One of the hardest parts for me about IF was pride. I know some of you carry your crosses silently, but I wanted to shout it to the world (if you knew me IRL, I am quite the talker, lol). But seriously, it was also an issue of pride more than anything. I wanted our marriage to show the value of children and being open to life. When it didn't work out that way, I wanted to shout to the world my disclaimers and how looks were deceiving. I am most in awe of St. Therese from reading Story of a Soul as it is embarrassing how much I like to be rewarded/acknowledged with a "gold star."
We were married in August 2006. Our first son (that was carried to term) was born October 2008. Our second son was born November 2010. The "perfectly" spaced family, no? And of course, some think we are done; others think we will have one more because we haven't had the girl to make our "perfect" family complete.
I am quick to dispel this myth of the "perfect family" when given the chance. "We aren't waiting for the perfect timing to start our family," I'd say. "We aren't waiting for the perfect timing to have #2." "We don't plan on stopping our family at one or two children." "We don't care what the gender of our child is." "I'd like to keep going until I can't have anymore." "Fertility is a gift." "We lost children due to miscarriage-it seems wrong to then say no to the gift of children on our terms when God has been so gracious." "It's about us being open and waiting for God's timing." Me and my disclaimers. My pride, lest someone think we were contracepting, etc.
But God is so gracious! He has used my big mouth and my pride for good, I believe. He uses it to show the world faithfulness to the church's teaching on reproductive technologies and, in an entirely different way, he really did show those I interacted with the value of children and being open to them, just not in the way I had intended! Isn't that usually how it works?! I was so blessed by my prayer buddy I was praying for, Rachel from Barren Woman...Here I was praying for her, and her blog gave a book recommendation, Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman, that was so wonderful! It was about how things don't always go as planned, but it's God's plan that matters. It was perfect for my planner personality! I feel like I have "been away" from my mission of following God's will and this was a step back in the right direction.
Another step I am taking to get back on track is a retreat my parish is hosting. I am really excited to be attending a "Christ Renews His Parish" retreat in a couple weeks. It is my understanding it is about discerning God's will, a favorite topic of mine that the wheelbarrow analogy represents. It will be so good for me to be able to be contemplative for a change. Maybe if I can quiet myself enough that weekend, I can hear God instead of doing all the talking and see where He wants me to be as a new chapter in my life closes (school).
p.s. Thank you all for the great info on making your own baby food. I will compile what I have learned and repost. I am very excited about this!
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
Showing posts with label IF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IF. Show all posts
5.05.2011
3.19.2010
Interesting Article on the Healing Mass and Sickness in General
I recently attended my second healing mass, and I loved it so much! I remember hearing St. James mentioned and was unsure of the correlation. I found this nice article on americancatholic dot org.
Certainly the tradition or practice of prayer for healing is rooted in the gospel and is as old as the Church.
The Gospels contain numerous stories of Jesus responding to the prayers of the sick or petitions offered on their behalf. And Mark tells us how the disciples “drove out many demons, and they anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them” (6:13).
Further, the Letter of James bids us, “Is anyone among you sick? He should summon the presbyters of the church, and they should pray over him and anoint [him] with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven” (5:14-15).
Through all these centuries Christians have prayed for the sick. Ministers of the Church have visited and prayed for and with the sick.
Does God answer prayers for healing? You can tour the shrines of the world like Lourdes and Padua and find testimonials of healing in answer to prayers.
In the renewal of Vatican II emphasis was again placed on the healing aspects of the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. Instead of calling the sacrament Extreme Unction, viewing it as a prayer for those on the verge of death, the ritual speaks of the anointing of the sick and the pastoral care of the sick.
But let us note that even those who receive or received miraculous healings eventually succumb to sickness and death—even those who were healed by Jesus. There is a provisional aspect to every cure.
The charismatic movement in these later years has also emphasized prayers for healing and healing services among many Christians, among them many Catholics. It is in that context we can understand healing Masses—Masses dedicated to prayers and petitions for the sick. In some cases the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick is conferred during these Masses.
As you note from your own experience, not all those who attend such Masses or pray for healing are physically cured or made whole. But then, not everyone who goes on pilgrimage to Lourdes is miraculously cured. Miracle cures are by their nature exceptional. But note that those who fail to obtain physical cures at Lourdes often speak of a kind of spiritual healing, a new peace and acceptance. Surely there is a grace in the prayers and support of those who gather to pray with and for the sick.
The 17th Volume (Supplement) of the New Catholic Encyclopedia, in speaking of Christian healing, comments, “Ministers and theologians of Christian healing continue to debate the reasons some persons are healed, some are only improved and some do not respond at all to prayers for healing” (McNutt, 1974, ch. 18).
We do know that in the Gospels Christ responded to, and often demanded, the faith of people asking for healing.
We also know that we cannot view prayer as granting us an entitlement of some kind. Any properly ordered prayer contains, at least implicitly, the petition of the Lord’s Prayer—“thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Prayers aren’t magical formulas, as if you could say the right words often enough and get what you want.
Perhaps a person’s eternal welfare is better being served by enduring sickness. Sickness has its own graces, after all. It teaches us to become truly dependent on God. It helps detach us from material things, prepares us to find our hope in God. It is in sickness that we learn humility and in the goodness of those who serve us begin to appreciate the love and compassion of Christ.
Sickness also can make us stop and rethink our goals. It is in the experience of sickness that many have found God and set their feet on the way to holiness.
Certainly the tradition or practice of prayer for healing is rooted in the gospel and is as old as the Church.
The Gospels contain numerous stories of Jesus responding to the prayers of the sick or petitions offered on their behalf. And Mark tells us how the disciples “drove out many demons, and they anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them” (6:13).
Further, the Letter of James bids us, “Is anyone among you sick? He should summon the presbyters of the church, and they should pray over him and anoint [him] with oil in the name of the Lord, and the prayer of faith will save the sick person, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven” (5:14-15).
Through all these centuries Christians have prayed for the sick. Ministers of the Church have visited and prayed for and with the sick.
Does God answer prayers for healing? You can tour the shrines of the world like Lourdes and Padua and find testimonials of healing in answer to prayers.
In the renewal of Vatican II emphasis was again placed on the healing aspects of the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. Instead of calling the sacrament Extreme Unction, viewing it as a prayer for those on the verge of death, the ritual speaks of the anointing of the sick and the pastoral care of the sick.
But let us note that even those who receive or received miraculous healings eventually succumb to sickness and death—even those who were healed by Jesus. There is a provisional aspect to every cure.
The charismatic movement in these later years has also emphasized prayers for healing and healing services among many Christians, among them many Catholics. It is in that context we can understand healing Masses—Masses dedicated to prayers and petitions for the sick. In some cases the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick is conferred during these Masses.
As you note from your own experience, not all those who attend such Masses or pray for healing are physically cured or made whole. But then, not everyone who goes on pilgrimage to Lourdes is miraculously cured. Miracle cures are by their nature exceptional. But note that those who fail to obtain physical cures at Lourdes often speak of a kind of spiritual healing, a new peace and acceptance. Surely there is a grace in the prayers and support of those who gather to pray with and for the sick.
The 17th Volume (Supplement) of the New Catholic Encyclopedia, in speaking of Christian healing, comments, “Ministers and theologians of Christian healing continue to debate the reasons some persons are healed, some are only improved and some do not respond at all to prayers for healing” (McNutt, 1974, ch. 18).
We do know that in the Gospels Christ responded to, and often demanded, the faith of people asking for healing.
We also know that we cannot view prayer as granting us an entitlement of some kind. Any properly ordered prayer contains, at least implicitly, the petition of the Lord’s Prayer—“thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Prayers aren’t magical formulas, as if you could say the right words often enough and get what you want.
Perhaps a person’s eternal welfare is better being served by enduring sickness. Sickness has its own graces, after all. It teaches us to become truly dependent on God. It helps detach us from material things, prepares us to find our hope in God. It is in sickness that we learn humility and in the goodness of those who serve us begin to appreciate the love and compassion of Christ.
Sickness also can make us stop and rethink our goals. It is in the experience of sickness that many have found God and set their feet on the way to holiness.
2.19.2010
Talking to Friends about IF and Miscarriage
I know that everyone has a different way of dealing with this topic, so this is just my two cents about what worked for me (and what didn't).
I have an unusual circumstance (I think) in that I am literally surrounded by people with IF. Starting with my family, my mom lost a baby after me, in the 5th month. And both of my married sisters have had more than one miscarriage, including an ectopic pregnancy. (Yes, this family history plays a role in my IF-infection). From their experiences, I formed my own opinion on how to handle pregnancy and miscarriage. For example, when I got pregnant, I knew there would be a good chance of miscarriage. However, I still chose to tell people. My decision rule was this: I would tell anyone that I was expecting that I would also tell if I was miscarrying. That way I would have the support I needed should something happened. Dh agreed on this rule. We told our parents, our siblings, and our best friends. One thing I didn't anticipate up front is how many people I would want to tell if/when I miscarried. I think that is because I am a very open person. I am blessed with many friends that put up with me! As I mentioned before, many of them have their own IF struggles. I have friends from my high school group (even though mostly single, have things they know will cause them at least some difficulty conceiving-a didelphic uterus, pcos, family history), friends from college (many still without children, but one that tried for years to get pregnant), a great group from church (many many have experienced losses, also secondary infertility, one ttc for many years before chosing to stop for many reasons), even elementary school BFF and the secretary at my work! I continue to be blessed to meet others through friends IRL or online. I really feel blessed for this amazing network of women! It seems nuts as I list them here-I guess God knew I just wasn't strong enough to go through it without them all!
When I didn't tell the friends from high school or the college group about the first miscarriage, I felt like I was hiding something. I would want to know if they were hurting. Our miscarriage was very traumatizing for me (aren't they all?!). It was surrounded by a roller coaster of emotions, one reason being because we had a heart beat and then lost the pregnancy. (For new readers, click here-the post is called Michael). I was gearing up to tell my friends about the loss, when we got pregnant again. I remember having this crazy mix of emotions. For the second pregnancy (click here or the post called Gabby), the hcg didn't double properly from the beginning and loss was imminent. I lost her before I had told friends about the first one. At that point, I knew I had to tell them, and quickly. It was a huge part of who I was. I wanted to "come clean" with everyone, but not in a way that would make them feel awkward. I had been writing down the details of what had happened. It was therapeutic. It was also recording the story that is our life. It wasn't just facts, it was emotions. I ended up attaching these "chapters" to an email. I said something to the effect, that we were struggling, having had two losses. It didn't feel right to not share this with them, as I would want to know if the roles were reversed. I have written in length about the details if they were interested. It avoided an awful conversation I wasn't really ready for, but I got it out. I bounced the idea off my BFF first. She was very supportive. I am glad I did it. Those "chapters" later became those posts on my blog. The friends are an amazing source of support, but it doesn't define our friendship.
As I continued to share with others, how and when I felt it appropriate and comfortable (and trying to be considerate of dh who is more private than I am), I learned of more and more people struggling themselves. That helped build my community of support. I honestly don't know if there is anyone I interact with that doesn't know this about me! It is just part of me, it doesn't come out in a way that makes them feel awkward, just as it comes up and stated as fact. I often learn they have had similar problems (hello-almost everyone who has drawn my blood!) and it is a way to share what has worked for me and let people know they are not alone.
During this time, I became on a mission to make sure that miscarriage or IF wasn't a dirty secret that people don't feel they can reveal. There is no stigma. It isn't our fault. If people want to keep it private, that is their choice. I totally respect that. Different things work for different people. But talking about it, having that support, is therapeutic. And even better, we may even be able to share information or learn about treatments that can help! Just my two cents on how I have worked through a difficult topic.
I have an unusual circumstance (I think) in that I am literally surrounded by people with IF. Starting with my family, my mom lost a baby after me, in the 5th month. And both of my married sisters have had more than one miscarriage, including an ectopic pregnancy. (Yes, this family history plays a role in my IF-infection). From their experiences, I formed my own opinion on how to handle pregnancy and miscarriage. For example, when I got pregnant, I knew there would be a good chance of miscarriage. However, I still chose to tell people. My decision rule was this: I would tell anyone that I was expecting that I would also tell if I was miscarrying. That way I would have the support I needed should something happened. Dh agreed on this rule. We told our parents, our siblings, and our best friends. One thing I didn't anticipate up front is how many people I would want to tell if/when I miscarried. I think that is because I am a very open person. I am blessed with many friends that put up with me! As I mentioned before, many of them have their own IF struggles. I have friends from my high school group (even though mostly single, have things they know will cause them at least some difficulty conceiving-a didelphic uterus, pcos, family history), friends from college (many still without children, but one that tried for years to get pregnant), a great group from church (many many have experienced losses, also secondary infertility, one ttc for many years before chosing to stop for many reasons), even elementary school BFF and the secretary at my work! I continue to be blessed to meet others through friends IRL or online. I really feel blessed for this amazing network of women! It seems nuts as I list them here-I guess God knew I just wasn't strong enough to go through it without them all!
When I didn't tell the friends from high school or the college group about the first miscarriage, I felt like I was hiding something. I would want to know if they were hurting. Our miscarriage was very traumatizing for me (aren't they all?!). It was surrounded by a roller coaster of emotions, one reason being because we had a heart beat and then lost the pregnancy. (For new readers, click here-the post is called Michael). I was gearing up to tell my friends about the loss, when we got pregnant again. I remember having this crazy mix of emotions. For the second pregnancy (click here or the post called Gabby), the hcg didn't double properly from the beginning and loss was imminent. I lost her before I had told friends about the first one. At that point, I knew I had to tell them, and quickly. It was a huge part of who I was. I wanted to "come clean" with everyone, but not in a way that would make them feel awkward. I had been writing down the details of what had happened. It was therapeutic. It was also recording the story that is our life. It wasn't just facts, it was emotions. I ended up attaching these "chapters" to an email. I said something to the effect, that we were struggling, having had two losses. It didn't feel right to not share this with them, as I would want to know if the roles were reversed. I have written in length about the details if they were interested. It avoided an awful conversation I wasn't really ready for, but I got it out. I bounced the idea off my BFF first. She was very supportive. I am glad I did it. Those "chapters" later became those posts on my blog. The friends are an amazing source of support, but it doesn't define our friendship.
As I continued to share with others, how and when I felt it appropriate and comfortable (and trying to be considerate of dh who is more private than I am), I learned of more and more people struggling themselves. That helped build my community of support. I honestly don't know if there is anyone I interact with that doesn't know this about me! It is just part of me, it doesn't come out in a way that makes them feel awkward, just as it comes up and stated as fact. I often learn they have had similar problems (hello-almost everyone who has drawn my blood!) and it is a way to share what has worked for me and let people know they are not alone.
During this time, I became on a mission to make sure that miscarriage or IF wasn't a dirty secret that people don't feel they can reveal. There is no stigma. It isn't our fault. If people want to keep it private, that is their choice. I totally respect that. Different things work for different people. But talking about it, having that support, is therapeutic. And even better, we may even be able to share information or learn about treatments that can help! Just my two cents on how I have worked through a difficult topic.
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