10.28.2010

Catholic Schools

I know others have touched on this topic and I have a few thoughts to share.  Mostly, though, I am interested in collecting your thoughts.

I work in education.  You all know that.  I respect the teachers and their heavy workload.  However, I am frustrated with a system that allows those that shouldn't teach to remain working.  The system is broke in many ways, unfortunately, and I think those in it could give you many examples and would agree.  I see teachers fired only to be hired by other schools in the same district.  I just scratch my head.  I think the unions are more powerful than they should be.  Don't shoot me now. I could go on.

I would like my children, ideally, to go to Catholic school.  No, I do not think these are the magic solution to every problem in education.  But I do think they are better than public schools right now.  Maybe not all, but the good ones.  The ones that do it as it was intended...Maybe I am completely misinformed, but I feel that in Catholic school they will not only get a solid education, but that people are generally coming from the same set of Truths, and that these Truths are infused in all topics if done well (rather than religion class, or religious ed after school for those in public school, where it is an isolated even).  I know this is a generalization, but I am going with it.  The same is true in public schools in that teachers always have a perspective they are coming from.  And the fact that public schools don't allow teachers to voice their opinions about faith, etc, then you get an anti-faith environment rather than a neutral one.  That is what the separation of church and state has done.  Am I making any sense here?  I don't want my children to hear one thing at home and then get completely challenged on it at school.  Not that I don't appreciate varying opinions, but I want school to be a place that reinforces what they are getting at home and vice versa so we can build off each other. 

Now enters hubby.  The CPA.  We are surrounded by good public schools.  They are better today than the ones dh and I attended (I attended Catholic school through grade four and public after that-all in our current area; dh attended public school in a smaller town with less resources).  He made me prove for quite awhile why I preferred Catholic schools. He is on board now.  Somewhat.  But not without cost.  The first point of negotiation was this.  I could have elementary (K-8) or high school, but not both.  I understand that high school is expensive (I am not kidding you, in our town it is $6-8k a year) and why he says this.  We do just fine, but still, that adds up.  But then deep down, I know it really comes down to priorities and what is important to you.  Anyway, dh thought high school as it was more academic would be best for Catholic school, but I argued fiercly that the foundation was more important to build and build why they are young.  I also thought more years with this influence if they go K-8 and also more of their peers will also make the transition to public school at that same time.  Thoughts?  I really am open to folks disagreeing.

The second cost?  I am almost positive dh will use it as a reason to limit our family size.  He is a good guy, yes.  He loves his son more than anything and is a crazy involved father.  But he is still worldly in a lot of aspects and family size is one of them.  He is comfortable.  He wants to stay comfortable.  (I should say he wants three kids, it isn't like he wants a family of one.  And I want a huge family, but he thinks I am being silly and not thinking of the reality that would bring.  Because we started at age 30, I know I won't have an eight child family, likely, but I do not like the idea of closing the door on the gifts God may give us, though age will limit us naturally etc)  He knows I disagree, but then...here I am living comfortably as well...

Dh and I also disagree, though I think he may be budging on this one, about paying for college.  I think that kids appreciate things more when they pay for them themselves.  I don't think parents paying for college is necessary or a right that children have.  Dh's grandma paid for his college.  Plus he got scholarships.  Somehow these funds also translated to extravagant spring break trips.  My college wasn't going to be paid for.  I wasn't sure how I would go, but I qualified for financial help that didn't have to be paid back, got a few loans, and also received benefits because my dad is a retired veteran.  Anyway, I told him I would rather our kids took on loans (and we would discuss what is reasonable and what could be paid back with the job they are going to school for).  I even went so far as to say we should put the same money in roths for them. They could have a million at 65 for the same amount.  Seriously.  Invest young and it multiplies.  Dh taught me that.  Anything but paying for their college.  Am I nuts?  I really think it makes more sense to pay for Catholic school than college.

Anyway...now we have a new issue related to Catholic school.  Some background first.  You all know I have mentioned I didn't grow up with a lot of resources.  At all.  I think it is so important not to overindulge our children.  Dh and I talk a lot about how to help our children be appreciative when we have more resources than growing up.  Growing up that way made us who we are.  We want our children to have that, but can't exactly recreate the circumstance (please don't think we are rolling in dough, I am speaking comparatively).  We will obviously have to expose them to the whole spectrum of incomes and definitely to service and volunteer work for those less fortuante. 

I mentioned we are surrounded by good schools.  One district that I went to is known for less money, but is still good.  Another district is incredibly wealthy.  And another district, the one we are in now, is in between.  Dh knows since I met him I never wanted to live in the wealthy district.  I hear stories about how junior high Valentine's dances are more like prom with limos and restaurants and the like.  And I knew a 13 year old 10 years ago that got her nails professionally done.  Life is not normal in that district, and I didn't want our kids to have a skewed view of normal.  However...dh and I were recently told our excellent Catholic school down the street is somewhat like this. Kids with designer everything accesorizing their uniforms, that it starts even at preschool with the parents, and that so many of the kids are going there because their parents see the school as prestigious, not for faith reasons.  And then an early childhood educator I respect criticized their preschool program.  She said the parents want academics and to them it means homework at a young age.  As a result, there are less manipulatives and more seat work, which is not what research recommends for this age group.  Evidently parents not in education think they know best and have a lot of pull.  Ugh!  What do I do?  That is not what I wanted for my children at all.  We don't have Catholic schools in the area that go by tithing or have free tuition, though I know they exist and welcome a more diverse group of students.  Dh looked at me seeing the hypocrisy that I wasn't aware of until then.  Funny though, I think the prestige part makes it more appealing to him, not less.  Again, worldy, but I love him.

Interested in your thoughts on all of these "issues"...I just want to do right by my kids!

10.24.2010

Charlie's Room

While I am on the topic of sharing the nursery (if you missed it and want to see, please click here), I couldn't help but show something I am super proud of-Charlie's big boy room!  We did it several months ago (our pediatrician recommended that we don't do major changes/things for a certain number of months prior to the baby and a certain number after) and it turned out quite well, but we added some final touches this last week that we gave Charlie as birthday gifts.



Basically I went to Tar.get and saw they had a cute twin set that he would love-transportation themed.  I didn't want to spend a fortune and knew he'd be happy with this.  I chose not to do a toddler bed because I thought a) that meant we'd have to buy a second mattress for the baby's crib and b) I didn't want to have buy sheets etc twice.  I did end up buying two transportation crib sheets termporarily while he was in the big boy room but still in the crib (we didn't want to rush him and were fine with putting the newborn in the pack and play), but once he threw a leg over the crib on labor day weekend, we made the full transition.  The pillow sham below shows you the bedding, even though the quilt isn't actually on the bed right now.


This bed was given to us.  It used to be a bunk bed so there is a board and then two mattresses.  I am not sure how to explain.  We ended up removing the box springs and just having the top mattress and board to keep it securely in the bed frame because we discoved Charlie could slide out of the bed, but not get back in it!  This worked perfectly, but is quite a challenge for me to get in and out, especially with the guard rails!  A toddler bed would have been worse-I have heard of some folks that spend quite a bit of time in their children's beds.  We found a great happy medium in that respect-we only lay down with him for the books and leave, but when he wakes for the day around 7am, one of us crawls in with him and talk and hang out and sometimes read more books.  It is my favorite time of the day!  Charlie isn't in a hurry to leave his bed because he really loves his pacifier and blanket and we have a rule that they stay in the bed.  It helps him look forward to bedtime, and it will be really tough (I think) when the paci is gone.  However, it was one of the things we decided not to get rid of prior to the baby, so we will wait until afterwards. Especially since he only has it at bedtime, we thought this would be okay; plus he may need it for reassurance during the transition with the baby.

The room is fairly bare for safety reasons, plus we didn't want it to be too fun where he would play with things and not sleep.  I may be understimating him, but even the books we read before bed go in his closet when we are done.  The nightstand and dresser were mine when I was younger.  I updated the hardware.  The second picture shows his St. Raphael items on the shelf.


I had the idea for the design of this room based off the bedding and was frustrated when I couldn't find a good road border.  Dh painted the room, and my dad did the road.  We used striping tape they use on real cars for the road dashes (my dad restores cars so that was his idea) and the removable decals that come with the bedding set for the cars.  The trick is to never let the kids see they are removable and they work perfectly!  I was very pleased with how it turned out and as usual, there is the learning element of counting cars and naming colors, etc.

I was excited to get him the planes and cloud decals for his birthday.  I also bought the letters and painted them.  Since he is so big on letters, I figured this was a great way to get him to move to spelling his own name.  I don't think he gets that letters make words (though I better purchasing Leap Fr.og Wor.d Factory, the video, will change that!), but he will long before he grows out of this room :)  Anyway, I am not crafty at all so that is why I am making a big deal of this room when you all are probably laughing.  Rarely do things turn out as I picture them, but this is an exception!  Hanging these letters straight was a pain, but my mother in law helped out, thankfully!

10.22.2010

The Nursery

I thought I would take everyone through our nursery.  It hasn't really changed much since Charlie used it, but it still took some time to get ready.  We had to move the crib back in when he was done using it, raise up the mattress back to the newborn setting, wash everything again (from curtains to dust ruffles), give it a good cleaning, and purchase a few things Charlie is still using.  A few areas are blank now for some personalization later.  I am happy to report I still love it and wouldn't change a thing!



First of all, the theme...Dh and I both love monkeys, and we really liked this print.  As much as I would have prefered something more modern and not childish, this is a child's room afterall, and I am really glad we went with the animals.  It became even better by adding the border at the chair rail level.  Charlie really enjoyed looking at the animals from the changing table or his crib, and it was fun to go through the phase where he learned their names and sounds.  I really think it was a learning tool.  My favorite thing about the bedding is the fact that the curtains and bedskirt have raised animals that feel really thick and soft, like velvet.  I didn't actually purchase much of the matching set.  For one, I am not an overly matching person.  Secondly, I was grateful for my sisters' advice and hers and my experience so I didn't buy things we wouldn't use. 
  • For example, I have never seen someone use the comforter and they are often quite expensive.  If you are going to hang it on the wall great, if not its a waste of money in my opinion.  We did buy a soft blanket, but it ended up spending 99% of the time thrown over the rocker as a decoration more than anything. 
  • I didn't buy a bumper pad.  One reason is that kids use them to stand on and climb out the bed sooner.  Another reason is because they can be a hazard, either by suffocating the baby or the ties that tie them around the rails.  I did, however, later purchase a "breathable bumper" that took didn't do any of those things because I forgot why bumpers do exist-to keep arms and legs from getting "stuck" (not really, but kids think they are and freak out) and to keep the pacifiers in!  This somewhat helped with both of these, but not totally. 
  • I didn't buy a mobile because they are overpriced to get them to match and have very few features.  Children tend to hang on them, which isn't safe, as they get older.  I will say that I do somewhat regret that for infants.  I am told the babies tend to stare at them and drift off to sleep (duh, I should have thought about that) and I think it would have been a lifesaver in some cases.  I may buy a fishe.r price on for this baby with all the bells and whistles for the price of the matching one with no features. 
Basically, I registered for the blanket I mentioned, the curtains, the sheets (I bought two sets that were coordinating and two is definitely the minimum one should own), a dust ruffle (though when you lower the crib around six months you can't really see it anymore on our crib), the border, and the decals for the wall.  Just an fyi, I went to babysupermall dot com and found way more accessories (like the decals and matching fabric for the window bench pillows) than I ever knew existed for my set.  If I recall correct, it was tax free and no shipping as well.





I didn't use the decals in the nursery, but in the jack and jill bathroom that adjoins the two kids' rooms.  I think it turned out really nice.  Again, gender neutral without being too pastel (which isn't at all my taste). Below these windows is the bench where the material for the cushions came into play.  Sorry the photo is a little dark.





For the furniture, we are blessed to have had a place about an hour away that sold returned and damaged Ba.bies R Us furniture for half off.  For example, the armoire had the back cardboard broken, so it was simply replaced and sold at half off.  We never would have bought that piece and the dresser, but it was such a good deal and I still love our furniture.  One piece of advice is, if you get a conversion crib, the rails are not included and they are notorious for no longer selling them by time you need them.  My sister was able to get a generic set that looked fine with hers, but we plan on buying ours soon to avoid a scramble.




Our main splurge was the rocker.  TCIE has mentioned before the Dutail.er rocker (not sure if I spelled that right).  This beauty cost us over $700 (insane, yes!) and I have loved every second in that chair.  My mom and sisters were right, you spend a lot of time there, and sometimes fall asleep there and a comfortable one makes a big difference.  Ottomans are always overpriced, but nursing stools are very helpful.  I never use the rocking feature on thsi one, so any nursing stool you can purchase would have done the same job for much less.  But the rocker, I am in love with that rocker and look forward to spending lots of time in it again! 

As far as the walls and what is on them (or not)...I love the green wall paint I picked to match the bedding.  It is so soothing without being too light, in my opinion.  In person it has a very apple feel.  Also, I have mentioned before I am a quote person.  I had read that it isn't wise to put pictures above the babies crib as they can fall on them (they often kick the wall on the way to going to sleep etc) or the babies can reach them as they get taller.  I thought it made sense to put one of the upper.case living quotes up there.  I ended up taking a quote I loved from a long time ago and having a friend at Kin.ko's make the same thing.  It was so much cheaper, but then he was a friend so part of that was the discount I got, but still cheaper.  Mine was $15!  Dh's cousin works for Upp.ercase Living and so, as a baby shower gift, I received some money I put toward this lovely wall design.  When it was Charlie's room, we also had a framed bible verse from the book of Tobit (from his godparents) and his many crosses received on his baptism.



As far as personalization, these are super cheap target shelves (I got about 4 for $20) that dh hung.  For Charlie I had the Wil.low angel of miracles, a St. Raphael statue and novena card, and a plaque with a prayer engraved in it.  The prayer reads something like, let us never forget that this child is a gift from above...I engraved his name and birth date on it as well and plan on doing the same for the new baby.  We will also put gifts and various things related to the baby's saints names, etc .


There are just a few other odds and ends.  I love the radio in there on the waflfle block shelves by my rocker.  I have a great CD of white noise called "For Cry.ing Out Loud" and it has things like a vaccum, a blow dryer, a mother's heartbeat as heard from the womb, and rain.  I highly recommend it.  Charlie slept swaddled and listening to heart beat music and it went very well (ideas from Happies.t Baby on the Block).  The shelves next to the rocker were so necessary because in the beginning I needed my water, my pad of paper to record the time and side I nursed on, a clock, the radio I mentioned, a bunch of burp cloths within reach and more!  I had our first familiy picture framed and put on top.  It has been moved to Charlie's room now, and an empty frame awaits ready for a new picture!

That's it.  It is fun to see it all ready and waiting for baby #2!  Thanks for letting me share!

10.19.2010

An Update-37 weeks and Blogging Anniversary (a little early)

Can you believe it?  I mean really, where does the time go?  I am currently 37 weeks and thought it was time for a pregnancy update.

I have been fortunate to have ultrasounds even this late as a precaution due to Factor V Leiden (related to clotting).  I have one gene, not two, so baby aspirin really does likely take care of this, but one can never be too careful.  A blood clot could mean that the little one could stop growing at any time!  Ultrasounds at 31, 33, and one scheduled for just past 37 are lovely ways to see our little one doing well.  I love that they are done by a skilled perinatologist!  The first one the baby was over four pounds, then 5.5 lbs, I can't wait to see what the baby weighs this week!  Oh yes, and the baby is breathing on the screen, so cool so those lungs are getting great practice!

At 36 weeks I began weekly doctor's appointments.  I had the group B test done then, and don't yet know the results.  Likely it won't change anything.  I have antibiotics at delivery regardles, the same ones for group B.  Still, I am curious to know.  The doctor gave me the choice of being checked, and though uncomfortable as the one in the hospital was, I said yes.  It wasn't near as bad, or as long, and I am glad I did.  Dh and I were anxious to see if anything has progressed.  I am still dilated to a one, but I went from 50 to 70% effaced.  The baby is head down still, but engaged head down now, so he/she won't be doing any turning.  In fact, the doctor told me the baby is right there on the surface, as low as he/she can get!  That makes sense, as the bowling ball between my legs feeling is unmistakable.  I carry high, so I don't look a ton different, but I could feel the difference and noticed the sides of my belly were softer.  It is awesome to have confirmed the hard big surface I feel is the baby's bum and the little jabs on the left that I can see and feel are heals and knees!  I love knowing I am touching my little one!

Speaking of my belly, more than one person has told me I have grown exponentially these last few weeks.  I don't mind.  The baby grows at an alarming rate during this time.  I can only eat tiny meals often since there is no room for my stomach to be full.  I joke my bladder is like a hoppin' club at capacity-one (ounce of fluid) in, one out.  Lol.  I definitely have heartburn and trouble sleeping, and the Charlie horses are back-I had forgotten about those from when I was pregnant with Charlie.  The trick each day is not buying more clothes as I try to cover the underside of my belly and keep up with the changing weather!  Bending over is out of the question at this poitn!, and I will never again purchase cute maternity jeans with a zipper and button.  They looked so cute, made me feel "normal" and were fine the first half of pregnancy.  But now the button is permanently imprinted on my belly from stting. 



I know I owe you all a picture, so here goes.  I only think about taking these right before bed at the end of the day!  You can see that covering up the underside of my belly is definitely a challenge, and this is without even raising arms up or wrestling a two year old into a cart! :)  I have gained about 42lbs so far, and I think it is pretty evident where it is all going!

On the subject of pictures, would you believe I found my camera the day after I bought a new one?!  Of course, I can/will return the new one.  The most embarrassing part was it was in my purse of all places, just the deepest pocket that zips and I usually only carry coupons and receipts in there... Did I mention I hate big purses?  I bought a medium sized one to replace a big diaper bag, but I always carried small ones before and cursed them for losing things inside even when they are small.  Go figure!

TMI warning-I was told that discharge would increase and GI changes would occur and I have to say that yes, they have, right on schedule.  I had a little blood yesterday (one bright red dot) each time I wiped, but the doctor is not concerned and neither am I.  I was surprised how much my legs hurt where they are connected to my body.  I have also been feeling like I pulled a groin muscle for about a month.  Turns out that is just another way one can feel round ligament pain.  I didn't know that!  One more thing I forgot about until just now.  I am fortunate to not have had any swelling that I can tell, but it is very common.  I was told during my last pregnancy to take off my wedding ring as things got further along.  I guess swelling can sneak up on you and no one wants their wedding ring cut off!  I finally remembered this and took mine off yesterday.  I still can't part with the band yet, though, so I just removed the engagement band.  My husband and I have matching bads and they are comfort fit.  Maybe I am being naive, but it seems easier to remove than the other one.  I include this info because I figure some will be interested in what is the norm this far along...

The main thing on my mind these days is checking things off my list, which is why work is driving me crazy these days.  I feel like things are being added, not taken away, and a lot of it is out of my control.  Dh has been wonderfully supportive, and for that I am grateful!

Like with the last pregnancy, I feel like things could happen at any time now, yet in my heart I know they likely will not.  I can't wait to leanr the gender and meet this little one.  The only thing I don't want, if possible, to be in the hospital during Charlie's first Halloween trick or treating.  He is going to be a conductor and I can't wait!  He is so excited about being a big brother and I pray it continues.  When the sitter watches a newborn occasionally she says he does great and the only thing is Charlie gets concerned that he cries.  We talk at home about what he can do and say if the baby cries and how that is how the baby tells us what is wrong.  He is going to be a great little helper, though I know it will be a transition. 

In terms of meds, it has been odd to go to so few and now to one.  At 37 weeks, prenatals are all that are left!  And just a quick farewell to progesterone-you have served me well, but my rear will not miss you!



(In full disclosure, the pink ones are to draw with, so between a 3rd and a half of these needles, depending on dose, did not actually pierce my behind!)

On a totally different note, I have been actively sharing my blog for almost a full year!  What a blessing you all have been in my life!

That is it for now!  Lots of posts in my brain lately I have been able to put down so posts scheduled to come at you regularly for the next bit :)

10.16.2010

Just One of Many

Not long ago, Leila emailed me in response to a comment I made on a post, asking me to write a post on the topic of my comment.  What I had written in the comment box was something about my experience with the University I work and went to school at being liberal. At the time I told her I doubted I could come up with many specific examples, there is just little things and not so little things constantly.  However, as I mulled it over, I thought of one experience in the past, probably the most extreme.  I won't be able to describe it in crazy detail, but I will try.

I work in education.  As a result, I am surrounded by liberal Democrats.  That is what everyone is, everyone assumes that is how you are. Especially at my level, the doctorate level, people are more candid with you and even more comfortable making assumptions.  One day I got an email from my professor.  Not just any professor, but one that I work very closely with.  In fact, he is on my committtee.  The email was back when I was in his class.  He sent it to all his students.  Despite it being against university policy, he felt it was safe to do so as we were all sharing similar value with regards to education (and specifically the education of students with disabilities).  I just recall that the email crossed the line.  It wasn't just about education, but more along the lines of how we should vote on a topic or who we should vote for an office.  It was a forward, not written by him, but he had passed it on.  I actually had to say to him that I didn't really feel the email was appropriate from a professor.  He understood and we left it at that.  I don't believe I was treated any differently afterwards, and this professor and I still have a good relationship, thankfully.

Just about a week or so agao, however, I was the victim of more assuming.  This time it was on the other end of the spectrum.  My advisor, who knows me very well, assumed I was a tea party member.  To give a little history, though I am not a controversial person by nature, I don't like to let people think something about me that isn't so.  I am not a tea party member.  I have nothing against them.  I don't know enough about it.  However, I don't like to be put in any box, regardless.  I am not ashamed of what I believe.  I do not try to make others' uncomfortable.  I do not try to convert anyone at work.  But, as you can imagine, my advisor (and probably every professor I regularly interact with) knows I am Catholic and prolife.  However, I do not wear a big political sign on my back. 

As those of you read Leila's post know, I was a registered Democrat for a very long time.  I thought it was the party for the little man.  My whole life is about the little man.  The child with disabilities.  The unborn baby.  I always root for the underdog and made poor choices dating for a long time as a result.  I always give people the benefit of the doubt etc.  Though Democrat, I would say I was a pro life Democrat.  As I learned the content of the voter's guide for Catholics, I struggled with becoming a "one issue" voter.  One day it was explained to me about how the same number of babies were aborted daily, as the number of lives lost on 9/11.  I realized then that if I was to truly take abortion for the horrendous act that it was, that it should impact my behavior daily and certainly how I vote.  My car carries a similar quote on a bumper sticker and I hope it impacts others the way it did me. 

So back to voting, I was Independent for awhile and then changed to Republican to vote in the primaries.  Please know that this made a little ill inside.  I am not a text book Republican or Democrat.  I am not "happy" to be a registered Republican.  But for now there isn't another option for me. 

So, now that you have the background, I am sitting in a coffee shop with two much older men that I work with.  One of them is my boss for a consulting job I do; he is also my advisor.  He leans over and tells me I am his only tea party doc student.  Excuse me?  Now to be honest, I know of the tea party.  I watch O'Reilly and I am not a complete idiot.  But I also do not really know the tea party.  I do not particularly know what they stand for.  Then he tells me I am a conservative Republican and I don't know what else he goes on about because I am annoyed.  He isn't saying it mean or rude, but for pete's sake, he is telling me what I am.  And he is wrong.  So I set him straight.

I very nicely told him that a) I was not a tea party member, b) I am a Republican today, but I was a Democrat not long ago and that I am not really in line with either party, and c) the only thing that he can say with certainty about me is that I am a Catholic and I am pro life.  Those are the only two things I would proudly and blanketly put my name behind!  I think later I mentioned something about caring about the little man and not being pro big businesss, but rather in support of small business.  I should have added that, as important as some programs are in helping people get on their feet, I value those families that stay within their means and that the country isn't doing a good job setting that example.  He mentioned something about the tea party members all being really wealthy and angry and that those with money are never happy.  I told him I thought the poorer folks were the happiest people I knew, as well, and left it at that.  I also mentioned I was looking forward to learning more about distributism as an alternative to socialism or our current version of capitalism.  I think, I hope, he left with a better idea of who I am, and won't soon put me in a box again. The funny thing is, I don't even know exactly what the tea party is all about to the extent I should.  More and more I am learning that "I haven't had time to study that thoroughly" is not going to cut it."  We are called to be educated and be active on so many levels, regardless of al the other things fighting for our time!  I am just not sure where the time is going to come from...

10.10.2010

Knowledge is Power-Updated with Susa.n Boyle article

Leila’s post on "what is so bad about suffering anyway?" really struck a cord with me and inspired me to write this post. Through suffering we grow. I believe this with all my heart.  Of course we want to avoid suffering, but suffering is necessary.  Last week my son has some vaccines.  It hurt, but as his mom I let him go through that because I love him.  When he cries out at night because he can't find his pacifier, as his mom I know it is best to give him a minute to teach him to find it on his own. I know these are small examples, but how many people do you know that were handed everything, had a cushy life, and never look outside themselves? I had my basic needs met, but their were no extras. I grew up valuing hard work. I grew up appreciating things. I grew up with a greater sense of compassion for those that had less. Why do we think, in America, that is we don’t give our children a Wii, that we aren’t good parents? And even more extreme, but spoken often by the actions of people, that child is better of dead then comfortable? What has our society come to?!

I work with kids and families with disabilities. I volunteer at an abortion clinic where women changing their mind is very common place. What do these two things have in common? The families and women are scared when they initially hear the news-that they are pregnant and/or that they are having a child with a disability. Fear is normal. But if we let fear drive our decisions, then we are making decisions out of ignorance. Knowledge is power.


For example, when the women find out their child has a disability, often times that medical professional has no personal experience with kids with disabilities. He or she will be born with X, they will have no quality of life, etc.  Ob/gyns often act like children born with Down's Syndrome are the worst thing in the world, when in fact they are some of the sweetest individuals I have ever encountered.  What families find out who take the time to talk to other families is that exceptions happen all the time and no one can predict the future and how well children can respond to early intervention, etc.  Nothing is certain.  For example, click here for recent article on Susa.n Boyle, whose mother was told to abort.  with disabilities are children first. Their families experience trials and tribulations like any family. Families grow stronger and closer by going through this experience together. Families are stronger than they originally think they are. There is so much more I could say here, but working with these children has brought such immense joy to my life and these children bring so much joy to their families. It is not a bad thing to suffer sometimes, to stretch and grow ourselves, to look outside ourselves. It may be painful at times, but like childbirth or anything to do with raising a child, it is worth it.

As far as the abortion clinic and the turn arounds, the women entering are scared.  These women, if they are willing to talk, I would say half the time change their minds. They go into these procedures with misinformation. They don’t know the side effects (like how it will affect future fertility!). They don’t know the development of a child (They say, I can't believe it isn't a blob of tissue!). They don’t know the resources available for clothing, housing, medical care, parenting classes, free babysitters while they finish their education…the list goes on. They think that if they smoked or took a medicine that their baby will have a horrible condition with certainty. That their child won’t be adoptable.  (We have many on the sidewalk that will adopt their baby under any conditions). They have no idea the love that is out there for the mother and her unborn child. They are so misinformed and this knowledge helps them make an informed decision. One they won’t regret. We have never talked to people that had their children and regret it. Only those that had abortions regret it. Those that don’t regret it are often misinformed or choose to be in the dark.

What many women going in for an abortion don’t realize is that their choice is being taken from them. Ultrasound techs, for example, on many occasions, tell their clients they are 8 weeks along and that the baby is just a blob of tissue. That is medically incorrect, and they often water down the age of the child to make an abortion more palatable for the mom. How is that pro-choice when the information is being taken away to make an informed choice? How is that pro-woman by removing vital information, by not trusting in a woman’s ability to make the right choice for herself? People forget that both sides have an agenda. The pro life side is just far more open about theirs.

Did you get the chance to read the articles last year when the a woman director of Plan.ned Parenthood that quit and now speaks out about abortion. If not, click here.  You can tell from her talks that she came into it to help women, but when she saw the agenda was more important than the women, she started to get uneasy. One of the things that bothered her was the pressure from above to “get more abortions in the door.” We don't think of abortion as a money making business, but it is.  How would that sit if the women going in really knew? They do not get counseled at Plan.ned Parenthood to help them make a decision that is best for them. They get counseled into having an abortion. Again, this information comes from the women who have been inside the Pla.nned Parenthood in my town and then changed their mind.  Knowledge is power.  I feel sorry for folks that make decisions, such as terminating their child's life, out of fear and misinformation.  We definitely need to pray for these folks!

10.08.2010

My Charlie Bear is Two Today! *Updated with Party Pics!

Where has the time gone?

It seems like yesterday we were in the hospital room and I patted your bum and said "there is the bum I have been rubbing through my tummy all these months."  It seems like yesterday that your daddy and I would watch you sleep, or that I would carry you in the sling.  I loved our special time nursing.  I loved smelling you and kissing you all the time.  It never got old.  You were a good baby.  A joy.  You cried when you needed something.  You didn't when you didn't. 





And now look at you!  Such a big boy! 

I love how you greet daddy at the door and say "tackle. football. touchdown."  I love how you told me you were tired of me taking pictures by saying "no more cheese, mom."  I love how you surprised me last month when I sneezed and you said "bless you."  And how any time I make a grunt like I am hurting, you say "sorry, mom."  I secretly love how you say "I want mom come" when dad tries to put you to bed alone, though those moments are already fading fast!  I love how you are so curious about things and ask "what's that?" a thousand times a day.  It is the main reason you know every letter and sound (that and Leap Fro.g Letter Factory-but that doesn't mean he isn't brilliant!)  I love how I can get you to eat almost anything by saying you are a "(insert food) monster".  I love how you delight in new ouchies-or pointing to old scars because you "want ban-baid" and how you can't isolate your two fingers so you say "two" and hold up one finger on each hand instead.  I even love your fears "monster. loud. button. scared" so I can comfort you.  I love how you are so gentle around babies and worry when they cry.  You have done so well learning the phrase "that's okay, baby; don't cry".  I know you will be an excellent big brother!   I especially love how you open your eyes in the morning and say "mom?" and I come in your room, crawl into your big boy bed (which is a twin, and low, and definitely not big enough for this big body) and we talk and snuggle.  You tell me such interesting things about how you want to play with the neighbor because he has cool trucks, or how the monster scared you, or how you want to watch sesam.e street on tv.  That is our special time!  Thank you for being the sweet kind gentle soul that you are!






And from the party...


 He doesn't like cake :) so we had pumpkin muffins and a variety of cookies...
 My dad restores cars and brought his Model T to the party since he came straight from a car show.  Charlie loves cars, esp when he gets to play in real ones!   He even got to wear his hat to match his "papa".

10.05.2010

Bad Things then Good Things

Warning, this post is all over the place, but if you can get through the negative things, I have many positive things listed as well.

So many things are bothering me lately.  The main one is the girl who is aborting on Friday.  I didn't comment on her post, but she is in my thoughts and prayers. I read a lot of the comments yesterday and today.  It gives great insight into the pro choice movement, and I think I will be a better couselor for it, but it is oh so disturbing.  She is very scared of feeling pain and yet...hello, your child is 17 weeks along.  I learned that basically at 20 weeks almost everything is complete.  Your child will feel pain!  Doesn't that at least bother you?!

Secondly, I am upset about the creator of IVF receiving a Nobel prize.  I told my dh yesterday, this man did nothing for women's health.  Nothing.  He helped them cheat the system.  He helped them get what they desperately wanted, a child.  At what cost?  And certainly to no benefit of their health.  Their fertility problems were not solved, only bypassed.  And certainly not to the benefit of the millions of babies that did not make it.  Thank God for Naprotechnology.  Dr. Hilgers needs an award!

Thirdly, I am bothered about a snake being killed.  Yes, a snake.  We had a nice weekend at my in laws, albeit we were there for a funeral (more to support them as we did not know the women well).  Charlie enjoyed playing with his dad's cousins kiddos.  He was not with them, thankfully, when a snake was found.  The younger boys shot it with a bebe gun and did other things I just barely caught wind of and didn't ask for details.  I hate this sort of thing.  It bothers me.  Yes, I kill bugs in my house (correction, I have my dh get rid of them, I scoop them up on paper plates and throw them outside, not because of my kind soul either, I don't have the stomach to kill them) so maybe I am being hypocritical, but this sort of torture for sport thing makes me ill.  My husband didn't get why the snake thing bothered me so much and even polked fun at me about it.  So we ended up getting in a fight about it, which is even more upsetting.

Fourth, a huge fear was realized this past weekend.  I fell.  Pregnant.  With Charlie in my arms!  We are both okay, though traumatized.  I still recall two instances of falling, one with each of my parents.  There is something about not being the one to cause the fall...especially when you are in the arms of someone you trust.  I couldn't stop thinking about that.  Basically I cut through a garden with a small fence since there were many young girls sitting on the steps.  I carried Charlie through the garden (I never carry him), and must have not raised my back leg high enough over the 12 inch fence.  I went face forward with no arms to brace myself.  I threw Charlie out in front of me, knowing I didn't want to land on him and trying to get him to clear the concrete sidewalk and land on the grass.  I have no idea if I was successful.  His head hit hard, that I know, and he was very upset.  I am fine.  The baby is fine.  I didn't land on my stomach, but I managed to take a very large amount of skin off one knee, a little off another and some off an ankle (not sure how I managed all three in one instance).  It didn't help that I was wearing a skirt.  I have no idea if I remained decent while flying through the air.  I gave the girls on the stairs quite a show regardless.  Did I mention I don't even know them.  The least of my problems, but a little salt in the wound to be so vulnerable in front of so many family I had never met.  My embarrassment was contagious-many just adverted their eyes and I found out later those that didn't witness it thought I was sitting comforting a Charlie that fell rather than me being the cause of his needing comfort.  Awful. I hope to never do that again!

And lastly (for the less than happy list), my best friends' dad has been diagnosed with Parkinson's.  This was by his primary care physician so there is a chance the neurologist giving the second opinion will disagree. However, we read online if it isn't this, most likely it is something worse.  The primary care told him it was terminal and since he is 60, that means just 5-10 years.  Online it says it isn't the disease itself but pneumonia or something else that will be the actual cause.  Did I mention he is just 60?  He is newly retired?  A clean healthy living family oriented kind of man. Did I mention he runs daily?  And climbs mountains?

On a much more positive note, there was a beautiful and timely homily this weekend about how prayers aren't answered on our time, but God's and that God has a beautiful plan but it may be fulfilled in our situations in timing beyond our lifetime.  We just have to trust.  Bad things happen to good people.  But God is merciful and just and so it will all be okay in the end.  Reminds me of my favorite magnet-"It will all be okay in the end.  If its not okay, its not the end." Love it!  But you all knew I was a quote person!  So, at least I was able to share this with my best friend and I think she found comfort in it.  Please pray for her dad and her (she is the "spiritual but not religious" type that has become so common in our society....)

Also on a positive note, I am due in about a month.  How crazy is that?!  I am busy working on my dissertation, but many things are done and ready and we are anxious to know what we are having and meet this little one face to face!    I read my weekly babycenter update that describes where I am at perfectly...
"Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds.  Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same....If you could peek inside your womb, you'd see that there's more baby than amniotic fluid in there now. Your ballooning uterus is crowding your other internal organs, too, which is why you probably have to urinate more often and may be dealing with heartburn, etc." It's really not bad, it just a perfect description of how crowded things are in there, etc. :)  I am excited that my doctor has ordered another u/s to be on the safe side (due to the clotting issue I have), so next Tuesday I get to see the baby again, which will never get old!

And speaking of old, guess who is turning 2 this Friday?  My Charlie bear!  And if you could just picture him right now saying "two" with a cheesy smile and two index fingers pointed up...he has trouble isolating two fingers on the same hand!  Stay tuned for a post dedicated to him, one on his big boy room, and one on our nursery.  These are my lofty goals! :)

And though I don't have the nifty icon, and though I am still licking my wounds over yesterday, I would like to add that I am grateful for my husband and the fact that he let me have a cleaning women come today since he knows it is very uncomfortable for me to bend over and kills my back and legs!  The house looks awesome and I don't have to worry now about prepping it for the in laws who are coming for Charlie's party.  So thank you, hubs.  And thank you, ladies, for reading a very long and mostly depressing post on a thousand different topics that I was too tired to reread and edit.