Journeying Together and Ultrasound Results

Thursday, as I was praying, I thought to google the Litany of the Saints on my phone and play it on youtube since I didn't have my ipod with me. So glad I did. I love this! These tools really help me because, I have mentioned, sometimes I have difficulty praying. It was nice to be able to call on all the saints.

Then I thought to google another one of my favorite songs, a version of the Servant Song (maybe not the one you are thinking of). The simplicity has always drawn me to it. I really found new meaning in this and really feel like our beautiful blogger community are described in this song. I am so grateful for each of you holding your hand out to me, holding Christ's light for me, and especially for weeping when I am weeping. Let's continue to share each other's joy and sorrow and be Christ to each other. It's so much better to be on this journey together!

And yet another example of how not alone I am-This email came from the PPVI nurse Teresa: "We will continue to pray for this pregnancy and for your family. One of my favorite Saints is St. Gianna Berreta Molla, I will pray for her intercession for your baby and you may want to pray to her also, as she was a mother married with 4 children and a great woman." My reply: "And a doctor! I got my PhD two yrs ago. By that time I had 2 in heaven, 2 babies on earth. We actually named our July loss Gianna when we learned she was a girl, post D&C.  We are also praying for the intercession of Fulton Sheen." Teresa: "Awesome...you hit my two favorite Saints...my seventh child born on Oct 27th, is named Fulton Patrick ...after Fulton J. Sheen. His intellect and writings and sprituality are amazing as I am sure you know. I will pray to him for you also. My baby had it's cord wrapped around the neck 3 times for most of the pregnancy and St. Gianna and Fulton Sheen were my intercessors too!" God bless her!

God is so good to put you all in my life and I am grateful for you!

I thought that was the end of my post, set to publish Saturday morning. However, I had some tiny bleeding again last night and then nothing today (Friday). I made the decision to request an ultrasound this afternoon, rather than to wait until Monday. I wanted to know what was going on headed into the weekend. I knew the baby's heartbeat had time to rise...or not. My doctor's office is so kind as to grant these types of requests. And so, at 3pm, with two beautiful miracles in tow, I was rescanned. The news was not good. Nicholas' heartbeat is fading, barely discernible at about 65bpm. She took two growth measurements. One showed no growth. One showed one day's growth since Monday. Not good. I got through the appt without tears surprisingly and then went on to get a progesterone draw. Somewhat numb, I suppose, and the rest just focusing on my little Anthony's face which I could barely see between the tech and I. He was delighted and innocent, and oh so precious. My miracles. So this weekend I resolve to take care of myself, bring them onto my lap to smell and hold them close, appreciate the small moments, and draw closer to my husband in our grief. This is what came to me pretty quickly after I received the news, so I will leave you with this. 

God has not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives thro’;
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.

God has not promised
We shall not know
Toil and temptation,
Trouble and woe;
He has not told us
We shall not bear
Many a burden,
Many a care.
But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.

                              Annie Johnson Flint


BlessedBeLord said...

My heart is aching reading this but I m still praying and hoping for a miracle. God bless you. May he fill you with peace during this difficult time.

M said...

Praying for you during this difficult time. What amazing nurses at PPVI. I'm sorry you're going through this.

allyouwhohope said...

I'm so sorry. Your faith through this is so beautiful. I haven't gone through the pain of miscarriage but I know what it's like to get a miracle, and I'm going to hold mine close this weekend too. I'm praying for peace for you, and still for a miracle.

JellyBelly said...

Continued prayers!

Andrea Starosciak said...

Praying that God will give you His unfailing presence this weekend.

Simone said...

I'm sorry for your continued struggle.

E said...

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. prayers for you. It is just so hard. I hate that it is so drawn out for you. Hold those babies close!

All in His Perfect Timing said...

Continued prayers for Nicholas and you!!! When I read Teresa's emails ... Wow! I will ask St. Gianna & Archbishop Sheen for their intercession.

polkadot said...

What a sweet nurse Teresa is. I'm continuing to pray for you.

Angela said...

Oh I just read this and will be praying for you. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad you were able to share that nurse's encouragment though, what kindness!

Michelle said...

So sorry to hear your latest update. There are just no words sometimes. Know that you are in my thoughts prayers. Peace be with you!

St. Rita's Roses said...

You are so strong. I am praying for you and your dear baby.

KJL said...

Oh, dear, I am so so sorry to read this news. I've been praying and praying for you. May the Lord grant you his peace, and hold you in His arms.