh and I choose names. I do homework. I look up saints and feast days, significant people in our lives, etc. I have had lists since childhood. I like to look at the meaning and see how they sound with our last name. I like very feminine for the girls' names (I won't give away all the others, but flowy "anna" type names...) and very classic for boys' names. I like names that are different because you either don't hear them that often (like a classic coming back, an old familiar shoe!) or names that are just a tad off the beaten path (Isabelle is popular, I have only heard Annabelle once, on an adult). I like names with personal and spiritual meaning. Nothing too crazy, but something that isn't a dime a dozen. But something that is comfortable. So I do this and then I start throwing them out. And dh starts rejecting them. And he says why-so and so was named X and he peed his pants in elementary school (blah blah blah). Ha! But sometimes he has no reason except they are new and we like familiar. In that case, like Annabelle, I just keep bringing it up. I make it familiar. Am I mean or what?! So then I told dh (when preg with Charlie), we need to have a girl name. And he says, don't we already have one? lol. Love that dh! Did I mention he spent hours picking out glasses once and chose the exact same ones as he owned before. We like familiar! It seems that if dh doesn't reject a name immediately, he actually may like it.
That is how we got our new boy name Anthony. I looked up saints on our due date, Nov. 7th. I liked the name. Okay that is shallow, but true. I don't even know his story and keep forgetting what Anthony to look it up. Sheesh. But that is the truth. We both agreed no "Tony". No offense, but it just doesn't feel right. My dad's name is James, and most of you know by now that I am a variation of that so that is how we got th middle name. We both like A.J. as a nickname, maybe when he is a little olde.r I must say, I don't like that James means surplanter (sp?) when I looked that up, but getting over it...Annabelle means "lovable" and of course Grace is "gift from God." By the way Charles is named after his grandpa (paternal). He passed when dh was 12. Most of you know where Raphael comes from, but it is all in the archives if you want to look it up-it's worth it, trust me! So Charles Raphael means "strong man" (that) "God has healed." Love it! And Anthony? "flourishing." I swear. Look it up. (And ignore the one that says "drunk.") I am not kidding! lol I mean, really, what does a newly pregnant IFer want to hear about her son/daughter-that they are flourishing of course! Love it! So those are our names. But you have to wait for the gender. :)
7.06.2010
Happy Belated Fourth of July
I have never felt this "on top of things" in my life, and man does it feel good! Part of it is the three day weekend this weekend. My husband also took off last Monday, so this is his second three day weekend in a row. I love having him home, but besides spending time together we have done a lot of house projects to prepare for the appraisal that occurred today. (I use "we" lightly here). We are refinancing with all the great rates. "We" put up three light fixtures we have had for almost two years! And two paintings I have had for almost 6 months! It just feels so good to have these things done. We also got the carpet steam cleaned and I got treated to a one time house cleaning-yippee! Plus, I mentioned in the last post I got a desk for my birthday, so that is definitely contributing to the sense of organization around here.
The fourth of July weekend was perfect in my books. It was mellow and low key, a good mix of immediate family time with dh and Charlie, as well as extended family time. I even had some cousins come in from DC and the country Jordon! As far as the actual day, fireworks have been cancelled here for 2 years in a row due to the economy. Since they are well after Charlie's bedtime, we didn't mind. We recorded them and watched them on tv the next night! :) Also, big fireworks are illegal, but I usually keep my distance from those anyways. We did poppers on the back deck while grilling. It was so cute to see Charlie try to step on them a few times before finally making them "pop". I've included a pic and a video.
Yesterday, we were on our way to the car from eating out and got caught in this crazy short but furious rain storm. We all ran to the car, and I couldn't stop laughing. Charlie dropped his horse on the way out ("neigh") so dh had to go back and get retrieve it from the street. I tried to get in the backseat so I could buckle Charlie in from there, only to find dh had it piled high with his gym bag etc. I had to run around and put Charlie in standing in the rain. He got poured on the whole time, as did I. Dh had water dripping from his nose, and Charlie just thought the whole thing was hilarious. Of course, when I laugh these days I pee (lovely, I know, but true), so that just made me laugh harder at the whole mess of a situation. It was one of those silly things that I will always look back on and smile about. I took some pictures to remember the moment. We were seriously only in the rain for a minute or two-crazy!
The fourth of July weekend was perfect in my books. It was mellow and low key, a good mix of immediate family time with dh and Charlie, as well as extended family time. I even had some cousins come in from DC and the country Jordon! As far as the actual day, fireworks have been cancelled here for 2 years in a row due to the economy. Since they are well after Charlie's bedtime, we didn't mind. We recorded them and watched them on tv the next night! :) Also, big fireworks are illegal, but I usually keep my distance from those anyways. We did poppers on the back deck while grilling. It was so cute to see Charlie try to step on them a few times before finally making them "pop". I've included a pic and a video.
Yesterday, we were on our way to the car from eating out and got caught in this crazy short but furious rain storm. We all ran to the car, and I couldn't stop laughing. Charlie dropped his horse on the way out ("neigh") so dh had to go back and get retrieve it from the street. I tried to get in the backseat so I could buckle Charlie in from there, only to find dh had it piled high with his gym bag etc. I had to run around and put Charlie in standing in the rain. He got poured on the whole time, as did I. Dh had water dripping from his nose, and Charlie just thought the whole thing was hilarious. Of course, when I laugh these days I pee (lovely, I know, but true), so that just made me laugh harder at the whole mess of a situation. It was one of those silly things that I will always look back on and smile about. I took some pictures to remember the moment. We were seriously only in the rain for a minute or two-crazy!
Well that is it for now. I am excited about prayer buddies, as I know many of you are. If you are new to my blog-sorry it isn't very eventful lately! Though that is probably for the best with pregnancy! Let's hope it stays this way-I have an ultrasound Thursday (I am 22 weeks) and it is the one where they really look at the health of the baby and can see if things are wrong in a lot of major areas (heart, spine, brain, etc). It makes me aware at how up in the air this whole pregnancy is since many of the things that can go wrong are apparent at this point. I never let myself worry much past the first strong heartbeat and it lessens with time, but the 20 week or so ultrasound always makes me realize it isn't over until the healthy baby is in our arms. Still, if the ultrasound goes well, I will not think twice until labor. For now, this week is a lesson in letting go and letting God. I am back to my practice of calling on the Holy Spirit and good ol' St. Raphael whenever doubts start to creep in! :)
7.01.2010
Just an Update
Not much to report these days. I had crampiness for a few weeks, but it seems to have subsided. I think I am just growing a lot (inside and out!) since I am now 21 weeks. My last prog went down from the 50 to 43 I think, but I remain on the same half dose 100mg/mL twice a week. I have my next ultrasound July 8th, and we are doing it with a perinatologist. I am looking forward to it and saying prayers that all will be healthy as this is where they look in depth at the brain, heart, spinal cord, etc.
Drama continues with my oldest sister (JC), who was going to file for divorce and didn't know if her dh was going to return to the state with her two youngest. He came back yesterday with the kids, so that is great news. Her oldest, 17, had an unexplained seizure, so that is the latest worry. Never a dull moment.
Charlie is doing well. We visited a friend with twins recently and he was very lovey over their babies, showering one with kisses. It was nice to see. Of course, he likes to play with the baby toys when he sees them out and it was funny to see how big he looked with the bouncy seat and the rainforest play mat etc!
I am just continuing to work on my paper and get to some work stuff that didn't get done due to my dissertation focus recently. My dh bought me a desk for my birthday, so it has been nice to get that set up and organized. I work from home so it feels great to have a more proper work space. I am an "everything in its place" kind of gal!
Still lots to do before the baby arrives. There is room prep to be done on the nursery, and Charlie's closet still needs to be transferred to his big boy room. It seems doable in time. We have been gung ho on home projects as well, which has been nice. Dh changed out the hardware to brushed nickel (from brass) on the main floor and basement. We have some light fixtures to replace soon. We are refinancing with the great rates and they are doing an appraisal soon. It has been a nice excuse to get some home projects done and dh is treating me to a (one time) cleaning lady. That is heaven in my book!
I also have a few prayer requests for you. One dear friend is in the hospital with a scary infection. She will need a ten day IV (thankfully she can probably do this from home). I am waiting to learn more details, but it sounds like she is handling the barrier with her usual grace and sense of humor. Another friend is coming home from a trip to NY to see Dr. Toth. She received her 2nd full treatment, this one after her miscarriage at 10 weeks, and she had some frustrating hurdles and set backs including an ER visit before she left and more IV issues. Please pray the treatment was successful and lead to better health and also a healthy pregnancy. Several of my friends IRL that miscarried have waited the proper amount of time and have now been given the go ahead to ttc. As many of you know, that can be a scary time that requires a lot of trust. Another friend is working on accepting that she will no longer ttc. Very difficult situations for all. Please know you are all also in my daily prayers! I am looking forward to summer prayer partners!
Drama continues with my oldest sister (JC), who was going to file for divorce and didn't know if her dh was going to return to the state with her two youngest. He came back yesterday with the kids, so that is great news. Her oldest, 17, had an unexplained seizure, so that is the latest worry. Never a dull moment.
Charlie is doing well. We visited a friend with twins recently and he was very lovey over their babies, showering one with kisses. It was nice to see. Of course, he likes to play with the baby toys when he sees them out and it was funny to see how big he looked with the bouncy seat and the rainforest play mat etc!
I am just continuing to work on my paper and get to some work stuff that didn't get done due to my dissertation focus recently. My dh bought me a desk for my birthday, so it has been nice to get that set up and organized. I work from home so it feels great to have a more proper work space. I am an "everything in its place" kind of gal!
Still lots to do before the baby arrives. There is room prep to be done on the nursery, and Charlie's closet still needs to be transferred to his big boy room. It seems doable in time. We have been gung ho on home projects as well, which has been nice. Dh changed out the hardware to brushed nickel (from brass) on the main floor and basement. We have some light fixtures to replace soon. We are refinancing with the great rates and they are doing an appraisal soon. It has been a nice excuse to get some home projects done and dh is treating me to a (one time) cleaning lady. That is heaven in my book!
I also have a few prayer requests for you. One dear friend is in the hospital with a scary infection. She will need a ten day IV (thankfully she can probably do this from home). I am waiting to learn more details, but it sounds like she is handling the barrier with her usual grace and sense of humor. Another friend is coming home from a trip to NY to see Dr. Toth. She received her 2nd full treatment, this one after her miscarriage at 10 weeks, and she had some frustrating hurdles and set backs including an ER visit before she left and more IV issues. Please pray the treatment was successful and lead to better health and also a healthy pregnancy. Several of my friends IRL that miscarried have waited the proper amount of time and have now been given the go ahead to ttc. As many of you know, that can be a scary time that requires a lot of trust. Another friend is working on accepting that she will no longer ttc. Very difficult situations for all. Please know you are all also in my daily prayers! I am looking forward to summer prayer partners!
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