Tonight I am grieving with a friend. I think I mentioned that I am pregnant at the same time as 3 friends. One is from out of town, where IF brought us together because we share the same two doctors; she and I have children that are close in age; due the same day as the first is another friend in town that I know through my husband-they suffered two miscarriages at the same time as us and have a son just a few months older than ours; and a third, our son's godparents who live just down the street. They have 2 children already, including one girl that is Charlie's age. She was the one that was the least far along. I was going to watch her children Friday while she went to have an ultrasound. However, in a cruel twist of fate, she lost the baby over the last few days while she was out of town.
In one fell swoop, her innocence about pregnancy is gone. It has been replaced with fear. Fear to get pregnant again, fear it will happen again, that it will become secondary infertility. The ignorance was bliss. I never wanted her to share the pain, to know what a miscarriage felt like. Of the 4 pregnant, 3 with a history of IF and miscarriage, she is the one that won't get to hear her baby's heartbeat Fri. She, instead, had to experience things she shouldn't have ever known-the fear of losing a pregnancy out of town, away from your doctor, the calls where the doctor on call tries to explain the difference between a normal amount of bleeding and hemorrhaging that would require a visit to the ER. She has to be reminded everytime she wipes and see blood. She has to go in for hcg levels to see the numbers fall instead of rise. She hadn't really ever had to pay attention to hcg levels before. I wish she still didn't.
I can't believe today that I had to send my third "I am sorry you miscarried" card this month. I think I have mentioned before that I am surrounded by those with IF and miscarriage. I wasn't kidding! The three that have lost children this month, I am so sad for them! One was blissfully ignorant and conceived a much desired honeymoon baby. One couple tried and tried and sought help through a local good Catholic doctor and finally conceived only to lose the baby. And now this one. She hadn't really told anyone yet. She would have been 6 weeks today. Consequently she only has a few folks praying for her. I am asking all of you to pray for her, and these 2 other women, that they can heal, that they can hope again and leave fear behind, that they may hold their own beautiful children in their arm sometime soon.
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
14 comments:
Thanks for letting us know so we can pray for her.
I am so sad to read this post. I will be praying for both of the other women who have experienced loss. Thank you for the nice card you sent. It has been a rough time, but through the grace of God, and lots of prayers and talking with Father Tom and Father Pat, we know Hannah is in Heaven and we are so happy that she is able to pray for us and her future siblings. It's awesome to know our love created her!
Wow. That is a lot to take in a short amount of time. So sad.
Praying for your friends.
:(
They will be in my prayers. You're right - I'm bitter sometimes over the people who are able to see conception or pregnancy through rose-colored glasses, but I don't want anyone to lose that innocence like that.
I'll pray for your friends today. I, personally, could never imagine the pain of losing a baby no matter how long one has been TTC'ing. IT's still hurts.
I'm sad too. I will add to my prayers. I too have enough 2nd IF and miscarriage to last a lifetime, I have such a soft spot for like-suffering women. It makes it harder to read their words and feel all you can do if pray and offer up sufferings.
I'm so sorry for their losses I will keep them in my prayers.
How sad! I'm so sorry for your friend.
This is incredibly sad - they are all in my prayers.
Oh no! I hate hearing that :( I'll be praying for her.
I'll be sure to keep her in my prayers and ask my husband to remember her at his adoration hour tonight.
Thank you for being such a thoughtful friend during this time. As someone who has experienced miscarriage as well, it is friends like you that can make a huge difference! I am praying for your friends. God Bless!
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about your friends and will certainly be lifting them up in prayer. You are so right when you talk about losing the innocence of pregnancy. I was so naive with my first pregnancy which went perfectly...I thought all subsequent pregnancies would be the same and certainly none of them have. Losing a baby changes everything.
I'm so delighted though that we've discovered each other's blogs and look forward to reading up on your story! :)
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