2.07.2013

Bleeding and God speaks to me through facebook and friends :)

I had hoped to post about Saints between my ultrasound appts last Monday and this, but that will have to wait because I have a less pleasant update to make. Today I am bleeding. Not a ton. Am I cramping? Or is my stomach just in 1000 knots? I don't know. I have a call in to my doctor.

It's surprising to me, but once I realize God wants me to let go of a fear and give it over to him and hope instead, I can. And do. The hard part for me is realizing I do these things, hold pieces back from God. Once I know, I try to face it head on and do as God asks. Maybe for me there is just no middle ground due to my nature. But I found myself looking online for girl's bedding yesterday during naps. So yeah, definitely no middle ground. My heart was there. Full of hope.

Dr Hilgers' office returned my call yesterday for a progesterone in oil script. They had not received a copy of the ultrasound, so I shared with Teresa the results. Her response did ground me a little bit. One time in her career has she seen a situation with a baby so behind on the ultrasound turn around. One time. A personal friend. Not anyone through PPVI.

I didn't swing entirely the other direction, but it did take more concerted effort. I willed it. The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. Or mind over matter, I suppose. I completely focused on being positive in the face of reality. I thought, yes, well that is how a miracle begins. With impossible. And the fact that the baby did a 180 is nothing but a positive sign toward a miracle. A miracle in itself, but also a first step toward the miracle of all miracles I desire in the depths of my heart that results in me holding my child in September.

God spoke to me today after the bleeding. Through friends' wise words and things I happened to come across on fb through friends. Stacy wrote me, "God knows better than the nurse. Follow his will, not hers." Bless her! And, "it is so awesome to know that one baby survived...reason for our hope. God's will be done!" She saw on fb and shared "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before the miracle happens." Then another member of my small faith group shared a Mother Teresa quote "Never worry about the numbers...." There was more, about helping one person at a time, start with the one nearest you, but it was the first part I quoted that stopped me in my tracks. I had to laugh at God and how He delivers messages through fb! :) He knows how to reach me. My aunt just "happened" to post: "Trusting God won't make the mountain smaller, but He will make climbing easier. Hope you will be able to climb all your mountains today and everyday! Have a blessed day!" And a work colleague posted: "The hardest part about the unknown is trusting in The Lord. He has a plan, He knows what is best. Do times like this test your faith? Absolutely. But, as long as you still have that faith, you know everything will be okay. God's got your back :)" These are people that know nothing of our situation. I just love my friends! Even a blog post that came to my inbox today was titled "Fear is Easy. Love is Hard". So, though I went to adoration, today God's messages came mostly through fb and texts :)

Put a call into doc. Maybe it was irritation from last sono? I don't know. It seems fast to be losing a baby that had a strong heartbeat on Monday. I mean, I thought the baby passed away and then your body had to get the message and that could take a few days. But maybe it has been a few days. I don't know. I am being hopeful (this is just another chapter of our miracle story to tell). Doc called back a minute ago and said if more bleeding or cramping, then to call back and they probably want to see me, but hold off for now since no blood since.

12 comments:

stacym88 said...

And regardless of the outcome, this baby IS a mircacle. Love you and praying for you.

sayin' i love you said...

I love the quote from Mother Teresa, she is so wise "don´t worry about the numbers". Praying for your baby.

KJL said...

I'm praying and praying for you!!

Make every act of obedience (every hope, every moment of fear overcome) an act of faith in Him.

Please please keep us updated. I'm thinking of you often.

BlessedBeLord said...

This post is filled with so much hope and trust you have in our Lord. Praying that the miracle continues. Blessed Virgin Mary, please intercede for this beautiful baby.

All in His Perfect Timing said...

I love how God sends you messages of hope through your friends & family! I will continue to pray! With God all things are possible! (((hugs)))

E said...

Being thankful in the present moment and faithful to Him is all He asks. Prayers!

Abigail said...

Praying!

Amy @ This Cross I Embrace said...

Could NOT have said it better than StacyM!
Praise God! We are lifting you in prayer.

Joy Beyond the Cross said...

Yes, this baby is a miracle!!! Grow, baby, grow!!! Shoo, shoo blood!

Andrea Starosciak said...

Praying for you Jamie!

allyouwhohope said...

Praying for you and this baby! And I love your friend's words about what the nurse said.. She's seen it happen once? Then that's great news!

Suzie-Q T-Pie said...

Praying!