Finding a Young Adult Group

Good grief. It has been a long time. But I have an amazing story to tell, because God wrote it (aren't those the best kind!). I have been praying about how to get my story out there to help others; I feel God has worked through me and it is the least I can do. I really want to write a book, to speak at events locally and even nationally, and to start, I want to get it all down. So once I do that, then I can start writing in the present. But for now, I have to go back. So forgive me while I play catchup to the amazing things that have been going on in my life. I will do my best to not let my inadequacies in telling it take away from the story...
When I said three mistakes, I meant I have slept with three people prior to marriage and that premarital sex was a mistake, i.e. not how God designed it. In doing so, we are tying His hands so to speak, by not letting Him in that area of our lives to bless it. God is a gentlemen, He created free will and will not impose Himself on people or situations. Too bad for us in some respects, as I tend to muck things up when I take the reins!
Anyway, I touched on the topic of the first guy that I thought I would marry and therefore slept with him. The problem with thinking you will marry someone and then sleeping wtih them first is you don't really know if you will marry them until it happens! And so it didn't. And it was a good thing too. It went on way to long, the relationship, because I acted like I was married to him. I was bound and determined to make things work. Maybe I just didn't want to be wrong. Or maybe it was the hormones of attachment that come from sleeping with someone. I read a really really great book about courtship where they say you should date with your eyes wide open, and be married with your eyes shut tight (to people's faults!) Well I dated with them shut tight. Not good! A friend's therapist gave her good advice. Why don't you find someone who has done all the good and responsible things you have, so you can be equal partners, trust each other, and enjoy your accomplishments rather than being with someone who has made so many errors and still is that you are mothering them instead of being a teammate, and then your accomplishments are cancelled out by their mistakes? Food for thought.
Well, so once I slept with guy number one, it was "easier" to sleep with guy number two. Sad thing-I didn't even think I was going to marry him. I enjoyed him and vice versa, but we knew it wasn't enough to spend our lives together. We enjoyed the here and now, and I even tried to tell myself maybe the good times were enough, but they weren't.
So onto number three. But first, while I was broken up with number two I had a lot of extra time on my hands. Funny how that works out. And I was tired of how things were going in my life. I needed a change. I was ready for more. I always thought of myself as religious. In actuality, I went to church on Sunday, taught religion for ten years, and knew and believe the basics in the Catholic faith I was raised in. But there was so much missing. I didn't know my faith as an adult, I didn't choose my faith as an adult, I didn't know others faiths, and I didn't go beyond the bare minimum of my faith.
My mom recommended I go to the local church instead of coming to my home town for church on Sundays. God saw an opening so He really took advantage. :) It turns out the church is known for a fantastic young adult community. And my mom knew someone who was active in it-a fellow social worker with a really dynamic personality. I joined to meet friends and to potentially meet a more faith filled man. I got so much more. Both social relationships, role models, and activities that lead to a deeper understanding of my faith. I raised the bar in what I knew and what I expected in a future mate. God, through this group, completely changd my life path! It wasn't easy. At first, not realizing it, I tried to bring those faithfilled people down to where I was at instead of letting them change me. I sought out bad examples within the group, or encouraged people to go out drinking with me (dancing on bars...) etc. I even giggled at getting wasted and corrupting "church folk." That was the sinful side coming out. I really was missing the point and watering down what the group had to offer. I got out of it what I put into it. But God was still working through it all and He placed one instance in front of me that really was a turning point.
I went out drinking with two church friends. One invited three men back to her place. One friend was throwing up, the other was hooking up. And so I was "entertaining" the other two. No, not that way! Just being dumb and drunk and dancing and singing and being stupid. One guy was drunk, the other was not. And was very kind, checking in on the sick girl and clearly different. Eventually that night I learned his full name and realized that he was a faith filled Catholic that my family had knew for years. In fact, they even wanted me to end up with him. I thought of him jokingly as my plan B and a nice guy that I could end up with if I wanted. Ha! I realized he would never want to be with someone like me. And if I wanted to end up with a good Catholic man as my husband, I had to be someone that person would want to be with. I certainly wasn't that now. But I kept learning my faith, trying to put it in action, and was on my path to being a better Catholic for more than just that reason.


Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

I've got a good feeling about this guy!

WheelbarrowRider said...

lol, not my future dh, Kaitin :)