One mistake after another-3 to be exact

Okay. So to begin, I wasn't exactly living God's will. I mean I had always gone to church pretty regularly. And believed the church's teaching-what I knew of it. Of course, except on birth control. I mean, who believed that? I was pro-life. I ignored my own hypocrisy. I knew premarital sex was wrong. I got why the church was against it. But I was having premarital sex. Why? My standards weren't high enough. That is the truth. At the sad age of 8 I told my best grade school friend P that as nice as it sounded to wait for marriage, that was just not realistic in this day and age. So, I said, I hoped to only have sex with the man I would marry eventually. I thought that was good enough. Talk about setting a low bar for yourself! Sheesh! And I think (hope!) we can all see the problem with this slippery slope statement. When I was 19 and dating a guy for 9 months, I thought I was "ready." He was it, the one I would marry. I slept with this person and then continued to date him for another 4 years! Not because it was meant to be, because I was completely dating him with my eyes closed now that we were sleeping together. I was, for all purposes, already married in my heart! To break up with this person was like divorce! And that is why it was soooo long in coming. When it happened I knew it was the right thing to do. However, it meant facing my mistake. And I had opened Pandora's box. So guy #2-well no he wasn't it either. The sad thing was, I didn't even have the disillusion think he was! But I started to try and talk myself into the fact that he was, for example that intelligence and things in common didn't really matter. He was cute, we had fun, he treated me well. These are all good things. Sigh. Thank goodness I didn't sleep with the next serious one. Let's just say he tipped me off when he said "anyone who believes in God is f***in' idiot!" I was so offended and yet I didn't drop him on the spot....Why didn't I have higher self esteem? Anyway, when I met guy #3 there were so many great things about him. Yet he was very much in this world in how he thought about sex. I brought up the idea of waiting and he flipped and I caved after 3 months. Let's just say God had some work to do. But thank goodness He had better things in mind for me. And thank goodness He specializes in those that have fallen off the right path! God can and does write straight with crooked lines, as one of my friends often reminds me!

1 comment:

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

Ok-now it's my turn to go back and read the archives! Unfortunately-our pasts are too similar.