Why does a search on tww on my own blog yield nothing? I do not recall the wait being quite so tortorous. Perhaps that is an overstatement, but still.

We tried. We wait. I have symptoms. I do not recall hcg making me feel like I am pregnant. I do not get tender breasts on it and the like so I do not experience that torture. However, this cycle on P+4 I had a very sharp pain on my left side. The following day I felt crampy. No idea what that means.

I feel hungrier. There are days that I feel more tired, and these aren't explained by other circumstances. But they aren't consistent. Perhaps my most compelling symptom is the dizziness I feel when I stand up too fast from picking something off the floor. I get this only when I am pregnant, due to increased blood flow. Probably compounded by my heart murmurs. So that seemed encouraging. I felt very hopeful.

When I was able to gather additional symptoms from past posts I gathered this: one time I could smell like a crazy superhero power, many times I peed all the time, I have none of these. I did have cramps before and then actually tested positive, so that part is encouraging because I started feeling crampy two days ago and yesterday too. Actually, I rarely have cramps anymore so that could be a good sign. I hope. But then I tested. Yes, I never do this, but I felt the urge and had a test. I knew it should be positive. I was on p+14 and I took my shots a day late so even more reason for it to be positive. I knew a positive test would tell me nothing. It was negative. Ugh. WTH?! So I have been discouraged since then. I am fighting the urge to go in for a draw today. If I test today, I could test Saturday and Monday morning and have good confirmation regarding my IV. I have been given the okay on p+15 before due to other circumstances. However, with the shot a day late, I don't want to get questionable results and be tortured longer.

Perhaps my best symptom is no period. It used to be that I had a 12 or 13 post peak phase and I knew if I got to p+16 I was pregnant. However...that possibly changes when cycles start back up. And non hcg cycles for me are really short. So I don't have that many hcg cycles post Gianna. But last month I got my period on 16 days post peak. Yes, you read that right. Ugh! So maybe not such a good sign. Before Gianna it was all 12 or 13 days post peak on hcg. Hmmm.

So I wait. Unique to this cycle, my mom best friend and also my sister JB know I am waiting to test tomorrow. I never tell people except dh. I took my meds righ this time, of course, so I feel good about that. Except when I left my purse on my car during First friday daily mass and then someone ran over my pill bottle of T3. I had to get a new bottle and didn't get it until Wed. I had some left from my bottle at home, but not much so I missed two to three doses which is unheard of for me. And I think about how my insurance changed and how my infusion company no longer contracts to have mid lines put in. So I think of what I can do now to make it a smoother process if, in the next three cycles ttc, we are fortunate enough to have success. I gave the infusion company my new insurance info and ask if they could put an IV in on Monday with little notice. Yes, just a few hrs. That's just the meds though. I need the line. Last time KCC put the line in and it was a nightmare. They thought they were supposed to put in a PICC (and were maybe told wrong by my ob who was trying to be helpful b/c they needed local, not Hilgers, orders). When I knew they scheduled me for a PICC, I told them it was mid and to call my doctor back. I called him back. We were clear, it should be a mid. However, they placed a PICC. Today I learned they can't place mid lines, only PICC. Evidently they were determined to do this themselves. Nice. So the difference was instead of a quick insertion by a nurse with an ultrasound guiding her, it was an operation of sorts-a procedure in an operation room, with a gown on, with lots of doctors and nurses, and lots of xray for correct placement because this was a much more invasive procedure. And since it was all unexpected, it was my own version of hell. So, I would like to avoid this again. So, with my mom-a hospital social worker-'s help I am trying to find a midline catheter placement company. Evidently the hospitals don't do them for outpatients. I may have to switch the whole care to another infusion company if they do mid lines in house, which gives me anxiety since the old place was so good and why mess with a good thing? But if I have to, I have to.  And so I wait. Not quite patiently waiting is an understatement, my friend.  I think I am headed to the lab. Or maybe the drugstore. If that is positive then to the lab. I mean, if a stick was neg yesterday and then positive today, it would have to be the hcg rising and not the hcg still in my system right. Unless its an old crappy test. Hmmm. Welcome to my world of self torture. I normally live in a peaceful world. I have too much time on my hands, lol.

1 comment:

prayerfuljourney said...

I have a lot of the same symptoms as you on the HCG...at least I'm not alone. I feel crampiness, dizziness, etc. When my estodial was higher...my girls hurt. Hmmm....I get hungrier, more tired on days, you named just about everything. Next my dr wants to put me on low dose LDN. I'm not sure about it eventhough lately I'll just about try anything.

I guess the tww is hard whether or not you have children or not.

Hoping you get good news when you test (which I've been so tempted to do myself but am so afraid of a false positive...due to the hcg).