What Works for Us (A Post on Sleep)

Today was one of those days when I said to myself, I am so glad we chose to do it this way around here.  I am talking about the millions of choices that face new parents.  I don't judge people for their choices around parenting.  I think most of it is a "what works for you" rather than a right/wrong thing.  But I thought I would share a few of those things here related to sleep.

I have learned with my children that sleep is number one priority.  Well, that and nutrition.  So, at our house, I read what I can on the topic and then I do my best to read my children.  And it has paid off.  At our house, the two year old goes to bed at 7pm and has for as long as I can remember.  He still sleeps all the way until 7am, sometimes later.  He naps at the same time every day, noon.  For some that may seem early, but I really think it depends on the child.  Charlie sleeps 2 hours, sometimes 3.  More than once he has slept 3 hrs and 40 min!  Anthony goes to bed about 8pm, which is so surprising to me this young, but he is the one that initiated it.  Last night he didn't wake to eat until 6am. Yes, that is a record, but he always goes until at least 1:30am, usually 3 or 4am.  I think that if you keep a consistent routine for sleep times that is developed on what your child demonstrated they need, then you are going to get longer and longer sleep out of them until they consistently do great naps, etc.  We have been working on this with Anthony since he was about four weeks, maybe five, and it is really paying off now.

That's not to say we don't have exceptions here, but we try to make them few and far between.  And for the record, Charlie is incredibly pleasant if he stays up until 9pm.  Its later that we see the effects.  I find it ironic that tired children don't act tired, quite the opposite in fact!  There are some things we do regularly, like small faith group every other week with other couples with children.  We rotate houses and it lasts from 7pm-9pm.  It would be easy to let Charlie stay up and play with the 1 yr old and two 4 year olds that stay up.  However, I would rather our "exceptions" be for something that isn't regularly occuring like this.  So, for over a year we brought a pack and play and put him down in a dark room.  The great thing about this is my son, for as long as he can remember, has known that we sometimes go to bed other places but the routine is always the same.  He has no trouble doing this, which has been a huge blessing.  Even in his big boy bed at home, he would sleep in a pack in play for these exceptions despite being able to climb out (I realize not everyone's child has that type of personality).  However, for Christmas I bought him a little travel bed that rolls up and includes a pillow and blanket attached.  I call it his special train bed and he thinks it is the coolest.  :)

I mentioned bedtime routine being the same, regardless of where we go.  I am a huge believer in routine, but also keeping them short makes them managable for us.  We never were ones to rock our kids to sleep or read tons and tons of books.  The routine for Charlie is pjs and nighttime diaper, brush teeth, paci and blanket, and two books.  It doesn't take long to complete. After the books I leave the room.  If he frets, I still walk out.  He never has cried after the door shuts, he just was testing a few times to see if I would come back in.

The routine with Anthony isn't based on time, but his signs at the ripe age of 9 weeks :)  One yawn or one fuss and he goes up to bed.  We are on an eat play sleep schedule with him, so the cries at that time don't mean hungry (there are exceptions of course).  For AJ's routine, we go to his room, swaddle, paci, rock for two minute or until sleep (whichever comes first) and he goes in the crib.  If we are out, I do the same thing but rock in my arms unswaddled and then set him in his carseat.  I, personally, prefer not sleeping with the little ones and then having to make that transition later, but again, to each his own.  It works for us, as I said.  I have also done things that didn't work for our family.  Charlie slept 3 hrs as an infant in the swing or sling so that is what I did most days.  Eventually he grew out of it.  He didn't transition well to the bed because he was older at that time.  He napped there, but only thirty minutes.  Four thirty minute naps a day.  I shudder.  It sucked.  He did that from four to seven or eight months when a sitter finally helped me get them consolidated into two, but they were still only 1 hr 20 each.  

We are constantly reinforced in the idea that one fuss means tired.  If I don't put him down, he continues to fuss.  By time I put him down the settling time is filled with random sobbing and takes longer.  Yesterday, he slept over 2 hrs for the sitter.  She assumed when he fussed he wasn't then tired again. So he preceeded to cry off an on all day and she just carried him around and didn't know what to do with him.  Today he napped two hours.  When he fussed after 30 min I figured he couldn't possibly be tired again.  But based on yesterday, I took him upstairs.  Lo and behold, he went to sleep for another 50 minutes.  Kids needs crazy amounts of sleep.  Infants are rarely awake longer than 2 hrs.  My kids tend to be more sleepy end of the spectrum.  The best parts about these schedules is your children are happy when they are up and when they are not it is easy to tell that something is wrong (sick, teething, etc).

I love that my kids like their beds.  Charlie will tell me, "Mom, I am sleepy.  Let's go upstairs." And he will head upstairs on his own.  Other times I just say, let's read stories and up he goes.  The books in his room are novel ones that stay up there but rotate.  Other than the bed and dresser, there isn't anything up there to play with.  I do want the room to be fun, though, and a place he wants to be.  His name is on the wall and there are tons of fun decals of cars, etc. But there is nothing out of interest.  Even the books go in a bin in the closet after we read.  Of course, it helps that my child can't open a door yet (we have spinning doorknobs on).  I always come to him quickly when he calls my name to tell me he is up.  I also love that both children will go to their bed wide awake and play happily in their beds upon wakening.  In fact, if either wakes crying, it is usually a sign that the nap needs to continue and so if they don't stop on their own, I go in and give them back their pacifier and leave without a word.  In fact, Charlie did that today for nap, highly unusual.  He woke after 45 minutes and cried.  After I went in, he went back to sleep.  That was over an hour ago and he is still sleeping (he played in his bed talking to himself before going down today).

Speaking of playing in his bed, one day he did that an hour and a half.  I felt terrible that he was stuck in his room, despite how happy he was playing.  So, after that amount of time I went in and let him out.  He was such a wreck by 5pm...oh my!  He did it again that same week.  And I let him play.  Right at an hour and a half he went to sleep and slept three hours.  In fact, I woke him because it was 4:30pm.  Guess what?  He still went to bed basically on time, at 7:30pm.  I think the biggest problem is we underestimate how much sleep our kids need.

Pacifiers are another controversial thing.  I must say, I am glad we use them, but I am also glad we put limitations on them.  Pacifiers are tied to nap/bedtime routine only.  They don't leave the rooms unless I hand them to a kiddo that is clearly sleepy in the car while driving.  That may be unecessary because both kiddos can fall asleep in the car without them, but with Charlie it is a nice cue to go to sleep on a car ride and might make it happen a bit sooner.  I, personally, don't like children talking through their paci and for us that isn't an issue this way.  Now, in my mind, Charlie is too old for a pacifier, but we were told not to take away within four months of the new baby (before or after).  Before seemed too young, so we waited thinking he might need that consistency through the change.  But soon, we are going to nip that in the bud.  Stay tuned!

Okay, so obviously I am a routine-based structured type of person, but I think kids are naturally that way and thrive in that type of environment if the routine is based on knowledge of kids' and your specific kids.  I have two kids that like going to bed, have a short bedtime routine, sleep well, wake happy and play in their beds.  But they are also flexible enough to sleep other places.  I couldn't be happier-or better rested myself-so I had to share what works so well for us, in case it might work well for someone else too.

Way Too Many Pics of the Boys :)

Well, being sick today sucks and is making motherhood twice as hard.  I have 101 temp and everything aches!  Now I know exactly how Charlie felt earlier in the week.  However, my boys gave me a present-Charlie took a three hour nap and AJ napped more than once in that time frame. So, I snuck on the computer for a picture post! :)

 Look out for the eyes, Charlie!

 The onesie says "future priest" and he wore it under his baptism gown.  Charlie did the same.

 Charlie's smile is so genuine.  He still thinks his lil brother is the coolest!

 Now AJ may think differently.  Charlie thought this was the next best thing to a cowboy hat-an Easter hat for a girl!

 AJ's first day of childcare last week.  He goes 2 days a week with his brother.  It is the best possible daycare situation-she has five kids, is an early childhood specialist turned stay at home mom with her youngest of five, a 3 yr old boy to play with Charlie.  The rest are in school all day. Their dad works for the church doing teen ministry.  A great family and AJ's godparents!  He is saying here, mom it isn't so bad!

Just What I Needed to Hear

Today I am back working on my dissertation, and it is so hard to focus.  I have got to get it done, no option not to.  I literally time out in May (i.e. none of my credits will count; I would have to start over).  Of course, I only want to stare at my newborn at the moment, but I really need to buck up and finish what I started-eight long years ago!  Since I started school I got married, had two miscarriages, and had my two sons.  School was meant to be a quick four years, but when we were thrown a curveball we made a new plan.

First things first, today I had to enroll in credit hours.  It made me set up a new password.  I have two favorite bible verses that are always in the front of my mind.  When I could not use these, I drew a blank.  So I picked up my bible.  I decided to look in Philippians.  The first verse I had underlined is the first I read.  "I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it... "

We have a winner!  God is so good!

The Value of Sleep

Well, I have just a few moments so I wanted to say hi and tell you all that I am reading when I can, and trying to comment too, but that I really haven't had much to say on the old blog here.  My life is a series of putting kids to bed :)

Life has been a little nutty.  Charlie had stomach flu a bit ago and then a high fever this past weekend.  AJ decided not to eat for the sitter on Fri, very stressful!  Doc appt on Sat didn't provide much clarity, but we are all doing better so no complaints.

Sleep is coming easier these days for me, thankfully, though Charlie was also waking in the night when sick.  AJ actually goes to bed early for his age, about 8:00pm.  If he last ate at 7, he occasionally will eat at 9pm, but then he wakes either once around 4am or twice (usually 1am and 5am).  I can't complain about that.  Once, when he was sick, he went 9.5 hrs and I had to wake him!  But we have also gotten 8 and 8.5hrs several times, thankfully, and that is fine when he is well.  I don't normally wake a sleeping baby.

Day sleep is another story-and stressful.  I am having him sleep in his crib because Charlie loves swing/sling/carseat sleeping and did great and transitioned horribly when he had to start sleeping in his bed.  I am all about making the hard changes now when they are young.  So, as soon as he gets tired (usually only an hour or 1.5 hrs after he woke), he gets rocked and put to bed in his crib sleepy but not asleep.  Works great, usually takes only 2 minutes.  But...he sleeps only 35 minutes at a time, sometimes less.  He did put himself back to sleep some, but now, not so much.  I can get him back down with a pacifier or sometimes have to rerock and get another 35 out of him sometimes on a good day, but I feel like I put him to bed all day!  I tried to keep him up longer and consolidate the naps, but he is just too young.  He is tired when he is tired.  I think we are just in a transition and will be able to move to 4 naps or 3 soon-I hope.  He is only 9 weeks.  Today I pulled back from the craziness and was grateful for what I do have, an easy to put down child that sleeps great at night.  Otherwise I just feel like a failure putting him to bed over and over and questioning myself all day long and consulting every sleeping resource in between runs up the stairs! :)

Of course, Charlie decided to start messing with his nap during this time too.  He sleeps 7pm to 7am or 7:30am and then naps 12-2 or 12-3pm.  Last week twice he skipped his nap, but at least he just played in his room during that time (he entertains himself, his room is really bare).  Today I tried 12:30pm and he played for a half hour and went down.  He's been down over two hours now, so I don't know what is going on but today it worked. 

Can you tell I like consistency and am a creature of habit?  And I value my sleep and my kids getting enough sleep?!  Gotta run, little man is talking to me from his room.  Will try to post some pics soon.

Welcome, Mrs. J!

Ladies, please go over and say hello to a new blogger, Mrs. J!  Please shower her with your support and wisdom!

Why I Love My Husband (1)

I am so overdue for starting this.  Thanks to Kaitlin for the idea!  Here are just a few reasons I love my husband.

He is into traditions and holidays and making memories.  He has a child like enjoyment of these things, and I would say I do too.  He wished I had waited for him to put up the new stockings, but I was so excited they went straight onto the mantel.  He forgave me anyway though. 

He is a hard worker.  This is his busiest month of the year.  He will probably have at least one 85 plus hour week this month.  He calls often to say he misses us.  He does it all for his family.

He doesn't care when I don't shower and look a mess.  He loves me anyway, no matter how I look (though that does make me want to look nicer for him, it doesn't actually translate into that happening!)

Since AJ was born he has become 24/7 focused on giving Charlie the love and attention he needs.  He is his play buddy even more than before, but what has really changed is the amount he participates in the other things-diapers, baths, getting dressed, putting down for bed or naps, feeding him.   Until busy season started, he took a monitor at night and responded to Charlie when he had the stomach flu or woke due to teething.  Yes, he even cleaned up vomit to the best of his ability.  Of course, he pays attention to AJ too.  But he knows that while I am feeding Anthony, etc Charlie is the one that really needs the extra attention right now.   

There is more, but that is enough for now :)