...try try again.

I remember being sad about changing from from my hometown hospital where I had started everything (I had a hormone series in February, the same month I was engaged-so stressed about planning my wedding that my cycle lasted twice as long! Therefore our every other day, sometimes every day, blood draws allowed me to get to know so many women there. Some had endometriosis, some had pcos, and one had gone into early menopause. It seemed no one was healthy these day and it helped me not feel so alone). Since I had gotten married and moved into DH’s house, I began my monthly blood draws a different hospital instead. As we went in to the lab that Sunday for the Peak plus 16 blood draw (because I was on hcg shots, I could not test at home like a normal person. Hcg is the hormone the pregnancy tests test for when you pee, so I would have shown a false positive everytime. I had to wait for 16 days after ovulation and get a blood draw. In about an hour, I would know an exact number. If it was over 50, it was considered a true positive. I soon realized not testing at home was a probably a good thing-I know women who spend hundreds of dollars on tests, testing and retesting at the earliest possible moments. Even if it is positive, they keep testing to make sure it stay positive. These girls “live by the stick.”) So DH and I go to the lab that Sunday (thank goodness I didn’t have to wait till Monday-the hospital lab was 24/7). On the way in he said “all my hopes are about to be dashed.” I immediately thought he meant that his dreams of us spending a few years together vacationing would be replaced with a baby crying in the night and taking up our time and energy. I underestimated my loving husband and his lifelong burning desire to have a biological child. I went into that lab knowing that more than just my feelings and desires were at stake and a renewed commitment that I had married a wonderful man.
I was so nervous I could hardly stand it. I had to pee a hundred times a day lately, it seemed, and I was hoping this was a sign I was pregnant. In fact, while the lab tech (who knew all about our situation) went to check on the test, even after I heard a scream from the back, I went to the bathroom. I came out and DH said she was looking for us and we rushed in together, clinging to each other. She came out and said “what do you think it says?” And I said, I think I am either pregnant or crazy. I have to pee all the time, I am out of breath, I am tired, and I can even smell the tortillas in the grocery store even though they are all sealed up! (I recorded meticulously other symptoms to in what is referred to as the “two week wait.” There was higher temperatures when I woke up, sore breasts from the side, headaches, dizziness when I stood up fast, looked bloated, cramps, extra hungry and a running nose).
With all of these, I shouldn’t have been surprised when she said “Your hcg is 514! At that level, you are probably looking at twins!” Sis JB and I had carefully done the math before I had come that day. I wanted to know right away if I was pregnant but the number was too low for success. We determined it should be over 100, so 514 felt off the charts! The lab tech was the one who screamed when she saw our number, overjoyed for us knowing our struggles! Of course, we were ecstatic-tears of relief filled our eyes. We were scared, but we were happy. This was what we wanted. And even though we knew there was a long road ahead of us, it was exciting to know I could get pregnant at all. We vowed to tell only a few people-his folks, my folks, my sisters and BFF. After that, we would see how it goes.

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