Today was a rollercoaster day, not even related to ttc, lol! I came in, excited at my progress and newfound passion only to be told by my advisor that I needed to "be more conservative." Me. More Conservative. Being told this by the most radical guy in education. The irony! Yet another example of me being so happy and then having that much further to fall. I balanced out eventually and thought of the positives. My work wasn't wasted, it will make a great article to submit to a journal. My dissertation can still sort of be about this, just not the exact line of thinking. I am glad I knew this before meeting the methodology professor so he could help me (and he did). This process is really infuriating though, all the ups and downs, etc.
My methodology guy was great. I was upset going in. I felt I was prepared and now my idea was shot and I wouldn't look like I did my job coming into the meeting. He doesn't know me well, but he is a very nice guy. I worried that I was giving him the wrong impression of me, that I could see what he saw through his eyes, and it wasn't me! I grew more nervous, on the verge of tears. I called a friend on the phone. I really need to rely more on God during these times. I got really good at giving my ttc worries and pregnancy fears over, but for other things I tend to go to the phone. Anyway, talking to a friend helped. I went in there and he helped me problem solve the issue, thankfully, so I could do something I am interested in but something that I can feasibly get done. I was honest with him (my policy on everthing is to share your concerns and why, be open, honest, vulnerable, it works most of the time) about how I felt I looked disorganized, and I worried he thougth I was relying on him too much, just thinking I was trying to scrape through to get the program over with, etc. He said all the right things, and was incredibly kind. And I didn't even cry in his office like last time (man this dissertation can really get to me! I do not typically cry for these sorts of reasons!). It was a good meeting, and even though everything can be shot down tomorrow by someone else, I am just going to enjoy today and leave it at that.
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
15 comments:
Glad there was some light to be found at the end of the tunnel! You are making great progress! Keep it up, God is behind you (before & beside you) too!!!
I am glad it went well! Keep moving along.
You guys are fast! :) Thanks so much for your positive thoughts and prayers! Ann, I don't know how to email you, will you email me an invitation to your other blog? I've been meaning to ask you for awhile now actually!
I'm glad to hear that even though it was stressful and you're going to have to change direction, something positive came out of it.
Ugh. academia.
And I am totally going to get that book out to you...I swear. Next week. Really. I will.
:)
Kathryn, I just had to tease you. Really, as you can see I don't have time to read it. But it does make me smile that I will have a book about adoption-in my house! :) Maybe dh will get curious!
I sent you an invite and I am going to try and email you soon with my graduate shcool crying days story. I'm so glad those days are over.
I too am glad that you had a kind and sympathetic advisor. Sometimes a listening ear (without judging or condeming) can make all the difference! Good luck with this new direction for your dissertation. God Bless!
So glad to hear you got some positive (and sympathetic) feedback from your advisor. You are so right to just enjoy today and let tomorrow worry for itself!
Keep up the good work!
I'll need to go back and find out what you are writing your paper about... I'm in graduate school for education as well to be a reading specialist. Are you getting your ph.d?
I have a really helpful graduate advisor..he's from Kenya...I actually enjoy his classes too and I'm in another one of his classes this spring. He has given me some mis-info but I'm sure that is because he misunderstood my question. Sounds like you are working hard and with all the tears you know in the end...it's all worth it...don't you? Keep on going...one day it will be behind you. That is what my dh keeps telling me when I'm writing papers and I'm stressed and anxious (which I can do easily).
It is so nice to know I can talk about this topic too and you all are just as great about it as IF! GIMH, good for you! That is a great field to be in right now! I am working on my PhD in education, mostly as it relates to Posit.ive Beha.vior Suppo.rt and systems change. If you are going to be a reading specialist than you are probably familiar with Respo.nse to Inter.vention (RtI). PBS is the behavior side of the equation in the same 3 tiered model and that is my area of focus. Thanks for asking!
Ann, I'd love to hear your story if you have time. And thanks for sharing your other blog. I really enjoyed the pictures. You are just beautiful!
Thesis and dissertation writing can really have their own ups and downs that can really affect the any person. And it was good that everything turn out good with your phd dissertations blues. Anyway, what happened to your dissertation? I do hope you didn’t encounter anymore dissertation blues along the way.
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