12.13.2009

You were my inspiration...

I have mentioned before that I do sidewalk counseling at an abortion mill.  It is not something I love to do, but certainly something I feel passionate about.  I only do it one Saturday a month, the minimum, and I absolutely dread it.  I dread being there at 6:30am, I hate the cold (really hate the cold), I feel incredibly inadequate (every week I go I think, I should have read more, learned more, practiced what I am going to say, etc).  But I still go.  I figure that yes, I should prepare more, but that if I stay home instead of going that I am not even there for God to work through.  I always want to be a tool for Him to use, it is my constant prayer.  Yes, I would be a better tool if I were more prepared when I go, but step one is always to go.  Be present.  Trust that He will use me as His imperfect instrument.  One time last year, I expressed my dread of going to a friend who gave me a pep talk.  She had heard a talk and the speaker said: the devil whispers in these girl's ears that "it doesn't matter, that it isn't a baby, just tissue."  So they go through with it.  Then the same devil looks at them with disgust when they are done and whispers in horror to them "what have you done?"  The message stuck with me and still brings me to tears.  Yesterday, as I crawled out of bed at 6 (why shower when you are bundled up like the Michelin man?!) I thought of this.  I grabbed my protein bar and kissed my hubby on the way out.  I listened to K Love for inspiration, all my rituals to prepare.  And then before I got there, I heard a song (can't recall now) that made me think of you all.  I saw sidewalk counseling in yet a new perspective: I was going out there to fight for more babies to be put up for adoption.  So that you all weren't agonizing on these ridiculously long waiting lists.  I was going to go out and fight for these babies for you.  Thank you for being my inspiration yesterday.  I lead the prayer before we got started.  There were only a few of us and so, unusually, I was on the front drive.  Sometimes, on the back drive, for 3 hrs solid no one stops.  But the front drive is different.  And yesterday, the Feast of Our Lady, was a very different feel indeed.  First of all, we never saw the abortion doctor arrive.  Secondly, there was a lot less traffic.  Thirdly, car after car stopped and got the information and listened to me speak to them about the crisis pregnancy center 2 doors down, about Plan.ned Parenthood's racist roots, about how PP is in the business of selling abortions and selling contraception that fails, about how their child had a heartbeat, that we have counselors who would love to adopt their babies, about how we've had over 3 dozen turnarounds in the last 2 years, and about how we would love to throw them a baby shower.  I also got to talk about NFP to a women coming for pills and give her Dr. Janet Smi.th's awesome CD-Contr.aception Why Not?  The security guard who normally storms down and yells at us seemed to be feeling exceptionally lethargic and barely called out, "move on" a few times.  And we had more groups (4!) come out and pray the rosary at separate times.  All in all, it was an amazing day.  It was hard.  I cried, as I often do, we said 3 or 4 rosaries, but mostly I was happy.  I knew God was working.  I didn't get to have the satisfaction of escorting a couple to the pregnancy center.  I didn't get to be the one that handed a couple a baby bag to congratulate them on keeping their child, there wasn't any of that personal type of satisfaction.  But I just knew in my heart that this day was different.  The sun was shining, despite the cold, and I was smiling most of the morning (I know that added to people stopping).  Thank you for being my inspiration and getting me through one more cold early morning on that sidewalk!

4 comments:

Mrs. Mike said...

You have seriously warmed my heart on this cold, dreary Sunday afternoon. Seriously, thank YOU! For braving the cold and early morning hour. For standing out there and being present to these women. For doing something you dread but which means so much to so many lives. Thank you!

Ann - Building a Nest said...

That is wonderful for you to be involved in such a tremendous miminstry. I know it cannot be easy month after month. I love your friend's comment. How true.

mrsblondies said...

What a tough yet wonderful ministry to be involved in. Thank you for thinking of us.

WheelbarrowRider said...

I almost didn't post this b/c I don't deserve the wonderful comments. It was really a thank you and testament to you all-you gave me the necessary strength to survive another day out there. It is silly how hard it is to go for me, just to stand there, and to feel ashamed for not preparing better. You truly beat yourself up as you tell yourself, I should have said this or that, and I have to constantly remind myself that God is going to work through my imperfection. I just had a renewed energy on Saturday. I really do credit you all for that. Thank you!