Life from Inside the Wheelbarrow

Crash and Burn

2012-01-25T14:48:00.003-06:00

I am glad to know I am not the only one who apologizes at the start of every blog post and writes very randomly. And you know what? I love those posts just as much as the others. So here's to not apologizing for it! ;)

So, you might be interested to know I am back in the 21st century. I have downloaded the google reader ap and I am now getting caught up on everyone's blogs-woohoo! I am reading more, but I don't think I can comment without linking in, so that might be reduced. Probably good for me to learn to keep my mouth shut. Honestly, I know my opinion doesn't matter in my heart, but sometimes I act like it is extremely valuable. So this will be a good lesson. Much better than hitting refresh on FB 20 times a day. Okay, I still do that but maybe not so much as before. And did I mention before I have a rosary ap now. Best thing ever for a novice like me!!!

And, confession time. I am horrible with names and this has carried over into the blog world. For example, I know some of your real names and forget the blog association. Or I started following you for a neat reason/connection, but that is long forgotten. Or if you change you blog design, I am screwed. So you can imagine google reader doesn't help in that area. Or maybe it does. I will be forced to focus on what matter. I am just saying, my apologies, I am just so very rotten keeping people straight. I think that part of your brain dies when you go through long periods of sleep deprivation. I love you anyway!

So the Crash part of the title alludes to my technology woes this monthly. My computers and cell phone are all conspiring against me lately. My brand new work laptop decided to not boot up and my desktop got some virus and was worthless. I had to take it into the shop. And today, I realized I am still having issues. They want me to come back. Taking my kids into that store is my least favorite thing ever (lots of expensive things down low, etc) and my dh is working crazy hours this month (but he is almost done-yay!) I really really wish I had a mac, but my work decided I needed a dell instead. Trying to be grateful I have a new computer at all, given my old one took 15 min just to boot up! Anyway, my probably 3 month old cell phone's LED screen went out too so I went in to get it fixed. They ended up ordering me a new phone, which I have had a week. Now I have just discovered the speaker phone button works, but it also mutes the person. Not so helpful. So I will be going back to the Sprint store. My second least favorite place to go with my kids.

On top of the computer woes, my kids and I have had a rough cold the past two weeks. I remembered the garlic idea, sort of. See, I cut up a bunch for dh and I and then he didn't realize and took it all. I was too lazy to cut up more that night. I have no idea why giving it to the kids escaped me, because I've done it before, but I didn't think of it. We all got sick. All except dh. I am glad he wasn't sick though, for all the hours he has to put in (he works 7 days a week right now and a sick day is not an option). Its the worst when a baby has a cold and can't blow their nose. AJ just sounded like he was swimming in it! Literally. It resulted in his first ear infection (Charlie had tubes by this point). It seriously took its toll on everyone and sleeping was rough for all involved (AJ would be up about 1 1/2 hrs every night at some point, Charlie woke up once a night, and one day AJ was up every 20 min until 4am-poor dh!!!!). I remembered to offer it up for all my blog sisters that were waking all night with their little ones. But I am not saying I was as joyful about it as I should have been. I drank a lot of coffee! And, confession number two, I watched way too much Kardash.ian sisters while recovering. What is wrong with me?! Its like staring at a wreck. That's exactly what it is like.

In cycle news, I am still on cycle 2 since conceiving AJ. And what a cycle it is! My goodness, I have never had fertile days like this. I have had about 5 days of peak type, but each one is separated by about 2 days of dry. Very odd. Hormones might be all over the place as well because something happened at work (my work is the twilight zone, people there are seriously not normal) and I thought I was going to shoot fire out of my mouth and my head was going to start spinning around. I was livid. I don't think I've ever been so angry. I was in control on the outside (it was via email, I was at home with the kids), but I had to squat down and take deep breaths. Not good. In hindsight, it was annoying, but not to a fire shooting degree (this is the Burn part of the title, in case you wondered. I have to attempt to be clever since "This and That" has been used in some variation about 50 times).

I appreciate all the prayers for my friend Nan with breast cancer. She is doing alright. They put a port in Monday and today she had her second chemo treatment. Her advisor did tell her she needed to change more on her dissertation so her defense date was cancelled and not rescheduled. I know that must be very stressful, so definitely prayers still appreciated!

So that is the latest and greatest in the Life of Wheelbarrow Rider :) That reminds me, I realized after the fact how that title sounds, like I am always in tune with God's will and that is a load of bull. I try, I fall out, I try to dust myself off and get back in. On a good day. My blog address is also very goofy. But I didn't really put much thought into that part of things. And now I know that is the one part you don't really want to change. Oh well. Life is a learning experience, for sure. Thanks for putting up with me and my randomness :)

Resolutions and Cycle Stuff

2012-01-14T21:04:00.003-06:00

The New Year has brought some resolutions. It seems I am always going back to the same ones...praying more and things related to organization. This year, a whopping two weeks in, things are going pretty well.

I have officially said the rosary more times this year than in my entire life. I am not sure that is saying too much, but I am really enjoying my rosary ap on my phone and Charlie loves saying it with me. He is the reason we did two in one day (my mom was like, the entire rosary, and I got all deflated, no just like one set of mysteries...). Its been good for both of us and I am glad he is getting exposed to these things. I can't wait until he gets enrolled in Atrium (Catechesis of the Good Shephard). I have trouble knowing how to answer his questions and give him the right impression of God's justice and yet mercy. It's tough and I also don't want to worry him. I am looking forward to having help!

Speaking of, my number one prayer right now is for a very dear friend of mine, Nan. I have known her since I was 17 and seen her lose her mom and her sister to breast cancer. She went through the doc program with me and was the only other one to get married and have two babies in the program. She is expected to defend her dissertation next Monday, but there has been a delay. The Friday before Christmas her biopsy came back. Breast cancer. She has a 2 year old and a 3 year old. I am praying she kicks some serious cancer butt! They are doing chemo prior to surgery (this is a newer way of doign things for cancers that are aggressive, large tumors, etc). We are lucky to be in a big city with a large teaching hospital and lots of clinical trials to particpate in. Leila, I am adding your sister to my prayers!

Back to resolutions, I also sort of hate doing dishes at night and don't have a good attitude about it. I have a CD player in the kitchen and have started replaying my religious talks on CD. I started with Christopher West's Women: God's Masterpiece. I don't know how you could listen to that and not feel fabulous when you are done! Now I am listening to the Jeff Cavin's bible study on the Gospel of Matthew. We are doing it as part of our small FG, but the first six chapters were so spread out due to the holidays, the CDs (I borrowed from church) are such a good refresher. I am finding myself cleaning more than necessary to listen to the end!

Cycle-wise things are fine. I am not on any meds and definitely can tell there is lots less CM, even with the addition B6 this month. B6 works for me, but in combo with other things, so we will see. I am figuring if I get to peak plus seven this month the bloodwork will indicate this and I will go back on all my old meds again (mucinex, amox, clomid, hcg). I am glad we are not allowed to ttc right now b/c with ovulation comes...me running to the bathroom. Dang stomach! I did some googling and found out Crohn's diseas is diet related but also hormone related. I wonder if that might be the culprit (I don't think I have it that bad, but then again, it has been about 5 times in the last 6 weeks), but I would think they would have seen something abnormal on my colonoscopy a few years ago. I have an appt with my primary care next week.

That's it for now! :) The boys are good. This is a nice easy time in terms of sleep and schedules (but very hard in terms of taking AJ to church-that boy is not interested in sitting still for half a second!). Hope everyone is having a good start to the New Year!

Along With My Cycle, the Aches and Pains are BACK

2012-01-03T15:14:00.001-06:00

Well, cycle 2 came right on the heals of cycle 1, a first for me. I didn't make it to my peak plus 7 blood draw because peak plus 6 became CD 1. Hopefully that was just part of it all getting straightened out and not a sign of any new problems. And, as I recalled, cycle 2 post pregnancy was much much worse than cycle 1. Not.fun.

The worst part is all my weird aches and pains are back. Like my hips. That happened during pregnancy and I am pretty sure the doctor said that hormones can cause your ligaments to loosen so you are more flexible for delivery. Um, body, get the message, there is no need for loosey goosey ligaments at this time! The stomach pain I have that I think has hormonal and food ties is back full force. I have had 2 stomach aches since my cycle returned. One on the last day of my period (yesterday) and one on the day of ovulation. I am curious if those days have something in common, hormonal wise, but it seems like they would be opposites? What do I know? I am curious for your input. I always thought my stomach pains were endo, but Dr. H didn't find a ton of endo in the right spots.

I don't expect my first via email cycle review with Dr. H's nurses to reveal anything revolutionary. I am just expecting to get told to do a blood draw next month and see where things are the. So far I feel fine on the synthroid, no real difference, but then I wasn't feeling bad to begin with.

I am definitely going to get back on my Syntol. My yeast seems out of control, as evidenced by my diet and my right knee feeling swollen. That is always a strange symptom I have had.

Looking forward to finding the right meds/diet to feel good again!

Thyroid Follow Up and First Cycle Since Nursing

2011-12-27T12:45:00.000-06:00

First of all, I am so grateful for all who read and commented on my thyroid post. All of it was helpful and caused me to be prepared when the nurses and I did make contact.

It turns out the Synthroid was to supplement the T3, not to replace it. Jasmine was spot on. Here is an exerpt from her comment:

"...Anyway being on T3 after a while really suppresses your TSH and ultimately your T4, and adding a bit of T4 after a while can help. I hit a sweet spot with my T3 for only about 2 months, and then needed to adjust again with some T4. See the book "What your doctor May not tell you about Hypothyroidism." Though I don't believe his physiological dosing fits everyone. Anyway, so while Sew and the others are right in that T3 is the active hormone, T4 sometimes needs to be added. The T3 dosage is supplementary to what the body makes, so whatever T4 we are making is also being broken down into T3, ideally. My addition of T4 (in the form of Armour, which has a bit of T1, T2, T3, and T4) seems to be the right track for me. I think a mix of dosing off symptoms and labs is working for me. I would give Dr. H's treatment a try, and if not improving find some other help. Oh yeah, and thyroid treatment often times need adrenal support, though I am NOT suggesting hydrocortisone. Lifestyle and vitamins can support that too. An interesting book on those hormones was brought up at the conference as well: The Schwarzbein Principle. Ignore the aging stuff, it's really about hormones."

It is clear the T3 is working because my T3/RT3 ration was good (39.7) when before it was 6.4. And I can tell the difference, which is why I was hesitant to go off of it. However, my T4 was low (2.6 when it should be between 4.5 and 12.5). So they just put me on the tiniest dose (.075mg) once a day and are going to retest in 6 weeks. I like that I can get it locally and that I can retest to see if that is enough. I realize, like Sew said, it may just give me nicer numbers, but since I am on T3, I imagine I can use the T4 as intended. I am not ready to seek a thyroid doc yet b/c I really don't feel like I have thyroid symptoms. I feel good on the T3 and this little boost of T4 may be just what I need. If not, then I will do some more research. And I definitely plan on learning more by reading the books and sites Jasmine and Sew suggested, including about adrenal support using lifestyle and vitamins.

So, for now I am good and happy. My cycle returned and it was quite light, just like the one after Charlie now that I have had time to look back. However, I am reminding myself it was the 2nd cycle that wasn't so light, and the 3rd and 4th before I became more regulated. So...this cycle I start my peak plus 7 draws and its back to familiar territory. I had good mucus this cycle, more days than normal, so hopefully all is well, but I don't take anything for granted and all of my tests and my lap are starting to seem really old (2005). Time will tell...

Baby update-AJ is doing well, but driving me nuts in the sleeping dept after being spoiled for several months. After schedule changes the week before Christmas at a time he was already starting to shake one of his naps (by fighting it and going down way later, sleeping late), he is now seeming to nap normal and yet wake an hour earlier. It is brutal. I have been spoiled and do well with anything after 7am, but now he is crying several times in the night (I don't go to him, he doesn't need anything) and now the early waking. Starting to feel like a zombie again, a feeling I never wanted to get back to. I can only handle one change at a time folks, lol!

Christmas was good here. Hope yours was Merry as well!

Synthroid, Cycle Update (and Pics at the end)

2011-12-14T21:16:00.000-06:00

Calling all Dr. Hilger's peeps. Tell me what you know about Synthroid. :)

I tried to start taking my T3 awhile back and I was terrible about it still. I was totally forgetful and never had a full stomach. So I took a break, and when my painful mouth full of canker sores returned for the second time, I decided I was all in. Dr. Hilger's filled the script, but wanted to update my blood draw. So back to the lab I went, giving lots of love to my lab ladies (the lab manager is 39 and has PCOS, never been pregnant). I was caught off guard because this was one that won't ship room temp, but lovely lab ladies came the rescue happily shipping it for me on ice. So grateful! I guess they started doing the shipping when they got so many requests. I know there are lots of Dr. Hilgers fans in the area thanks to our Napro docs.

Anyway, Dr. H's office is playing phone tag with me, but the gist is Dr. H wants me to start synthroid. Not sure he has all the facts though, so looking forward to talking to the nurses. I thought I would get the scoop on it from you all so I would be prepared with any additional questions. The reason I say they don't have all the facts is they told me to do it at a certain point in my cycle. I wasn't cycling, so I am pretty sure what they told me to do was take it anytime. However, I don't know if they gave me any other instructions. I mean, pretty sure I took T3 the day I did the draw etc, normal like any other day. But that doesn't make sense if they are drawing for hype and hypo etc (they did a few thyroid tests). I may have goofed it up. I looked up symptoms and I used to get cold easily and I do have dry skin, but my temps are better on T3 and the dry skin, well I definitely need to drink more water. No hair loss. And no weight to lose which seems to be a biggie. I don't know. I would love to hear your thoughts. Is Synthroid basically the new T3 that Dr Hilgers is using or is it just for hypo? How much is it a month? Do you get it from Kubats or locally? Does it help with Sx? What Sx do you experience? Any side effects?

By the way, wasn't cycling that I knew of, but probably was about two weeks prior to cycling so I should have just been paying more attn. After 12 months of mostly dry days, you get a little lazy with NFP. But back it came, like clockwork, when AJ was a few days shy of 13 months, just like with Charlie. We quit nursing at a year (little bugger was teething on me for at least a month prior and starting to do some serious damage!) I am on CD 4 now (and this is so weird, but it isn't crazy heavy like I expected) so I am looking forward to discussing the plan with Dr. H's nurse re: ttc. Last time it was standard to do blood work on cycle 2, medicate and bloodwork cycle 3, and then ttc on cycle 4. Anyone know if this has changed?

Okay, gotta give you pics now since I totally missed blogging that they turned 3 (Oct. 8th) and 1 (Nov. 11). AJ has taken up to 9 steps but isn't full on walking by any stretch. He'd rather walk on his knees, silly boy! He keeps us smiling by folding his hands at mealtime, the occasional spontaneous words ("gentle", "chug chug chug choo choo" and barking at the dog). He will seriously rock out to any time of tune. He is still our bruiser, very physical boy, and also very tall. I still can't believe he has 8 teeth when Charlie had 2 at this age. Charlie is still the preformer, always talking ninety miles a minute, has a huge imagination, and a million facial expressions that he has perfected (I catch him trying to se himself in the mirror if he is crying). He kept it real with Santa, talking about how dad was caulking the tub all day, that he gets treats for pooping at school, and carried on a lengthy conversation about the tractor tipping scene from the movie Cars. Always on my toes with these two, who love each other as much as we love them, which is so fun to see!

Keeping you all in thoughts and prayers and wishing you a very merry Christmas!

AJ never looks this petrified. He was not a fan at first and burst into uncertain tears, but they didn't last long. He got distracted by the beard, he even managed to get a good yank on the beard in, I wish they would have caught that on film!

Pretty sure I have never seen Charlie with his hand in his pocket. How funny!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Prayer Requests!

2011-12-12T15:52:00.001-06:00

I had a friend contact me today asking me to post this request on my blog. She knows how powerful your prayers can be! She just returned from a lap with Dr. Hilgers where he addressed a lot of adhesions from a "sloppy C-section." Now they have (full) treatment scheduled with Dr. Toth for January 2nd through 12th. This is an intensive treatment for an infection that has been diagnosed. Originally she was going for this treatment and found out she was pregnant and had to cancel it. That was a very scary pregnancy, knowing she had the infection, but by the grace of God and with a high level of antibiotics and Dr. Hilgers and Toth's help, she had a healthy baby! Now, the full treatment is back on, but she is lacking the peace she expected to have. She worries about the level of antibiotics on top of what she has already had. She is asking God for a clear sign of discernment about doing this full treatment. Please pray that she finds some peace!

Please also pray for my great aunt Sarah. She is basically my grandmother, I have no grandparents living, but with a little more saucy attitude. She is amazing and sharp as a tack! However, she is 89, and ready to move on to what God has in store for her. She lost her husband many years ago. She is ready. But we are not. Her recent nausea and stomach aches turned up a large mass and they are doing an MRI as we speak. They really think it is cancer in her pancreas, called a silent killer b/c it is always so far advanced before it is diagnosed. Like, she may only have a month, or less. Pray we can be as good to her through this as she is to us and not be selfish.

Thank you all for your unceasing prayers! I hope you all have a wonderful Advent season and a very Merry Christmas!

Liebster Nomination

2011-12-07T15:07:00.000-06:00

Does being absence make the heart grow fonder? Well, one friend and follower seems to think so!
Thank you so much, Alive in Hope, for the blog award! Really, that is incredibly sweet of you. You are such a beautiful person and your amazing faith is something I have long admired.

This is what I learned about the Liebster award from Alive in Hope: it spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. I guess you could say I am more like a "coming and going" blogger rather than an "up and coming blogger", but I hope even in my absence that my blog is a source of hope and a resource for those struggling with IF, especially those that are new to working long distance with Dr. Hilgers. As many say, I have a million posts in my head that leave me by time I get to the computer-nada. That is if I get to the computer by the end of the day. And then there is everything equaling a quick takes lately. Most recently everyone at my house has had the stomach flu...bagh! No more excuses...because it is time to recognize some amazing women that somehow have time to do it all!
So the way this works is to pay forward this blog award with some of my favorite bloggers. There are so many amazing women out there that I am blessed to have found. The following is just a short list of those I found were not yet recognized.

Upon receipt of the Liebster Blog Award, there are a few very simple rules:

1) Copy and paste the award to your blog.

2) Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

3) Reveal your top 5 blog picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

4) Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

That's it! :) Wishing everyone a Happy and Productive Season of Advent!

These Are the Words I Would Say

2011-09-29T21:30:00.003-05:00

So many people have been on my heart lately. I will tell you the truth. I am a sucky prayer warrior, but I am really trying hard to do it right for these folks (and God decided to help by given me a bit of suffering to offer up...).

It started with my sister's husband's brothers' wife. She is a wonderful person who just got diagnosed with a brain tumor. She immediately had surgery and found out it was the worst of the four types. They removed the tumor itself immediately, but there were still lots of feelers. She has three children ages 14 to 22 and lots of folks who love her. With chemo and radiation they gave her 2 year max. Heart breaking.

Then there are a several folks on blogs and IRL that are newly pregnant. For some, its their first pregnancy. I am rejoicing with these folks but know they are scared. I pray for the babies' health and strength for the mom and dad. For some, it is not their first, but they have had issues in the past and are scared. There is one, in particular, that has had many stillbirths in the second trimester. She is doing everything she knows to keep her baby healthy. She is terrified. They all need our prayers.

There are those still waiting for a child. Some can rejoice at the pregnancies on the blogs and IRL, but they can't help but wonder "when will it be my turn?" and struggle. I pray for them as well.

I know two families IRL that are adopting. We wrote their referral letters and are hopeful and anxious with them. I offer prayers for them.

I continue to be grateful for the fact that AJ is sleeping through the night, but I have a heightened awareness and compassion for those IRL and those I know through blogs that have never had a full nights' sleep in much longer than me. Or those that were getting it and are no longer. It can be so debilitating to try and function without sleep!

My sister continues to struggle with her own anxiety and depression. At the moment, she is trying to battle it and get out of bed so it doesn't win. She is at the very end of her sign language interpreting program and she must attend class to succeed. The world will be so much better off if she is able to do this. It is her passion and she was made for it.

My niece is struggling. She has experienced the death of her father and her grandfather, and her great grandmother in the last year and she is going down a bad path. It is her freshmen year in college and I pray she makes good choices. At the moment, it is very scary the choices she is making.

My dh's brother is still very wrapped up in his drug addiction. He is a sensitive sweet soul that suffered the loss of his dad at a very young age and he chose drugs as therapy. They were easy to come by in their small town.

A friend of mine lost her mother about a month ago.

Today I found out a coworker's husband has cancer of the lymph nodes.

The list goes on and on.

And so, with these people on my heart, the words to a song playing on my ipod, jumped right out at me. That is saying something. Normally we listen to children's music, so it was kind of a fluke it was on but it followed Winnie the Pooh in song title mode, so it is a message that was meant to be heard by me and meant to be shared with you.

The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets

Three in the morning, And I'm still awake, So I picked up a pen and a page, And I started writing, Just what I'd say, If we were face to face, I'd tell you just what you mean to me, I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and, Never give up hope, You're going to do great things, I already know, God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, don't forget why you're here, Take your time and pray, These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke, You said you were hurting, And I felt your pain in my heart, I want to tell you, That I keep on praying, Love will find you where you are, I know cause I've already been there, So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the Lord and, Never give up hope, You're going to do great things, I already know, God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, But don't forget why you're here, Take your time and pray, These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another, I will say, Come find peace in the Father, Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,You're going to do great things, I already know, God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, But don't forget why you're here, Take your time and pray, Thank God for each day, His love will find a way, These are the words I would say

Please join me in offering up your daily sufferings for the people I have mentioned above and feel free to add your own prayer requests in the comment box. I allow anonymous comments too. I would like to join my prayers with yours.

The Miracle of Love

2011-09-26T10:06:00.003-05:00

Above Anthony's bed reads a saying we could relate to. Before you conceived we wanted you, before you born we loved you, and before you were here a minute we would die for you. This is the miracle of love.

As I was nursing my sweet baby in the rocking chair and rereading those words, I began thinking about the children that aren't wanted when they were conceived like my Anthony. Some babies are unexpected. And parents are scared. They face real challenges and need solutions. (Thank goodness for crisis pregnancy centers that provide real assistance for these families). But you know what? Those babies are still so loved by time they are here a minute, as our phrase states. Sometimes it takes longer to fully embrace this, but it is always the case. A mother has an undeniable love for her child. It is sewn into every fiber of her being.

Grey's Anatomy (yes, I watch this stupid show still) was so frustrating to have ended with an abortion on the season premiere. Just because someone can't imagine their life with a child when they are newly (and unexpectedly pregnant), doesn't mean they won't grow into the role, like anyone grows into any new role. I am not sure anyone really understands and accurately imagines their life with a newborn. It is something, like most things in life worth anything, that takes a little time. But the love and the bond that develops will be there. And God will supply the grace to get one through the difficulties. Even the difficulty of putting a child up for adoption, if that is what is discerned is best. And sometimes, that is the greatest act of love for one's child. All love is selfless by its very nature. (And all love involves suffering). On the other hand, destroying an innocent life due to the inconvenience of carrying the child to term, that is just the ultimate act of selfishness. That was completely the circumstances of the show. It perpetuated falsehoods that are prevalent in our culture today. Young impressionable girls deserve better. They deserve the truth.

[Caveat: certainly women go in to have an abortion under other circumstances. I have experienced this first hand at the abortion clinic. Issues of rape, incest... sometimes there are concerns over health of the mother and/or the child. This is different in that the motives may not be selfish. However, this doesn't excuse abortion. There are so many misunderstandings out there! But that is a post for another day!]

I am Back and Feeling Like a New Woman!

2011-09-12T21:28:00.001-05:00

1. Obviously the number one reason is that AJ, now 10 months, is sleeping through the night. It's been a few weeks now so I feel safe to say it out loud. I think the key for us was filling him up more with solids and adding in protein. He still nurses short, but it is clear now that he is super efficient and 10 minutes total is a long nursing. I know there are moms out there still struggling with baby's sleeping and are still in that dark dark place and I ask you all to join me in praying for them!

2. My house is clean. Really clean. Don't hate me, but we paid someone to get it that way (every 8 weeks). It's something we started doing when I was about 8 months pregnant with AJ. I feel somewhat justified because my dh doesn't help with a lick of cleaning (hard worker in other areas, yes, but not cooking or cleaning though he does grill occasionally). Did I mention we have five bathrooms which is insane in and of itself. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful, but it needed a good cleaning and now it is done!

3. I am done with school. I know its been awhile, but I am able to enjoy and appreciate this fact more now that I am not a zombie.

4. We got a new grant at work so I continue to be employed part time, as desired.

5. I fit in my jeans. My real prepregnancy jeans. It took a lot longer with this one, but I can't complain because I didn't do anything to get here (but run up and down the stairs a hundred thousand time and lift heavy children and...)

6. I am not bleeding. This may be an old one, but I am still grateful for it. I bled for a solid 12 weeks after having AJ. It was worrisome, it was a pain to deal with and it just added to the overall feeling of gross.

7. My hormones are "normal." I put normal in quotes because we all know they are not normal as in functioning as they should. However, they are normal for me. The ups and downs of my hormones, until now, have most notably lead to dry eyes (causing me to wear my coke bottle glasses day in and out), craziness and, yes I will say it (TMI) vaginal dryness. Add bleeding to that and you can imagine I was feeling quite sexy.

8. AJ is taking a bottle. He always took one begrudingly from the daycare providers that take him while I work, but he would take half of what he nursed (about 2.5oz). He was very finicky and mostly wouldn't take one from dh or our night sitters when we went out. When we took our 5 yr anniv trip, I was worried, but I knew he'd have to give in to this one. I was worried he would stress getting to that point though. He totally was a champ (and my mom is amazing!) and took bottles well and slept well for her and that was the real beginning for us for sleeping through the night (he had off and on the week prior, but this clenched it for us). Anyway, after that week, he has taken 4-5oz from the sitter when he is with her for each bottle. Finally, last weekend I decided to try one myself and I couldn't believe he took it from me. I am thrilled as this will help immensely with weaning (which I will start now and will take 3-4 months due to my recurrent mastitis). I do love nursing, but my goal is always a year and I am satisfied with that, given my issues with mastitis. My baby is 10 months now, so it appears I will even exceed my goal. But I will be lucky if I end with both nipples intact as he is quite the biter (it's not the occasional tiny bite that tells me I am pushing him and he is full; its the "I am going to use you as a teether and full on chomp down on you when you are not suspecting it because my teeth hurt and now you know how I feel". (He has 2 bottom teeth, just cut the top 2 and it appears he is getting the ones on either side of the top right away).
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All of these things lead to a well rested and happy mama that is able to leave the house without sending dh into a panic, read for pleasure, catch up on blogs, shower regularly, spend time outside enjoying the weather, complete to do lists, spend quality time with her children, be pleasant to dh, have patience with a certain two year old (almost 3-next month!) and his avoiding nap cherades, and even an occasional conversation with long time friends! It.feels.amazing.

So my question to you is...are you still there?!

Blogger Issues Resolved

2011-09-04T20:44:00.001-05:00

I've been having blog issues and have found and fixed the solution. If your blog is showing an error message about a server and/or redirecting to blogrolling.com, you will find this information helpful.

I didn't find the word "blogrolling" in my html until I went into my html widgets. I think it was the Catholic mothers widget that I had to delete and I know some folks on here have the same one.

Please go back and read my last two posts since I now have the issue resolved. I am finally back to posting and then the issue occurred!

Also, during my searching, I discovered something that backed up a recent theory about my difficulty commenting. I can comment in pop up comment boxes, but not those embedded. I have changed this on my blog to help others, and enabled cookies on my own computer to help with my issue. I hope I will be able to comment now!

Just thought I would share in case others have the same issues...

A Day in the Life of WBR-Emergency Room Style

2011-09-03T22:54:00.001-05:00

I liked the idea immediately when I saw it. I will admit I had all sorts of motivation for doing this, some good and some bad. I thought at first, I will see where all my time goes! How I always feel busy and nothing gets done (neither tasks nor quality time with my children)! Then I thought, dh will see how hard I work and he will appreciate me more! Of course, I just thought it would be fun to share my nutty days with all of you as well. I mean, I've often wanted someone to audit my days and tell me how I can be more efficient so I am opening the door for advice.

I honestly don't know what you all will think of a typical day by me-anywhere from proud and impressed to feeling sorry for me (okay probably not from the IF population and that is more than fair) or thinking I am idiot for how I handle things. I often feel all of these emotions about myself on a daily basis as you will see Of course, go figure that the day I would record things would be a not so typical day in the sense that it ended with a trip to the ER and I went to bed at 2am. But minus those things, I would say it isn't that off. Please forgive me, but I am ~~long-winded~~ detailed by nature so this is long.

6:50am I don't recall if dh's alarm went off or not, but this is a little on the early side for me to wake. I lay there for a second, but what's the point. Even though I cleaned the main floor from when the boys went to bed until I went to bed at 11pm the night before (very unusual), there is stuff to be done and no time like the present since it appears the kids are still sleeping. The morning is a race and I am off and running. Once they wake there is a lot to do at once. Dh is going to the gym before work today so his morning routine is minimal and he is out the door early. I am grateful he let the dog out, who is always dying to pee first thing. One less thing to do. I jump in the shower and am able to get ready before AJ gets up. Usually I don't bother trying to shower first thing (or at all depending on the day!)

7:20am AJ is up. I love the sound of his chatter. I put a few final touches on myself and go to his room. He needs a diaper asap before he pees out, and prevacid and then he is usually really ready to nurse since he went all night again (with the exception of the feeding before I go to bed). Also, AJ doesn't nurse well (loves solids though) and is crazy distractable, so it is hard to nurse when Charlie is up. Evidently AJ wasn't that hungry, he eats for a few min and then I get bit (ouch! its the new sign he is over it-let me tell you, its quickly making me over it, haha!). I get him dressed. This whole time I am monitoring Charlie. Charlie used to play nicely when he woke in his room (he can't get out, spinning door knobs), but lately he has been removing the nighttime diaper and when I was out of town he did that with poop in it for my mom!

7:40am Charlie is up. Thankfully AJ is done. I get Charlie quickly and take off his soaked nighttime diaper. He potties in the toiliet, get him dressed, and oops forgot to have him brush his teeth I realize later. Since dh is at the gym, that means we don't manage to squeeze a much needed bath/shower in. I was going to throw him in the shower with daddy, the easiest and fastest way to get him clean. We go downstairs and I get Charlie his vitamins and start cooking his oatmeal. He often wakes hungry and oatmeal has to be heated and then cooled (the irony) so everything is always so rush rush in morning! I grab a protein bar since I always wake starving too. I make a game time decision to hit the post office right down the street while the oatmeal is cooling instead of waiting. We have a certified letter/check that needs to be picked up and deposited asap. (Somehow I always manage to get a few to do's from dh to add to my already full list!)

8:20am Arrive at the post office with both kids. Discover they don't open until 8:30am. We are already out of carseats so we decide to get in line in the lobby. Charlie entertains everyone whether they like it or not. I find it endearing. "I got a book for pooping yesterday" he tells anyone who will listen. He befriends a girl and "reads" her the book. I pick up the check.

8:50am Since we are in the car already we swing by the library down the street and drop off books (this was all plotted the night before-everything takes planning). Somewhere in between Charlie becomes starving all the sudden. I find a box of raisins in my car (I have bin for such these occasions). Crisis (i.e.meltdown) averted. The library doesn't open until 10am, but they have a drop box. Why doesn't everything open at 7am?! ;) AJ is doing great.

Get home and Charlie eats his oatmeal while I feel AJ solids.  He starts fussing toward the end Charlie amuses me with phrases like "oh no, my baby is not laughing!" with exaggerated compassion (swear that child is going to do improv). I shove in the food double time since clearly AJ is clearly not going to make it to the typical 9:30/10am nap time. This has been happening lately.

9:05am Give AJ motrin for teeth so he can have a long nap and decide to try to sneak some milk in before nap since he didn't eat before. No dice. I get bit. But bonus, I find the master bedroom cordless phone in the cushion of the rocker, lol. I lay AJ down at am happy there aren't any screams meaning I waited too long. He starts the "mmm mmm" sounds he makes of self soothing with the paci in and I know he will be out soon (think again). Charlie is playing nicely so I make some coffee and start working on the last bit of dishes from last night (the dreaded handwashing) and those from breakfast. I am excited for a playdate we have at 9:30am. I am finally starting to feel better and rested and have started scheduling these again. I am starving so I grab a bowl of cereal. I see Charlie didn't eat much of his oatmeal and know that is a sign he is teething. I decide to wait on teeth meds (advil) until closer to nap time and know it is a gamble not to head it off and with friends coming over. I get to talk to my sister while I work on the dishes and then hear happy screams from AJ. Why is he still up?! I take the opportunity to clean the toilet between the boys rooms. With Charlie now standing to pee, this is definitely a task that needs to be done OFTEN!

9:45am AJ is down. Charlie has a meltdown about going potty, something that isn't typical. I regret not giving him the advil so I give it. Normally he loves taking it, but he fights it because of the mood he is in. I am glad my friend is late and wonder how the play date will go.

9:55am. My lovely friend Jill arrives with her twin boys, almost 2. She struggled with IF and I am so excited she has asked us to write a referral for her. They are starting the adoption process. We get to do the disjointed conversations that happen during playdates with some refereeing in between.

I take AJ upstairs to nurse and then we get the kids fed together. We eat in shifts. Kids first (AJ solids) and then us and I feel accomplished we all got to eat! Jill brought the hard stuff-salad and dessert. I supplied a cold leftover rotisserie chicken from the day before-I know, I really went out of my way right?! Jill was a huge help. I love how she just jumps in and grabs stuff out of the fridge etc. Its what it takes. They take off after lunch and all kids seem exhausted.

12:50pm AJ goes down. I start the process with Charlie.  First he goes potty, then stories (two) and then I sing the Hail Mary (not well, but it served the goal, he knows all the words!). He goes potty again (he initiates) and I put on a pullup. I say a prayer and go to leave when he says he has to go potty again. This is usually not true, but I always let him (last chance) and he poops on the potty chair! This is great because he did the same the night before. We have moved from pooping only in pullup or night diaper, to holding it and streaking everything and only going when we get tired of it and put him on the pot and wait an hour with him to now he tells us he has to go and it takes a bit but there is not holding or streaking prior. Well the reward for this is a little tiny pooh book and something from the candy jar. So I read that book and he gets his treat. Its 1:15pm. I am thrilled and very hopeful for a nap with the poop out of the way. I remind him of the rule "lay on bed, talk quietly, pants on". I go down to clean the floor for AJ. After 2 min Charlie swears he has to potty again.  Sometimes there is more poop. It is forced but he does go potty. I check on him after 1 min and praise him for following the rules. I check at 6 min and he is climbing off the bed (I do checks after 1, 6 and 25 min check roughly and if he follows the rules and isn't asleep after the last then he gets out of bed, but he has to follow the rules to move to the next check. I do this because he loves attention and otherwise he was getting it for mostly negative-and if he could just sit still he often sleeps). I hear loud chatter and have to go in early-he looks upset and says there is poop in his pullup.  He has streaked it. We go in to the bathroom again and hehas another bm! Another book and another treat.   Not typical. (Of course, he could will anything to delay nap I believe!) He does well at 1min, but at the 6min check I hesitate to go in. He is quiet and I don't want to rouse him if he just is starting to go down. I wait, but then I hear him. I go in. He's naked. I start to feel quite defeated, but I am not upset and that is an improvement. He is worried there is more poo in the pullup, but it just diaper cream I put on that is very light brown. He tries to ask to pee. I let him go, regretably, but I tell him if he doesn't, I will be frustrated. He manages to squeeze a tiny out and asks if he made me happy. I take him back to room. He says he has to poop and potty before I leave. I tell him, I am getting really frustrated and he burst into tears. That is not typical. He is tired and needs to go to bed! I tell him I love him but am not happy. He cries loud. He wakes AJ. At least AJ got a typical nap in.

I nurse/wrestle AJ. I literally throw one leg over him! I start on the non-preferred side b/c I am feeling quite lopsided these days. I get 4 minutes out of him and am satisfied I got that far and didn't get bit. I try the other side. Less than average. I am surprised. I try for more. I get bit. Figures.

2:35pm I set AJ down on the main floor and realize I have yet to clean it with all of the up and down from Charlie. Charlie sounds happy on the monitor. We have to leave soon to meet dh to sign the house refi docs at 3:30pm. I never make plans in the afternoon for this reason. I have no idea how long the nap shenanigans will last and I don't want to have to quit when he is close. Before the refi I have to deposit the check from the mail today and get a cashier's check. Frustrated because I will have to give up the nap idea. I then see I have 8 work eamils. I check them quickly, reply to the only one that is time sensitive and roll my eyes at the admin assistant who is once again having issues because she throws out anything that hasn't been used in year (don't let her near your computer software).

2:50pm Go in to reward Charlie and let him out but he is on top of his dresser. So dangerous! He just started this yesterday and has since climbed that and the changing table. I am worried they will crush him and we have the same talk as yesterday. I put him back in bed to end on a good note but he cries for potty. Why do I keep falling for this? He doesn't have to go (btw, each potty break is filled with the "I can do it myself" etc so it is slow). I tell him he didn't earn his television show. He is sad and I am bummed I couldn't at least say "you are laying quietly so you can come out now". Even if it was only 1 minute that would have been better than this type of defeat.  Charlie plays on main floor and I nurse AJ up in his room.

Time to head out. My standard routine is both kids in the car (running in garage with the garage open) and I run back in for a two second bathroom break. Going in public with 2 kids is never ideal. I bypass washing my hands for the hand sanitizer in the car. It's quicker. And...I realize now I never did it.  Ew. I also had to run back in because Charlie was desperate for his afteroon snack. Unfortunately, it was peanut butter crackers and I forgot a water, a fact I would hear about for the next hour.

We head for the bank and to get the cashier's check. I briefly think about dh would die b/c that check is thrown loose in my purse in my hurry. I have to check email on my phone to even know the who or the amount. Thank goodness for phones. I wasn't prepared at all. A nice woman lets me get it through the drive through and I am grateful. I have a general idea of where the refi is, but not exactly, and I am happy to be able to look at the address etc while in the bank drive through, again, on my phone. I swear, half the time I get in the car I don't know exactly where I am going. There feels like no time to prep things like that in advance. I see the refi was pushed back 15 minutes and I am glad we will be on time because of this. I drive to the refi and dh calls. The refi may not be happening. Are you serious? I am a bit annoyed and he can sense it. These kinds of coordinated events are tough! Dh is annoyed at me for even hinting I am annoying because the refi has been a huge pain and he is the one spending all his time on it.

3:30 I am driving to refi and having a blast singing with Charlie for a good 10. Then I take a quick call from my BFF. I never get to talk to her because she works full time and all my social time is in the form of playdates and day phone calls. We quickly try to catch up in 5 or 10 minutes.

I am bummed as I turn onto the title company's road b/c I now recall they are right across from Plan.ned Parenth.ood. I feel guilt for not coming out to sidewalk counsel since AJ has been born. It was lack of sleep and his lack of taking bottles, but still, others with babies younger than mine have been back in action awhile. Not to mention they are desperate. Dh just read Unplanned and we both have resolved to make it happen again, yet I haven't signed up. I am grateful for IHO.P. They have 3 folks praying at 3:45 on a Friday and have always had a solid presence on the sidewalk. I look in the rear view mirror and see the Charlie is asleep. Crap. Right before we got to the title place he must have zonked. A short nap is worse than none at all. I call dh to see if he stay with him while I sign. Turns out he is just now leaving the office. Now we are going to be really late.

I get AJ out from his carseat and we have some really great one on one time with him on my lap. He is so jolly all of the time! He is smiling and babbling and we play with the mirror on my visor. Open and shut the cover. I catch a glimpse at myself-how long has that black thing been in my teeth?! And then he does the loud high pitch delighted scream and Charlie wakes. It was about a 20 min nap-this is not good! Little did I know...

At 4pm an alarm goes off on my phone titled "what's for dinner?" I look at it and laugh. Good question!

We sign the papers quickly and the kids cooperate decently thanks to pen and paper for Charlie. He is crabby, but it is tolerable. Dh agrees to pray at PP before we leave. I.HOP folks have left, so its just us and the tough security guard. We manage just ten Hail Mary's and a heartfelt prayer. As always, I wish it was more.

We get home and have some time with the boys.  We fill out the adoption referral letter for Jill so it doesn't get away from us, and dh delivers it to the mailbox down the street with dog and kids in tow. We feed them early and order pizza. Dh's sister is coming into town with her boyfriend (whose brother needs a heart transplant and is at a local hospital-please pray!) They won't be here until close to the boys' bedtimes (which are earlier due to naps) and we want the pizza to be hot for the guests. The boys get fed, but the pizza comes early (and the sister is late due to traffic). In completely typical Charlie fashion, he joins us for round two of dinner-that boy can eat! Before he is done the guests arrive and Charlie entertains us all with his chatter, as usual. I get my pizza and am just about to eat a 2nd piece when it happens. He is eating in his chair, which is a booster, and when he is done he gets down. He has fallen before out of the chair (just because he is almost three and likes to goof around). I wasn't surprised by the big tears, he is definitely tired after all. But when dh picks him up we all gasp. There is a huge gash on his forehead right over his eye. It doesn't bleed a ton, but it looks wide open and deep. We rush to the car and I buckle Charlie in. I remember my sister's advice and ask dh to grab a popsicle (which equals a calm quiet kid which equals slower heart rate and less bleeding). Instant happy child.  Dh and I look at each other. It really isn't bleeding that bad at all (we had nothing on it if that tells you how little). But it looks deep. Were we too rash to think Urgent Care? I tell him I will call my sister (her dh is a doctor) and I get in the driver's seat. Dh listens to a few AJ instructions.  My sister says go and agrees with my call to do the local children's hospital where they can sedate if necessary, etc.  Can I just say I love children's hospitals?! Amazing! And Charlie-a hoot! Never another tear from him. First it was bandaid the check in lady put on him (duh-why didn't I do that?!). He ran around the lobby telling everyone "look at my owie. I have a rabbit band aid" and then squinty his eye like a pirate. He was happy kid and entertained everyone. Back in the room, a nurse told another he was "yummy." And he was! All he did was talk everyone's ear off and love the attention, lol. I told him he had to mind or they wouldn't share toys with him. A lady came in with videos and he picked Th.omas the Train (a huge treat, he never watches this). They topically numbed his head and we had great snuggle time watching the video while it took effect. The lady, kelly, returned with a doll and showed him what stitches were and how they were going to do everything. He got to touch the materials, etc and he wasn't scared. The doctor came in and we decided Charlie needed real stitches because he is so active. Because it was the forehead, they didn't need to numb it any other way, but it was a little tricky because it was the so close to the eye. Charlie would be able to see everything. I was glad they sedated him. He really didn't seem that sedated, he was awake and alert, but some slurring and he was more cooperative to be restricted. He watched Thoma.s and chatted with us answering a million questions we used to distract me. He just made a few annoyed sounds and tried to pull away saying "he's breaking me" about the doctor. The doc did 2 stitches one way, said it wasn't working, and then did 8 another way after taking the first 2 out. Charlie did great and I felt good because they joked about hiring me with my behavior skills. Good thing they didn't see my failure at nap time!

On the way home I learned AJ was great for dad, went down easy and never woke until now (past 11pm). But he wasn't taking the bottle. I thought I was going to have leave Charlie with dh and nurse AJ, but dh had gotten him back to sleep so we both got to put Charlie to bed together and tell dad about the trip. It's been a long night and is now 12am. I prayed he would sleep in! (just fyi, he slept til 9am and took a 3.5 hr nap with zero bathroom requests!)

I left Charlie's room and went to AJ's to wake him for the before-I-go-to bed feeding. I definitely did not want to wake once I went to sleep, if possible. He was happy to see me, as always! I usually go to bed at 11pm so I am ready but one thing remains. I am starving. I only had that one piece of pizza! I sneak into the kitchen for a cold piece before bed and Craig's sister is doing the same :) We end up having an hour plus heart to heart over cold pizza about her step sister's daughter that had 48 hrs worth of seizures and dh and her brother that had serious drug problems that have lead to legal issues. Dh comes down to get me because he's woken and realizes I haven't yet come to bed. He can't sleep without me :)

It's now 2am and definitely not a typical bedtime. I usually go to bed at 11pm and I was ready for it! Well, not exactly a typical day, but then what is?! I am surprised we haven't been to the ER with Charlie before now, and with 2 boys, I doubt it will be our last! Reflecting on this I realize the time at PP and with Chalie at nap were the only prayers. We forgot to pray at meals (unusual) and praying didn't even cross my mind during our emergency which is disappointing. I will definitely have to work on that!

Changing bandages. (The alcohol pads in the background weren't for him!)

Charlie the next day showing off his owie and the car Kelly the nurse gave him.

Puzzles earlier in the day.

Aj enjoying a mum mum. We have started finger foods recently and these are very well received!

The Purpose of My Blog and Lack of Posting

2011-08-30T10:12:00.003-05:00

My posts being fewer and further between is the result of the fact that I don't want every post to simply be an update on my life right now. That is just a personal preference as to the purpose of my blog. The purpose of this blog, I believe, is to:

help those with IF find morally acceptable means toward healing
give encouragement and hope by my story to those on the path to healing because it can be long
help those new to Dr. Hilgers and his methods navigate that world as easily as possible,
support mothers after IF since that comes with its own mix of emotions and
share things of interest to my Catholic and/or pro life sisters.

I have probably forgotten some since that was literally just off the top of my head, but that covers the gist of it, I think. I hope I am meeting these goals and am happy to take feedback if I am not (via comment or personal email). I blog for you guys, not for me, though I have been greatly benefitted by this wonderfully supportive group of new friends!

That being said, I do have a few updates.

In the area of fertility, I have not yet gotten my period back. There have been several times I thought it was coming due to crampiness, but nothing yet. I have had some interesting symptoms come back, as well, that I think relate but in a not so obvious way. For example, the stomach problems I have are totally cycle related. Mostly grease or rich chocolate send me dying a slow death and eventually running for the bathroom after my intestines have been turned inside out. I didn't miss that! And my itchy spots have come back-the base of my scalp and mostly the little "corners" of my nose. Nikki, I want to talk to you about the bumps from elbow to shoulder on my arms! Its all so interesting to me how it relates. I have had several instances of peak type mucus (10C/K Lx1, 1") but nothing sticks around. I am not doing the best charting, I regretfully admit, but am resolving to get on it better. With Charlie, I was mostly dry after his birth and then my period didn't return until a month or so after he was completely and totally weaned. This was surprising to me because of how slow he was weaned (due to repeated mastitis). I literally nursed him about a minute his last time, I believe a few days after or before his first birthday (sorry, no time to look up, but the post is there if you are interested). I know every child can be different, but it looks like it might be the same. AJ is over 9 months and, as of now, I don't plan on nursing past a year (4 times mastitis so far, at this point I had had 5 with Charlie-its a recurrent problem with me that Dr. Toth said is probably related to the chronic infection that plays a big part in our infertility). I will say my infection cleared up on its own because I pumped as soon as I realized that was why I was sore and I don't think it progressed very far. I was grateful to avoid the antibiotics.

WARNING-IF YOU ARE FEELING FRAGILE TODAY, THE FOLLOWING MAY NOT BE FOR YOU. IT MAY COME ACROSS CALLOUS, WHEN THAT IS NOT HOW I AM MEANING IT AT ALL. When people ask me if I want another child (non-IFers of course!), I say absolutely yes! We were so blessed to have the 2 we have and I do not feel that I can personally shut the door on that. I want to be a witness for life and let them know how precious children are! When I met my dh, I always told him I wanted a big family. I did/do, but I would exaggerate beyond what is likely possible given my age because my dh tends to negotiate (is that terrible?!). He would say he wanted 2 to 3 and I would say 5 or 6 :) Since then trying to have 3 children has become a given around here, so I'd say it worked at least somewhat. I tell him if we are lucky, I could have 4 biological given my age and then we can adopt! My dh is one that needs to get used to the idea of something. I don't shove adoption down his throat, but I have been clear from day one that I desire this. (He also doesn't like surprises). I, actually, would be really surprised if he would agree to this, but the other day he said something that was matter of fact about it and I silently giggled with delight that it was still a possibility! So, trying for #3 remains something we both want to do, but I have purposely not mentioned when we would actively try to conceive. I have done this because, with my period not back yet, I figured it would give him some time to not feel pressured. We have both been hit hard with the lack of sleep and I have been harder to live with, for sure. I think he is scared to dive right back in. I, of course, am scared not to. So I give him space on it and I hope that when the time comes he will feel better about things. I figure if my period comes back in 3 months or so, then (if the protocol is the same), I will have blood work on the 2nd cycle, medicate the 3rd and repeat peak plus 7 blood work, and then try on the 4th. Even if we got pregnant right away, it would still be another 9 months and we (hopefully) would be well rested by then and ready to parent! I, honestly, can't believe it still that we got pregnant with AJ on the first cycle trying and have no idea what to expect this time. I am perfectly aware that something could have changed and we may never be able to get pregnant, so that is always on my mind and I am grateful for what we do have.

Speaking of, Mr. AJ has had a fabulous week of sleeping through the night, which is going a LONG way for me and my ability to parent a teething two year old! For those interested, I feed him 2 oz of cereal and 2 oz of fruit/yogurt for breakfast (after nursing). For lunch, he nurses and then (half hour to hour after) solids consist of 2 oz fruit/yog and 2oz of vegetable. He has a "snack" around 2 or 3 (after 2nd nap) of nursing and some finger foods like cereal (just starting) and then he has dinner around 5 (4oz veg and 1oz protein-meat or edamame, etc). He sometimes nurses before dinner, but mostly after (about an hr, before bed). If he is too full to nurse before bed, I will nurse him if he wakes up an hour or so later and then right back to bed. If he doesn't wake on his own between 10pm and 11pm, I will wake him and nurse him. He then sleeps until about 7, sometimes 8 (about 12 hrs total). He is such a sweet, fun baby. He smiles anytime you look at him and is very very easy going. He is thrilled to be mobile. Funny how it was a late start to sitting up (7 1/2 months), but how quickly he went to rocking on all fours, and crawling, then pulling to a stand. He now is trying to let go and/or stand in the middle of the living room. The latter isn't successful, but he really tries! He only really was fussy when the top two teeth broke through last week. He now has four!

Charlie only had 2 teeth at one, so he was a slow painful teether. In fact, he is still teething! He is almost done, finally!, getting in the top two incisors. I just found out last week at the dentist that his 2 yr molars are finally coming in on the bottom (no top ones yet). I told you he was slow! The teething explains a lot related to nap time, which has many factors making it hard. First, teething, then the fact that if he sleeps at night 13 hrs then he is not tired for nap. Then you add how he gets hyper and resists sleep if he is overtired. Then add potty training (he uses it as excuse to leave room, plus he holds bms sometimes-though much better this week-so that makes it hard to sleep and he starts streaking his pullup that he wears at naptime only...) It's quite the process. But, if he is truly tired and has teeth medicine on board, then I can usually get him to sleep now if I can get him to be calm in bed for 20 min or so. That involves praising him for following our three rules-laying down, pants on (haha!), talking quietly. He gets to watch MM Clubhouse if he does and then I feel better about "giving up" on a nap if he has done those things. Since he loves attn and me going in the room, I try to do it only to praise him-at 1 min, 5 min and then 20-25 min. The clock starts over if I walk in and he isn't following the rules. This utilizes my education in positiv.e behavi.or support. Before, I was tired and cranky and regrettfully spanked, which was not effective and made me feel awful as a parent and a professional. For those struggling with challenging behavior, I highly recommend a book I was reading for work called Optim.istic Par.enting. It is wonderful therapy and help and I, embarrasingly, needed it! However, I am doing much better knowing this experience will make me a better professional and using the serenity prayer as my guide!

Charlie is such an awesome big brother. He seems to have mostly moved past the constant rough love and really likes to engage AJ in play. And AJ is happy to cooperate so that is really awesome to see. I included some pics of them playing together.

One more update for fun, I asked dh for a deck remodel as a little oasis for me as my graduation gift. This summer has been so hot and I really don't want the cooler weather to pass without me taking advantage and the winter coming in. He happily obliged and I was able to get a new porch swing (old cushion molded bad and new swing was cheaper than new cushions-plus is reclines!), new chairs for our table outside (ours broke through), an umbrella, seat cushions, chairs for the boys, a new swing for AJ, and new pillows for the swing (yay for end of the season clearance!). It looks so great and we have been enjoying both coffee in the morning out there and dinner at night. I love it! It is definitely making me feel more refreshed! And, the icing on the cake, was when Jenny was so kind as to mail me this great mug as a prayer buddy follow up gift! It makes me smile so much to look at it. Thank you, Jenny!

We cheated and put the new cushion on the old porchswing since we haven't had time to put the new one together!

Lookout-he is getting braver!

Contracteption and Abortion-something worth posting about!

2011-08-10T10:01:00.001-05:00

I couldn't believe my ears last night watching the O'Reilly Factor so much so that I had to jump on my computer and compose an email to him. Apparently he thinks widespread birth control would save lives by reducing the number of abortions?! I hope I set him straight with some facts from someone who is way more eloquent than myself, Dr. Janet Smith! At this time when our federal government thinks it is doing us all a service by handing out birth control for free, we all need to read up on the facts so we can dispell myths such as these! Unfortunately, I imagine O'Reilly's views are very common. I know he is Catholic and truly believes that this will save lives. Many others likely feel this way as well and need to be educated as well. (Sidenote-O'Reilly is not for this practice, but it is more for economic reasons).

Bill O'Reilly,

I thought you would know better: an increase in birth control use leads to an INCREASE in abortions, as opposed save lives! "Rather, most abortions are had because men and women who do not want a baby are having sexual intercourse and facing pregnancies they did not plan for and do not want. Because their contraceptive failed, or because they failed to use a contraceptive, they then resort to abortion as a back-up. Many believe that if we could convince men and women to use contraceptives responsibly we would reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and thus the number of abortions. Thirty years ago this position might have had some plausibility, but not now. We have lived for about thirty years with a culture permeated with contraceptive use and abortion; no longer can we think that greater access to contraception will reduce the number of abortions. Rather, wherever contraception is more readily available the number of unwanted pregnancies and the number of abortions increases greatly. " Additionally, "we need to realize that a society in which contraceptives are widely used is going to have a very difficult time keeping free of abortions since the lifestyles and attitudes that contraception fosters create an alleged "need" for abortion." Dr. Janet Smith speaks very eloquently on this topic and I have cut and pasted more of her solid arguments below from http://www.goodmorals.org/smith4.htm . Her CD titled Contraception: Why Not is invaluable (updated-the entire transcript of that CD can be found here: http://www.janetsmith.excerptsofinri.com/ ). Dr. Janet Smith would make an excellent guest on your show! I still love you, but I think you should publically redact your statement! ;)-Wheelbarrow Rider

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Rather, most abortions are had because men and women who do not want a baby are having sexual intercourse and facing pregnancies they did not plan for and do not want. Because their contraceptive failed, or because they failed to use a contraceptive, they then resort to abortion as a back-up. The connection between contraception and abortion is primarily this: contraception facilitates the kind of relationships and even the kind of attitudes and moral characters that are likely to lead to abortion. The contraceptive mentality treats sexual intercourse as though it had little natural connection with babies; it thinks of babies as an "accident" of pregnancy, as an unwelcome intrusion into a sexual relationship, as a burden. The sexual revolution has no fondness — no room for — the connection between sexual intercourse and babies. The sexual revolution simply was not possible until fairly reliable contraceptives were available.

Far from being a check to the sexual revolution, contraception is the fuel that facilitated the beginning of the sexual revolution and enables it to continue to rage. In the past, many men and women refrained from illicit sexual unions simply because they were not prepared for the responsibilities of parenthood. But once a fairly reliable contraceptive appeared on the scene, this barrier to sex outside the confines of marriage fell. The connection between sex and love also fell quickly; ever since contraception became widely used, there has been much talk of, acceptance of, and practice of casual sex and recreational sex. The deep meaning that is inherent in sexual intercourse has been lost sight of; the willingness to engage in sexual intercourse with another is no longer a result of a deep commitment to another. It no longer bespeaks a willingness to have a child with another and to have all the consequent entanglements with another that babies bring. Contraception helps reduce one's sexual partner to just a sexual object since it renders sexual intercourse to be without any real commitments. Certainly one can easily imagine how attractive abortion would be in the face of a contraceptive failure — one has made not commitment to one's sexual partner or exacted one, so how can one expect one's self or one's sexual partner to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Some clinics report that up to 50% of the abortions are of pregnancies that resulted from contraceptive failure.

Furthermore, the casualness with which sexual unions are now entered is accompanied by a casualness and carelessness in the use of contraceptives. Studies show that the women having abortions are very knowledgeable about birth control methods; the great majority — eighty per cent — are experienced contraceptors but they display carelessness and indifference in their use of contraception for a variety of reasons. Contraception has enabled them to enter a sexual relationship or a life style, but while the relationship or life style continues the contraceptive practice does not continue..

One researcher reports the reasons why sexually active, contraceptively experienced women stop contracepting: she observes that some have broken up with their sexual partners and believe they will no longer need a contraceptive but they find themselves sexually active anyway. Others dislike the physical exam required for the pill, or dislike the side-effects of the pill and some are deterred by what inconvenience or difficulty there is in getting contraceptives. Many unmarried women do not like to think of themselves as sexually active; using contraceptives conflicts with their preferred self-image. The failure to use birth control is a sign that many women are not comfortable with being sexually active. That is, many of the women are engaged in an activity that, for some reason, they do not wish to admit to themselves.

Read more at http://www.goodmorals.org/smith4.htm
The "Contraception: Why Not?" talk can be found here http://www.janetsmith.excerptsofinri.com/

My Life-Filled with kid talk (i.e. pooping)

2011-07-29T15:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging. I haven't been doing much at all for myself lately, which means I am in serious need of a mental health day :) But things are getting better around here, slowly. And that means both boys are napping today-yay! I didn't want to bore you with what I have been up to, but I can't help myself, lol, so here is what is on my mind almost 24/7-sleeping, pooping, and eating. (Btw, for those who care, no cycle yet, but one fertile reading every 5 days or so which knocks out a lot of days for us tired folks! I have had a few days of cramps and thought it was coming, but not yet. Time will tell...and then I will rejoin the land of fertile CM talk once again, lol). Now that we got that out of the way, back to the usual topic of convo...

Sleep. As in my lack of sleep because in an effort to get AJ eating less at night he must cry some and so for the short term I was sleeping less not more. Ugh. He is actually doing pretty well at night lately without the tears. Also, he is putting his paci back in himself now, which is glorious and something Charlie never seemed to do. He does still get stuck on his stomach sometimes, but recently he learned to sit up from the crawl position (he doesn't crawl yet-thankfully) so I was surprised to find him sitting up in his bed one day. The latest with his schedule is now tweaking so I don't overfeed on solids b/c he is way to distracted to nurse these days. I need to put solids and nursing grouped together instead of staggered two hrs apart (yes, we are always feeding) so he is hungry enough and then nurse first b/c he loves solids and will eat anything, which is awesome. And yes, I finally introduced the nasty meat. And he eats it. Crazy kid.

Sleep also as in Charlie's lack of sleep because he is now able to remove all his clothes and we are potty training so that means he is in his room removing his clothes, asking to go potty 100 times and still managing a bm in his pullup. Go figure. And he still manages to pee out of his night time diaper that is supposed to be super absorbent so he wakes early even though he goes to bed late and then he is crabby and wakes his borther. Part of the problem is also that he can not turn off his imagination. No such thing as rest or quiet time in this house. He still needs the nap, as evidenced by his melt down in the evening. Thank goodness the slow teething seems to have subsided briefly. And he is back to napping half the week after stopping for two weeks during which I definitely lost my mind. Did I mention nap time is my break time? But I can't very well leave him in there naked with the light on because if he does fall asleep he will pee on the floor or wherever he finally goes to sleep. I suppose there are worse things. Maybe I will try it. See, this is already therapeutic. P.S. He lives for attention-if it is negative attn all the better, so I have been struggling b/c lots of bedroom behaviors can't be ignored.

So between the sleep and the pooping issues are all entertwined but we are hanging on to our small improvements like the fact that we can maybe leave the house in the evening now that AJ transitioned to 2 naps (though they aren't longer than before, actually shorter...).

Charlie sure does love his little brother, but it is quite the rough variety and hugs look like tackles. I actually freaked out on him yesterday for running and jumping over AJ who was laying on the floor. He about flattened him! And then today he woke his brother from nap for the 2nd time by sneaking into his room when I was busy and tickling AJ. Little turkey. I suppose there are worse things than loving on your brother.

The work situation is still up in the air so please pray about that. Dh is a wreck stressing and really hates his job more each day. He feels a lot of pressure so things are a little tense around here between the lack of sleep and money/job stuff. We took some time out to play trivial pursuit the other day and had some much needed laughs!

Okay, if this post weren't random enough, I have a recipe I want to share. Not to be clique, but it is good and super easy and I want you to share some back on the comments. In order to save our family money, I'd like to me more thoughtful in my meal planning so this is a first step.

Marsala Pork Chops-
1 c sour cream, 1 can cream of mushroom soup, mushrooms, 1/3 c marsala cooking wine, pork chops
Mix, put a little on the pan, put pork chops on top, put the rest over. Bake 30-1hr depending on how thick the porkchops are. Serve over mashed potatoes. Heavenly. You will be licking the bowl. My kind of easy meal. :)

And because I post so infrequently lately, I had to include pictures.

I love this smile and get to see it ALL THE TIME. He is a wonderfully easy going child. For now. Thankfully!

Oh my this boy is trouble! And so much fun too! He is growing up way too fast!

So handsome! Please don't crawl soon!

This is where we live. Still.

Rough love, but grateful there is so much of it towards his brother. I pray they will be best of friends and always there for each other!

Making My Own Baby Food

2011-06-28T10:08:00.001-05:00

Well, I promised I would come back with what I have learned. Though I intended to do it sooner, better late than never right? :) I would say it is going really well. I love it and most importantly AJ loves it! He literally grabs the spoon to shove it in! I am amazed how 2 oz of food can cover us both and the high chair, but I am learning smaller bites and wait for him to open his mouth intentionally. Hands in the way usually mean he is done. Also, the faster you can recycle the food on his face for another bite, the better! :) It's amazing how quickly you forget what you did with the first baby! And, this might shock you all, but I have only made baby food one week. That's it! It really is simple and I didn't want to make more than I could use. I was still feeling it out. During that week I made carrots, sweet potatoes, peas, green beans, and then later I froze some canned pumpkin.

First I thought about what I wanted to introduce and what order. It may have evolved a bit, but here is what we ended up doing so far-rice cereal, avocado, peas, green beans, carrots, pumpkin, sweet potato, yogurt, banana, applesauce. I buy the rice cereal. Then, I started with avocado before my "supplies" arrived via Amaz.on because I just needed the food mill I purchased from Tar.get. Then I went with frozen organic peas and green beans from my local Hy.Vee (though they do have frozen organic green beans at Cos.tco, along with broccoli) and organic fresh carrots (which are super cheap at Sa.m's club). The pumpkin is organic and canned and easy to find at Tar.get (they also have sweet potato and squash). I used real sweet potatoes from Sa.m's but they were not organic. The yogurt is yo b.aby (Hy.Vee or Targe.t) and I bought m.otts indiv sugar free applesauc.e. I mushed up a ripe banana with my food mill. These last three came into play earlier than expected due to a nasty brush of diarrhea that lasted way too long (4-5 days) and I was trying to get a handle on it. Check ingredients on any canned or packaged products to make sure there is only one ingredient. My next items will be organic squash (canned from Tar.get), and egg yolk, maybe organic broccoli (cost.co), spinach (Sa.m's club sells a huge thing of organic for cheap), organic asparagus, and Eart.h's best whole grain oatmeal. I have to do some more research though on if these are appropriate. AJ is 7 1/2 months and has been eating foods since 6 months with no problems. Thankfully, he loves everything but avacado, and I have been meaning to introduce that again now that he is a little older and his tastes have developed more. This site talks a lot about what is healthy when. I really need to get on the meats, but they "scare" me :) Here is another site on what order to introduce foods, which is always something that I overthink...

Basically, I just steamed the veggies and then added a little of their own water (except for carrots so far-see this link regarding nitrates) before pureeing in my kitche.n aid blender. I didn't know how much water to add and this was a source of concern (can you tell I never deviate from recipes, lol!), but since it was his first foods, but it worked out fine. You can always add more water to thin after you defrost the cubes, but I wanted to at least add some prior to put some of the vitamins back in. I also read yogurt or rice cereal or bananas to thicken, so you can play with the texture as your baby gets older, but keep in mind their little digestive system is young so read up on what is appropriate when. For example, I wanted to start whole grains when I read rice cereal is compared to won.der white bread (see this link), lol, but it was recommended to wait until 7 months as they are harder on the gut.

I use the silicone trays to freeze the baby food. I bought 6 with the 1 oz size cubes so I could cook in bulk. It seems more than the average person would need. Its amazing how few cubes from a few sweet potatoes. I believe three doesn't fill one tray. When I use the canned pumpkin, etc, I freeze the rest of the can so it doesn't go to waste and that works well. I like 1 oz portions because they are the most flexible. My baby only ate 1 oz in the beginning. Now we do 2 oz, but 2 different foods. For more on portions, check out this link. I love styleberry's blog, but I don't agree that baby's need any fruit juice!

First I put it in the trays and then I put it in the fridge for a few hours. I put in the freezer only after it gets cold. I don't cover the trays, but I worry about that because I have seen ice crystals form. From the trays it goes into ziploc bags and into my garage freezer. I am getting some freezer burn and I wonder if it was user error on the ziploc bags. I am curious if folks cover their ice trays or if they have trouble with freezer burn. It started fairly early in the process. It is very easy to remove the 1 oz cube trays, but I must say that I don't think they are necessary.

Also, with my "first foods" there really is no need for any cookbooks and there are plenty of websites with recipes, so this really doesn't have to be something you invest a lot of money into. Here are a few how to sites to get you started:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-make-your-own-baby-food_1401482.bc?page=2
http://www.feedinglittlefoodies.com/search/label/starting%20solids.
http://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/FreezePage.htm
http://styleberryblog.com/creating-a-new-normal-efficient-homemade-baby-food

And a few recipe sites:
http://wholesomebabyfood.momtastic.com/babyfirstfoods.htm
http://www.babycenter.com/100_baby-food-recipes-by-annabel-karmel_10316719.bc
http://www.babycenter.com/100_baby-food-recipes-by-bridget-swinney_10326156.bc

Eating on the go hasn't been an issue for us. A banana or avacado (or mango I am told) and the food mill are all you need-instant to go foods. I do have some plum organics baby food and the spoon that screws on. And because I have an unhealthy addiction to gadgets, I did purchase these two items-the boon spoon and the zoli on the go. I haven't used the spoon yet, but Am.azon goofed and sent me six!!! Email me if you want one and/or the plum organics spoons-I bought too many of those not realizing. I love the zoli on the go and use it for rice cereal or formula and baby food. I am thinking it will come in handy more with things like meat sticks, crackers, and finger foods as baby gets bigger. Also, my best purchase since my baby goes to childcare two days a week are these on the go cups-freezer and microwave safe, I just make put some pureed food in there and freeze it and then it goes to daycare in the container. Here is a good link on gear-I personnally have always loved the bibs she mentions. Basically I would buy a food mill, any trays to freeze if you don't have them, something to puree and steam the food if you don't already have it, baby food spoons (i read your finger should be the first spoon and that makes sense but I wouldn't do that for long), bibs like JJ Cole or Bumbkin, and freezer bags to store. If you want, you can add some cookbooks or other feeding on the go gadgets (boon spoon, one step ahead cups, zoli on the go), but they aren't necessary. It really is cheap, easy, and fun!!!!

I hope this post is helpful and makes it less overwhelming, not more, for those just starting out. And I am curious about your experiences and how to eliminate the freezer burn. I have read cover the ice trays, and also don't cover them. ???? Does anyone have better luck with the freezer bags? Its probably just user error in my case, lol!

Standing still

2011-06-23T13:48:00.001-05:00

I don't even know where to start. The longer it is between posts the more my posts become just brief updates. The last post was accurate. These days I am literally just being. It sounds bad. It isn't. But I am not moving foward, just standing still. Projects aren't done. Heck the house doesn't get beyond straightened, if that. I haven't got a handle on why things are so nuts. I haven't even read blogs in a month, which makes me sad. And it isn't that I am spending more time with dh as I vowed to do. I am not even having to do school stuff anymore. Things are just busy with the day to day. I mean, there are reasons. But there is always something, so that isn't really that different. AJ is teething. Big time. And his cold turned in major congestion. And now diarrhea four days straight, even diapers through the night and lots of extra wakings and changing him and airing his poor red bum out and applying lots of anti fungal and cream....And Charlie is teething. And starting yesterday he became a crazy hot mess. So the end is near. I think. I hope. He is a crazy slow teether and the top two incisors are at their thickest part coming through.

Things are busy and a little mundane but they aren't bad (I am not complaining about having children, I would just love to spend more time one on one with them instead of talking to them from the kitchen doing dishes, etc) AJ actually has slept through the night 2 or 3 times in the last month. I gave dh the go ahead to plan a vacation for our 5 year anniversary since the pumping won't be so bad. It won't be a long trip, but a much needed few days of sleep and togetherness (and no dishes or laundry). And dh is doing better with the boys alone, allowing me a feeling of freedom to take friends up on their invitations for a dinner out for a few hours on a weeknight etc, something its been longer than I care to recall since I've done last. I came home floating realizing a weight had been lifted. My dh can now do everything well with both boys at the same time, feed, play, sleep, diapers, baths, and so I don't feel like it is all on me all the time.

But a new thing just occurred that really rocked the boat for me. Besides my title having to wait to change (based on my graduation), my funding has been slowly decreasing as the grants we work on end and the new ones don't get funded or we are still waiting to hear from them. It is frustrating, and a little scary, to be on such unsettling ground, but we knew it was coming. And then yesterday, my boss invites me in and drops the bomb that the funding is going away faster than we thought. A whole lot faster. Read between the lines-someone got separated from her spouse and they are removing my funding more to keep her afloat. Its odd, I know, but it is the good and bad thing about my work group, they take care of each other. I have a dh that makes good money. Hers left her and she is the only income right now. And they are trying to keep her just part time. But I am going to no time. Almost for sure. But not totally for sure-crazy ambiguity. Instead of freaking out, I just waited for more information. I found out from my supervisor we will know more next week. So I am waiting. unusually calm and seriously knowing that God will put me where he wants me. And that change is uncomfortable, but may be it is time to move on and grow as a result.

I could tell God's hand was in it due to the peace I had. This peace came from a God-incidence. It just so happens that I had to move offices yesterday and going through my stuff. I found inspirational cards that spoke right to my heart. I moved my coursework files, which reminded me how much I had learned in my time in the program, even if it was buried far in the depths of my head at the moment. I found fliers and papers that reminded me of groups in the state I am qualified to work for. I found my meyers-briggs results telling me my strengths. I found a document I typed up for myself about why I pursued my program and why I left the fields I previously studied and didn't work in them. It made me more confident. I have options. I am qualified. It may be time to move on if that is the way it goes. I know God is totally in that.

At the recent Christ Renews His Spirit retreat, I had an overwhelming experience that I had left the Holy Spirit, gotten away from doing God's will and saying my prayer and putting my trust in Him. I tried to share my favorite prayer and stumbled on the words. I had forgotten some-it had been too long! I rediscovered the Holy Spirit that weekend, who had never left me and was just waiting for me to recognize it was there all along. A letter from someone praying for me that weekend actually included the prayer card with the prayer on it. It was as if the Holy Spirit found its way back to me! I literally bawled! God is so amazing. As you can imagine, Pentecost Sunday left me in tears as well. God's love for us just overwhelmed me. I know that having the Holy Spirit back in my life is really what is making the difference with how I feel this peace amongst change. It reminds me of a beautiful book "Choosing to SEE" written by Steven Curtis Chapman's wife. She really likes to plan things out like I do, but God has a different plan, and slowly she is learning to trust and be guided. I highly recommend you attend this retreat in your parish's-they are national and spreading. There is a website if you google the name.

However, for my husband dealing with the uncertainty will be extremely difficult. He is all about the bottom line. His job is stressful right now and he is looking elsewhere (if you know me IRL please keep that private). He is already feeling the responsibility of supporting all of us, even though I bring in a tiny bit. I don't want this news to send him over the edge. Please say a prayer for me and my work situation (that I am where God wants me, where I can grow, make a difference, contribute to my family's finances) and that dh will be okay through what may be a rough transition and learn to trust. I appreciate your prayers so much! Though I have not been able to read your updates, friends, you are still never far from my heart and mind and always always in my prayers.

Hodge Podge

2011-05-31T14:38:00.003-05:00

I miss you all! Life has been very busy. Some days it seems like all I do is the stuff that needs to be repeated tomorrow or the next day-like laundry, cooking, straightening the house, and baths. Its a good day if I get beyond these things!

I love love love making my own baby food and it is incredibly gratifying to make it for a child that will eat it. So far AJ has had (in order) rice cereal, avocado, peas, green beans, and just yesterday we added carrots. So far he loves them all with the exception of the avocado. Charlie only liked sweet potatoes as a baby! Thank goodness he has moved beyond that phase! See, AJ even loves just the spoon :) Of course, adding solids has increased the number of baths around here exponentially!

Another thing that added to the craziness around here is we switched around childcare. My provider during the school year is amazing-so amazing that her whole family runs a Catholic camp all summer, which means they live there and can't do childcare. My summer childcare provider from last year is having back surgery which means she will be out almost all summer, so I had to find new folks. We ended up putting Charlie in preschool/daycare at our church. He is in the 2 1/2 room and will continue through the school year We are really excited and I know he will love it. Today was his first day and he couldn't stop talking about the hamster, Ernie :)

AJ was a little tougher in that we had to split his days between two sitters. That's lots of saying goodbye and collecting items, writing up schedules to train the new folks and redistributing stuff! Just in case you still have respect for me, I should add its 2:30pm and I just realized I haven't yet pumped today-yikes! Where does the time go? We did have a lovely 4 day weekend (dh was off Friday) where we got stuff done, had family time, and squeezed in a date night. I am finally feeling closer to being on top of things after last weekend-which was graduation! Here are a few of my favorite pics.

I went to say hi to family in their seats since I had some time and AJ was already hungry. I must admit, I felt a little like superwoman nursing him under my gown so I made dh take a pic, lol.

Being hooded.

Me and my kiddos

Favorite family pic-see I do shower and remove the glasses for special occasions! ;)

I made someone take a pic after I realized how funny it must look having a diaper bag slung over my gown!

So, its been a little nutty around here. Add to what I already mentioned the crazy storms and tornadoes and my dh traveling a bunch for work (which both happened at the same time and were completely scary-both his city and mine were having crazy weather!) The biggest news I saved for last-AJ slept from 6:30pm to 5:00am before eating the other day! He hasn't repeated it since, but now that I know he can, we are about to have some tough love at this house. I had recently took him down to two feedings (one before I go to bed and one in the middle of the night), but soon we are definitely dropping it down to one!

I owe you aso many posts-about baby food (thanks for so much great advice-and I still have a couple questions), and one about the pro life mother's day rosary I attended at Plann.ed Parenthood; also, I attended a Christ Renews His Parish retreat that was much needed and time so well spent! And I had a visit with a fabulous friend that is as close to a saint as I will ever know.

p.s. I did read some of your blogs but I was unable to comment-grrrr! I plan on catching up shortly! You all are never far from my thoughts and prayers, especially on mother's day!

Pride

2011-05-05T09:28:00.001-05:00

One of the hardest parts for me about IF was pride. I know some of you carry your crosses silently, but I wanted to shout it to the world (if you knew me IRL, I am quite the talker, lol). But seriously, it was also an issue of pride more than anything. I wanted our marriage to show the value of children and being open to life. When it didn't work out that way, I wanted to shout to the world my disclaimers and how looks were deceiving. I am most in awe of St. Therese from reading Story of a Soul as it is embarrassing how much I like to be rewarded/acknowledged with a "gold star."

We were married in August 2006. Our first son (that was carried to term) was born October 2008. Our second son was born November 2010. The "perfectly" spaced family, no? And of course, some think we are done; others think we will have one more because we haven't had the girl to make our "perfect" family complete.

I am quick to dispel this myth of the "perfect family" when given the chance. "We aren't waiting for the perfect timing to start our family," I'd say. "We aren't waiting for the perfect timing to have #2." "We don't plan on stopping our family at one or two children." "We don't care what the gender of our child is." "I'd like to keep going until I can't have anymore." "Fertility is a gift." "We lost children due to miscarriage-it seems wrong to then say no to the gift of children on our terms when God has been so gracious." "It's about us being open and waiting for God's timing." Me and my disclaimers. My pride, lest someone think we were contracepting, etc.

But God is so gracious! He has used my big mouth and my pride for good, I believe. He uses it to show the world faithfulness to the church's teaching on reproductive technologies and, in an entirely different way, he really did show those I interacted with the value of children and being open to them, just not in the way I had intended! Isn't that usually how it works?! I was so blessed by my prayer buddy I was praying for, Rachel from Barren Woman...Here I was praying for her, and her blog gave a book recommendation, Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman, that was so wonderful! It was about how things don't always go as planned, but it's God's plan that matters. It was perfect for my planner personality! I feel like I have "been away" from my mission of following God's will and this was a step back in the right direction.

Another step I am taking to get back on track is a retreat my parish is hosting. I am really excited to be attending a "Christ Renews His Parish" retreat in a couple weeks. It is my understanding it is about discerning God's will, a favorite topic of mine that the wheelbarrow analogy represents. It will be so good for me to be able to be contemplative for a change. Maybe if I can quiet myself enough that weekend, I can hear God instead of doing all the talking and see where He wants me to be as a new chapter in my life closes (school).

p.s. Thank you all for the great info on making your own baby food. I will compile what I have learned and repost. I am very excited about this!

Need Help re Homemade Baby Food

2011-04-25T07:00:00.004-05:00

Though I did end up passing on cloth diapers (we have really hard water and I have some other reservations... besides my main motive was way off-I simply think they are really stinking cute!), as a result I am even more committed to making my own baby food this time around. I spent a fortune on Charlie's baby food and bought every brand under the sun in attempt to give him variety. Then it was that much longer to transition him to what we were eating...I don't mind paying for some pricy gadget if it can make life easier and live up to the hype. I figure I am still saving.

It seems like every time I turn around someone is doing this IRL and now on the blogs too. For those who have gone into these unchartered waters, what helped? What did you wish you knew going in? Lessons learned, etc. Did you freeze in single cubes (1 oz or 2) or those connected ones or simply ice cube trays (were they bpa free?). Did you have a cookbook that was really helpful? Did you steam and puree in one helpful gadget? I have heard of a few. I am a zero when it comes to cooking skills so I need to know how much water to add to steam, etc. I think if I can figure it out, I will stick with it. I like being able to go organic cheaper, have a good variety, know what my baby is eating, etc. Saving money is a definite bonus!

This Came Through My Uncle's Prayer Chain-Please pray!

2011-04-21T13:08:00.002-05:00

My cousin Matt is back in ICU in Arizona. 4 brain surgeries have taken their toll. The Dr. is not giving much hope. In his early 20's and has wife and 2 year old. Most of all does not have Christ in his life. He now has staph and meningitis. He is in so much pain that they have all but made him comatose. Please Please pray for Matt. The Dr's let him out too early knowing he had a knot on back of his head and of course the Neuro surgeon is supposedly furious about them releasing Matt too early but now we have to wait and see. This kid has been through the ringer. His Mom cannot be at the hospital because of 102 temp. Either she is just so run down that she has caught something or just run down.

On top of all this the Mom and wife do not see eye to eye on things and there is lots of fueding going on.

I cannot even begin to explain all that he's endured for the last 2 weeks but more than I will endure in a lifetime.

What We Did Last Night-Urgent Care Visit

2011-04-21T12:02:00.000-05:00

Vaccines. I don't love them. I don't hate them. I research them. I avoid them when we are sick in the slightest. I spread them out. I avoid ones I think are silly (chicken pox and Hep B)-they can always get them when they are older if necessary. But never has my child had the slightest reaction to one. Until now :(

Charlie got his shots at 3:15pm appt on Tuesday. Wednesday morning dad changed his diaper and noticed nothing. I got a text later on that morning to say Charlie had a red rash on his thigh. He's never had one before, but I know folks where that is the norm after vaccines so she just continued to watch it. She changed his diaper when I picked him up at 5:15pm and it had grown considerably, was hot to the touch, and his leg was HUGE from the knee up. The picture makes it look like it was the angle of the camera. I wish.

I went home and immediately called the on call doc. A triage nurse called back and, mostly due to my hesitation because it was just so large, she had the on call doc call me. By time the doc called back, dh had gotten home unexpectedly early for a busy week at work. I was grateful! I had just finished nursing the baby when the doc called back too. The doc said yes, probably shot reaction (hot, red, swollen, and rash up to three days were listed side effects); however she thought it was a good idea to have it checked out just in case it was infection or something. She listed two kid friendly places, one with a longer wait than the other (but is better). We'd been there before without too much of an issue so I went there. Dh stayed home with the baby. I was only a little concerned b/c AJ is not a fan of bottles unless at daycare where he has adjusted to them and dh has not been able to successfully give him one in months :( But he keeps trying, bless him!

Charlie and took off and he was in great spirits. The leg didn't seem to hurt him at all and he played in the waiting room, which was moderately busy. He got a wild hair for a half an hour and practically lapped the waiting room repeatedly, playing an imaginary game of basketball as his favorite player, which seemed to put smiles on most faces. You would have never known he was there for his leg.

Getting called back took forever and it was only to be seen by triage nurse. She agreed it was alarmingly large, but sent us back to the waiting room for a room to open up. This took several hours.

Once in the room, at least an hour and a half later, we were seen. There was a phone there, so I was able to call dh and check on things. I was so glad to hear the baby took the bottle from him. You could tell he was relieved and surprised. It really took some stress out of the night for him.

We had fun getting creative in the room. It was a children's hospital so we had a tv and a dvd in there, but it skipped and my boy was much more interested in being active. We passed the time by reading, playing with the few cars and disney characters we brought, etc. Our favorite way to pass the time (highly recommend this) was taking silly pictures of ourselves. And Charlie is very fond of being recorded and watching it over and over. We actually had a great time, and created some good memories.

Once seen, we found out all was well. I was pretty sure, but definitely wanted it seen anyway. There was no infection and we learned if there was it would be harder, tender to the touch, etc if that was the case. Good to know in the future. Very glad we have no shots remaining with him until Kindergarten.

A Response to Requests to Support Susan G. Komen

2011-04-15T13:35:00.001-05:00

It amazes me how everywhere I look there is a pink ribbon and some portion of the proceeds of the sale of something I love goes to breast cancer research. And not just any breast cancer research. Specifically one company-Susan G. Komen. It seems they have the monopoly over it all. Despite this, it was a long time before I was infomred of the breast cancer and abortion link and the fact that Susan G. Komen donates all this money to planned parenthood. But, thankfully, God surrounded me by the right people and I eventually learned this information. Since then, I think it is important to share it with others that also may not know. Especially because I am constantly being asked to donate to them-it seems Susan G. Komen is EVERYWHERE. Oh, well, just that many more oportunities to spread the word.

In fact, I got one of those emails today. I was somewhat surprised to see it came from my church's parents with young children group. She is doing the walk. I immediately drafted a response and, in a somewhat bold move, posted my response on the list serve that the original email came from rather than drafting a private response. My thinking was that it was best to inform all of them, just in case, though I can imagine it may be seeen as confrontational and unnecessarily taking additional potential donors away. Perhaps I was willing to do this because I haven't been a member long and don't know the girls well, but I would like to think I would have responded regardless in this manner. (update-one girl just emailed the whole group in reply thanking me for my response, saying she felt the same way and it was important we spread the word-yeah!)

Below is my response. I am including it for a few reasons. First of all, to inform if you are not already aware of these things. Second of all, if you like it, save yourself some time and keep it onhand when (you eventually will) you get approached to donate to this organization. (I imagine the walk is coming up soon). Finally, I would like feedback. Is there a better way to say what I said? My goal is to be information and not off putting. These women and men usually, at least when they are participating in the walk, have close family members affected and the issue is near and dear to them. I would love any recommendations on how to make this letter better-whether it be more resources you know of, some quotes or facts or citations to beef it up, or you just notice something that is unnecessarily stated in a way that would alienate rather than bring in others. I appreciate your feedback!

""...once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act."

----------------------------------------------

X,

I am sorry to hear that your mom had breast cancer, but I am glad her story had a happy ending. I can't even fathom. I think it is wonderful you are taking some action and literally getting on your feet to make a difference.

Unfortunately, I can't sponsor you because of a conflict of interest you may not be familiar with. The Susan G. Komen foundation pours millions of dollars into donations to Planned Parenthood (who does manual exams, rather than provide mamograms with this money) and embryonic stem cell research. While I obviously support finding a cure for breast cancer and also adult stem cell research, I can't ethically financially or otherwise support embryonic stem cell research or the leading provider of abortions (by the way, there is research now showing a link between abortions and breast cancer).

You may or may not know these things already and if so, may or may not agree with me. I understand. I still appreciate you taking the time and effort to work towards a cure for breast cancer.

If you would like to donate funds to BOTH Research Breast Cancer & Protect Lives in the Womb, here are a few options...

1. Polycarp Research Institute (www.polycarp.org)

2. Breast Cancer Prevention Institute http://www.bcpinstitute.org/home.htm

3. AbortionBreastCancer.com http://abortionbreastcancer.com/

Best of luck to you,
WBR

Why I Love My Husband (3)

2011-04-11T19:34:00.001-05:00

I know I just did this, but he deserves another one.

I love my husband because...

For the last two months Charlie has developed a fear of taking a bath. It started when he had an accident in the tub (he was having very loose stools). We responded kindly and didn't make a big deal, but he was mortified. Getting poop and pee mixed up often by name for some reason, he has been bathing in tears holding his pee pee tightly in one hand. We have talked about it (you can tell your potty to stay in there and it will probably listen; accidents happen sometimes, we can clean it up), I have tried everything I can think of, but in the end I have just had to put him in the tub and wash him fast through tears. This from a boy that loved to bathe prior. You could hardly get him out. Today the sitter made the mistake of keeping AJ up for me because he was off schedule and I was due to pick him up 30 min into a nap. He was a mess by time I got there, worse off by time we got home, and then he cried hysterical another hour. I finally just nursed him because by then he was close enough, and that put him too sleep. Poor buddy! While I was dealing with that, my dh initiated putting Charlie down. This is big in and of itself, because he'd rather keep him up so they can play longer (he can be a big kid!) However, on top of this, he recalled I said it was bath night. I half hoped he had forgotten because I didn't know if he had the patience or finesse to deal with the situation that had arose. It had really been hard on me because I was doing all the bathing of both kids when admittedly, I barely had it together to bathe myself! Anyway, as I left the nursery with the baby asleep, I go into my son's room only to hear loud giggles from the bathroom. What a relief after what I had come from!He and dad were having a water fight with the squirter toys. Charlie is squeeling with delight. Daddy is laughing too. Great memories were being made. No tears. No grabbing himself. In fact, I am pretty sure before it was said and done there were negotiations for "one more minute" more than once. Dad was the instant cure. I should have called him in weeks ago! I am so grateful for this!

Fourth Biggest Day of My Life Thus Far

2011-04-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

Thank you all so much for your prayers! It went well and I am done!
Of course I am already back to how I am most comfortable-sweatpants and spit up :)

Where Does the Time Go?

2011-03-31T22:14:00.002-05:00

I think I can only formulate a quick update and will let the pictures do the talking. Sleep deprivation does that to you, but no complaining for me. I am offering it up for my prayer buddy! :) We turned a corner recently. I think AJ went through a second growth spurt (one each at 3 and 4 months is typical) but yesterday he went about 4 hrs twice between feedings (he was eating every two hrs even at night!) And Charlie had skipped or delayed several naps, but he had a few days of good napping so we will see. He is getting four teeth at once and they are ones that are known for being especially painful. He is almost done though, a point each on three teeth are through so hopefully the end is near! And my dissertation has been submitted. On April 5th I defend it and then...I graduate! It is feeling more real each day. I bought a dress tonight, but not without AJ in tow. Dad still can't give a bottle or get him to sleep/back to sleep (not that he is working on it too much-we do the divide and conquer thing a lot here and he gets Charlie, he hates to see the littlest man upset when they do get time together so AJ and I are permanently attached at the hip. I can think of worse things).

The pic above is dh carrying Charlie on a very cold morning to deposit his paci in the trash can (he loves trash trucks). We are not big paci fans in general, especially not this late, but he only had it for bed and we decided to wait until after the baby was born and not try to do it prior. Pediatrician recommended avoiding big things four months before or after, so we were happy to put it behind us. It went well and isn't related to the napping issues.

Charlie told everone he was getting his woody present after he gave his paci to the trash trucks. Here he is opening it. This picture doesn't do justice to how thrilled he was. The hat and holster were a steal for 12.50 at the Disn.ey store. And...I wasn't going to give him the holster part until I heard him refer to it on his figure as woody's pocket. I thought that was cute and it was safe to go ahead and give it..

Does it get any cuter than this? My little cowboy!

I love the sun behind him (its rising-trash comes early here and this was a work day for me).

So that night we also had a special surprise for our cowboy-Toy Story on Ice! We have never done anything like this with him. He LOVED it. AJ had a sitter (here's a shocker, he refused to eat and waited for me to return to nurse-that boy!) so it was two on one again for Charlie and he ate it up!

The boot toe cracks me up!

Look at that, I am actually in a picture for once! One where I am showered...it doesn't get any better than this folks!

In case you were wondering what AJ has been up to! Unlike Charlie who streaked every diaper, AJ is into consolidation. Unfortunately by then it comes out with such force this is the result.

The comment I get most often right now re AJ: he looks surprised. lol. My what big eyes you have! We got that a lot with Charlie too.

And most often you can find him like this. This baby smiles and laughs all the time. I can (and do) just eat him up!

I hope everyone is having a productive Lent. We are trying to pray a lot more at our house and the night wakings are the perfect opportunity. Other than giving up sleep, I really don't feel like it is Lent, which probably means I am not doing it well! Something to work on...

Why I Love My Husband (2)

2011-03-21T21:43:00.001-05:00

1. Yesterday my husband and I took the kids out to Plan.ned Parenthoo.d to pray and participate in 40 days for life.
2. At church, Charlie wanted to be like daddy and fold his hands to pray. My heart melted!
3. Tonight dh is out in the garage staining more boards for the swingset. He discovered some wood rot and was worried the boys would get hurt playing so this is his project. If you know my dh, you know he isn't fond of this type of project.
4. He took a break from his project to return the movie since I forgot to.
5. He also agreed to return something for me so I didn't have to attempt to go to toys r us with the boys.
6. He took care of everyone's dishes tonight.
7. He offered to give the baby a pacifier tonight (he had woken up) so I could finish eating. This is huge because he knew that AJ would probably not take it from him and would continue to cry, and this makes him feel bad. But he offered and tried anyway.
8. Then later he rocked the baby to sleep.

You know what I have done tonight? Not much! I am sort of tired and fried, so dh slid in and took over to make up for it. Thank you, love!

A Post on Bodily Functions That Doesn't Reference CM

2011-03-17T21:15:00.001-05:00

You've been warned. Yes, I've haven't had much time to blog lately, and yes, this is the post I choose to come back with. Forgive the quick takes style...

1. Today I was reminded why I am glad we don't have "grown up" furniture yet when Charlie blew his nose on my couch. Not even wiped, blew. You read that right.

2. Surprisingly, today, my son and I had a really enjoyable game playing catch with the football, while he was attempting a bowel movement.

3. Charlie has decided to be a baby and spit his milk up like AJ. It consists of taking a drink and spitting the milk from his mouth down the front of his shirt or on his plate of food. Nice.

4. The kids' bodily functions are plenty so I was not happy to see that I, myself, am leaking breastmilk. Um, that's a new one. And long story short our toilet overflowed at 6am a few days ago so that was good times.

5. About two seconds before I set down to write this I narrowly missed being spit up into my open mouth.

6. I discovered last week why younger infants are not put up on adults' shoulders. I was the recipient of being spit up in the hair.

7. AJ managed the grand feat last week of pooping on my leg and ruining my favorite pj pants (these go back to 2006 b/c I wore them to recovery from my laporoscopy). When I stood up, somehow there was enough liquid for it to come off my pants and form a puddle on the floor. It was as if there was not even a diaper on him. When I checked to change him, I was amazed to see only a small streak-evidently it wasn't interested in sticking around and just made a brief appearance in the diaper before getting the heck out of dodge.

8. Consistent with the theme of the weak, AJ had a bowel movement while sitting on my lap while I am writing this. It came out the front of the diaper ???? all over his new outfit and I had to stop writing to take care of it.

Well, I wasn't sure I'd get to seven, but then again I have always been an overachiever. Especially when it comes to bodily functions. Just kidding.. Honestly, though, I don't mind any of it and wouldn't trade it for the world. This is my life. :)

A Schedule is Emerging-*Updated

2011-03-07T20:37:00.001-06:00

Life is good, but busy over here. AJ is just so much fun! He is cooing and making all sorts of sounds, smiling and laughing, doing his little crunches, putting everythign in his mouth (he almost got his paci back in the other day by followin a short paci clip!), he is very mellow (but when it is bedtime, you had better book it!), he loves to stand on your lap or play on his back and he rolled over from tummy to back yesterday! Today he seemed to be humming himself to sleep-so cute! Charlie was a super late teether, but AJ has been really gnawing rather than sucking his hands and I've been wondering. Today I saw a familiar "turtle face" where they suck the lip in, so I think he's feeling something. It still could be a long while. Charlie continues to be gentle and love his brother. You can tell he is teething himself (he is getting the 4 incisors) because he will argue with you when he has no idea what he is even arguing about, lol. Dad is trying to get more actively involve with putting AJ to bed-since he was getting a lot of pushback we both realized I need to share more :) That's the fun stuff. Now wanna hear how bad its been over here?! If not, just scroll down for cute pics including Charlie rocking out in a diaper and frog galoshes. :)

Well, it has been rough goings at night since about the 20th of Feb. Just in time for major dissertation deadlines. AJ just decided he was very interested in continuing to eat throughout the night. He totally did a 180 and was eating every 2-3 hrs through the night. It.was.rough. I wasn't used to waking that often anymore. And it wasn't just waking to eat. He would go down and then wake about 10 minutes later. I suspect some of it had to do with him falling asleep nursing and then waking up because he realized he wasn't nursing and didn't have a paci. Didn't bother him before, but he was getting older and maybe that association had developed/he had become more aware. I definitely think a growth spurt was part of it as well. Can I just tell you how much I despise falling asleep for ten minutes and then getting woke? I was a zombie. AJ was doing that plus waking from 6am to 7am playing in bed (during which there was no way I could sleep), then he'd go back to bed in time for Charlie to wake. Charlie was/is teething and therefore would wake crying once or twice a night, my dh was snoring (something he only does when he was sleep deprived). Add to that me eating constantly because I was producing all this extra milk, then peeing constantly...did I mention I was a zombie? I am not complaining. It was just fact. I have never been that tired in my life-not even when either boy was a newborn. One night I made the mistake of drinking coffee too late. Ugh, we were both up from it, but it was not productive awake time!

Things are better now. I'd like to say that AJ is back to eating once or twice, but he is not. However, several things improved are situation, so I will list them here since there are several babies in the group close to AJ's age. Maybe they will help someone.

First of all, realizing it was truly hunger helped me know to feed him and not try to otherwise pacify him. Pacifying him was hard and it didn't work for long (he'd sleep another hour max). Plus when I fed him, he acted hungry and stayed awake eating for most of it, so I knew he was truly hungry. I am big on knowing if it is real hunger or not because if it isn't, then I can send in the big guns (daddy) to comfort while I sleep-haha! Knowing this also allowed me to let his sitter know to feed him more during the day and I made great effort to feed him where it was more quiet and make extra sure he had his fill (as opposed to being squirmy due to a burp or whatever). I began always feeding on both sides every feeding around then. All of this was possible because we increased his prevacid, which I think, allowed him to drink bigger amounts more comfortably and he kept it down better. I knew 2.5 oz per feeding (what he took per the sitter) was not typical for his age. He began to take more and also was able to move to more like 3 hrs between the feeding (which is one reason I understand that he is still needing to make up some at night, but I am okay with that-it helps that I have accepted it for now and am going to bed earlier to compensate).

Another thing I did was block out the sun in his room. He has never showed any day/night confusion and I figured his internal clock was pretty well set. However, the sun rising earlier was making everyone in this house rise earlier and I was not ready for that. I do very well waking at 7am. Not so much before. And what is good for mommy is good for everyone :) Plus, AJ waking from 6-7am and then sleeping from 7am-8am wasn't working well at all with daycare dropoff, which happens at 7:30am usually.

Oh yes, and probably the biggest thing I did was move his bedtime earlier. At this time, they usually move from more adult like bedtimes to more infant bedtimes (6-8pm) and since AJ always went down at 8pm (early for an infant), I had forgotten about this. Rereading (Sleeping through the Night, No Cry Sleep Solution, and Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child-my favs) I recalled this and now he goes to bed between 6pm and 7pm. It's true what they say, earlier to bed later to rise. Whether it is this or the darkening, he is sleeping more now.

I also have a little trick if your infant is a light fusser or a happy talker and you still need some sleep. AJ sleeps in the room next to ours. If he is fussy and it isn't time to eat (and I mean light fussy, not full on cry), I open his door and ours (normally both shut) and then turn off the monitor. This way I can sleep through the little noises much easier and I am confident I will hear him if he gets really upset. I've only had to do this a few times, he is usually asleep when I leave the room from nursing and stays asleep, but just lately I've had to do this and he puts himself back to sleep nicely. It is so easy to underestimate them, or in our sleep deprived state pop up and tend to them quickly.

Also, AJ is a good sleeper, and knowing that he can take long naps encourages me to give his paci back rather than just get him up and it usually works. And then the sitter knows to expect this too because he can look wide awake and then go right back to sleep. Infants amaze me with things like that!

I also read that the morning nap is starting to develop around 9am and I see that to be the case. It's funny, but there is something about starting to put him on a schedule that results in one emerging rather than the other way around. Not that I don't base the schedule on what I've seen from him, but getting the ball rolling with a wakeup time or a common sleep time and going from there...esp when you see a pattern with the timing of the first nap, then every day starts off the same, so then they vary less. So, even though we aren't sleeping through the night, the schedule that he's been on the last week is definitely doable. Here it is, if anyone is interested. All times are approximate.

5:30am feeding-about 4oz each feeding per sitter
wake about 7:30am
8:30am feeding
nap about 9am for 1-1.5 hrs (he no longer gets swaddled, we eased off it at the beginning of Feb, but I will swaddle his legs or do a sleep sack; our routine is simply to change diaper, add blanket, and rock 1-2 min or until sleepy and put in bed awake; he has heart beat cd and his room is now darkened with towels over windows)
11:30am feeding (nurses10-20 min total)
nap about 12 for 1.5 to 3 hrs (wake if more than 3.5 hrs-yes, we've had to do this 3 times-he likes sleep)
2:30 pm feeding
nap about 3pm for 1 to 1.5 hrs
5:30pm feeding
Bed between 6pm and 7pm (he goes to bed with paci, but I don't replace it in the night, he falls asleep either nursing or usually when I hold him upright for ten before putting him back in bed so he can digest the milk so I just put him to bed without paci and don't replace it).
(for now we are doing two more feedings-about 11:30pm and 2:30am-I am confident they will drop down soon, but don't mind since he goes down so early and sleeps so late and doesn't wake btw for paci, etc or from 6-7am anymore; once he starts sleeping through them mostly or spitting up from over feeding I will send daddy in to soothe for one of the feedings. Also, I can slowly move the 11:30pm to before I go to bed and then if we skip the 2:30am, I will only actually be waking to go in once-won't that be nice!)

Estrogen and Factor V-Updated*

2011-02-25T07:00:00.006-06:00

You have to read this if you've been dx with any type of clotting disorder.

As soon as I had Charlie, just moments after, I was asked something about his name and if we had a girl name picked out too. I said something to the effect that we would just use it in the future. I wasn't confident we would have more children, I was confident we wanted them and we would try to. Everyone in the room (and there are a lot more than you'd expect) was shocked I was interested in thinking about #2 so soon. They joked no one speaks of #2 that soon. I said, of course-#2, #3, etc and grinned. My husband wasn't surprised. He just laughed and shook his head and he likes to retell that story.

Somehow, I don't remember the exact conversation, it came up again with Anthony. Again, I was quick to talk about wanting more children. Again, the shock. Again, my husbands' knowing smile. God willing is always part of that statement; whether spoken allowed or not, it is implied.

IF is never far from my thoughts. That is a big difference between moms after IF and other moms. I never take for granted I will be able to have another child. Hopeful, yes. Confident, no. Around Christmas I realized that if we were going to have #3, an additional challenge stood in our way. At the time, it was an unkown, and I wanted to post once I knew a happy answer. But, so far, there isn't one. It continues to be a waiting game so I decided to post about it now, to inform and also to ask for prayers.

I probably visit the doctor too often, but I feel better safe than sorry. The day after Christmas I went to the ER because I couldn't get into a doctor. I had been sick with that awful strep like virus, but at night I was getting the horrible feeling my throat was swelling shut. It probably wasn't, I knew, but just in case I wanted to be seen. It was really creeping me out. Well, my throat wasn't swelling, it was just all the junk running back and so thick (lovely), but I did learn something especially important. As the PA was taking my history she said, you know with factor V you should never be on estrogen. I replied that I was on estrogen to conceive both of my babies. No, never again, she said. She and her sister both had factor V. Her sister died on estrogen, she told me; it made clots more likely and it was a clot that killed her. There is evidently government website out there now to increase awareness. You are 80 times more likely to develop a clot, she told me, on estrogen. Its along the same lines of why we are told not to smoke and be on the pill. 80 times is what estrogen always does I guess, but this is a bigger problem with those with any clotting issues. Even though I just have one gene? Yes. Even if I am on baby aspirin? Yes. What about hcg I asked? She didn't know. What if this is just to get my level to where others already are, not higher? Doesn't matter.

Well, you can imagine I was in quite the hurry to call Dr. Hilgers. Due to the crazy business of their office and the holidays and snow, etc., it wasn't quick either (though I spoke to a new nurse, so they are hiring more people to handle the increased load). Basically I wasn't told much. Yes, they agreed, I am not to be on estrogen. The nurse asked if they knew I had factor V, but she saw it in my chart before I could answer. Clearly they had dropped the ball. Everyone makes mistakes. No harm, no foul. I am okay. I have two babies. But now what? She said I could still be on hcg. What if my estrogen is still low? Well, we will cross that bridge when we come to it. It may not be. Hcg was enough for my peak plus 7 est level to be fine for my first two failed pregnancies (that isn't why they failed). But after my second miscarriage, it bottomed out even on hcg and it took 2mg of estrogen on top of the hcg post peak to bring my level back up to normal range. So maybe it will go up enough with the hcg this time. One can hope, even though it didn't go up enough on hcg alone after Charlie. But if it doesn't, I didn't get any sort of plan of action revealed to me. How important is the post peak estrogen level in getting and maintaining a pregnancy? No real answer was given for this. I am not much more knowledgable than I was in the ER.

The next steps given were ones I am intimately familiar with already. Wait for my cycle to return. Get a peak plus 7. We will medicate based on this. The soonest I can try is the third cycle. First cycle get a peak plus 7 level. Second cycle medicate based on tests and retest. Third cycle try and continue the peak plus 7 levels monthly as well as the cycle reviews until/if pregnancy is achieved. With Charlie, I nursed a year even though I faded way back after 9 months due to 5 bouts of mastitis severely affecting my supply. Despite this, I didn't have my cycle return until he was 13 months. (AJ was conceived on the first cycle we were allowed to try -the fourth cycle was what we were told that time). So, it may be another 13 months of waiting. But maybe not. I guess the first baby doesn't indicate the cycle will return at the same time. Still, it could definitely be awhile.

What to do in the meantime? What can I do except wait. Pray. Trust. Enjoy my two beautiful children.
TCIE or Dr. Gianna, if you are reading and know the answer to my question-how important is post peak estrogen to a newly conceived baby...and are there alternatives one can take in addition to hcg to raise the post peak estrogen without increasing my clotting risk...?

***UPDATE I went and saw my ob again recently (told you I visit the doc a lot!) The bleeding was still going on at 12 weeks. Of course, as soon I made the appt (Murphy's law), it stopped, but I didn't dare cancel it. Turns out I passed another nickel sized clot and that was probably why I was still spotting. After that I literally could feel my uterus contract a few days and now all is well. FINALLY. Except the freaking yeast infection I got from the mastitis antibiotics. Wow, tangent. Sorry. (I clearly write like I talk and I appreciate you putting up with all my typos, etc. I know if you do something, you should take the time to do it well, but right now taht would mean not at all and I can't imagine that right now) Anyway, visit the ob/gyn and mentnion the estrogen thing. He says since I am a) one gene not two and b) I wasn't on much estrogen and c) I wasn't on it many days or many cycles, he would feel comfortable putting me on it to conceive if needed. He said it was more like estrogen therapy for menopausal women or something that would be too much. Hmmm. He is very pro life awesome Catholic man who trained under Dr. Hilgers for a week so far and is very new to Napro. I am wondering, from his response, if Dr. H would have knowingly kept me on it thinking there wasn't much risked until I called and said "is it true there is this risk, etc". I mean, it seems like a liability if he kept me on it after that right? Or is their normal protocol not to? It seems news to the nurse, but then again, it seemed news to all of them I was factor V despite my dx in the chart. Anyway, I told dh and he is such a numbers man, he wanted to know what kind of risk we are talking about. It is hard for him, a CPA, to make a decision without facts. Whereas I am thinking, okay, I will go on it, but not for more than three cycles :) Man, what we'd do for those babies. Is that dumb? I mean, I want to be around for the babies I already have! I guess that is where the numbers come in...

My head is spinning. It is a long time to wait with the unknown. I am glad to have the info though, and I think it is important to share it with anyone who has a clotting dx. I have two sisters with the dx-one threw a blood clot in her lung 8 months pregnant and the other (though not officially dx) had a 2 inch clot as a result of an IV. My mom almost died of DIC (related?) where her blood wouldn't clot and she almost bled out during a D&C for a baby that passed at 5 months, and my mom's side has some crazy clotting issue we all tested neg for but I can't recall the name (very serious though). I am glad to pass this information on to my family and to you, my friends, in case it is helpful. I am sorry if it puts any stress on you like it did me, but I feel knowledge is power, even if it is sucky knowledge.
And sort of off topic (but aren't I always?)...I think there are a lot of things unique to IFers, both before and even after they have children. Once a part of you, always apart of you. That is why I am so grateful for this community. We have fellow Catholics to relate to, to pray for us, to give us hope, understanding, and compassion. I appreciate all of those that take the time to read my blog. I know that time is a comodity for sure, and I especially appreciate those with IF actively ttc that are still able to read given the content is very mother focused at this point. I don't want to apologize, it is where I am at right now, but I am grateful that you all can be truly happy for me and I can provide hope to you on your journey. I continue to read as many blogs as I can. It is entirely random who I read though, as I can't stand to shorten my blogroll which is already too short in my mind. I get on, read the most recent at the time I am on until my time is up, and that is how it goes. I often read but don't comment, but know that I am reading and doing the best I can. I appreciate each and every one of you, and love to stay updated on your lives. I continue to pray for you intentions. Please pray for mine- that I can patiently wait, and that I won't need anything to conceive that I am not allowed to take.

Valentine's Day Card-Outtakes included

2011-02-21T07:00:00.002-06:00

I loved the idea of a Valentine picture card and knew my husband's parents would too since they live out of town. It was...an adventure to say the least. It took an entire two days and so it didn't even make it in the mail until Valentine's Day! You see, I didn't realize the implications of putting a very mobile two year old with the pictures you want to be seen. He tried initially, but the idea of props was new to him. He gave his best GQ look, but....

Then he got overposed and wasn't exactly natural. He looks scared to move. In reality, I recall him being quite squirmy.

Forget about posing the two of them together-Charlie was just plain over it by then (don't know why this uploaded sideways and won't let me change it!) At least he was happily moving on to other things. Tears and valentine cards don't exactly go together (see AJ). Brother was likely loving on him a bit rough (hazard of being the second child).

Never fear, I had a back up plan just in case. Max is less than thrilled, but he has been humiliated more than this, so he decides to just get through it quickly so I will leave him alone.

Finally, after breaking for 24 hrs, I had learned from my mistakes and was able to start fresh and with lowered expectations. Please ignore the snot, food on his face, and the fact that AJ looks a bit, well, overstuffed :)

There's the Charlie I know and LOVE! (Good thing this was the one. Immediately after I took this he ripped the paper in half. No, I am not kidding).

And my AJ.

So there you go! A hard (two) days work!

How the Sugar Snap Peas Ended up in the Broccoli Cheese Soup

2011-02-17T07:00:00.002-06:00

Today I flunked motherhood. I am sure every mom has one of those days where they feel like the worst mom on the planet. Today was that day for me. At least, deep down, I know I am in good company. And it least it was a laugh/cry kind of feeling and not a cry/cry kind of feeling.

Tonight dh and I were going to watch my friends' children. They are the same ages as ours and they had watched ours on Saturday for our date night. Tonight was our turn. I worked from home and everything was going smoothly. I had done everything on my work list, plus showered and had the beginnings of soup on. I called my sitter to tell her I was on the way, but could only stay a second as we were expecting company. I left the soup on as the sitter lives less than a mile from me and the noodles needed to soften for another 15 plus minutes.

I went and got the kids. I was in and out. I pulled into our driveway, but my garage door wouldn't open with my transmitter. It had done this before, but not since I replaced the battery. I thought that problem was fixed! I turned off the car in the driveway, grateful it wasn't cold like last week, and got out to unbuckle Charlie first. As I was unbuckling him I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was the neighbor's dog. Not on a leash. I left Charlie unbuckled and turned to pick him up. He came to me, thankfully. I looked back at the car and decided the easiest thing to do was to leave the kids in it and run the dog next door. Charlie had picked up my keys and was happily playing and I knew he'd be fine. I could see the car from the driveway and that way I could go really fast. Plus I didn't have to worry Charlie wouldn't be safe since I didn't have enough hands.

I ran the dog over to the grateful neighbor. We chatted for a second on the porch (where I could see the car) about how her kids had Valentine's for mine and how her oldest had croupe. And how frustrated she was her dogs kept getting out.

I went back to the car to get Charlie out and saw he was in the driver's seat. Duh, I left him unbuckled. He loves the steering wheel. Not smart of me. The first of many times I would say that tonight. I reached for the door handle. Locked. You're kidding me?! How could I be so stupid?! I recall Charlie was pushing buttons on my keys, which are now nowhere to be found. I have a second set in the house. By now Anthony is screaming his head off. Today, of all days, he was up 4 hrs without a nap at the sitters. He was beyond tired.

The second set of keys are not accessible. Every other time I couldn't get the garage door open as I pulled up, I also couldn't get the keypad to work. Its like it sends the wrong signal and shuts down. The battery on the key pad is new too, and it works every other time, just not when it won't open from the car. I tried just in case, but no luck. During these times I would go in the front door. But reality is sinking in fast. I can't. Because I am locked out of my house. The house with the soup on the stove (I can hear my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me not to do these things!). And I am also locked out of my car. Where my babies are. Crying. Okay, that isn't exactly true. Anthony is crying. Charlie is laughing and turning the stearing wheel. Did I mention that are friends are supposed to arrive any minute so we can watch their kids?! Oh so humbling. I see the irony as I am clearly not fit to watch my own!

I try, to no avail, to get Charlie to unlock the car. First of all, he has no idea which button is unlock because there are many and it doesn't stand out. He only half tries before going back to the stearing wheel. Secondly, he is keenly aware that he is sort of doing something wrong, and he is loving it and trying to get the most out of every minute because he knows it is short lived. He is pushing every lever and button and ignoring my pleas and bribes to push this button right there. I am trying not to sound desperate, but I was telling him everything from I have a sucker inside the house to poor brother needs him to push the button and so on. I am getting nowhere. I confess to a neighbor walking their dog. I have her sympathy, but no ideas.

I tell myself, at least it isn't cold out. At least the kids are safe and where I can see them (I hadn't thought yet that Charlie could put the car in neutral and roll into the street). The chances of the house catching on fire from the stove are minimal. This is more about my own embarrassment and being humbled by the situation. I think, what are the odds?! Definitely one of those laugh/cry kind of moments.

Since my cell is also in the car, I have to humble myself more and admit to the neighbor and borrow her phone. My husband is only ten minutes away at work and he can get us out of this mess. But that involves admitting to him too, which I quickly do, grateful that that is the worst it will come to.

I go back to the car and find that Charlie has the keys in his hands (I thought they were under a seat or something). He is pushing buttons again and the car unlocks. I am quick to open the door before he can lock it again. I get both kids into the house, let the dog out, turn down the soup (no fire, it didn't even burn!) That is when my huge water cup from the hospital literally out of nowhere falls of the edge of an end table and spills all over the wood floor. I had just filled it before I left. I clean that up, then put poor Anthony to bed (so tired he was!), and then go back to the soup. The broccoli cheese soup. But by this point I am so flustered, I put sugar snap peas in instead of broccoli.

My husband comes home and brings me chocolates. He knows I have had a bad day and doesn't judge me for all the mistakes I made. My Valentine. Our friends come and drop their kids off. I am grateful they weren't earlier. I must say, all in all, it was definitely a learning experience and a Valentine's day that will not soon be forgotten!

A Love Story for V Day-My Own

2011-02-14T13:30:00.001-06:00

Since many of us love a good love story, I thought I'd direct you back to the post on my engagement post in honor of Valentine's Day. While I am no Pioneer Women (lol), it is certainly special to me, and fitting since he proposed on the Saturday prior to Valentine's Day. I posted the engagement story where it was fitting within the larger backstory of my conversion, etc, but it was cut and pasted from the very night of my engagement. Yes, at 5am, I sat down at the computer when I couldn't sleep and wrote every bit of it while it was fresh in my mind. I didn't want to forget one moment. We celebrated by indulging in a wonderful steak dinner at the same restaurant where it all went down. Dh jokes every year he should have popped the question some place cheaper :)

And one more thing, guess who was conceived on Valentine's Day? My sweet Anthony on a cycle I called a likely bust. So now you can look at anyone you know with a three month old and give them a little wink. The secret it out! :) I pray for all of my IF sisters, that your "likely bust cycles" will become the next miracle conception story!

Because You are a Captive Audience...

2011-02-10T07:17:00.001-06:00

...and because I can't unveil this to anyone in "real" life yet, I would like to share with you my dissertation dedication page. I will be done in May, and even though it is not complete at this moment, laying in bed this morning this dedication page started coming to me and I had to put it down on paper. I am sure it needs to be cleaned up a bit, but this was my first shot and I have to admit I really like how it came out.

For those of you who don't know, I started this program EIGHT long years ago. I applied before I met my husband even. We started dating just before I received my acceptance. I had my faith conversion during this program. We found out about IF before we were married, during this program. I got engaged just prior to my hormone series, during this program, and planned a wedding in six months during this program. I took two weeks off this program to go to Omaha for my surgeries and initial diagnostics with Dr. Hilgers. I have had two D&Cs, two laparoscopies, two miscarriages, and delivered two babies, all during this program. This program taken a lot longer than initially anticipated, but when I look back I can't believe I did it at all in such a short time! The idea of the end being in sight brings me to tears quite easily. So, without further ado....

This dissertation is not my own, but belongs to so many wonderful people.

Specifically, I would like to acknowledge:

My advisor, X, who is as much a patient person as he is brilliant and ground breaking.

X, who is as gentle as they come, yet a fierce advocate for children and disabilities.

My friends, coworkers, and mentors, especially X who brought me into the world of systems change, and treated me like an equal; thank you for letting me soak up your wisdom (and for teaching me to love coffee when I needed it most!);

X, who gave me more than one pep talk along the way about what was truly important in life;

X, because you are my “person,”

and X, who was the first to instill this passion in me and whom I have been able to share every important milestone in life with; I am glad this dissertation was no exception.

To X and X, two hidden treasures in the University I am grateful to have discovered along the way.

To my husband who has been there with me through it all, from getting into the program, to its completion, and every tuition payment in between.

To my family, who always put education first from the beginning and gave everything they had to that end, especially their time and encouragement.

To God, because with Him all things are possible,

And to my four children conceived during this program-two in heaven, two on earth. Because some things are too important to put off, and because Mom will always be my favorite title.

Time to Go Back To Charting

2011-02-09T09:40:00.001-06:00

Yes, and I must say I am not looking forward to it just because I am out of the habit of paying attn. But then, that is exactly why I need to chart. See, I.am.still.bleeding. Yup. "Just" spotting, is what my doc office said. Well, I think so, but then I haven't been paying all that much attention. Just annoyed. They reminded me I had a D&C two weeks after and that the clock started over then. Still, AJ will be three months in a week. Crazy how time flies! So I don't personally feel I should still be bleeding. But I haven't told them I still am because a month ago they thought it was "just spotting" "no big deal" and I was maybe starting my period. I highly doubted that. And clearly I wasn't unless this is a month long period, which would be a first. Though anything is possible with my crazy body.

Recently it changed though. I think it either stopped a few days and restarted or got brighter in color because I immediately felt something had changed. Which makes me think maybe I really am starting my period? I didn't start until I totally quit nursing with Charlie, but every time is different I am told and I have several friends that are nursing babies around the same age and started.

Also, my hormones are a wreck because my eyes are so dry I can't wear my contacts more than a few hours. So I'd like to get a handle on what is going on. So, its back to the stickers I go. And I really am silly for complaining. Those stickers changed my life. Its just going to require some retraining.

More Insurance Insanity

2011-02-07T15:50:00.002-06:00

Because if we can't laugh about it we will cry, right? I feel like I am on another planet talking to insurance.

Mine currently is Ci.gna. Here is how a conversation over the weekend went. I get a call. Hi, this is Cigna and we are calling to let you know about a wellness benefit you qualify for. Great. What? Its for patients with chronic lower back pain. That's nice but, um, I don't have lower back pain. Oh. Did you recently receive physical therapy? Learily (because I don't know if this is some trap by the evil organization), I reluctantly reply that I did receive PT, while I was pregnant. There is no chronic issue. Okay, they accept this but then here is the kicker, please stay on hold while I transfer you to unenroll from our wellness program. Excuse me? The one I never enrolled in? And now I have to wait? Yes, evidently there is no way around it. Had I been any busier I would have hung up. I mean really, what are they gonna do? Keep me enrolled in a free benefit? Good grief! But I hold. Like a good girl. Until they come back and say due to high call volume they can't unenroll me at this time and can I call back? Are.you.serious? I was sure to point out the insanity in all of this and that the high call volume was due to others being mistakingly enrolled, lest it escaped her.

Fast forward to today. When I get a call from my delivering hospital to see if I am going to pay the bill for Anthony's delivery. I say, no, not yet because I was billed $1600 and it is clear that insurance hasn't processed it. She looks into it and tells me insurance denied it because I haven't called to notifiy them I don't have a second insurance. Seriously? I have to call to tell them I don't have a second insurance? There isn't a secondary on anyone else in the family. Can't we just take the giant leap and make an assumption on this one? Seriously. Then the gal proceeds to tell me they always do this or something else, like say they weren't added in time or anything they can as a stall tactic to pay. We have to pay immediately of course, but evidently those rules don't apply to them. Its like a separate reality when it comes to insurance.

Update-I just called Cign.a to let them know we don't have a secondary but...their systems are down and I was told I would need to call back another time.

Funny Video of My Sons-He Pushed Me

2011-02-04T12:52:00.000-06:00

I think this video nicely captures the love Charlie has for Anthony, but is also a preview to future quibbling that is bound to happen and a nice illustration of what "two" means around our house :) Please ignore my voice-ugh!

Also, if you haven't already, please take the time to go back a post and take a minute fill out a national survey on infertility.

For Karen :)

2011-02-02T20:33:00.000-06:00

From Karen. Please take part in this and help spread the word!

I visit the Resolve (national IF association) IF forum to try to suggest Napro to other women. I emailed the site and asked them to put in a section on IVF alternatives and I was ignored. I saw this request for a survey today. I posted the request below.

Can you please take the survey and give your opinions about Napro, IVF alternatives etc. They want to identify the top myths....Well I say that one of them is that Catholics have no options and that if you have unexplained if that you have to do IVF or else. Please help me to support getting this message out. Maybe if enough of us take this survey we can get some mention on their site. This could be a small first step...If you have a blog, consider posting this.

Thanks

Karen

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

National Infertility Awareness Week® is April 24-30, 2011. RESOLVE needs your help in identifying the top "myths" associated with all family building options. We'll take your feedback and ask experts to share their knowledge breaking down the myths. Our goal is to use this information to increase public education about the disease of infertility and recognize the many ways families are built.

Please give us your feedback here.

http://familybuilding.resolve.org/site/Survey?ACTION_REQUIRED=URI_ACTION_USER_REQUESTS&SURVEY_ID=14542

If that link does not work, google "resolve infertility survey"

What Works for Us (A Post on Sleep)

2011-01-27T14:57:00.001-06:00

Today was one of those days when I said to myself, I am so glad we chose to do it this way around here. I am talking about the millions of choices that face new parents. I don't judge people for their choices around parenting. I think most of it is a "what works for you" rather than a right/wrong thing. But I thought I would share a few of those things here related to sleep.

I have learned with my children that sleep is number one priority. Well, that and nutrition. So, at our house, I read what I can on the topic and then I do my best to read my children. And it has paid off. At our house, the two year old goes to bed at 7pm and has for as long as I can remember. He still sleeps all the way until 7am, sometimes later. He naps at the same time every day, noon. For some that may seem early, but I really think it depends on the child. Charlie sleeps 2 hours, sometimes 3. More than once he has slept 3 hrs and 40 min! Anthony goes to bed about 8pm, which is so surprising to me this young, but he is the one that initiated it. Last night he didn't wake to eat until 6am. Yes, that is a record, but he always goes until at least 1:30am, usually 3 or 4am. I think that if you keep a consistent routine for sleep times that is developed on what your child demonstrated they need, then you are going to get longer and longer sleep out of them until they consistently do great naps, etc. We have been working on this with Anthony since he was about four weeks, maybe five, and it is really paying off now.

That's not to say we don't have exceptions here, but we try to make them few and far between. And for the record, Charlie is incredibly pleasant if he stays up until 9pm. Its later that we see the effects. I find it ironic that tired children don't act tired, quite the opposite in fact! There are some things we do regularly, like small faith group every other week with other couples with children. We rotate houses and it lasts from 7pm-9pm. It would be easy to let Charlie stay up and play with the 1 yr old and two 4 year olds that stay up. However, I would rather our "exceptions" be for something that isn't regularly occuring like this. So, for over a year we brought a pack and play and put him down in a dark room. The great thing about this is my son, for as long as he can remember, has known that we sometimes go to bed other places but the routine is always the same. He has no trouble doing this, which has been a huge blessing. Even in his big boy bed at home, he would sleep in a pack in play for these exceptions despite being able to climb out (I realize not everyone's child has that type of personality). However, for Christmas I bought him a little travel bed that rolls up and includes a pillow and blanket attached. I call it his special train bed and he thinks it is the coolest. :)

I mentioned bedtime routine being the same, regardless of where we go. I am a huge believer in routine, but also keeping them short makes them managable for us. We never were ones to rock our kids to sleep or read tons and tons of books. The routine for Charlie is pjs and nighttime diaper, brush teeth, paci and blanket, and two books. It doesn't take long to complete. After the books I leave the room. If he frets, I still walk out. He never has cried after the door shuts, he just was testing a few times to see if I would come back in.

The routine with Anthony isn't based on time, but his signs at the ripe age of 9 weeks :) One yawn or one fuss and he goes up to bed. We are on an eat play sleep schedule with him, so the cries at that time don't mean hungry (there are exceptions of course). For AJ's routine, we go to his room, swaddle, paci, rock for two minute or until sleep (whichever comes first) and he goes in the crib. If we are out, I do the same thing but rock in my arms unswaddled and then set him in his carseat. I, personally, prefer not sleeping with the little ones and then having to make that transition later, but again, to each his own. It works for us, as I said. I have also done things that didn't work for our family. Charlie slept 3 hrs as an infant in the swing or sling so that is what I did most days. Eventually he grew out of it. He didn't transition well to the bed because he was older at that time. He napped there, but only thirty minutes. Four thirty minute naps a day. I shudder. It sucked. He did that from four to seven or eight months when a sitter finally helped me get them consolidated into two, but they were still only 1 hr 20 each.

We are constantly reinforced in the idea that one fuss means tired. If I don't put him down, he continues to fuss. By time I put him down the settling time is filled with random sobbing and takes longer. Yesterday, he slept over 2 hrs for the sitter. She assumed when he fussed he wasn't then tired again. So he preceeded to cry off an on all day and she just carried him around and didn't know what to do with him. Today he napped two hours. When he fussed after 30 min I figured he couldn't possibly be tired again. But based on yesterday, I took him upstairs. Lo and behold, he went to sleep for another 50 minutes. Kids needs crazy amounts of sleep. Infants are rarely awake longer than 2 hrs. My kids tend to be more sleepy end of the spectrum. The best parts about these schedules is your children are happy when they are up and when they are not it is easy to tell that something is wrong (sick, teething, etc).

I love that my kids like their beds. Charlie will tell me, "Mom, I am sleepy. Let's go upstairs." And he will head upstairs on his own. Other times I just say, let's read stories and up he goes. The books in his room are novel ones that stay up there but rotate. Other than the bed and dresser, there isn't anything up there to play with. I do want the room to be fun, though, and a place he wants to be. His name is on the wall and there are tons of fun decals of cars, etc. But there is nothing out of interest. Even the books go in a bin in the closet after we read. Of course, it helps that my child can't open a door yet (we have spinning doorknobs on). I always come to him quickly when he calls my name to tell me he is up. I also love that both children will go to their bed wide awake and play happily in their beds upon wakening. In fact, if either wakes crying, it is usually a sign that the nap needs to continue and so if they don't stop on their own, I go in and give them back their pacifier and leave without a word. In fact, Charlie did that today for nap, highly unusual. He woke after 45 minutes and cried. After I went in, he went back to sleep. That was over an hour ago and he is still sleeping (he played in his bed talking to himself before going down today).

Speaking of playing in his bed, one day he did that an hour and a half. I felt terrible that he was stuck in his room, despite how happy he was playing. So, after that amount of time I went in and let him out. He was such a wreck by 5pm...oh my! He did it again that same week. And I let him play. Right at an hour and a half he went to sleep and slept three hours. In fact, I woke him because it was 4:30pm. Guess what? He still went to bed basically on time, at 7:30pm. I think the biggest problem is we underestimate how much sleep our kids need.

Pacifiers are another controversial thing. I must say, I am glad we use them, but I am also glad we put limitations on them. Pacifiers are tied to nap/bedtime routine only. They don't leave the rooms unless I hand them to a kiddo that is clearly sleepy in the car while driving. That may be unecessary because both kiddos can fall asleep in the car without them, but with Charlie it is a nice cue to go to sleep on a car ride and might make it happen a bit sooner. I, personally, don't like children talking through their paci and for us that isn't an issue this way. Now, in my mind, Charlie is too old for a pacifier, but we were told not to take away within four months of the new baby (before or after). Before seemed too young, so we waited thinking he might need that consistency through the change. But soon, we are going to nip that in the bud. Stay tuned!

Okay, so obviously I am a routine-based structured type of person, but I think kids are naturally that way and thrive in that type of environment if the routine is based on knowledge of kids' and your specific kids. I have two kids that like going to bed, have a short bedtime routine, sleep well, wake happy and play in their beds. But they are also flexible enough to sleep other places. I couldn't be happier-or better rested myself-so I had to share what works so well for us, in case it might work well for someone else too.

Way Too Many Pics of the Boys :)

2011-01-20T16:00:00.001-06:00

Well, being sick today sucks and is making motherhood twice as hard. I have 101 temp and everything aches! Now I know exactly how Charlie felt earlier in the week. However, my boys gave me a present-Charlie took a three hour nap and AJ napped more than once in that time frame. So, I snuck on the computer for a picture post! :)

Look out for the eyes, Charlie!

The onesie says "future priest" and he wore it under his baptism gown. Charlie did the same.

Charlie's smile is so genuine. He still thinks his lil brother is the coolest!

Now AJ may think differently. Charlie thought this was the next best thing to a cowboy hat-an Easter hat for a girl!

AJ's first day of childcare last week. He goes 2 days a week with his brother. It is the best possible daycare situation-she has five kids, is an early childhood specialist turned stay at home mom with her youngest of five, a 3 yr old boy to play with Charlie. The rest are in school all day. Their dad works for the church doing teen ministry. A great family and AJ's godparents! He is saying here, mom it isn't so bad!

Just What I Needed to Hear

2011-01-19T15:57:00.001-06:00

Today I am back working on my dissertation, and it is so hard to focus. I have got to get it done, no option not to. I literally time out in May (i.e. none of my credits will count; I would have to start over). Of course, I only want to stare at my newborn at the moment, but I really need to buck up and finish what I started-eight long years ago! Since I started school I got married, had two miscarriages, and had my two sons. School was meant to be a quick four years, but when we were thrown a curveball we made a new plan.

First things first, today I had to enroll in credit hours. It made me set up a new password. I have two favorite bible verses that are always in the front of my mind. When I could not use these, I drew a blank. So I picked up my bible. I decided to look in Philippians. The first verse I had underlined is the first I read. "I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it... "

We have a winner! God is so good!

The Value of Sleep

2011-01-18T15:08:00.000-06:00

Well, I have just a few moments so I wanted to say hi and tell you all that I am reading when I can, and trying to comment too, but that I really haven't had much to say on the old blog here. My life is a series of putting kids to bed :)

Life has been a little nutty. Charlie had stomach flu a bit ago and then a high fever this past weekend. AJ decided not to eat for the sitter on Fri, very stressful! Doc appt on Sat didn't provide much clarity, but we are all doing better so no complaints.

Sleep is coming easier these days for me, thankfully, though Charlie was also waking in the night when sick. AJ actually goes to bed early for his age, about 8:00pm. If he last ate at 7, he occasionally will eat at 9pm, but then he wakes either once around 4am or twice (usually 1am and 5am). I can't complain about that. Once, when he was sick, he went 9.5 hrs and I had to wake him! But we have also gotten 8 and 8.5hrs several times, thankfully, and that is fine when he is well. I don't normally wake a sleeping baby.

Day sleep is another story-and stressful. I am having him sleep in his crib because Charlie loves swing/sling/carseat sleeping and did great and transitioned horribly when he had to start sleeping in his bed. I am all about making the hard changes now when they are young. So, as soon as he gets tired (usually only an hour or 1.5 hrs after he woke), he gets rocked and put to bed in his crib sleepy but not asleep. Works great, usually takes only 2 minutes. But...he sleeps only 35 minutes at a time, sometimes less. He did put himself back to sleep some, but now, not so much. I can get him back down with a pacifier or sometimes have to rerock and get another 35 out of him sometimes on a good day, but I feel like I put him to bed all day! I tried to keep him up longer and consolidate the naps, but he is just too young. He is tired when he is tired. I think we are just in a transition and will be able to move to 4 naps or 3 soon-I hope. He is only 9 weeks. Today I pulled back from the craziness and was grateful for what I do have, an easy to put down child that sleeps great at night. Otherwise I just feel like a failure putting him to bed over and over and questioning myself all day long and consulting every sleeping resource in between runs up the stairs! :)

Of course, Charlie decided to start messing with his nap during this time too. He sleeps 7pm to 7am or 7:30am and then naps 12-2 or 12-3pm. Last week twice he skipped his nap, but at least he just played in his room during that time (he entertains himself, his room is really bare). Today I tried 12:30pm and he played for a half hour and went down. He's been down over two hours now, so I don't know what is going on but today it worked.

Can you tell I like consistency and am a creature of habit? And I value my sleep and my kids getting enough sleep?! Gotta run, little man is talking to me from his room. Will try to post some pics soon.

Welcome, Mrs. J!

2011-01-12T20:42:00.000-06:00

Ladies, please go over and say hello to a new blogger, Mrs. J! Please shower her with your support and wisdom!

Why I Love My Husband (1)

2011-01-10T20:15:00.000-06:00

I am so overdue for starting this. Thanks to Kaitlin for the idea! Here are just a few reasons I love my husband.

He is into traditions and holidays and making memories. He has a child like enjoyment of these things, and I would say I do too. He wished I had waited for him to put up the new stockings, but I was so excited they went straight onto the mantel. He forgave me anyway though.

He is a hard worker. This is his busiest month of the year. He will probably have at least one 85 plus hour week this month. He calls often to say he misses us. He does it all for his family.

He doesn't care when I don't shower and look a mess. He loves me anyway, no matter how I look (though that does make me want to look nicer for him, it doesn't actually translate into that happening!)

Since AJ was born he has become 24/7 focused on giving Charlie the love and attention he needs. He is his play buddy even more than before, but what has really changed is the amount he participates in the other things-diapers, baths, getting dressed, putting down for bed or naps, feeding him. Until busy season started, he took a monitor at night and responded to Charlie when he had the stomach flu or woke due to teething. Yes, he even cleaned up vomit to the best of his ability. Of course, he pays attention to AJ too. But he knows that while I am feeding Anthony, etc Charlie is the one that really needs the extra attention right now.

There is more, but that is enough for now :)

Uncomfortableness in Infants and Resolutions

2010-12-31T13:00:00.000-06:00

I was only dreading going to my MIL for Christmas for one reason-AJ was off before and I knew being out of town, etc, it would take him a bit to get back on track and I wouldn't know if it was that or something else...what was going on is that AJ is grunting for long (like one hour or more) periods in the night and seems really uncomfortable. I have a child with reflux and this is similar, but I wasn't totally confident as it appeared different and definitely isn't as severe or black and white as when Charlie had it. Anthony is also struggling with sleeping. He cat napped in the am, then slept well in the afternoon. He did pretty good at night. He had gone to more 40 min naps (no longer any long stretches) I could tell he was tired and wanted to sleep longer. Plus I think I feed him more (every 2 hrs), unnecessarily, when he is up more. I think, hey he's up so why not feed him so when he does sleep he doesn't have to wake to eat. It isn't just me-AJ thinks this too! :)

I ended up going to the doctor today and they helped me sort out what I knew in my heart-two separate things were going on. We have a plan! It reaffirmed things I already knew and I feel really good we caught things early.

First of all, I am going back to rocking Anthony until sleepy, NOT asleep. Otherwise he goes, hey what happened? I was in warm arms one second and now a big bed the next. No thanks, I prefer the arms! Gma made this worse by holding him for all day every day we were there. That would have been fine had I planned to continue that at home, but it is not realistic for us, so we are dealing with major transition issues. Also, I realized I was contributing too, unknowingly to this. Even though I don't hold him sleeping, I was starting to rock him to sleep most of the time and then transferring to bed in an attempt to get him sleep better/longer. It did the opposite. I realized that was almost the same thing as holding him for two days and then coming hom to using the bed. It resulted in the "I am surprised to be in bed now/how did I get here?!" reaction. AJ would either wake immediately or wake at 30-40 (after one sleep cycle) and protest at being in bed. Also, when he protested, I would remove him from the bed and rerock him. I had stopped trying to soothe him while he was still in his bed out of pure laziness, assuming it would get to the point I would have to rerock him anyway, I would skip to that step. I have resolved again to rock until sleepy and also to soothe in bed. It isn't that hard at this age-a paci and a some covering his eyes or rubbing from his forehead down over his eyes and he gets sleepy again. Then I leave him to fall asleep in his bed. AJ was doing great putting himself back to sleep before, I could always here him going in and out for the long naps, but he had stopped that so I think we caught it early enough that he will go back to his natural good habits. Several times when he was doing better I would hear him, go in, and he'd be asleep. He was always exceeding my expectations so good habits are definitely natural to him and I just have to get him back there!

Second of all, the doc did think he has reflux. I felt good going in giving all my data, etc and letting her make the decision rather than being convinced and fighting for a script. I was just not sure, but she thought yes, so I feel good giving the meds. I am tired of seeing my good boy so uncomfortable! He would just writhe and grunt forever and I couldn't sleep either, listening to every move on the monitor etc. At least now I can do something about it!

So a new day and more resolutions to do what I know I should do. Oh, and speaking of, I have just two this year after bombing mine every year (see last year's embarrassing repeat of the year before-it is kind of funny in a pathetic way). One: finish my dissertation. Sort of a given, I HAVE to be done in May, but worth mentioning for all the time and effort it will take. And Two: for weight and for money, I will no longer throw a bag of check out candy onto the belt with my groceries. Or a pound of m&m's. This went from occaisional to EVERY time I go to the store. And I go to the store a lot :) Happy New Year's everyone! Be safe!

Reveal and Merry Christmas (in pictures and song)

2010-12-27T19:00:00.001-06:00

During this advent season I had the priveledge of praying for Mrs. Blondies. It was wonderful to get to pray for her, her dh, and their baby Blondie. I prayed the St. Andrew novena faithful during all the night feedings. I must say, I always prayed it at least fifteen times, but often more due to sheer exhaustion! :) I had your prayer buddy/baby gift shipped a little early from Amazon. I thought it would be a later expected arrival date, so I hope it didn't ruin the surprise too early!

From my home to yours, wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas!

Heading out to dh's Christmas party. They aren't my clothes I am fitting in, but they are someone's :)

We all have our things we look forward to when we have kids- mine was monogrammed stockings. I am so thrilled to have these this year. I definitely don't take these things for granted!

Okay, I clearly need the creche because these are blending in way too much with the brick. I love my nativity and keep it up year round. This year my mother in law added the camel and some other animals.

This red is one of my favorite colors, so I love that it is more prevalent at Christmas time. These hurricane were my meager attempt at creativity this year.

It bothers me how plain this is. I really need to spruce it up next year-with greenery! Charlie loves singing Happy Birthday to Jesus but most days it morphs into Happy Birthday to Charlie :)

No, we didn't torture him. He was a willing participant...on the second attempt. This is after we gave up and let him play in the waiting room. He decided to take the toy from the waiting room into the photo studio to ask Santa for it. :)

Since Charlie can't share his sticky candy cane with you, I thought he could give you a different kind of treat.

Click here for Charlie singing Jingle Bells (but getting distracted because he wants to grab the camera and watch himself while it is still recording!) Please ignore my voice (I had a strep like virus) and my attempt at singing (which, I won't lie, is never good) to encourage him to continue despite the distracting camera :)

Our Loss at Christmas Time

2010-12-22T22:07:00.000-06:00

You all probably do not know this, but my first loss was at Christmas time. We have a Wil.low angel on our Christmas tree in remembrance. In honor of my Michael, and for those of you (most of you, understandably) that haven't had a chance to read from the beginning, here is the story of my first baby, a fighter, my Michael.

http://tool4god-myjourneywithgod.blogspot.com/2008/12/try-try-again.html

http://tool4god-myjourneywithgod.blogspot.com/2008/12/michael.html

*Note I spent some time catching up my blog in the beginning, so this part was never written in real time, hence the incorrect date. Michael was conceived and passed in 2006, the year I was married. Sorry the posts are lengthy, I meticulously recorded every detail at the time and then later transferred it to my blog, so the thoughts are fresh.

Finally This Far

2010-12-18T21:13:00.000-06:00

The other day I noticed my weekly emails related to little AJ's development from a well known website were off a week. I realized they were going off my due date, not my delivery date, so I went in to update my information really quick. But I what I saw brought me to a halt. And then to tears. It was my screen name. I had set it up when I was pregnant with Charlie. It was "finallythisfar."

I was finally, at the time, far enough to sign up for those updates. I was finally far enough to have less fears about miscarriage. I was finally going to be able to hold one of my babies in my arms after two miscarriages. Finally.
And then, right on the heels of that, was another stop in my tracks moment. I saw the Willo.w statue my mom gave me when I had the preterm labor scare with AJ. It was the one with arms full of flowers, an overflowing bouqet (it was called "surrounded by love"). I realized my nightstand was no longer a good place for it, between my alarm clock, lamp, and now two monitors, I kept knocking it off in the night. So I brought it down to my kitchen shelves where so many other Will.ows are and immediately saw an open spot. But as I got closer, again, my breath was taken away. The Wil.low on the other side of the open spot was one dh and I had bought after our second miscarriage. It was titled Remember and the girl in it looked sad. She had one flower and it was in her hand which down to her side. The little paper that came with it read "Always I will Remember." It stood in stark contrast to the other Will.ow with arms overflowing with flowers, her face buried in them. It was definitely the perfect spot for it-on one side, the second loss. On the other, the second life.
Even though these ideas are never far from my mind, this was just a clear sign to me how much things have changed so quickly, how fortunate we are, how many people are still waiting, and how they don't know what the future will bring. All I have to say to you is, things can turn around and turn around fast. We don't know the time or the place. But we can trust that He has good things in store. Thinking of you all and praying especially hard as I know the holidays can be particularly tough.

Dr. Appt Update

2010-12-10T07:28:00.000-06:00

Where to begin? How about, I am fine. Everything is fine. Yeah!

Go figure the bleeding slowed yesterday for the first time. I thought maybe it was in the morning, but didn't know if it was my imagination. Well, it wasn't. It was still descent enough at the doc's office that I didn't look like an idiot, and I didn't mention I suspected it had because the appt was a little chaotic. I never planned on going there with both kids, by myself, first time out ever like that! My mom was supposed to meet me in the parking lot of toy.s r us across the street so I could run in and get a dinosaur for Charlie that they finally had restocked. Then she was going to stay in the car with the kids while I ran into the appt. I had gone through a drive through for Charlie. I figured if he ate, I would get home in time for naps and be on schedule. Ha! My little sister has a really crummy immune system, sick ALL of the time. She lives with my mom (23) while finishing up her sign language interpreting program. Mom called on her way out the door (I was in the parking lot, she just lives a few minutes away) to tell me my little sis (KT) was vomiting and she was worried about exposing us. Thank you! So...I braved toy.s r us and the doc's office by myself! Not ideal, but we survived. My biggest concern was more the germs than the idea of me and two kids (though Charlie in toy.s r us has the makings for a big meltdown!).

I managed to get the toy without Charlie being aware, and also a shower gift! AJ slept the whole time, thankfully, but I knew he'd need to eat soon. I had planned for it, so I actually arrived at the doc office early. Of course, didn't plan on bringing the kids in so didn't have single or double stroller with me-augh! Charlie did well staying wtih me and holding my hand, I carried AJ in his carrier and asked my doc's office if we could go back to a room early so I could feed both kids. No. Excuse me?! I knew they didn't allow food, but I thought it was in the lobby with the new furniture. Nope. It smells up the whole office evidently (okay, it was McD so that was prob true). What to do?! McD was how Charlie was going to sit through my appt! Plan B came to reality. We sat in the hall of the office building. Me nursing and feeding Charlie french fries at record pace (of course, they forgot the ketchup-what is with people?!) I honestly felt like a rockstar, lol, thinking I CAN do this! :)

Once I got in the office, everyone was really nice helping. The nurse got Charlie a sucker (plan B for sitting still while I get examined-she has a two year old). You'd think the baby would be the easy one, but the nurse is taking my blood pressure repeatedly, trying to hear, and AJ is over in the corner filling his pants very audibly! lol Of course, blood pressure is high. Really? I never would have guessed! lol AJ wasn't happy with pants full, so he cried and the doctor shadowing mine was happy to love on him. Still, the conversation following the exam was very rushed and distracted.

Basically he said the bleeding is fine. He ran tests for anemia. He said that the lab results showed it was clots and not placenta. He said I needed the D&C, he agreed, but that his approach was more conservative (wait and see) and his partner's was more treat now just in case. Either way was fine. I was safe. He does want me back on the aspirin now, though. I just felt good to remind me of all my issues, have him actually look to make a decision if I was okay, etc. And the bleeding slowed, so I am grateful for that. I just couldn't believe in two weeks post surgery there was no change-no slowing or change in color. I did also remember that my first D&C was followed by cauterization so I had literally no bleeding. I am trying not to think of possible side effects from too many D&Cs. Those are maybe's, we will worry if/when we get there. I mean, it was necessary, so what can you do?

That is it. I wish I could have gone down my list line by line, but there was no way. We got in and out, we survived, and I am okay. That is what matters. Tahnks for your prayers everyone. I know they helped. I was pulling snacks for Charlie out of places I had stowed them away weeks earlier (just in case), and the McD toy was something they just featured on Sesame so he was very entertained by the binoculars which probably would have been thrown to the side otherwise. It's the little things that make all the difference!

Bleeding Post D&C

2010-12-09T07:45:00.000-06:00

I have lots of thoughts on posts, but it will have to be in quick takes form and not today. Today I have some anxiety about visiting my ob. I have a 6 week appt, but today I am only 4 weeks out (happy 4 weeks, AJ). After calling my ob's office twice for concerns related to bleeding, they decided to see me even though they told me the bleeding is normal. I feel like a freak, pestering them, but I don't feel comfortable until they look at me. This is for many reasons. I loved my ob, but now my trust is a little shaken after what I have been through (I hope today he can clarify without feeling defensive, I so want to love him again!), and I am trying to listen to my instincts and advocate for myself more. Internet searching and our local ask a nurse call line seem to agree with me and disagree with my ob's office. Here are my notes for my visit, to state my case for concern and hopefully not come off as a nut. But then, having an outline to go into an office visit in and of itself might be a little nutty, lol. Sorry if this is TMI, but come on, the post title says blood :)

1. Bleeding-my symptoms-tired of it!

a. Blood is everywhere! Every wipe, every time I pee its in the toilet, every time I dry off with towel from the shower, even ran down legs going to grab a pair of underwear 10 feet away!

b. Pad every four hours (thick) or thin every hr/time I go to the bathroom

c. Much heavier than any period I ever had, but then I've been spoiled

d. Maintains bright red color and amt, no change whatsoever in 2 weeks

e. Now I have chafing from wearing the pad so long-two weeks

f. It is not my period as the nurse suggested. I am solely nursing and got my period back at 14 months with Charlie. And my period is not this heavy.

g. My post partum bleeding was almost done entirely before the need for D&C-that is earlier than expected. It had gone through all the phases and was almost non existent.

2. Reasons I am concerned-

a. I had too much bleeding, beyond normal limits/cause for concern:

i. After giving birth –was this b/c of placenta? they were getting nervous but it finally slowed on its own

ii. Before D&C-reason for the procedure

iii. After D&C-they called me more drugs to contract my uterus

b. Factor V-more bleeding equals clot risk right? Not on aspirin yet

c. Mom had D&C and had DIC and almost died (bled out)

d. I didn’t have this much bleeding with first D&C (though I did recall he said he cauterized area so I wouldn’t-2nd ob found odd and no notes about it-very sketchy)

e. Issue of trusting (see below)

3. Know the D&C was necessary-so why did it get to this point?

a. Is this not obvious at delivery?

b. Was the excess bleeding in the hospital after birth a sign of the placenta still there?

c. You said I didn’t need to go to the ER, but then I had the cramps and remembered the factor V and the ask a nurse call line said to go.

d. The u/s tech was concerned and said I would likely be kept, and then the ER doc said it was doubtful it was a product of conception and that fits and spurts of blood are expected, it was a lg clot and if after 3-4 days still there then D&C…was this the ER doc or you? He said he consulted you. Did he give you bad info to go off of? Where did he get bad info if the u/s tech recognized the problem and he wrote the report?

e. Your partner told me the next day I needed a D&C immed for 4.5 cm of retained placenta and that she has no idea why you didn’t do the D&C when I was already in the ER. (The fact it was the day before Thanksgiving and the fact you didn't have priveledges at the hospital I went to didn't play in, did it? No I won't be asking that!)

4. Concerns about D&C (even though I know it was unavoidable)

a. Read online that adhesions are more likely when the D&C is done for the reason it was done on me.

b. I also read it could traumatize the lining and jeopardize future implantation?!

c. This isn’t my first-I had one before due to miscarriage

See, good reasons for anxiety. But, I am prepared as possible so trying to "let go and let God." Prayers please. Appt at 11:15am CST.

A Nice Free Nursing Cover and Basic Sling

2010-12-06T20:37:00.002-06:00

The following was sent to me by a friend. I have one someone made and like thye premise (they go around your neck so no worry about the blanket falling, plus you can look down and see baby due to the bowed wire at the top); what I don't like about mine is the size, it's pretty small. This one, however, looks to be a much more appropriate size. So, I decided it was worth the shipping ($9.99-you could probably sell it on crai.g's list or at a consignment sale for more than this) and ordered one. Last week I also ordered a free sling from seven sl.ings (an offer they give again when you order the nursing cover). It isn't as great as my baby k't.an sling or the mo.by wrap because it is just one simple piece, but it is cute and seems made decently and, again, it will probably sell for more than it cost to ship-$15 if I recall correctly. Enjoy!

Hi X,

We wanted to say thanks for being one of our Planning Family members and give you a promo code for a free $32 nursing cover at the Udder Covers website (if you're not currently breastfeeding they make great baby shower and holiday gifts)!

We have made an arrangement with the Udder Covers website so you can get one nursing cover (regular price $32) free. You just pay the shipping. The code is "Family2010".

Go to the Udder Covers website, click on "Shop Now", select the product you would like (they also have 3 piece gift sets available with this promotion) and you will automatically be directed to the center of the page where you can enter in the promo code! Type in "Family2010" and it will pull up the ones available. They are selling out fast. You can use the code more than once - you just have to open a new browser/window to do so. Good Luck!

This promotion gives you a $32.00 discount off your total order no matter what you put in your cart! This promotion code is valid once per transaction, so you can order as many times as you would like!

Thanks again,

Planning Family

Better Now

2010-12-06T08:04:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to say after my minor breakdown that all is better. I feel better in that: I have forgiven myself and moved on, I have asked my husband for more help, I have gotten more rest, and baby is sleeping better so I have already seen some fruits of my labor. I am sure we will backslide and move forward again, but it was just nice to see that it was already starting to pay off. That's all for now. Praying for each and every one of you! God bless!

The Hard Part

2010-12-04T19:29:00.000-06:00

How quickly we forget....I have entered a hard stage I forgot about. The stage where my child where sleep anywhere but the bed. Nice long naps in the carseat, the swing, the sling, anywhere but bed. In bed, he has started waking FREQUENTLY. It's painful. Yesterday I started pushing through with the encouragement of my pediatrician that it wasn't due to reflux. Today I cheated and did the carseat once (after I was ready to poke my eyes out) and tonight I cheated in another way-I nursed to sleep. Others may do this, but I choose not too (after the beginning, and in the night doesn't count). Not to mention that my child wasn't due for a feeding (he will eat whenever it is offered, at least half) and so...it made him sick. He has spit up twice, his tummy is rolling and I feel like evil bad mom that went to her only secret weapon b/c I am weak-the boob :( It made him sick and it didn't even work to put him to sleep. Today (and yesterday) we are just having that kind of day. Prayers for grace please, prayer buddy. I am not worthy of this awesome task to be AJ's mommy.

What a Difference Two (and a half) Weeks Makes! Pics too!

2010-11-30T14:13:00.000-06:00

All I have to say to the expectant ladies is hang in there when you have that newborn! It DOES get better! What a difference a few weeks makes! Here is my recap of what has changed in the last few week in the areas my life revolves around: eating, sleeping, pooping, and self care for me (which is even more minimal, if that was possible!)

Eating:
Turns out, I was overfeeding AJ at first. I did it because he was eating forever before my milk came in. And Charlie was a 20 min or so nurser. So when AJ nursed for ten min and wouldn't switch sides, I worried and I persisted. :( He would spit up and I would think he was showing signs of reflux. Duh! Thanks to my notes on how long he fed, I realized he was a ten min nurser now and I switch sides at five minutes. No overfeeding, he gets what he needs, and what a blessing to not be nursing almost an hour anymore! And did I mention my nipples aren't on fire anymore?! Wonderful feeling to not have that anymore. And, knock on wood, no signs of mastitis yet (which I had five times with Charlie!). It is so funny to me how when you first nurse you have to have the perfect latch, a ton of pillows to prop you up, etc and then two to three weeks later it is practically effortless. He can put himself on and I don't have to turn on any light or anything to make sure he is on alright. I feel so much more comfortable about all of it! Of course, that is just my experience, and I don't recall if it fell in the same timeline, but I had similar experience with Charlie.

Sleeping:
AJ has gone from eating every 2-3 hours to his first five hour stretches of sleeping at night (two nights in a row now). Of course, now that I write this, he will probably quit :) I think swaddling is huge, cluster feeding during the day is huge, a well put on diaper is huge, and elevation is huge (prop up if they need it-for reflux or congestion by putting a wedge in mattress or letting them sleeping in the carseat, bouncy seat, or swing). We are getting into a nice pattern now of sleeping, waking up, eating, about 3 times a day he has a good hour of awake time (yes that is it!) and then he fusses and I know it is time to swaddle and rock him and put him in his bed. I am also starting to learn his little nuances, like his uncomfortableness that means he will spit up or have a bm soon, or when he is just tired etc. Love it!

Pooping:
I have finally mastered the newborn diaper and I am telling you, I am sorry if you master it faster than me and buy too many newborn clothes based on my earlier recommendation. For me it is a combo of pointing it down, making sure the leg elastic is not tucked in, making sure the back of the diaper is totally up, and making sure there is a nice tight seal across the tummy. This is all a thousand times easier once the circumcision is healed, the navel is healed, and they are a little older and don't pull their legs up quite so much. I think he has peed out only once this week (again, going to jinx myself!) but I will say that Charlie peed and pooped a lot the second I took the diaper off to change it and then it usually got on the clothes too. AJ is not that way, no pee so far when changing (why do I keep saying these things out loud!) but he did shoot poo three feet across the room and hit the wall so far it covered a five foot vertical area-no lie! So...I guess boys do crazy things with their poo too, TCIE! lol Lesson learned, his bum is quite the fire hose and I am sure it would have gone further had that pesky wall not been in the way.

Finally, taking care of yourself:
Life is so much easier once you can drop the crazy routine the hospital has you do (esp if you have an episiotomy) every time you go to the bathroom. And you pee often, ladies, because you drink a lot to produce the milk plus you have all that fluid and blood to lose and it is mostly during/post nursing b/c that is when your uterus contracts. One not fun lesson I got to learn firsthand, if the bleeding stops and then comes back full force, that can be BAD! It can be a blood clot (the blood clot blocks the blood and it builds up behind and then passes), which is somewhat typical in the first week or two post delivery. Or it can be...leftover placenta. Lovely. So it happened to me the day I sent my hubby to enjoy a basketball game downtown (not close to our home!) Word to the wise, a friend tells me she keeps hubby on hand for the first month. Probably smart. I had so much blood I was told to go the ER. They did an ultrasound and let me go, saying it was clots and if I didn't pass them in a few days I would need a D&C. Instead...I got a call first thing the next day from my ob saying they should not have let me go, that I had 4.5 cm of retained placenta (very dangerous, you could bleed out, and did I mention I have factor V and that my mom almost died of something similar after a miscarriage?!) Anyway, I had an immediate D&C that day (the day before Thanksgiving). Healing has been alright, a few setbacks with pain and bleeding that I got meds for, etc, but every day gets better and the less I have to focus on me, the more I can focus on my family. Praise God! Did I mention how valuable meals are? Huge, ladies! So grateful for them! Especially because my mom isn't as available as I would have hoped. We actually lost my dad's mom last week and then my dad had to have a heart cath (80% blockage, huge stint put in) the same day as my surgery. It's been a little nuts around here, but everyday is better than the one before and we are slowly but surely discovering our new normal. :) I am sure prayers are part of how we survived all of this, so thank you everyone, especially my prayer buddy!
P.S. I was a little insane and scheduled a photo session yesterday. Here are some of the best ones. Man, I had no idea my face was so round, lol. Oh well, all in good time...! Happy Advent!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-23T11:05:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving, bloggers! Each of us has so much to be thankful for this year. Just a few of the many things I am thankful for are:

My chaotic noisy large family that always gets together on the holidays. Most of us live in town or close, and I also love that we have an open door policy for all the friends we have adopted as family along the years.
My husband, who is as affectionate as they come. He is always the one holding my hand, begging for kisses, and snuggling me at night. I am grateful that I can scoot over close in the bed now that my hips are no longer bothering me.
Friends and family that have been so generous during this time, cleaning my home, bringing me meals, showering affection on Charlie and more.
My two healthy boys and the fact that Charlie loves his brother so much and is so gentle with him.
Resources. We have everything we need-food on our table, cloths on our back, and a roof over our heads.
My faith. Our beautiful faith and an amazing parish family lead by a priest that is faithful to the church's teaching and takes the time to know us by name even in a large parish.
The blogger community. I am celebrating one year actively blogging and my life is better for getting to know each of you!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

Parenting the 2nd time- Some things I Had Forgotten and Some New Things Learned

2010-11-17T08:25:00.000-06:00

Its only been two years, but I had already forgotten so much from having Charlie.

I had forgotten the value of:

1. A good swaddle blanket or product that eases swaddling like the one Second Chances and Leila mentioned. My ha.lo sleep sack swaddle is great, but one of them had a zipper break relatively early which is frustrating. Kiddopot.omas makes one too (spelling may be off). I did order the Miracle Bl.anket Leila mentioned so happy about that.

2. A sleep positioner to help them stay on their backs while sleeping (to reduce the risk of SIDs). It also helps them feel snug and secure and holds the swaddle blanket in place. I use an angled one when there is congestion, they just ate, suffer from reflux, etc so they are propped up a bit.

3. One piece feetie pjs with zippers and a tab that protects the neck from the zipper. Carte.rs makes them, but they can be hard to find in smaller sizes. I like to have a few pairs of fleece ones and a few pairs of thinner ones often called "sleep and plays". The zipper part is KEY. Most babies hate their diaper changed when they are new and scream. In the night, you are trying to do it as fast as possible in as low light as possible so they will go back to sleep after feeding and diaper, and zippers really help speed up that process. To this day, my dh can't properly button the pjs-it can be seriously confusing for anyone on many of those sets.

4. Having enough newborn outfits. I forgot how much laundry there is. With Charlie, I tried to skimp and not have many newborn outfits since they grow quickly (by the way, Ger.ber brand run super small so their newborn size really only fits preemies). But...I didn't realize that peeing out is so common, especially with boys (it can go way up the back of their pjs even if you "point it down!"-which isn't easy at this age!). It is hard to diaper a crying wiggly baby with their legs curled up. Add to that a fresh belly button and, in our case, circumcision, and it took me awhile to get the hang of it (and its my second time). When I had Charlie, I had to do a load of laundry a day-everything he owned. He would pee through layers so blankets and pjs and the changing pad cover and sleep sack...I finally bought more clothing to wash less, but it is better to know this ahead of time.

5. Diapers with wetness indicator and notch out for belly. Pampers make these (turquoise package-swaddler.s sensitive-NOT the yellow package so dont' even open them). Hug.gies makes them too and their package better indicates that they have both features. When they are very little, you can hardly tell they even wet, but doctors like you to count how many a day to see if they are on track. Plus it is easier to just peak to see if the line changes color.

6. A good nose sucker :) Take the one from the hospital. You paid for it and the ones in the stores are not as good. Hopefully it will be awhile before you use it!

7. Help. Do not refuse help! Meals are the best gift to give and receive as a new mother. Nursing, if you do it, makes you so hungry for good homemade food but you have no time to cook! Remember, that while taking care of a newborn, please have someone there to take care of you! Giving birth is no easy feet. There is medicine to take around the clock until you are better (at least tyl and ibupro.fen). There is a routine to maintain everytime you go to the bathroom (which is a lot!). I had a small episotomy and I don't know what is specific to that but I had to line heavy pads with tu.cks pads and spray the area with a numbing spray and rinse with a water bottle... You are extra hungry and thirsty if nursing, not to mention tired (I average about four hours of sleep each day right now and that is broken into two to three different chunks!). There is laundry...you get the picture. Baby isn't the only patient in the hospital being taken care of and you need care once you go home too. Take it as easy as possible and remind yourself that the first week home is the hardest and it isn't always that hard.

8. Pillows to build up around you if nursing so baby comes to you and not you to baby (which will hurt your back!) I love my boppy pillow and use it for tons of things.

A new item I have learned the value of is:

9. Me.dela or Lan.sinoh Hydrogel pads (called soothies in some brands) and a tube of lanolin for sore nipples when nursing begins (which stains shirts so be aware!). The cooling pads I just discovered and they are amazing! Nursing hurts, even if youa re doing it right, in the beginning. A good rule of thumb is that if you have them latched on well, it should stop hurting in about 20 seconds so just take a deep breath and say a Hail Mary!

I hope this helps out to hear this and know what to expect. I am looking forward to hearing all the birth stories of new moms and what items you find you can't live without.

P.S. Email me if you want my little chart I made that helps me document feeding times, side, amount of wet and bm diapers, etc. It really helps to know what they are doing so you can talk to the doctor about progress, concerns, and start to get a feel for you little one.

Is he a proud new brother or what?! His enthusiasm is so amazing to see!

Birth Story for Anthony James *pics

2010-11-13T08:56:00.001-06:00

We got home last night. We had the option of another day, but we didn't take it.

Here is a quick run down of the birth story and some pics :)

My water broke around 5 or so. I just felt, like last time, that I was peeing and peeing. Then had to return to the bathroom repeatedly and finally only with a pad I had to keep replacing (we learned water only breaks in ten percent of women). Of course, I was thrilled to start labor naturally, and the timing was great in that my in laws had arrived around 4 to stay the night and care for Charlie. So I called dh at work and said I was pretty sure this was the real deal (my percent of certainty increased with each bathroom trip! lol)

I made the call to not rush rush around because I felt no contractions. I called, though, and let my doc know and she (on call doc) said to come on in. I wasn't going to be dumb about it, I just wasn't in a hurry. I was told I could eat a light meal before induction, so I definitely wanted to eat prior to getting to the hospital. I was tempted to get something heartier, but I got a chiccken salad. Turns out my bro in law (anesthiologist) was fuirous someone told me I could eat. I was glad I did, but glad I didn't do a heavier meal since I did end up vomiting after labor (and almost during, from sitting up and trying to use gravity). The idea of being nauseated didn't occur to me because I didn't have any medicine that would do that to my knowledge, just the whole process I guess.

Anyway, I started getting uncomfortable in the restaurant and was highly annoyed that the waitress saw zero urgency despite our telling her I was in labor. I think she thought we were joking. She proceeded to sing happy birthday to two tables before bringing our check and I was getting highly irratable and wondered if stopping to eat was a bad idea. I was expecting painful tightening of the abs as contractions if I had any. What I got was menstral like pain that intensified. I had had some in my pregnancy and this just worsened. Evidently that was my contractions. Interesting, had no idea!

Got to the hospital and my nurse was a rockstar. She'd just had a fast labor and was very conscious I would go fast given the baby was low and I was super thin. I didn't realize that was possible given my contractions were 7 min apart and, had my water not broke, I wouldn't have even been in the hospital yet. She was insistent, as was dh, that I order the epidural asap. I was grateful as it took an hour and they had to do some prep before they could do it (get a bunch of fluid in me). I was able to offer up my contractions, the epidural (numbing hurts but the epidural feels like nothing), lots of crazy itchiness that was a side effect of something, and other things after the fact (kneeding of my stomach-ouch! and very sore nipples from breastfeeding, which continue-another post). Anyway, lots of good stuff and it really helped me to accept any pain that came my way, relax, know it was for good cause, etc. I had a great CD of Christian songs playing and that was great too. Everything was a really good experience.

I was a 2-3 upon arrival and normally they check you every hour, but I kept having signs for her to check me sooner. First my legs shook, my teeth chattered, I felt pressure after the epidural, etc. So then I was a 4, 4 again, 4.5, and then bam-right when my contractions had spaced further apart (4-5 was the closest they got) and I was gonna send family home for the night, I was complete (10 and totally effaced)! The nurse said, "don't you dare laugh or the baby will fall out!" She wasn't kidding. I am not sure the exact timeline, but I got to the hospital about 7:30 and had him at 12:30am.

My doctor said I pushed 1 and a half times, whatever that means! :) My epidural was amazing and I felt no pain but total sensation. Can't explain it, but I was totally able to feel him come out, something I missed out on with Charlie. To get that, without the pain, ideal!

It was amazing to see we had another boy, and I thought I would cry, but I couldn't stop grinning like a big goofball! He was so much bigger than expected 8lb 10.5 oz (bigger than Charlie and longer too-20"). He had huge hands and feet, thick thighs, a wide nose, less hair than Charlie and lighter too (Charlie's was dark at first). It was so neat to see how different two newborns could look. This baby, named Anthony James (name means "flourishing"), hardly ever opened his eyes, whereas Charlie gave us intense stare downs from day one. Charlie wouldnt nurse right away, way too overstimulated, but AJ nursed for an hour right away. It was nuts! He was gulping audibly and the nurses were amazed. They said never seen that in all their career. He is a hungry big boy, hence the sore nipples despite pretty good latch.

That's pretty much the highlights. As soon as blogger fixes an error, I will update to include pics including me with my prayer intention list. All of your prayers were amazing. I felt them, I swear! Having my water break on its own, plus no pitocin, such a great fast labor, and feeling him emerge, him being so healthy and a good eater...what a blessing! I thought of you all the whole time, continue to think of you and offer things for you, and appreciate him for the undeserved miracle he truly is! By the way, several nurses are now praying for you as well and are now well aware of Dr. Hilgers and the amazing work he does!

2010-11-11T06:53:00.000-06:00

Anthony James is perfection!

Water Has Broken...

2010-11-10T17:30:00.002-06:00

...so we are off to the hospital (after a bite to eat!)...crazy similar to Charlie. Water broke the night before induction, though no contractions.

Sleep Advice Re: Infants

2010-11-09T20:58:00.000-06:00

I have recommended to many a book called "The No Cry Sle.ep Solution" by Elizabeth P.antley. I read the book while pregnant with Charlie, and knowing I would be sleep deprived, made myself some "cliff notes." I thought I would share these tips for anyone interested. Note: I am really not totally anti crying it out. I do think sometimes babies just need to fuss/cry on their way to sleep. I still found this book incredibly useful, putting most of the ideas to use. Charlie was pretty textbook, thankfully. He sleeps very well (7pm-7am with a 2 hr nap from 12-2 and rarely wakes at night), so for that I am grateful! I know there are a lot of varying opinions on sleep and this book's view may not conform to yours, but I thought it was pretty non-controversial :) Anyway, these ideas are all from the book and passed my own "behavior background" filter. Hopefully others will find them useful.

“Around the fortieth week the baby has started waking and going to sleep about the same time each day…” We cannot force a baby to conform to a parent’s desire for a pleasant day, a lengthy nap, and a long night’s sleep. We need to make the baby’s world conducive to sleep in every way we can. We must remove obstacles to peaceful nighttime sleep, and wait patiently for nature to what’s best. Some babies do it more quickly and some require longer…”

Safety when sleeping-in crib or following anywhere else (daycare, stroller, etc):
• Nothing in bed with baby, even a blanket (use a sleep sack instead) or stuffed animal (no animal until 4 months old). Don’t hang objects over a sleeping baby, including mobiles.
• Lay on back to sleep always (p. 31 has ideas if baby resists this).
• Avoid being around smoke
• Keep baby warm, but not too warm. Keep room 65-72 degrees. Ask doctor how long baby should wear a hat to sleep
• Avoid dressing baby in loose fitting or cotton blend clothing. Should be flame-resistant and snug fitting.
• Avoid placing your baby to sleep on soft surfaces (water bed, pillow, sofa, beanbag, foam pad, etc). Babies should be on a firm mattress with wrinkle free sheet that is firmly fastened down. Mattress can’t have gaps on any side (more than 2 fingers).
• Keep electrical and things on the wall/window treatments way from baby sleeping area; keep a working smoke detector near baby’s room
• Call doc immediately if baby is sick or feverish, never shake a baby, keep regular doc appts
• Never tie a pacifier to baby with any string type item. Remove decorative ribbons, bows or strings from bedding.
• Never leave baby unattended while in stroller, car seat, swing, baby seat, etc.
• Keep environment clean-wash bedding often, wash hand after diaper baby and every time before feeding. Wash baby’s hands and face frequently.

Sleep Norms:
• We cycle through sleep like a wave, ranging from light sleep to deep sleep
• Babies’ internal clock that regulates this isn’t mature until six to nine weeks of age and doesn’t work smooth until about four or five months.
• Babies sleep cycles are shorter and more numerous than adults and spend more time in light sleep with more brief awakenings-they may briefly wake and not be able to go back to sleep if the things they associate with sleep are no longer there…(nursing, pacifier, blanket, mom, etc)
• Up to 12 months, some children are hungry after sleeping for about four hours and you should feed them if that is truly why they are awake. Babies may need one or two night feedings up to about 9 months of age.
• Most babies wake 2-3 times a night for up to six months, 1 or 2 times for one year; once a night from 1-2 years old.
• “Sleeping through the night” is five consecutive hours.
• Newborns sleep when they are tired and wake when they are ready
• Newborn’s pattern revolves around their stomach-tiny tummies and breast milk digests rapidly!
• Newborns need to be fed every 2-4 hours and will have growth spurts too.
• Most newborns can only handle about two hours of wakefulness
• See table 4.1 for avg number and length of naps based on age-from 4 months on.

Things to do/not to do from the start re: sleeping:
• Spend time in the room for things other than sleeping or things related to your sleep routine so the room is a nice place
• When newborn, arrange schedule around baby so you don’t disrupt bedtime routine and stay out too late.
• Include awake baby in everyday chores-don’t just wait for baby sleeping to get things done.
• Set up a typical daytime routine and adjust it daily based on baby’s cues and other situations that may arise.
• Relax and rest when your baby feeds, make sure you are comfortable (drink, phone off, pillow, all you need is close, etc).
• Make sure baby is getting enough to eat (amt each and how often) during the day so that it will need less to sleep longer at night; especially make sure last feeding is complete. Notice if things you eat affect the baby’s sleep/behavior.
• Avoid too late of naps or neg effect bedtime-if 3 then mid morning, early afternoon, early evening; if two midmorning, early afternoon; if one early afternoon. Base them on babies’ natural time to be alert or tired and put to bed quickly when show signs of tiredness (no lengthy routines).
• Nap routines should be different from bedtime routine
• Put baby to sleep as soon as shows signs of being tired (quiets down, lull in movement, loses interest, looks away, looks glazed, rubs eyes, yawns and/or fusses).
• Experiment to find baby’s bedtime (p. 105) from 6:30pm on watch closely for signs of tired. Adjust it by 15-30 min every 2 or 3 nights and pay attn to the effect it has.
• Keep in mind overtired babies don’t always act tired.
• Help baby make distinctions btw daytime and nighttime-daytime naps in lit room where noises of day are evident; talking and singing okay. Don’t let baby nap for 3 or 5 hours during day or he/she will get up frequently at night. Once hits 2-3 hrs, wake gently and encourage to stay awake and play. Naps less than one hour in length don’t really count, just take the edge off, but don’t complete the sleep cycle, so baby could be fussier in the long run.
• The hour before bedtime should be quiet and dim. Nighttime and bedtime routines involve dark and quiet (no talking, singing, or lights on in the middle of the night). Use white noise to cover is house is loud when baby goes to bed at night. Start routine 30 min early, specific nighttime things into routine that starts at the same time-bath, pjs. Keep nighttime feedings quiet and mellow (no talking or singing). Keep all you need close for min disruption. At night, only change diapers if you have to and quick and quiet with tiny night light and warm wipe.
• As time passes, add flexibility to routine-shorter steps when baby is really tired, bring in other people to do it, etc when baby is ready.
• If baby is sleeping well on their back, avoid putting baby down in exact same position to sleep every night (move head, different places in crib, etc), avoid leaving baby lying on her back in stroller, car seat or swing for long period of the day (head will flatten).
• Set healthy nighttime associations: avoid doing things (nursing/sucking/in arms/etc) till baby is fast asleep; stop and put in crib when settled and sleepy, but not fast asleep. Let baby settle self the rest of the way.
• Make sure baby is comfortable so won’t wake for this reason at night: swaddle, smaller space within crib or nest car seat, stroller, etc, soft sounds or white noise, good smells (like smells like mom), warm bed, absorbent diaper , etc. Make sure last feeding is a complete one.
• When baby wakes during the night, do not talk except to say “sshhh” or “night night” and def do not turn on any lights.
• Shorten your helping go back to sleep routine each night.
• Pick up when hungry to feed at night, and feed quickly and baby will go back to sleep quickly. Baby will get more awake if has to cry it out for awhile. But, make sure really hungry.
• Be careful not pick up when making regular sleep noises and going through typical light phases. If waking for comfort, work on changing those associations.
• When waking a baby-try to wake when in lighter sleep stage, diaper change or use damp cloth to wipe face, strip down clothes, burp sitting, back rub, mess with feet, move arms and legs in exercise fashion, prop baby up in seat in middle of family activity, sit up and sing to baby (you may want to do this after daytime nap is more than 2-3 hours, so they will sleep well at night).
• Expose baby to natural light when he wakes in the morning.
• Waking at the same time each morning can help set your baby’s biological clock.

After four months:
• Babies are primed for early bedtime-as early as 6:30pm or 7; it isn’t early to bed, early to rise and most people put their babies to bed too late, causing overtired and meltdowns, etc-for time with baby after work change it time in the morning

Breaking Habits:
• Babies will love to fall asleep in mom’s arms, so try to put to bed when sleepy but not totally asleep so they can get the rest of the way on their own without mom (if trouble, p. 74, 147).
• Introduce a lovely (p.117)
• Pantley’s Gentle Removal plan (p. 126) for breast, bottle, or pacifier

Other things:
• Have tummy time for play
• Starting solid foods too early leads to more food allergies

All Things Fall (picture post)

2010-11-08T09:00:00.001-06:00

If you aren't tired of seeing pumpkin patch pics, here are a few from our family...they wouldn't be complete without a wheelbarrow or two!

Charlie knows how enjoy the ride! We should all be so carefree and trusting "in the wheelbarrow"!

Love that belly!

We went to a Halloween party fundraiser the weekend before Halloween and Charlie got to try out his trick or treating skills for the first time. He was a train conductor, wearing a costume my dad's mom made for my dad when he was two. It fit perfectly!

Okay, this was not this way on the original, but blog.ger insisted loading it this way...and I lacked the skills to fix it! Annoying!

And it wouldn't be fall in our house without one more thing...FOOTBALL!

Three Opportunities for Sanctification

2010-11-05T09:24:00.000-05:00

Leila, I love this title, but was too lazy to steal the icon!

1. When people use NFP interchangably with avoiding. Example, I love Kimbe.rly Hahn, but in her book Life Giving Love she says that couples need serious reason to use NFP. Clearly she uses it interchangably with the term avoid. This book needs a change in its next edition. NFP, in our case, was all about diagnosing and treating in order to achieve!

2. Children getting yelled at by crabby parents. Seriously, folks, do you not know that children hearing yelling just tune you out? It is so sad to hear and see people who don't appreciate children as the blessings they are!

3. Okay, don't kill me for this one, but I struggle with a) cheesy sitcoms and b) local news-mostly due to the cheesy transitions between segments. These completely get on my nerves and then I get on dh's nerves complaining about them! I guess that is his opportunity for sanctification! :)

Impatience Abounds-updated with pic

2010-11-02T13:33:00.003-05:00

It is an understatement to say we live in an impatient society. We want things when we want them and we can usually have anything immediately for a price. I think, in general, I am a patient person. So...the fact that I am not being very patient about this baby's arrival is something I am blaming on society :)

You see, everyone I encounter acts as if I am late having this baby. The baby is due Nov. 7th. I have not yet hit my due date. However, no one can believe I am still pregnant. It's as if all babies come early. The world I live in stopped a long time ago in some aspects. Everyone expects the baby will be here any second and I shouldn't drive, etc as a result. Plus, convenience induction is very much the norm, so why wait? For example, my sisters' husband is a doctor so they induce based on his schedule. Two weeks before her due date with the last one.

This idea really bothered me then (and somewhat still does now). My son was a week late. I didn't want to have him induced. The doctor told me he would have to induce after 2 weeks late since the risk of still births increased at that point, but no need before. Because dh was going to enter his very busy time at work, as time passed he would have less and less time at home with me and the baby. Because he would induce at 2 weeks late anyway, we felt it wasn't too much worse to induce a week earlier than that so dh could have more time. So, we made the choice to schedule inducement at one week past my due date. I prayed and prayed he would come on his own so we'd know we weren't rushing him. Plus, selfishly, I wanted the excitement of going into labor versus getting up to an alarm and driving to the hospital. My water broke the night before the induction was scheduled and I was grateful.

With this pregnancy, I was surrounded by friends who were due around the same time (what can I say, he/she is a Valentine's Day conception) :) And, after tomorrow, I will be the last one standing. Of four. One's baby was early, one was a c-section scheduled for a week early, and tomorrow a friend is doing a convenience induction (almost two weeks before her due date). No wonder I feel past due at 39 1/2 weeks!

Then today, at the ultrasound, the tech asked me if I was inducing. I told her that dh and I decided to have the baby Nov. 11th if he/she hadn't made an appearance yet. I still feel odd saying that. Yes, we potentially chose the baby's birthday. It sounds so strange. It doesn't feel right. Clearly I have mixed feelings. The baby should come when the baby is ready. So why am I doing it? I guess it is nice to know that there is an end in sight when I am uncomfortable day in and day out. Bending over, getting up at night, doing anything around the house are all very difficult if not out of the question. While I am uncomfortable and waiting for this little one, I am not getting other things done. I don't feel good. I am tired. I know I will be tired after the baby comes, but it will be different. I am not getting my dissertation done at the point, not getting work or housework done, I might as well start my maternity leave. Okay, I know that sounds ridiculous.   Plus I am spending time with Charlie, his last bit as an only child. I guess in the end I am as impatient as the rest...

I will say it is excited impatience. I can't wait to meet this little one. To learn the gender, to memorize the baby's face, etc.  The baby is big enough at this point to be healthy. I know the baby can breathe on its own already, as evidenced everytime I have an ultrasound, and with Charlie we had to induce even after my water broke....so I feel it is somewhat justified. Though it still feels strange and I hope the baby will come on his/her own schedule before then, in the end I am no different than the rest.

You know the funny thing?  In reply to my induction date the tech asked, "why are you waiting so long?" Okay so maybe I am still a little different than the rest. Seriously, you can't win!

Beth asked for a pic and I just happened to download my all time fav pregnancy pic tonight. It's from Halloween, after trick or treating. And b/c I love you guys, you get to see the before pic too. He was so cute, snuggling up to my belly, and I had no idea I was showing any, let alone this much! (Note to self, must give birth before topping 50lbs!) The second pic is my favorite all time pic. That snuggling is completely initiated by him. A fall picture post including Halloween pics coming soon.

Catholic Schools

2010-10-28T07:30:00.000-05:00

I know others have touched on this topic and I have a few thoughts to share. Mostly, though, I am interested in collecting your thoughts.

I work in education. You all know that. I respect the teachers and their heavy workload. However, I am frustrated with a system that allows those that shouldn't teach to remain working. The system is broke in many ways, unfortunately, and I think those in it could give you many examples and would agree. I see teachers fired only to be hired by other schools in the same district. I just scratch my head. I think the unions are more powerful than they should be. Don't shoot me now. I could go on.

I would like my children, ideally, to go to Catholic school. No, I do not think these are the magic solution to every problem in education. But I do think they are better than public schools right now. Maybe not all, but the good ones. The ones that do it as it was intended...Maybe I am completely misinformed, but I feel that in Catholic school they will not only get a solid education, but that people are generally coming from the same set of Truths, and that these Truths are infused in all topics if done well (rather than religion class, or religious ed after school for those in public school, where it is an isolated even). I know this is a generalization, but I am going with it. The same is true in public schools in that teachers always have a perspective they are coming from. And the fact that public schools don't allow teachers to voice their opinions about faith, etc, then you get an anti-faith environment rather than a neutral one. That is what the separation of church and state has done. Am I making any sense here? I don't want my children to hear one thing at home and then get completely challenged on it at school. Not that I don't appreciate varying opinions, but I want school to be a place that reinforces what they are getting at home and vice versa so we can build off each other.

Now enters hubby. The CPA. We are surrounded by good public schools. They are better today than the ones dh and I attended (I attended Catholic school through grade four and public after that-all in our current area; dh attended public school in a smaller town with less resources). He made me prove for quite awhile why I preferred Catholic schools. He is on board now. Somewhat. But not without cost. The first point of negotiation was this. I could have elementary (K-8) or high school, but not both. I understand that high school is expensive (I am not kidding you, in our town it is $6-8k a year) and why he says this. We do just fine, but still, that adds up. But then deep down, I know it really comes down to priorities and what is important to you. Anyway, dh thought high school as it was more academic would be best for Catholic school, but I argued fiercly that the foundation was more important to build and build why they are young. I also thought more years with this influence if they go K-8 and also more of their peers will also make the transition to public school at that same time. Thoughts? I really am open to folks disagreeing.

The second cost? I am almost positive dh will use it as a reason to limit our family size. He is a good guy, yes. He loves his son more than anything and is a crazy involved father. But he is still worldly in a lot of aspects and family size is one of them. He is comfortable. He wants to stay comfortable. (I should say he wants three kids, it isn't like he wants a family of one. And I want a huge family, but he thinks I am being silly and not thinking of the reality that would bring. Because we started at age 30, I know I won't have an eight child family, likely, but I do not like the idea of closing the door on the gifts God may give us, though age will limit us naturally etc) He knows I disagree, but then...here I am living comfortably as well...

Dh and I also disagree, though I think he may be budging on this one, about paying for college. I think that kids appreciate things more when they pay for them themselves. I don't think parents paying for college is necessary or a right that children have. Dh's grandma paid for his college. Plus he got scholarships. Somehow these funds also translated to extravagant spring break trips. My college wasn't going to be paid for. I wasn't sure how I would go, but I qualified for financial help that didn't have to be paid back, got a few loans, and also received benefits because my dad is a retired veteran. Anyway, I told him I would rather our kids took on loans (and we would discuss what is reasonable and what could be paid back with the job they are going to school for). I even went so far as to say we should put the same money in roths for them. They could have a million at 65 for the same amount. Seriously. Invest young and it multiplies. Dh taught me that. Anything but paying for their college. Am I nuts? I really think it makes more sense to pay for Catholic school than college.

Anyway...now we have a new issue related to Catholic school. Some background first. You all know I have mentioned I didn't grow up with a lot of resources. At all. I think it is so important not to overindulge our children. Dh and I talk a lot about how to help our children be appreciative when we have more resources than growing up. Growing up that way made us who we are. We want our children to have that, but can't exactly recreate the circumstance (please don't think we are rolling in dough, I am speaking comparatively). We will obviously have to expose them to the whole spectrum of incomes and definitely to service and volunteer work for those less fortuante.

I mentioned we are surrounded by good schools. One district that I went to is known for less money, but is still good. Another district is incredibly wealthy. And another district, the one we are in now, is in between. Dh knows since I met him I never wanted to live in the wealthy district. I hear stories about how junior high Valentine's dances are more like prom with limos and restaurants and the like. And I knew a 13 year old 10 years ago that got her nails professionally done. Life is not normal in that district, and I didn't want our kids to have a skewed view of normal. However...dh and I were recently told our excellent Catholic school down the street is somewhat like this. Kids with designer everything accesorizing their uniforms, that it starts even at preschool with the parents, and that so many of the kids are going there because their parents see the school as prestigious, not for faith reasons. And then an early childhood educator I respect criticized their preschool program. She said the parents want academics and to them it means homework at a young age. As a result, there are less manipulatives and more seat work, which is not what research recommends for this age group. Evidently parents not in education think they know best and have a lot of pull. Ugh! What do I do? That is not what I wanted for my children at all. We don't have Catholic schools in the area that go by tithing or have free tuition, though I know they exist and welcome a more diverse group of students. Dh looked at me seeing the hypocrisy that I wasn't aware of until then. Funny though, I think the prestige part makes it more appealing to him, not less. Again, worldy, but I love him.

Interested in your thoughts on all of these "issues"...I just want to do right by my kids!

Charlie's Room

2010-10-24T07:30:00.004-05:00

While I am on the topic of sharing the nursery (if you missed it and want to see, please click here), I couldn't help but show something I am super proud of-Charlie's big boy room! We did it several months ago (our pediatrician recommended that we don't do major changes/things for a certain number of months prior to the baby and a certain number after) and it turned out quite well, but we added some final touches this last week that we gave Charlie as birthday gifts.

Basically I went to Tar.get and saw they had a cute twin set that he would love-transportation themed. I didn't want to spend a fortune and knew he'd be happy with this. I chose not to do a toddler bed because I thought a) that meant we'd have to buy a second mattress for the baby's crib and b) I didn't want to have buy sheets etc twice. I did end up buying two transportation crib sheets termporarily while he was in the big boy room but still in the crib (we didn't want to rush him and were fine with putting the newborn in the pack and play), but once he threw a leg over the crib on labor day weekend, we made the full transition. The pillow sham below shows you the bedding, even though the quilt isn't actually on the bed right now.

This bed was given to us. It used to be a bunk bed so there is a board and then two mattresses. I am not sure how to explain. We ended up removing the box springs and just having the top mattress and board to keep it securely in the bed frame because we discoved Charlie could slide out of the bed, but not get back in it! This worked perfectly, but is quite a challenge for me to get in and out, especially with the guard rails! A toddler bed would have been worse-I have heard of some folks that spend quite a bit of time in their children's beds. We found a great happy medium in that respect-we only lay down with him for the books and leave, but when he wakes for the day around 7am, one of us crawls in with him and talk and hang out and sometimes read more books. It is my favorite time of the day! Charlie isn't in a hurry to leave his bed because he really loves his pacifier and blanket and we have a rule that they stay in the bed. It helps him look forward to bedtime, and it will be really tough (I think) when the paci is gone. However, it was one of the things we decided not to get rid of prior to the baby, so we will wait until afterwards. Especially since he only has it at bedtime, we thought this would be okay; plus he may need it for reassurance during the transition with the baby.

The room is fairly bare for safety reasons, plus we didn't want it to be too fun where he would play with things and not sleep. I may be understimating him, but even the books we read before bed go in his closet when we are done. The nightstand and dresser were mine when I was younger. I updated the hardware. The second picture shows his St. Raphael items on the shelf.

I had the idea for the design of this room based off the bedding and was frustrated when I couldn't find a good road border. Dh painted the room, and my dad did the road. We used striping tape they use on real cars for the road dashes (my dad restores cars so that was his idea) and the removable decals that come with the bedding set for the cars. The trick is to never let the kids see they are removable and they work perfectly! I was very pleased with how it turned out and as usual, there is the learning element of counting cars and naming colors, etc.

I was excited to get him the planes and cloud decals for his birthday. I also bought the letters and painted them. Since he is so big on letters, I figured this was a great way to get him to move to spelling his own name. I don't think he gets that letters make words (though I better purchasing Leap Fr.og Wor.d Factory, the video, will change that!), but he will long before he grows out of this room :) Anyway, I am not crafty at all so that is why I am making a big deal of this room when you all are probably laughing. Rarely do things turn out as I picture them, but this is an exception! Hanging these letters straight was a pain, but my mother in law helped out, thankfully!

The Nursery

2010-10-22T07:30:00.000-05:00

I thought I would take everyone through our nursery. It hasn't really changed much since Charlie used it, but it still took some time to get ready. We had to move the crib back in when he was done using it, raise up the mattress back to the newborn setting, wash everything again (from curtains to dust ruffles), give it a good cleaning, and purchase a few things Charlie is still using. A few areas are blank now for some personalization later. I am happy to report I still love it and wouldn't change a thing!

First of all, the theme...Dh and I both love monkeys, and we really liked this print. As much as I would have prefered something more modern and not childish, this is a child's room afterall, and I am really glad we went with the animals. It became even better by adding the border at the chair rail level. Charlie really enjoyed looking at the animals from the changing table or his crib, and it was fun to go through the phase where he learned their names and sounds. I really think it was a learning tool. My favorite thing about the bedding is the fact that the curtains and bedskirt have raised animals that feel really thick and soft, like velvet. I didn't actually purchase much of the matching set. For one, I am not an overly matching person. Secondly, I was grateful for my sisters' advice and hers and my experience so I didn't buy things we wouldn't use.

For example, I have never seen someone use the comforter and they are often quite expensive. If you are going to hang it on the wall great, if not its a waste of money in my opinion. We did buy a soft blanket, but it ended up spending 99% of the time thrown over the rocker as a decoration more than anything.
I didn't buy a bumper pad. One reason is that kids use them to stand on and climb out the bed sooner. Another reason is because they can be a hazard, either by suffocating the baby or the ties that tie them around the rails. I did, however, later purchase a "breathable bumper" that took didn't do any of those things because I forgot why bumpers do exist-to keep arms and legs from getting "stuck" (not really, but kids think they are and freak out) and to keep the pacifiers in! This somewhat helped with both of these, but not totally.
I didn't buy a mobile because they are overpriced to get them to match and have very few features. Children tend to hang on them, which isn't safe, as they get older. I will say that I do somewhat regret that for infants. I am told the babies tend to stare at them and drift off to sleep (duh, I should have thought about that) and I think it would have been a lifesaver in some cases. I may buy a fishe.r price on for this baby with all the bells and whistles for the price of the matching one with no features.

Basically, I registered for the blanket I mentioned, the curtains, the sheets (I bought two sets that were coordinating and two is definitely the minimum one should own), a dust ruffle (though when you lower the crib around six months you can't really see it anymore on our crib), the border, and the decals for the wall. Just an fyi, I went to babysupermall dot com and found way more accessories (like the decals and matching fabric for the window bench pillows) than I ever knew existed for my set. If I recall correct, it was tax free and no shipping as well.

I didn't use the decals in the nursery, but in the jack and jill bathroom that adjoins the two kids' rooms. I think it turned out really nice. Again, gender neutral without being too pastel (which isn't at all my taste). Below these windows is the bench where the material for the cushions came into play. Sorry the photo is a little dark.

For the furniture, we are blessed to have had a place about an hour away that sold returned and damaged Ba.bies R Us furniture for half off. For example, the armoire had the back cardboard broken, so it was simply replaced and sold at half off. We never would have bought that piece and the dresser, but it was such a good deal and I still love our furniture. One piece of advice is, if you get a conversion crib, the rails are not included and they are notorious for no longer selling them by time you need them. My sister was able to get a generic set that looked fine with hers, but we plan on buying ours soon to avoid a scramble.

Our main splurge was the rocker. TCIE has mentioned before the Dutail.er rocker (not sure if I spelled that right). This beauty cost us over $700 (insane, yes!) and I have loved every second in that chair. My mom and sisters were right, you spend a lot of time there, and sometimes fall asleep there and a comfortable one makes a big difference. Ottomans are always overpriced, but nursing stools are very helpful. I never use the rocking feature on thsi one, so any nursing stool you can purchase would have done the same job for much less. But the rocker, I am in love with that rocker and look forward to spending lots of time in it again!

As far as the walls and what is on them (or not)...I love the green wall paint I picked to match the bedding. It is so soothing without being too light, in my opinion. In person it has a very apple feel. Also, I have mentioned before I am a quote person. I had read that it isn't wise to put pictures above the babies crib as they can fall on them (they often kick the wall on the way to going to sleep etc) or the babies can reach them as they get taller. I thought it made sense to put one of the upper.case living quotes up there. I ended up taking a quote I loved from a long time ago and having a friend at Kin.ko's make the same thing. It was so much cheaper, but then he was a friend so part of that was the discount I got, but still cheaper. Mine was $15! Dh's cousin works for Upp.ercase Living and so, as a baby shower gift, I received some money I put toward this lovely wall design. When it was Charlie's room, we also had a framed bible verse from the book of Tobit (from his godparents) and his many crosses received on his baptism.

As far as personalization, these are super cheap target shelves (I got about 4 for $20) that dh hung. For Charlie I had the Wil.low angel of miracles, a St. Raphael statue and novena card, and a plaque with a prayer engraved in it. The prayer reads something like, let us never forget that this child is a gift from above...I engraved his name and birth date on it as well and plan on doing the same for the new baby. We will also put gifts and various things related to the baby's saints names, etc .

There are just a few other odds and ends. I love the radio in there on the waflfle block shelves by my rocker. I have a great CD of white noise called "For Cry.ing Out Loud" and it has things like a vaccum, a blow dryer, a mother's heartbeat as heard from the womb, and rain. I highly recommend it. Charlie slept swaddled and listening to heart beat music and it went very well (ideas from Happies.t Baby on the Block). The shelves next to the rocker were so necessary because in the beginning I needed my water, my pad of paper to record the time and side I nursed on, a clock, the radio I mentioned, a bunch of burp cloths within reach and more! I had our first familiy picture framed and put on top. It has been moved to Charlie's room now, and an empty frame awaits ready for a new picture!

That's it. It is fun to see it all ready and waiting for baby #2! Thanks for letting me share!

An Update-37 weeks and Blogging Anniversary (a little early)

2010-10-19T07:30:00.000-05:00

Can you believe it? I mean really, where does the time go? I am currently 37 weeks and thought it was time for a pregnancy update.

I have been fortunate to have ultrasounds even this late as a precaution due to Factor V Leiden (related to clotting). I have one gene, not two, so baby aspirin really does likely take care of this, but one can never be too careful. A blood clot could mean that the little one could stop growing at any time! Ultrasounds at 31, 33, and one scheduled for just past 37 are lovely ways to see our little one doing well. I love that they are done by a skilled perinatologist! The first one the baby was over four pounds, then 5.5 lbs, I can't wait to see what the baby weighs this week! Oh yes, and the baby is breathing on the screen, so cool so those lungs are getting great practice!

At 36 weeks I began weekly doctor's appointments. I had the group B test done then, and don't yet know the results. Likely it won't change anything. I have antibiotics at delivery regardles, the same ones for group B. Still, I am curious to know. The doctor gave me the choice of being checked, and though uncomfortable as the one in the hospital was, I said yes. It wasn't near as bad, or as long, and I am glad I did. Dh and I were anxious to see if anything has progressed. I am still dilated to a one, but I went from 50 to 70% effaced. The baby is head down still, but engaged head down now, so he/she won't be doing any turning. In fact, the doctor told me the baby is right there on the surface, as low as he/she can get! That makes sense, as the bowling ball between my legs feeling is unmistakable. I carry high, so I don't look a ton different, but I could feel the difference and noticed the sides of my belly were softer. It is awesome to have confirmed the hard big surface I feel is the baby's bum and the little jabs on the left that I can see and feel are heals and knees! I love knowing I am touching my little one!

Speaking of my belly, more than one person has told me I have grown exponentially these last few weeks. I don't mind. The baby grows at an alarming rate during this time. I can only eat tiny meals often since there is no room for my stomach to be full. I joke my bladder is like a hoppin' club at capacity-one (ounce of fluid) in, one out. Lol. I definitely have heartburn and trouble sleeping, and the Charlie horses are back-I had forgotten about those from when I was pregnant with Charlie. The trick each day is not buying more clothes as I try to cover the underside of my belly and keep up with the changing weather! Bending over is out of the question at this poitn!, and I will never again purchase cute maternity jeans with a zipper and button. They looked so cute, made me feel "normal" and were fine the first half of pregnancy. But now the button is permanently imprinted on my belly from stting.

I know I owe you all a picture, so here goes. I only think about taking these right before bed at the end of the day! You can see that covering up the underside of my belly is definitely a challenge, and this is without even raising arms up or wrestling a two year old into a cart! :) I have gained about 42lbs so far, and I think it is pretty evident where it is all going!

On the subject of pictures, would you believe I found my camera the day after I bought a new one?! Of course, I can/will return the new one. The most embarrassing part was it was in my purse of all places, just the deepest pocket that zips and I usually only carry coupons and receipts in there... Did I mention I hate big purses? I bought a medium sized one to replace a big diaper bag, but I always carried small ones before and cursed them for losing things inside even when they are small. Go figure!

TMI warning-I was told that discharge would increase and GI changes would occur and I have to say that yes, they have, right on schedule. I had a little blood yesterday (one bright red dot) each time I wiped, but the doctor is not concerned and neither am I. I was surprised how much my legs hurt where they are connected to my body. I have also been feeling like I pulled a groin muscle for about a month. Turns out that is just another way one can feel round ligament pain. I didn't know that! One more thing I forgot about until just now. I am fortunate to not have had any swelling that I can tell, but it is very common. I was told during my last pregnancy to take off my wedding ring as things got further along. I guess swelling can sneak up on you and no one wants their wedding ring cut off! I finally remembered this and took mine off yesterday. I still can't part with the band yet, though, so I just removed the engagement band. My husband and I have matching bads and they are comfort fit. Maybe I am being naive, but it seems easier to remove than the other one. I include this info because I figure some will be interested in what is the norm this far along...

The main thing on my mind these days is checking things off my list, which is why work is driving me crazy these days. I feel like things are being added, not taken away, and a lot of it is out of my control. Dh has been wonderfully supportive, and for that I am grateful!

Like with the last pregnancy, I feel like things could happen at any time now, yet in my heart I know they likely will not. I can't wait to leanr the gender and meet this little one. The only thing I don't want, if possible, to be in the hospital during Charlie's first Halloween trick or treating. He is going to be a conductor and I can't wait! He is so excited about being a big brother and I pray it continues. When the sitter watches a newborn occasionally she says he does great and the only thing is Charlie gets concerned that he cries. We talk at home about what he can do and say if the baby cries and how that is how the baby tells us what is wrong. He is going to be a great little helper, though I know it will be a transition.

In terms of meds, it has been odd to go to so few and now to one. At 37 weeks, prenatals are all that are left! And just a quick farewell to progesterone-you have served me well, but my rear will not miss you!

(In full disclosure, the pink ones are to draw with, so between a 3rd and a half of these needles, depending on dose, did not actually pierce my behind!)

On a totally different note, I have been actively sharing my blog for almost a full year! What a blessing you all have been in my life!

That is it for now! Lots of posts in my brain lately I have been able to put down so posts scheduled to come at you regularly for the next bit :)

Just One of Many

2010-10-16T07:30:00.001-05:00

Not long ago, Leila emailed me in response to a comment I made on a post, asking me to write a post on the topic of my comment. What I had written in the comment box was something about my experience with the University I work and went to school at being liberal. At the time I told her I doubted I could come up with many specific examples, there is just little things and not so little things constantly. However, as I mulled it over, I thought of one experience in the past, probably the most extreme. I won't be able to describe it in crazy detail, but I will try.

I work in education. As a result, I am surrounded by liberal Democrats. That is what everyone is, everyone assumes that is how you are. Especially at my level, the doctorate level, people are more candid with you and even more comfortable making assumptions. One day I got an email from my professor. Not just any professor, but one that I work very closely with. In fact, he is on my committtee. The email was back when I was in his class. He sent it to all his students. Despite it being against university policy, he felt it was safe to do so as we were all sharing similar value with regards to education (and specifically the education of students with disabilities). I just recall that the email crossed the line. It wasn't just about education, but more along the lines of how we should vote on a topic or who we should vote for an office. It was a forward, not written by him, but he had passed it on. I actually had to say to him that I didn't really feel the email was appropriate from a professor. He understood and we left it at that. I don't believe I was treated any differently afterwards, and this professor and I still have a good relationship, thankfully.

Just about a week or so agao, however, I was the victim of more assuming. This time it was on the other end of the spectrum. My advisor, who knows me very well, assumed I was a tea party member. To give a little history, though I am not a controversial person by nature, I don't like to let people think something about me that isn't so. I am not a tea party member. I have nothing against them. I don't know enough about it. However, I don't like to be put in any box, regardless. I am not ashamed of what I believe. I do not try to make others' uncomfortable. I do not try to convert anyone at work. But, as you can imagine, my advisor (and probably every professor I regularly interact with) knows I am Catholic and prolife. However, I do not wear a big political sign on my back.

As those of you read Leila's post know, I was a registered Democrat for a very long time. I thought it was the party for the little man. My whole life is about the little man. The child with disabilities. The unborn baby. I always root for the underdog and made poor choices dating for a long time as a result. I always give people the benefit of the doubt etc. Though Democrat, I would say I was a pro life Democrat. As I learned the content of the voter's guide for Catholics, I struggled with becoming a "one issue" voter. One day it was explained to me about how the same number of babies were aborted daily, as the number of lives lost on 9/11. I realized then that if I was to truly take abortion for the horrendous act that it was, that it should impact my behavior daily and certainly how I vote. My car carries a similar quote on a bumper sticker and I hope it impacts others the way it did me.

So back to voting, I was Independent for awhile and then changed to Republican to vote in the primaries. Please know that this made a little ill inside. I am not a text book Republican or Democrat. I am not "happy" to be a registered Republican. But for now there isn't another option for me.

So, now that you have the background, I am sitting in a coffee shop with two much older men that I work with. One of them is my boss for a consulting job I do; he is also my advisor. He leans over and tells me I am his only tea party doc student. Excuse me? Now to be honest, I know of the tea party. I watch O'Reilly and I am not a complete idiot. But I also do not really know the tea party. I do not particularly know what they stand for. Then he tells me I am a conservative Republican and I don't know what else he goes on about because I am annoyed. He isn't saying it mean or rude, but for pete's sake, he is telling me what I am. And he is wrong. So I set him straight.

I very nicely told him that a) I was not a tea party member, b) I am a Republican today, but I was a Democrat not long ago and that I am not really in line with either party, and c) the only thing that he can say with certainty about me is that I am a Catholic and I am pro life. Those are the only two things I would proudly and blanketly put my name behind! I think later I mentioned something about caring about the little man and not being pro big businesss, but rather in support of small business. I should have added that, as important as some programs are in helping people get on their feet, I value those families that stay within their means and that the country isn't doing a good job setting that example. He mentioned something about the tea party members all being really wealthy and angry and that those with money are never happy. I told him I thought the poorer folks were the happiest people I knew, as well, and left it at that. I also mentioned I was looking forward to learning more about distributism as an alternative to socialism or our current version of capitalism. I think, I hope, he left with a better idea of who I am, and won't soon put me in a box again. The funny thing is, I don't even know exactly what the tea party is all about to the extent I should. More and more I am learning that "I haven't had time to study that thoroughly" is not going to cut it." We are called to be educated and be active on so many levels, regardless of al the other things fighting for our time! I am just not sure where the time is going to come from...

Knowledge is Power-Updated with Susa.n Boyle article

2010-10-10T23:30:00.003-05:00

Leila’s post on "what is so bad about suffering anyway?" really struck a cord with me and inspired me to write this post. Through suffering we grow. I believe this with all my heart. Of course we want to avoid suffering, but suffering is necessary. Last week my son has some vaccines. It hurt, but as his mom I let him go through that because I love him. When he cries out at night because he can't find his pacifier, as his mom I know it is best to give him a minute to teach him to find it on his own. I know these are small examples, but how many people do you know that were handed everything, had a cushy life, and never look outside themselves? I had my basic needs met, but their were no extras. I grew up valuing hard work. I grew up appreciating things. I grew up with a greater sense of compassion for those that had less. Why do we think, in America, that is we don’t give our children a Wii, that we aren’t good parents? And even more extreme, but spoken often by the actions of people, that child is better of dead then comfortable? What has our society come to?!

I work with kids and families with disabilities. I volunteer at an abortion clinic where women changing their mind is very common place. What do these two things have in common? The families and women are scared when they initially hear the news-that they are pregnant and/or that they are having a child with a disability. Fear is normal. But if we let fear drive our decisions, then we are making decisions out of ignorance. Knowledge is power.

For example, when the women find out their child has a disability, often times that medical professional has no personal experience with kids with disabilities. He or she will be born with X, they will have no quality of life, etc. Ob/gyns often act like children born with Down's Syndrome are the worst thing in the world, when in fact they are some of the sweetest individuals I have ever encountered. What families find out who take the time to talk to other families is that exceptions happen all the time and no one can predict the future and how well children can respond to early intervention, etc. Nothing is certain. For example, click here for recent article on Susa.n Boyle, whose mother was told to abort. with disabilities are children first. Their families experience trials and tribulations like any family. Families grow stronger and closer by going through this experience together. Families are stronger than they originally think they are. There is so much more I could say here, but working with these children has brought such immense joy to my life and these children bring so much joy to their families. It is not a bad thing to suffer sometimes, to stretch and grow ourselves, to look outside ourselves. It may be painful at times, but like childbirth or anything to do with raising a child, it is worth it.

As far as the abortion clinic and the turn arounds, the women entering are scared. These women, if they are willing to talk, I would say half the time change their minds. They go into these procedures with misinformation. They don’t know the side effects (like how it will affect future fertility!). They don’t know the development of a child (They say, I can't believe it isn't a blob of tissue!). They don’t know the resources available for clothing, housing, medical care, parenting classes, free babysitters while they finish their education…the list goes on. They think that if they smoked or took a medicine that their baby will have a horrible condition with certainty. That their child won’t be adoptable. (We have many on the sidewalk that will adopt their baby under any conditions). They have no idea the love that is out there for the mother and her unborn child. They are so misinformed and this knowledge helps them make an informed decision. One they won’t regret. We have never talked to people that had their children and regret it. Only those that had abortions regret it. Those that don’t regret it are often misinformed or choose to be in the dark.

What many women going in for an abortion don’t realize is that their choice is being taken from them. Ultrasound techs, for example, on many occasions, tell their clients they are 8 weeks along and that the baby is just a blob of tissue. That is medically incorrect, and they often water down the age of the child to make an abortion more palatable for the mom. How is that pro-choice when the information is being taken away to make an informed choice? How is that pro-woman by removing vital information, by not trusting in a woman’s ability to make the right choice for herself? People forget that both sides have an agenda. The pro life side is just far more open about theirs.

Did you get the chance to read the articles last year when the a woman director of Plan.ned Parenthood that quit and now speaks out about abortion. If not, click here. You can tell from her talks that she came into it to help women, but when she saw the agenda was more important than the women, she started to get uneasy. One of the things that bothered her was the pressure from above to “get more abortions in the door.” We don't think of abortion as a money making business, but it is. How would that sit if the women going in really knew? They do not get counseled at Plan.ned Parenthood to help them make a decision that is best for them. They get counseled into having an abortion. Again, this information comes from the women who have been inside the Pla.nned Parenthood in my town and then changed their mind. Knowledge is power. I feel sorry for folks that make decisions, such as terminating their child's life, out of fear and misinformation. We definitely need to pray for these folks!

My Charlie Bear is Two Today! *Updated with Party Pics!

2010-10-08T07:30:00.002-05:00

Where has the time gone?

It seems like yesterday we were in the hospital room and I patted your bum and said "there is the bum I have been rubbing through my tummy all these months." It seems like yesterday that your daddy and I would watch you sleep, or that I would carry you in the sling. I loved our special time nursing. I loved smelling you and kissing you all the time. It never got old. You were a good baby. A joy. You cried when you needed something. You didn't when you didn't.

And now look at you! Such a big boy!

I love how you greet daddy at the door and say "tackle. football. touchdown." I love how you told me you were tired of me taking pictures by saying "no more cheese, mom." I love how you surprised me last month when I sneezed and you said "bless you." And how any time I make a grunt like I am hurting, you say "sorry, mom." I secretly love how you say "I want mom come" when dad tries to put you to bed alone, though those moments are already fading fast! I love how you are so curious about things and ask "what's that?" a thousand times a day. It is the main reason you know every letter and sound (that and Leap Fro.g Letter Factory-but that doesn't mean he isn't brilliant!) I love how I can get you to eat almost anything by saying you are a "(insert food) monster". I love how you delight in new ouchies-or pointing to old scars because you "want ban-baid" and how you can't isolate your two fingers so you say "two" and hold up one finger on each hand instead. I even love your fears "monster. loud. button. scared" so I can comfort you. I love how you are so gentle around babies and worry when they cry. You have done so well learning the phrase "that's okay, baby; don't cry". I know you will be an excellent big brother! I especially love how you open your eyes in the morning and say "mom?" and I come in your room, crawl into your big boy bed (which is a twin, and low, and definitely not big enough for this big body) and we talk and snuggle. You tell me such interesting things about how you want to play with the neighbor because he has cool trucks, or how the monster scared you, or how you want to watch sesam.e street on tv. That is our special time! Thank you for being the sweet kind gentle soul that you are!

And from the party...

He doesn't like cake :) so we had pumpkin muffins and a variety of cookies...

My dad restores cars and brought his Model T to the party since he came straight from a car show. Charlie loves cars, esp when he gets to play in real ones! He even got to wear his hat to match his "papa".