I have to tell you all again how your prayers have sustained me. Even though I was not looking forward to my appointment today and being brought to the full reality of this pregnancy, I continue to be covered in grace. It was not lost on me that a worker over here yesterday looked at my boys playing together longingly and remarked how fortunate I was to have two boys. He has two grown children and one young adopted son. He longs for a sibling for his son, but his wife is not in agreement. I keep going back to St. Francis DeSales and how so many of us have that unfulfilled desire he mentions.
Anyway, today I listened to some of my favorite Christian songs on my way to the appointment. Things like "Blessed Be Your Name" and "Never Let Go". I was happy I wasn't visibly shaking or crying waiting for the doctor or talking to the nurse, yet my blood pressure gave me away-142/80.
I was sent across the street for an ultrasound (worked in) and then back to my doctor for a follow up. The whole process was 3 hrs and a lot of that was waiting. And yet, your prayers covered me. We did see a baby measuring 5 weeks 3 days (I am 7 weeks tomorrow). We saw a gestational sac and yolk sac in the uterus, praise God. The prognosis hasn't changed. As my doctor said, he is confident my dates are right and that this is another indication the pregnancy isn't viable. And yet, stranger things can happen and we always leave room for God. I love my doctor. So, I left with his cell phone number in case of bleeding and a plan to recheck on Monday.
Least favorite moment of the day: saying yet again the number of pregnancies versus live births for this ultrasound tech. Really? I need it printed up on a card so I can hand it over. too bad the number keeps changing. Sigh.
Most laughable moment of the day: when the ultrasound tech asked if I have had a transvag ultrasound before. Really? Really? Didn't I just tell you six pregnancies? It did make me smile, almost laugh out loud.
I have some more thoughts to share on ectopics, etc, but I have to run for now. Thanks again so much for the prayers!
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
6 comments:
Ugh, Jamie, I am so sorry this is going on right now... I was unaware, but please be assured of my prayers now.
God bless you for finding humor, which I believe is one major instrument of God's peace in tragedy, through this, where you can.
Could have been worse- the u/s tech could have asked if you had ever had intercourse before ;)
Big hugs, lots of prayers, and more moments of lightness and humor where they present themselves.
what's a transvag ultrasound??? ;)
Continued prayers for you!
Sometimes, the things people say .... :-/
Praying for you! I am so sorry. And God still has room to work...
I agree with Leila...there is room/hope. Praying for you.
Will pray for the baby and your family. Glad to hear it's not ectopic.
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