Mother Mary and BFP! The first letter Sat 1.26.09

January 26th, 2008


Dear Little One,

Your daddy and I are so excited! I don’t think I can convey on paper how much you are wanted and loved, even know when you are so so tiny! Even with the sadness we carry in our hearts from our previous pregnancies, I am amazed at how little that affects us in terms of our joy now. We have so much hope that we will hold you in our arms! We are doing absolutely everything we can think of to make this happen.

But first of all, let me share something with you-how much I am in love with your daddy! It is out of that love that you came into being, the most awesome thing we could ever take part in thanks to God’s grace.

On Thursday morning I woke up expecting to start my period as normal. I hadn’t had any symptoms to indicate I was pregnant (maybe a few in hindsight like peeing a lot, but nothing that was really obvious). In fact, we were all set to go to New York City to get a special treatment in March-we had everything but flights booked. But I didn’t start, so I got more and more suspicious as the day went on. Of course, I had a little nausea that morning, but I thought that was out of nervous anticipation after I didn’t start right away. Finally, I couldn’t stand the suspense. Once the idea of testing a day early entered my head, I couldn’t shake it. You see, because of our circumstances, so much has to be planned ahead of time. I got excited at the possibility of actually surprising DH for once. Normally he goes with me, but this time, due to work, he wasn’t going to be able to. He could if I waited, but he knew I was too anxious to ask me to do that. And since neither of us really suspected anything, he wasn’t worried about missing out. So, if I tested early, he wouldn’t miss out on anything he wasn’t going to already, but I could come home and surprise him with the news for once! I loved that idea and immediately called the doctor for permission. Thank goodness he agreed!

I was driving home from work, about 45 min from my home, to test with my mind in a far off place when I swear I saw Mary on the side of the road. The image quickly changed to what it really was, a tractor type thing, but I knew that if I saw it it must have been for a reason. I thought Mary must be trying to comfort me. I immediately realized that the radio I had had on for awhile now was the Catholic station saying the rosary (it was around 3:20pm. I took down my crystal rosary bracelet that hung from my rearview mirror and I join in until it was finished. I smiled at the situation.

About half way home, I realized I had taken a paper I needed out of the car. Oh, no! I had to go home first and get it! Once I got my blood drawn I waited. When I thought the test would be run by now, the secretary checked on it, and returned with apologies. They didn’t know I was waiting and thus, hadn’t started it yet! They would start now. So I waited and I talked on the phone with a friend. Finally a lady came out from the back. She had the requisition, which said if over 50 then I needed the second vial to mail. She looked at me and said, I don’t know what this means, but it is over 50. And I said “how much? Can you tell me? I’d really like to know!” and she said 546. I almost fell over knowing this was a very very high number and a good sign to start. There was definitely no ambiguity there! I smiled and said, it means I am very very pregnant for sure!” And she smiled, sharing in my joy! She gave me what I needed, along with a little sheet of paper with the number on it. She looked sheepish and said, “it isn’t very official.” I said “it’s perfect!” and grinned. I was already thinking of how I would tell DH. I made her promise to fax the results to Dr. Hilgers-two times-and then left feeling like I was floating. What a gift we’d been given! All our prayers had been answered to Mary (through Immaculate Concept Novenas), the rosary, to St. Gerard, and to the Holy Spirit! Not to mention the blessing from Fr. Tom, the prayers the latin priest promised to say to St. Rita, and the wearing of the Miraculous Medal.
I decided to go to the store and buy a card for DH to tell him how much I loved him. I decided to put the paper inside. I added a Reese’s peanut butter heart (double stuffed!) on top as a sweet treat.
I could hardly wait for DH to arrive! He called me on the drive home to visit and I paced in the kitchen talking to him. I told him I had a card for him, for all his hard work. He had been working crazy hours at his job since it was January, and I was very grateful for all he did for our family.
He came in and took his coat off. I could barely stand it, handing him the card. He opened it and saw the paper and looked at me “you’re pregnant?!” and I nodded and grinned. He beamed like only a new daddy could beam! I actually had to remind him to read the inside of the card! I told him I got a double stuffed peanut butter heart because I was double stuffed! I think he liked that! He is used to me being silly and is quite silly himself!
We are so excited. My sis JB is due just one week earlier. Daddy’s friends that also share our difficulties are due very near as well. Our good friend’s from church are expecting their second not much ahead. So many of our friends with difficulties had found recent success! We felt that this just might be our success too! We sure hoped so! And so I spend all day Friday setting up the necessary arrangements-blood draws, IV, progesterone shots, a trip to NY to check on everything in March…But first things first-I woke up and went to daily mass and had the father bless me. I know in my heart that we have done everything we can and that we now must wait and hope and pray.