I am such a stereotype. There are so many things to get done, and then there is what I am really doing which is eating too much chocolate and watching too much tv, and just trying to barely maintain status quo. I mean, I am doing alright. I get done what has to get done (and that isn't nothing-AJ is teething and potty training, that in and of itself is a full time job). But nothing more. Not an ounce more. The hormone headaches are the worst. I have had three of those and they really take me to my knees. I have been bleeding for almost a week now and I have no idea where in the process I am at. I had so much cramping on Valentine's day and that was when more of the bleeding was. I haven't seen anything I recognize. I just feel like it's dragging out. I will probably call the doc on Wednesday and check in. I think they will at least want an hcg quant to make sure my levels go down to zero. I am glad I am doing this at home, but there is definitely a level of uncertainty. I am not scared of hemorraging anymore, or doing it here with the boys alone, but I will not be a happy camper if I still need a D&C after this week. I am not saintly like that. :)
Did I mention I wrecked my car? Just because I am an idiot and I needed to be humbled even further, evidently. Imagine deciding last minute to grab a Benedict Lenten reflection book from the church bookstore. On Ash Wednesday. Pulling in the church lot only to realize mass is going on for the before work crowd. And the school lot is closed because there is school in session, it is a weekday afterall. So cars are parked practically on top of each other. Down every driving space. On both sides, down every medium, handing three feet off the end, you get the picture. Yes, if you are on fb with me you saw my bitter lecture post about parking. Cause I am subtle like that. Yeah. I hit a car. A parked car. As I turned into a narrow drive with cars parked on both sides. I tried to avoid both, but I was looking at the one that would be on my left more worried about it and clipped the one parked on my right. The one not hugging the medium and hanging three feet off the back. Now a better driver than me would have been fine. I don't mind saying that. But (don't tell my insurance people) but I don't have depth perception. As soon as I entered that parking lot terror struck me. But what could I do. I took the shortest way through to get out of there and this happened. I was slow. Cautious. But I have some limitations. Sigh. Humbling. Even more when you think I was in what I slept in. I had just run my kids into daycare. I didn't plan on seeing anyone. Let alone standing outside my church while all the people dressed up ready to go to work were coming out. Humbling. Waiting to tell someone I hit their parked car. My dad clarified (former cop) it didn't really matter how they were parked. I barely did any damage to my car and clipped their bumper. And yet...$3500 and 10 days in the shop. So yeah, we claimed it. Hubs was very supportive (yeah, I wasn't sure how that was going to go over). He kept the words to a minimum and sent me an "I love you" text a few hrs later. That meant a lot.
So today my big task was dropping off my car and getting into the rental. With two kids. In the rain. Changing cars. And my idiot self even forgot I was supposed to do that. Stood up the rental company. After they called, we got it taken care of and that was pretty much it for my tolerance level for getting things done outside the norm. The kids didn't nap today-at all-which wouldn't be a big deal for Charlie except AJ woke everyone at six due to teething. So we all needed naps. And I had work to do. And then work came up that had to be done asap. And I did it, but with two kids yelling and crying from their beds. Charlie was almost asleep when I checked on him and that was the end of that. His light was on, so that was why I went down the hall. Really, that was all it took. Nap over. Ensue crazy hyper over tired child that doesn't mind the rest of the day. AJ was bm related. Potty training wreaks havoc on naps. He holds, he is scared to do bm, he does one in diaper in nap, you name it it often interferes. Add teething. they were both asleep early tonight, thankfully. and I proceeded to do nothing. Well, I blogged. That was something. And there should be an award for sugar consumption. Self destruction! Okay, no comments now about sorry you feel about anything. This is just me, telling you about my day. And though I appreciate the prayers, I don't think I can handle any more sad com box. So, tell me something stupid you've done, a wreck you've been in, your favorite Easter candy, what you gave up for lent. Anything. I will obsessively check comments like I always do because I love to hear from you all. And please check out a new "friend's" blog and tell me what you think. She is local to me and doing the Omaha thing. She has quite the story to tell and I am praying for healing for her! http://tryingtoletgoandletgod.blogspot.com/
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I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
10 comments:
Hmm...something stupid that I have done recently. Let me narrow it down to just one...that might be hard. Well, a couple weeks ago, I took a turkey out from the freezer to defrost in the refrigerator. I thought it would be completely thawed out 3.5 days later (it was about a 20lb turkey). Well, when I got the wrapping off I found out it wasn't all thawed out and I couldn't even get the binding that holds the innards or whatever you call them off. So, with my DH's help, we put the turkey in one of those turkey roasting bags and put it back in the fridge to defrost some more. When I checked the next day I found a hole that had ripped in the side of the bag and there was blood pooling at the bottom of the pan. Let's just say visions of salmonella or whatever other kind of bacteria that could be swirling around in the air was dancing through my head. The turkey went straight from the fridge to the garbage can. Note to self - just be patient and let them thaw out in their original packaging and don't rush the process.
Oh, and car related - this is actually my husband's, but we still laugh about it. We had just arrived at his parent's house a few months ago and we all got out of the vehicle (a Ford Escape) and about half-way between to the doorway, we all of a sudden hear this rolling noise and see the car rolling down the slight hill - straight into the corn crib (they live on a farm). My DH had forgotten to put it in park. $600 damage to the bumper (including the painting estimate). We haven't had a chance to get it fixed yet - we do have the new bumper - we ordered in online and got a great deal, but we need to get someone to put it on and paint it. It is currently patched up with duct tape.
Does that help? :)
But I am sorry for all the craziness that is going on around you. Prayers coming!
Hey, you are doing a better job than I would be, handling all of that!! I've done so many stupid things this week alone that I don't think I could narrow it down!
Be kind to yourself, friend. If you need some chocolate and TLC, do it. This too shall pass and then you can focus on healthier eating and being active. Sorry to be an enabler but you've got a lot going on and need to take care if yourself. Hugs!
Mary went to daycare this morning with a dress that has a hood (yes, that's strange to begin with) with the hood pulled up, a pair of brown jeans (yes, they look like boy jeans, but oh well) under the dress, pink socks, a bib (no she wasn't eating anything, she was just obsessed with the bib) and the hood of her dress pulled up over her head. She looked like some kind of weird baby gangster. It was funny! I'm sure you can picture it. It's good to laugh. Ah, this crazy life!!!! I love you!
I can't think of anything stupid I've done this week...
but I will say, as Thankful said, be kind to yourself!
I've given up TV for lent. I was a little addicted and wasn't spending as much time with God because of it. So, it is gone for lent. And I've added a daily rosary. Which is more like every 2-3 days at this point, not daily. :(
For Lent, I've been adding lots and lots of daily prayers for my hubby, along with a Chaplet of Divine Mercy every night. It has already been so helpful in re-orienting my mind and heart toward God during Lent.
I just want to say that you are allowed to take a break. You are allowed to eat chocolate and take it easy for a bit. I think the Lord gives us grief because He knows we need to take time out to process these things. Allow yourself the freedom to grieve, dear. Or at least to take it easy for a while.
My little one wouldn't go #2 in the toilet either for a while, in the thick of potty training. It just took a little while for her to feel better about it, with continued encouragement. Keep on, momma. You can do this.
I think your chocolate and TV plan sounds perfect! I've done alot of stupid things (quite a few each day), but they're not "make you laugh" stupid. They're just "not funny stupid." Go figure. :-)
Now a car story ... I backed my 1974 green tank of a car into our neighbor's van back in highschool. They parked their van in front of their house across the street (as always) and when you back out of our driveway, you always had to turn the wheel sharply to avoid the parked cars. Well, lets just say I got "confused" about the gas pedal & brake and found the gas pedal to be more "fun" ... so CRUNCH!
Now 16 years later, the "tank" is long gone, but that old crappy blue van that I hit is still there in front of their house. It wasn't even that nice 16 years ago! I'm surprised it runs.
So, yeah, brain fart stuff like that happens all the time. :-D I do like the fender benders that happen at less than 20 mph, as we hit a deer at about 45 mph and THAT was scary! I can't imagine other high speed wrecks.
Hang in there ... I'm sending you hugs from central KS! And I hope you don't get as much snow as they're telling us we will get (8-15 inches)!!
A couple of years ago I was trying to get my tiny, easy-to-maneuver Vibe close enough to a gas pump from an odd angle, and I scraped several feet of it along one of those giant steel U-shaped guards that they put next to gas pumps to prevent you hitting the pump with your car. The sound was horrible. And I dragged myself out of the car to survey the damage, and it had dented the metal along the length of the scratch. Which is also when I saw that it had left the guard's paint all along my car. Bright yellow paint. You could not miss that that thing was there for love nor money. I'm sure I saw it as I was driving up, but I just didn't remember it. By the time I was maneuvering, it was too low for me to see over the door of my car (unless I had stuck my head out, which would have been a great idea under the circumstances). As I recall, it ripped something off the car, too, and I had to have it repaired by a semi-reputable body shop. The worst part was answering the question, "What happened to your car?" There is no way to make that not sound stupid.
I hope this isn't too serious, but your fortitude blows me away. I hope next week is better.
Well, you already read about my stupid moment (with the gum) on my blog, but I'll share another one.
When I was just learning to drive, I was going to drive my dad's 73 Nova (with him in the passenger seat) to town. It was parked in the garage. I put the car into drive and something about not having power brakes... not really sure what happened, but the car lurched forward and I rammed his car into a metal shelf that had dozens of terracotta plant pots stacked on top of it. They all came crashing down onto the hood of the car, shattering. The shelf put a gash in the sheet rock. Then I had to drive all the way to town still. That was tons of fun.
Sorry to be serious now, but be gentle with yourself. You're going through a lot. You're doing the best you can.
Would it help to know that I backed into a police officer in his own car? Nice. I was 17. It wasn't pretty. Humbling. Especially all the ragging my family did to me! Oh well. Be nice to yourself and a little distraction with chocolate and TV is ok. You are going through a rough time and you will look back on this time and really see His Grace there for you. really.
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