What Works for Us (A Post on Sleep)

Today was one of those days when I said to myself, I am so glad we chose to do it this way around here.  I am talking about the millions of choices that face new parents.  I don't judge people for their choices around parenting.  I think most of it is a "what works for you" rather than a right/wrong thing.  But I thought I would share a few of those things here related to sleep.

I have learned with my children that sleep is number one priority.  Well, that and nutrition.  So, at our house, I read what I can on the topic and then I do my best to read my children.  And it has paid off.  At our house, the two year old goes to bed at 7pm and has for as long as I can remember.  He still sleeps all the way until 7am, sometimes later.  He naps at the same time every day, noon.  For some that may seem early, but I really think it depends on the child.  Charlie sleeps 2 hours, sometimes 3.  More than once he has slept 3 hrs and 40 min!  Anthony goes to bed about 8pm, which is so surprising to me this young, but he is the one that initiated it.  Last night he didn't wake to eat until 6am. Yes, that is a record, but he always goes until at least 1:30am, usually 3 or 4am.  I think that if you keep a consistent routine for sleep times that is developed on what your child demonstrated they need, then you are going to get longer and longer sleep out of them until they consistently do great naps, etc.  We have been working on this with Anthony since he was about four weeks, maybe five, and it is really paying off now.

That's not to say we don't have exceptions here, but we try to make them few and far between.  And for the record, Charlie is incredibly pleasant if he stays up until 9pm.  Its later that we see the effects.  I find it ironic that tired children don't act tired, quite the opposite in fact!  There are some things we do regularly, like small faith group every other week with other couples with children.  We rotate houses and it lasts from 7pm-9pm.  It would be easy to let Charlie stay up and play with the 1 yr old and two 4 year olds that stay up.  However, I would rather our "exceptions" be for something that isn't regularly occuring like this.  So, for over a year we brought a pack and play and put him down in a dark room.  The great thing about this is my son, for as long as he can remember, has known that we sometimes go to bed other places but the routine is always the same.  He has no trouble doing this, which has been a huge blessing.  Even in his big boy bed at home, he would sleep in a pack in play for these exceptions despite being able to climb out (I realize not everyone's child has that type of personality).  However, for Christmas I bought him a little travel bed that rolls up and includes a pillow and blanket attached.  I call it his special train bed and he thinks it is the coolest.  :)

I mentioned bedtime routine being the same, regardless of where we go.  I am a huge believer in routine, but also keeping them short makes them managable for us.  We never were ones to rock our kids to sleep or read tons and tons of books.  The routine for Charlie is pjs and nighttime diaper, brush teeth, paci and blanket, and two books.  It doesn't take long to complete. After the books I leave the room.  If he frets, I still walk out.  He never has cried after the door shuts, he just was testing a few times to see if I would come back in.

The routine with Anthony isn't based on time, but his signs at the ripe age of 9 weeks :)  One yawn or one fuss and he goes up to bed.  We are on an eat play sleep schedule with him, so the cries at that time don't mean hungry (there are exceptions of course).  For AJ's routine, we go to his room, swaddle, paci, rock for two minute or until sleep (whichever comes first) and he goes in the crib.  If we are out, I do the same thing but rock in my arms unswaddled and then set him in his carseat.  I, personally, prefer not sleeping with the little ones and then having to make that transition later, but again, to each his own.  It works for us, as I said.  I have also done things that didn't work for our family.  Charlie slept 3 hrs as an infant in the swing or sling so that is what I did most days.  Eventually he grew out of it.  He didn't transition well to the bed because he was older at that time.  He napped there, but only thirty minutes.  Four thirty minute naps a day.  I shudder.  It sucked.  He did that from four to seven or eight months when a sitter finally helped me get them consolidated into two, but they were still only 1 hr 20 each.  

We are constantly reinforced in the idea that one fuss means tired.  If I don't put him down, he continues to fuss.  By time I put him down the settling time is filled with random sobbing and takes longer.  Yesterday, he slept over 2 hrs for the sitter.  She assumed when he fussed he wasn't then tired again. So he preceeded to cry off an on all day and she just carried him around and didn't know what to do with him.  Today he napped two hours.  When he fussed after 30 min I figured he couldn't possibly be tired again.  But based on yesterday, I took him upstairs.  Lo and behold, he went to sleep for another 50 minutes.  Kids needs crazy amounts of sleep.  Infants are rarely awake longer than 2 hrs.  My kids tend to be more sleepy end of the spectrum.  The best parts about these schedules is your children are happy when they are up and when they are not it is easy to tell that something is wrong (sick, teething, etc).

I love that my kids like their beds.  Charlie will tell me, "Mom, I am sleepy.  Let's go upstairs." And he will head upstairs on his own.  Other times I just say, let's read stories and up he goes.  The books in his room are novel ones that stay up there but rotate.  Other than the bed and dresser, there isn't anything up there to play with.  I do want the room to be fun, though, and a place he wants to be.  His name is on the wall and there are tons of fun decals of cars, etc. But there is nothing out of interest.  Even the books go in a bin in the closet after we read.  Of course, it helps that my child can't open a door yet (we have spinning doorknobs on).  I always come to him quickly when he calls my name to tell me he is up.  I also love that both children will go to their bed wide awake and play happily in their beds upon wakening.  In fact, if either wakes crying, it is usually a sign that the nap needs to continue and so if they don't stop on their own, I go in and give them back their pacifier and leave without a word.  In fact, Charlie did that today for nap, highly unusual.  He woke after 45 minutes and cried.  After I went in, he went back to sleep.  That was over an hour ago and he is still sleeping (he played in his bed talking to himself before going down today).

Speaking of playing in his bed, one day he did that an hour and a half.  I felt terrible that he was stuck in his room, despite how happy he was playing.  So, after that amount of time I went in and let him out.  He was such a wreck by 5pm...oh my!  He did it again that same week.  And I let him play.  Right at an hour and a half he went to sleep and slept three hours.  In fact, I woke him because it was 4:30pm.  Guess what?  He still went to bed basically on time, at 7:30pm.  I think the biggest problem is we underestimate how much sleep our kids need.

Pacifiers are another controversial thing.  I must say, I am glad we use them, but I am also glad we put limitations on them.  Pacifiers are tied to nap/bedtime routine only.  They don't leave the rooms unless I hand them to a kiddo that is clearly sleepy in the car while driving.  That may be unecessary because both kiddos can fall asleep in the car without them, but with Charlie it is a nice cue to go to sleep on a car ride and might make it happen a bit sooner.  I, personally, don't like children talking through their paci and for us that isn't an issue this way.  Now, in my mind, Charlie is too old for a pacifier, but we were told not to take away within four months of the new baby (before or after).  Before seemed too young, so we waited thinking he might need that consistency through the change.  But soon, we are going to nip that in the bud.  Stay tuned!

Okay, so obviously I am a routine-based structured type of person, but I think kids are naturally that way and thrive in that type of environment if the routine is based on knowledge of kids' and your specific kids.  I have two kids that like going to bed, have a short bedtime routine, sleep well, wake happy and play in their beds.  But they are also flexible enough to sleep other places.  I couldn't be happier-or better rested myself-so I had to share what works so well for us, in case it might work well for someone else too.