Why I am Here

Okay, I never thought I would do this. First of all, I don't do change well so the fact that I am on here is huge. Secondly, I enjoy reading other's blogs so much, but they always make me feel, well, shallow in comparison.  Not as witty, not as intelligent, not having anything to say worth folks reading. However, I am on a journey so many people can relate to, a journey to determine God's will in my life and carry it out. And since that journey is never ending, I hope this blog will encourage and support others on their journey, help people learn from my mistakes, and make this journey one that I explicitly reflect on and receive feedback and support on.  I think in our minds we can sometimes rationalize things and get caught up in shades of grey, but somehow writing things down on paper we start to see the situation how others' see it. In many cases (but not all) you are seeing the situation for how it really is. Naked. And very much black and white. So I thought this blog will help me look at things truthfully so I can see them for what they are and be accountable for my part in the messes I make, etc. We'll see.
But first things first. I have that song in my head "let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start." For me that means reflecting on the first time I cared what God's will was for me, when it was clear it was different than the low bar I continually had for myself. And I had some decisions to make. The nice thing about a blog (I just discovered) is not having to write the whole thing in one fell swoop (sorry, my mom has influenced me with lots of these little phrases!). I have a tendency to get overwhelmed when I look at the big picture. My mom knows this about me best, though my husband learned it quickly! I do much better when things are broken down with steps on how to get to the overall goal. This is how I try to live my life, and how I will write my blog. Which is good for another reason, the only potential problem with a blog (okay two) is: 1) I already get distracted from my work too much and feel lazy and need to work on self-discipline and 2) I already check email late night before bed and many a nights I hear my husband begging me to get off the computer and come to bed. So I will try to write in small bits, as blogs are intended and not to write like I talk (incessantly). I will continue (or have I even started it?) this story of when it all began...soon. :)