3.26.2012

HCG drama continues *updated

***As is typical, I ended this post in a hurry because I got called away, and as is typical, I wish I had better conveyed my message.  I have attempted to rectify this with the addition of a final paragraph.  Thanks for commenting, it helped me realize this!

If I was in a hurry to ttc, I'd be going nuts right about now.  The plan is typically to cycle a month, cycle a month with a p+7 draw, get medicated the next cycle and draw, and then hopefully get the go ahead.  That was how it worked last time.

This time looks like this.  Cycle, don't make it to p+7.  Cycle with peak +7 draw, added B6.  Cycle with blood draw, add mucinex.  Learn none of blood draws were shipped and thats why they were giving me any scripts for meds.  Ship meds.  Cycle that is supposed to have hcg based on blood draw except...they called it in to Kubats.  Kubats calls for delivery.  Remembering Kubats costs and Cigna doesn't, I say no thanks, I have it covered and call Cigna.  Cigna calls Hilgers and gets the info.  Te script is for 30 days, not 90 days.  So I tell them to contact Hilgers and I am not worried b/c I have the Kubats script.  I call back Kubats and they are fine with filling it and don't mention anything.  I find out a few days later that it hasn't even shipped yet (past when I am supposed to start it).  They are just now ready to send it out.  It took so long because they tore up the script and had to call back the doctors at PPVI.  By now I know its going to be $60 instead of free (from Kubats-my insurance doesn't cover it compounded and its only covered under medical benefits, not pharmaceutical, so they have no way of paying Kubats for the meds) and now its Friday.  And P+5 I believe it was.  So maybe I would get half my doses in.  Not worth $60 plus priority shipping.  And it seems that Cigna may beat Kubats anyway.  I don't even remember the details, but that is basically how it went-no Kubats b/c I have Cigna, no Cigna but not worried, b/c I can fall back on Kubats, oh no Kubats b/c now its so late it isn't even worth it....Today I had another talk with Cigna.  They were calling to ship the meds and explained that the reason they do hcg monthly is b/c it is for fertility. She saw mine wasn't fertility and said maybe there is an exception, and asked how I am using the meds.  I vaguely explained it was to regulate cycles.  You won't believe this but she talks to her pharmacist and comes back to say that Nova.rel is very stricts on their uses and that isn't one of them so they will be calling PPVI back to have them rewrite the script for hcg (basically same thing).  Are you kidding me?!  Has anyone had this happen?  I hope I didn't open a can of worms...good grief.  I was just thinking it was an error, thought I always got 90 days of hcg,  but maybe I am remembering wrong.  Definitely the progesterone was 90 days.  So the saga continues. 

One thing that is also delaying things and annoys me is that PPVI didn't script Clomid and hcg, just hcg.  I think it was b/c Dr. H was out of town, but it seems like they could do both.  She said I could get it next cycle at the cycle review.  Well, of course I started on Friday and the office is closed today.  I will be calling them tomorrow, cycle day 5, to request my meds I take on cycle day 1-3!  Also, this time they gave me the normal dose of hcg, not good b/c I always take HALF the normal dose ever since I had the reaction where my hands were hot and swelled.  Half works fine. They never tried to give me more after that until now.  The nurse was clearly following a formula based on my numbers, and not my history, and when I called her attn to it she just said try it since its been awhile.  Why?  When half work?  Half the $ (if I was paying for it) and no risk.  Why the risk?  Isn't Hil.gers all about least meds necessary to do the job?  And I noticed they didn't do cyclical abx like last time.  I realize I don't have symptoms (no TEBB)  but it was nice to have it on CD 1-10 while ttc for security.  So, some of it may be change in preferances, or changes in staff. but I must say I liked the old predictable way of doing things better and if it isn't broke...

So here I am, on Cycle 4, where I should be getting the go ahead to ttc and in fact, I haven't done a cycle with my scripted meds yet!  Despite all of this, I am okay.  I am totally fine.  I am not in a hurry.  It is God's timing.  I truly have peace.  Is this because I have two children?  Maybe, but only because I am better place with God than I was then.  Plus, having kids in a lot of ways makes you want more kids!  Yes, my hands are full, but that isn't what we are basing the decision to be open on.  I would like to think my peace has to do with wanting God's will.  I truly 150% believe that God has my best interest in mind.  Maybe that means more children through these medications.  Maybe it means more children through adoption. (Yes, I am one of many who is completely enamored by Reece's Rainbow and all of the children waiting.  The older children, the children deemed undesirable by current society's standards based on disability and the culture in their country (and who are we kidding, in our country).  At the same time, my husband is not currently interested in this, so it isn't as if I have a plan B and that is why I have peace.  I don't have a plan, actually.  God has a plan and that is what I want.  Even if it means no additional children and God wants me to appreciate what I have and focus more on my husband (yes, you can do both, but I don't do both well, that I have admitted freely on this blog).  I can do that.  If its His will.  I tell Him often, if it is adoption that is His plan for me, then He needs to change the heart of my dh.  And I know He will if He wants to.  So that is good enough for me.  Yes, there are days I want to nag my husband about this or that.  But I am getting better and better about nagging God instead, in those moments.  But mostly, seriously, I am here.  Just being.  Reading Matthew and amazed at how God knows the number of hairs on my head, and how he cares for the sparrows, and how Jesus performed all those miracles of healing just because people had faith he could and courage to ask.  I am fine with the longer process detailed above.  I honestly think there is a reason for it all, and I trust the author of life.  I am in good hands!

7 comments:

Simone said...

ugh that is so frustrating. I always have to order meds a month or two before I want them to make sure I get them on time. Sometimes I take a month off just so I can get my refill and have extra meds on hand for when there is a delay. I deal with 3 pharmacies, one local, freedom fertility, and I have to order anything with a needle by mail delivery. There is always some delay with insurance etc. It is tough bc I have to constantly stay on top of it. It is so complicated. Good luck! Hope they straighten everything out soon.

Hebrews 11:1 said...

Goodness, how frustrating!! Hope it all gets straightened out.

Sew said...

Man, I'd just pay for it to save myself the hassle. LOL

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

bummer! hope it picks up speed!

ALIVEINHOPE said...

Oh, my... SO frustrating! =(

I am right there with you, my friend. I'm afraid that recent changes have been REALLY challenging (especially for Doc). I am thankful that you have peace. After what I shared with you last week, my peace has begun to return as well. As you have said so well, "It is God's timing," and, "I trust the author of life."

JellyBelly said...

So, so frustrating!!!! I'm sure that everything will work out. :)

All in His Perfect Timing said...

How frustrating! I swear, some months, no one on the "other end" has it together and you burn a month. Ugh.
I hope your next month turns out so much better!