So many people have been on my heart lately. I will tell you the truth. I am a sucky prayer warrior, but I am really trying hard to do it right for these folks (and God decided to help by given me a bit of suffering to offer up...).
It started with my sister's husband's brothers' wife. She is a wonderful person who just got diagnosed with a brain tumor. She immediately had surgery and found out it was the worst of the four types. They removed the tumor itself immediately, but there were still lots of feelers. She has three children ages 14 to 22 and lots of folks who love her. With chemo and radiation they gave her 2 year max. Heart breaking.
Then there are a several folks on blogs and IRL that are newly pregnant. For some, its their first pregnancy. I am rejoicing with these folks but know they are scared. I pray for the babies' health and strength for the mom and dad. For some, it is not their first, but they have had issues in the past and are scared. There is one, in particular, that has had many stillbirths in the second trimester. She is doing everything she knows to keep her baby healthy. She is terrified. They all need our prayers.
There are those still waiting for a child. Some can rejoice at the pregnancies on the blogs and IRL, but they can't help but wonder "when will it be my turn?" and struggle. I pray for them as well.
I know two families IRL that are adopting. We wrote their referral letters and are hopeful and anxious with them. I offer prayers for them.
I continue to be grateful for the fact that AJ is sleeping through the night, but I have a heightened awareness and compassion for those IRL and those I know through blogs that have never had a full nights' sleep in much longer than me. Or those that were getting it and are no longer. It can be so debilitating to try and function without sleep!
My sister continues to struggle with her own anxiety and depression. At the moment, she is trying to battle it and get out of bed so it doesn't win. She is at the very end of her sign language interpreting program and she must attend class to succeed. The world will be so much better off if she is able to do this. It is her passion and she was made for it.
My niece is struggling. She has experienced the death of her father and her grandfather, and her great grandmother in the last year and she is going down a bad path. It is her freshmen year in college and I pray she makes good choices. At the moment, it is very scary the choices she is making.
My dh's brother is still very wrapped up in his drug addiction. He is a sensitive sweet soul that suffered the loss of his dad at a very young age and he chose drugs as therapy. They were easy to come by in their small town.
A friend of mine lost her mother about a month ago.
Today I found out a coworker's husband has cancer of the lymph nodes.
The list goes on and on.
And so, with these people on my heart, the words to a song playing on my ipod, jumped right out at me. That is saying something. Normally we listen to children's music, so it was kind of a fluke it was on but it followed Winnie the Pooh in song title mode, so it is a message that was meant to be heard by me and meant to be shared with you.
The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets
Three in the morning, And I'm still awake, So I picked up a pen and a page, And I started writing, Just what I'd say, If we were face to face, I'd tell you just what you mean to me, I'd tell you these simple truths,
Be strong in the Lord and, Never give up hope, You're going to do great things, I already know, God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, don't forget why you're here, Take your time and pray, These are the words I would say,
Last time we spoke, You said you were hurting, And I felt your pain in my heart, I want to tell you, That I keep on praying, Love will find you where you are, I know cause I've already been there, So please hear these simple truths,
Be strong in the Lord and, Never give up hope, You're going to do great things, I already know, God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, But don't forget why you're here, Take your time and pray, These are the words I would say,
From one simple life to another, I will say, Come find peace in the Father, Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,You're going to do great things, I already know, God's got His hand on you so, Don't live life in fear, Forgive and forget, But don't forget why you're here, Take your time and pray, Thank God for each day, His love will find a way, These are the words I would say
Please join me in offering up your daily sufferings for the people I have mentioned above and feel free to add your own prayer requests in the comment box. I allow anonymous comments too. I would like to join my prayers with yours.
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
9.29.2011
9.26.2011
The Miracle of Love
Above Anthony's bed reads a saying we could relate to. Before you conceived we wanted you, before you born we loved you, and before you were here a minute we would die for you. This is the miracle of love.
As I was nursing my sweet baby in the rocking chair and rereading those words, I began thinking about the children that aren't wanted when they were conceived like my Anthony. Some babies are unexpected. And parents are scared. They face real challenges and need solutions. (Thank goodness for crisis pregnancy centers that provide real assistance for these families). But you know what? Those babies are still so loved by time they are here a minute, as our phrase states. Sometimes it takes longer to fully embrace this, but it is always the case. A mother has an undeniable love for her child. It is sewn into every fiber of her being.
Grey's Anatomy (yes, I watch this stupid show still) was so frustrating to have ended with an abortion on the season premiere. Just because someone can't imagine their life with a child when they are newly (and unexpectedly pregnant), doesn't mean they won't grow into the role, like anyone grows into any new role. I am not sure anyone really understands and accurately imagines their life with a newborn. It is something, like most things in life worth anything, that takes a little time. But the love and the bond that develops will be there. And God will supply the grace to get one through the difficulties. Even the difficulty of putting a child up for adoption, if that is what is discerned is best. And sometimes, that is the greatest act of love for one's child. All love is selfless by its very nature. (And all love involves suffering). On the other hand, destroying an innocent life due to the inconvenience of carrying the child to term, that is just the ultimate act of selfishness. That was completely the circumstances of the show. It perpetuated falsehoods that are prevalent in our culture today. Young impressionable girls deserve better. They deserve the truth.
[Caveat: certainly women go in to have an abortion under other circumstances. I have experienced this first hand at the abortion clinic. Issues of rape, incest... sometimes there are concerns over health of the mother and/or the child. This is different in that the motives may not be selfish. However, this doesn't excuse abortion. There are so many misunderstandings out there! But that is a post for another day!]
As I was nursing my sweet baby in the rocking chair and rereading those words, I began thinking about the children that aren't wanted when they were conceived like my Anthony. Some babies are unexpected. And parents are scared. They face real challenges and need solutions. (Thank goodness for crisis pregnancy centers that provide real assistance for these families). But you know what? Those babies are still so loved by time they are here a minute, as our phrase states. Sometimes it takes longer to fully embrace this, but it is always the case. A mother has an undeniable love for her child. It is sewn into every fiber of her being.
Grey's Anatomy (yes, I watch this stupid show still) was so frustrating to have ended with an abortion on the season premiere. Just because someone can't imagine their life with a child when they are newly (and unexpectedly pregnant), doesn't mean they won't grow into the role, like anyone grows into any new role. I am not sure anyone really understands and accurately imagines their life with a newborn. It is something, like most things in life worth anything, that takes a little time. But the love and the bond that develops will be there. And God will supply the grace to get one through the difficulties. Even the difficulty of putting a child up for adoption, if that is what is discerned is best. And sometimes, that is the greatest act of love for one's child. All love is selfless by its very nature. (And all love involves suffering). On the other hand, destroying an innocent life due to the inconvenience of carrying the child to term, that is just the ultimate act of selfishness. That was completely the circumstances of the show. It perpetuated falsehoods that are prevalent in our culture today. Young impressionable girls deserve better. They deserve the truth.
[Caveat: certainly women go in to have an abortion under other circumstances. I have experienced this first hand at the abortion clinic. Issues of rape, incest... sometimes there are concerns over health of the mother and/or the child. This is different in that the motives may not be selfish. However, this doesn't excuse abortion. There are so many misunderstandings out there! But that is a post for another day!]
9.12.2011
I am Back and Feeling Like a New Woman!
1. Obviously the number one reason is that AJ, now 10 months, is sleeping through the night. It's been a few weeks now so I feel safe to say it out loud. I think the key for us was filling him up more with solids and adding in protein. He still nurses short, but it is clear now that he is super efficient and 10 minutes total is a long nursing. I know there are moms out there still struggling with baby's sleeping and are still in that dark dark place and I ask you all to join me in praying for them!
2. My house is clean. Really clean. Don't hate me, but we paid someone to get it that way (every 8 weeks). It's something we started doing when I was about 8 months pregnant with AJ. I feel somewhat justified because my dh doesn't help with a lick of cleaning (hard worker in other areas, yes, but not cooking or cleaning though he does grill occasionally). Did I mention we have five bathrooms which is insane in and of itself. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful, but it needed a good cleaning and now it is done!
3. I am done with school. I know its been awhile, but I am able to enjoy and appreciate this fact more now that I am not a zombie.
4. We got a new grant at work so I continue to be employed part time, as desired.
5. I fit in my jeans. My real prepregnancy jeans. It took a lot longer with this one, but I can't complain because I didn't do anything to get here (but run up and down the stairs a hundred thousand time and lift heavy children and...)
6. I am not bleeding. This may be an old one, but I am still grateful for it. I bled for a solid 12 weeks after having AJ. It was worrisome, it was a pain to deal with and it just added to the overall feeling of gross.
7. My hormones are "normal." I put normal in quotes because we all know they are not normal as in functioning as they should. However, they are normal for me. The ups and downs of my hormones, until now, have most notably lead to dry eyes (causing me to wear my coke bottle glasses day in and out), craziness and, yes I will say it (TMI) vaginal dryness. Add bleeding to that and you can imagine I was feeling quite sexy.
8. AJ is taking a bottle. He always took one begrudingly from the daycare providers that take him while I work, but he would take half of what he nursed (about 2.5oz). He was very finicky and mostly wouldn't take one from dh or our night sitters when we went out. When we took our 5 yr anniv trip, I was worried, but I knew he'd have to give in to this one. I was worried he would stress getting to that point though. He totally was a champ (and my mom is amazing!) and took bottles well and slept well for her and that was the real beginning for us for sleeping through the night (he had off and on the week prior, but this clenched it for us). Anyway, after that week, he has taken 4-5oz from the sitter when he is with her for each bottle. Finally, last weekend I decided to try one myself and I couldn't believe he took it from me. I am thrilled as this will help immensely with weaning (which I will start now and will take 3-4 months due to my recurrent mastitis). I do love nursing, but my goal is always a year and I am satisfied with that, given my issues with mastitis. My baby is 10 months now, so it appears I will even exceed my goal. But I will be lucky if I end with both nipples intact as he is quite the biter (it's not the occasional tiny bite that tells me I am pushing him and he is full; its the "I am going to use you as a teether and full on chomp down on you when you are not suspecting it because my teeth hurt and now you know how I feel". (He has 2 bottom teeth, just cut the top 2 and it appears he is getting the ones on either side of the top right away).
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All of these things lead to a well rested and happy mama that is able to leave the house without sending dh into a panic, read for pleasure, catch up on blogs, shower regularly, spend time outside enjoying the weather, complete to do lists, spend quality time with her children, be pleasant to dh, have patience with a certain two year old (almost 3-next month!) and his avoiding nap cherades, and even an occasional conversation with long time friends! It.feels.amazing.
So my question to you is...are you still there?!
2. My house is clean. Really clean. Don't hate me, but we paid someone to get it that way (every 8 weeks). It's something we started doing when I was about 8 months pregnant with AJ. I feel somewhat justified because my dh doesn't help with a lick of cleaning (hard worker in other areas, yes, but not cooking or cleaning though he does grill occasionally). Did I mention we have five bathrooms which is insane in and of itself. Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful, but it needed a good cleaning and now it is done!
3. I am done with school. I know its been awhile, but I am able to enjoy and appreciate this fact more now that I am not a zombie.
4. We got a new grant at work so I continue to be employed part time, as desired.
5. I fit in my jeans. My real prepregnancy jeans. It took a lot longer with this one, but I can't complain because I didn't do anything to get here (but run up and down the stairs a hundred thousand time and lift heavy children and...)
6. I am not bleeding. This may be an old one, but I am still grateful for it. I bled for a solid 12 weeks after having AJ. It was worrisome, it was a pain to deal with and it just added to the overall feeling of gross.
7. My hormones are "normal." I put normal in quotes because we all know they are not normal as in functioning as they should. However, they are normal for me. The ups and downs of my hormones, until now, have most notably lead to dry eyes (causing me to wear my coke bottle glasses day in and out), craziness and, yes I will say it (TMI) vaginal dryness. Add bleeding to that and you can imagine I was feeling quite sexy.
8. AJ is taking a bottle. He always took one begrudingly from the daycare providers that take him while I work, but he would take half of what he nursed (about 2.5oz). He was very finicky and mostly wouldn't take one from dh or our night sitters when we went out. When we took our 5 yr anniv trip, I was worried, but I knew he'd have to give in to this one. I was worried he would stress getting to that point though. He totally was a champ (and my mom is amazing!) and took bottles well and slept well for her and that was the real beginning for us for sleeping through the night (he had off and on the week prior, but this clenched it for us). Anyway, after that week, he has taken 4-5oz from the sitter when he is with her for each bottle. Finally, last weekend I decided to try one myself and I couldn't believe he took it from me. I am thrilled as this will help immensely with weaning (which I will start now and will take 3-4 months due to my recurrent mastitis). I do love nursing, but my goal is always a year and I am satisfied with that, given my issues with mastitis. My baby is 10 months now, so it appears I will even exceed my goal. But I will be lucky if I end with both nipples intact as he is quite the biter (it's not the occasional tiny bite that tells me I am pushing him and he is full; its the "I am going to use you as a teether and full on chomp down on you when you are not suspecting it because my teeth hurt and now you know how I feel". (He has 2 bottom teeth, just cut the top 2 and it appears he is getting the ones on either side of the top right away).
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All of these things lead to a well rested and happy mama that is able to leave the house without sending dh into a panic, read for pleasure, catch up on blogs, shower regularly, spend time outside enjoying the weather, complete to do lists, spend quality time with her children, be pleasant to dh, have patience with a certain two year old (almost 3-next month!) and his avoiding nap cherades, and even an occasional conversation with long time friends! It.feels.amazing.
So my question to you is...are you still there?!
9.04.2011
Blogger Issues Resolved
I've been having blog issues and have found and fixed the solution. If your blog is showing an error message about a server and/or redirecting to blogrolling.com, you will find this information helpful.
I didn't find the word "blogrolling" in my html until I went into my html widgets. I think it was the Catholic mothers widget that I had to delete and I know some folks on here have the same one.
Please go back and read my last two posts since I now have the issue resolved. I am finally back to posting and then the issue occurred!
Also, during my searching, I discovered something that backed up a recent theory about my difficulty commenting. I can comment in pop up comment boxes, but not those embedded. I have changed this on my blog to help others, and enabled cookies on my own computer to help with my issue. I hope I will be able to comment now!
Just thought I would share in case others have the same issues...
I didn't find the word "blogrolling" in my html until I went into my html widgets. I think it was the Catholic mothers widget that I had to delete and I know some folks on here have the same one.
Please go back and read my last two posts since I now have the issue resolved. I am finally back to posting and then the issue occurred!
Also, during my searching, I discovered something that backed up a recent theory about my difficulty commenting. I can comment in pop up comment boxes, but not those embedded. I have changed this on my blog to help others, and enabled cookies on my own computer to help with my issue. I hope I will be able to comment now!
Just thought I would share in case others have the same issues...
9.03.2011
A Day in the Life of WBR-Emergency Room Style
I liked the idea immediately when I saw it. I will admit I had all sorts of motivation for doing this, some good and some bad. I thought at first, I will see where all my time goes! How I always feel busy and nothing gets done (neither tasks nor quality time with my children)! Then I thought, dh will see how hard I work and he will appreciate me more! Of course, I just thought it would be fun to share my nutty days with all of you as well. I mean, I've often wanted someone to audit my days and tell me how I can be more efficient so I am opening the door for advice.
I honestly don't know what you all will think of a typical day by me-anywhere from proud and impressed to feeling sorry for me (okay probably not from the IF population and that is more than fair) or thinking I am idiot for how I handle things. I often feel all of these emotions about myself on a daily basis as you will see Of course, go figure that the day I would record things would be a not so typical day in the sense that it ended with a trip to the ER and I went to bed at 2am. But minus those things, I would say it isn't that off. Please forgive me, but I amlong-winded detailed by nature so this is long.
6:50am I don't recall if dh's alarm went off or not, but this is a little on the early side for me to wake. I lay there for a second, but what's the point. Even though I cleaned the main floor from when the boys went to bed until I went to bed at 11pm the night before (very unusual), there is stuff to be done and no time like the present since it appears the kids are still sleeping. The morning is a race and I am off and running. Once they wake there is a lot to do at once. Dh is going to the gym before work today so his morning routine is minimal and he is out the door early. I am grateful he let the dog out, who is always dying to pee first thing. One less thing to do. I jump in the shower and am able to get ready before AJ gets up. Usually I don't bother trying to shower first thing (or at all depending on the day!)
7:20am AJ is up. I love the sound of his chatter. I put a few final touches on myself and go to his room. He needs a diaper asap before he pees out, and prevacid and then he is usually really ready to nurse since he went all night again (with the exception of the feeding before I go to bed). Also, AJ doesn't nurse well (loves solids though) and is crazy distractable, so it is hard to nurse when Charlie is up. Evidently AJ wasn't that hungry, he eats for a few min and then I get bit (ouch! its the new sign he is over it-let me tell you, its quickly making me over it, haha!). I get him dressed. This whole time I am monitoring Charlie. Charlie used to play nicely when he woke in his room (he can't get out, spinning door knobs), but lately he has been removing the nighttime diaper and when I was out of town he did that with poop in it for my mom!
7:40am Charlie is up. Thankfully AJ is done. I get Charlie quickly and take off his soaked nighttime diaper. He potties in the toiliet, get him dressed, and oops forgot to have him brush his teeth I realize later. Since dh is at the gym, that means we don't manage to squeeze a much needed bath/shower in. I was going to throw him in the shower with daddy, the easiest and fastest way to get him clean. We go downstairs and I get Charlie his vitamins and start cooking his oatmeal. He often wakes hungry and oatmeal has to be heated and then cooled (the irony) so everything is always so rush rush in morning! I grab a protein bar since I always wake starving too. I make a game time decision to hit the post office right down the street while the oatmeal is cooling instead of waiting. We have a certified letter/check that needs to be picked up and deposited asap. (Somehow I always manage to get a few to do's from dh to add to my already full list!)
8:20am Arrive at the post office with both kids. Discover they don't open until 8:30am. We are already out of carseats so we decide to get in line in the lobby. Charlie entertains everyone whether they like it or not. I find it endearing. "I got a book for pooping yesterday" he tells anyone who will listen. He befriends a girl and "reads" her the book. I pick up the check.
8:50am Since we are in the car already we swing by the library down the street and drop off books (this was all plotted the night before-everything takes planning). Somewhere in between Charlie becomes starving all the sudden. I find a box of raisins in my car (I have bin for such these occasions). Crisis (i.e.meltdown) averted. The library doesn't open until 10am, but they have a drop box. Why doesn't everything open at 7am?! ;) AJ is doing great.
Get home and Charlie eats his oatmeal while I feel AJ solids. He starts fussing toward the end Charlie amuses me with phrases like "oh no, my baby is not laughing!" with exaggerated compassion (swear that child is going to do improv). I shove in the food double time since clearly AJ is clearly not going to make it to the typical 9:30/10am nap time. This has been happening lately.
9:05am Give AJ motrin for teeth so he can have a long nap and decide to try to sneak some milk in before nap since he didn't eat before. No dice. I get bit. But bonus, I find the master bedroom cordless phone in the cushion of the rocker, lol. I lay AJ down at am happy there aren't any screams meaning I waited too long. He starts the "mmm mmm" sounds he makes of self soothing with the paci in and I know he will be out soon (think again). Charlie is playing nicely so I make some coffee and start working on the last bit of dishes from last night (the dreaded handwashing) and those from breakfast. I am excited for a playdate we have at 9:30am. I am finally starting to feel better and rested and have started scheduling these again. I am starving so I grab a bowl of cereal. I see Charlie didn't eat much of his oatmeal and know that is a sign he is teething. I decide to wait on teeth meds (advil) until closer to nap time and know it is a gamble not to head it off and with friends coming over. I get to talk to my sister while I work on the dishes and then hear happy screams from AJ. Why is he still up?! I take the opportunity to clean the toilet between the boys rooms. With Charlie now standing to pee, this is definitely a task that needs to be done OFTEN!
9:45am AJ is down. Charlie has a meltdown about going potty, something that isn't typical. I regret not giving him the advil so I give it. Normally he loves taking it, but he fights it because of the mood he is in. I am glad my friend is late and wonder how the play date will go.
9:55am. My lovely friend Jill arrives with her twin boys, almost 2. She struggled with IF and I am so excited she has asked us to write a referral for her. They are starting the adoption process. We get to do the disjointed conversations that happen during playdates with some refereeing in between.
I take AJ upstairs to nurse and then we get the kids fed together. We eat in shifts. Kids first (AJ solids) and then us and I feel accomplished we all got to eat! Jill brought the hard stuff-salad and dessert. I supplied a cold leftover rotisserie chicken from the day before-I know, I really went out of my way right?! Jill was a huge help. I love how she just jumps in and grabs stuff out of the fridge etc. Its what it takes. They take off after lunch and all kids seem exhausted.
12:50pm AJ goes down. I start the process with Charlie. First he goes potty, then stories (two) and then I sing the Hail Mary (not well, but it served the goal, he knows all the words!). He goes potty again (he initiates) and I put on a pullup. I say a prayer and go to leave when he says he has to go potty again. This is usually not true, but I always let him (last chance) and he poops on the potty chair! This is great because he did the same the night before. We have moved from pooping only in pullup or night diaper, to holding it and streaking everything and only going when we get tired of it and put him on the pot and wait an hour with him to now he tells us he has to go and it takes a bit but there is not holding or streaking prior. Well the reward for this is a little tiny pooh book and something from the candy jar. So I read that book and he gets his treat. Its 1:15pm. I am thrilled and very hopeful for a nap with the poop out of the way. I remind him of the rule "lay on bed, talk quietly, pants on". I go down to clean the floor for AJ. After 2 min Charlie swears he has to potty again. Sometimes there is more poop. It is forced but he does go potty. I check on him after 1 min and praise him for following the rules. I check at 6 min and he is climbing off the bed (I do checks after 1, 6 and 25 min check roughly and if he follows the rules and isn't asleep after the last then he gets out of bed, but he has to follow the rules to move to the next check. I do this because he loves attention and otherwise he was getting it for mostly negative-and if he could just sit still he often sleeps). I hear loud chatter and have to go in early-he looks upset and says there is poop in his pullup. He has streaked it. We go in to the bathroom again and hehas another bm! Another book and another treat. Not typical. (Of course, he could will anything to delay nap I believe!) He does well at 1min, but at the 6min check I hesitate to go in. He is quiet and I don't want to rouse him if he just is starting to go down. I wait, but then I hear him. I go in. He's naked. I start to feel quite defeated, but I am not upset and that is an improvement. He is worried there is more poo in the pullup, but it just diaper cream I put on that is very light brown. He tries to ask to pee. I let him go, regretably, but I tell him if he doesn't, I will be frustrated. He manages to squeeze a tiny out and asks if he made me happy. I take him back to room. He says he has to poop and potty before I leave. I tell him, I am getting really frustrated and he burst into tears. That is not typical. He is tired and needs to go to bed! I tell him I love him but am not happy. He cries loud. He wakes AJ. At least AJ got a typical nap in.
I nurse/wrestle AJ. I literally throw one leg over him! I start on the non-preferred side b/c I am feeling quite lopsided these days. I get 4 minutes out of him and am satisfied I got that far and didn't get bit. I try the other side. Less than average. I am surprised. I try for more. I get bit. Figures.
2:35pm I set AJ down on the main floor and realize I have yet to clean it with all of the up and down from Charlie. Charlie sounds happy on the monitor. We have to leave soon to meet dh to sign the house refi docs at 3:30pm. I never make plans in the afternoon for this reason. I have no idea how long the nap shenanigans will last and I don't want to have to quit when he is close. Before the refi I have to deposit the check from the mail today and get a cashier's check. Frustrated because I will have to give up the nap idea. I then see I have 8 work eamils. I check them quickly, reply to the only one that is time sensitive and roll my eyes at the admin assistant who is once again having issues because she throws out anything that hasn't been used in year (don't let her near your computer software).
2:50pm Go in to reward Charlie and let him out but he is on top of his dresser. So dangerous! He just started this yesterday and has since climbed that and the changing table. I am worried they will crush him and we have the same talk as yesterday. I put him back in bed to end on a good note but he cries for potty. Why do I keep falling for this? He doesn't have to go (btw, each potty break is filled with the "I can do it myself" etc so it is slow). I tell him he didn't earn his television show. He is sad and I am bummed I couldn't at least say "you are laying quietly so you can come out now". Even if it was only 1 minute that would have been better than this type of defeat. Charlie plays on main floor and I nurse AJ up in his room.
Time to head out. My standard routine is both kids in the car (running in garage with the garage open) and I run back in for a two second bathroom break. Going in public with 2 kids is never ideal. I bypass washing my hands for the hand sanitizer in the car. It's quicker. And...I realize now I never did it. Ew. I also had to run back in because Charlie was desperate for his afteroon snack. Unfortunately, it was peanut butter crackers and I forgot a water, a fact I would hear about for the next hour.
We head for the bank and to get the cashier's check. I briefly think about dh would die b/c that check is thrown loose in my purse in my hurry. I have to check email on my phone to even know the who or the amount. Thank goodness for phones. I wasn't prepared at all. A nice woman lets me get it through the drive through and I am grateful. I have a general idea of where the refi is, but not exactly, and I am happy to be able to look at the address etc while in the bank drive through, again, on my phone. I swear, half the time I get in the car I don't know exactly where I am going. There feels like no time to prep things like that in advance. I see the refi was pushed back 15 minutes and I am glad we will be on time because of this. I drive to the refi and dh calls. The refi may not be happening. Are you serious? I am a bit annoyed and he can sense it. These kinds of coordinated events are tough! Dh is annoyed at me for even hinting I am annoying because the refi has been a huge pain and he is the one spending all his time on it.
3:30 I am driving to refi and having a blast singing with Charlie for a good 10. Then I take a quick call from my BFF. I never get to talk to her because she works full time and all my social time is in the form of playdates and day phone calls. We quickly try to catch up in 5 or 10 minutes.
I am bummed as I turn onto the title company's road b/c I now recall they are right across from Plan.ned Parenth.ood. I feel guilt for not coming out to sidewalk counsel since AJ has been born. It was lack of sleep and his lack of taking bottles, but still, others with babies younger than mine have been back in action awhile. Not to mention they are desperate. Dh just read Unplanned and we both have resolved to make it happen again, yet I haven't signed up. I am grateful for IHO.P. They have 3 folks praying at 3:45 on a Friday and have always had a solid presence on the sidewalk. I look in the rear view mirror and see the Charlie is asleep. Crap. Right before we got to the title place he must have zonked. A short nap is worse than none at all. I call dh to see if he stay with him while I sign. Turns out he is just now leaving the office. Now we are going to be really late.
I get AJ out from his carseat and we have some really great one on one time with him on my lap. He is so jolly all of the time! He is smiling and babbling and we play with the mirror on my visor. Open and shut the cover. I catch a glimpse at myself-how long has that black thing been in my teeth?! And then he does the loud high pitch delighted scream and Charlie wakes. It was about a 20 min nap-this is not good! Little did I know...
At 4pm an alarm goes off on my phone titled "what's for dinner?" I look at it and laugh. Good question!
We sign the papers quickly and the kids cooperate decently thanks to pen and paper for Charlie. He is crabby, but it is tolerable. Dh agrees to pray at PP before we leave. I.HOP folks have left, so its just us and the tough security guard. We manage just ten Hail Mary's and a heartfelt prayer. As always, I wish it was more.
We get home and have some time with the boys. We fill out the adoption referral letter for Jill so it doesn't get away from us, and dh delivers it to the mailbox down the street with dog and kids in tow. We feed them early and order pizza. Dh's sister is coming into town with her boyfriend (whose brother needs a heart transplant and is at a local hospital-please pray!) They won't be here until close to the boys' bedtimes (which are earlier due to naps) and we want the pizza to be hot for the guests. The boys get fed, but the pizza comes early (and the sister is late due to traffic). In completely typical Charlie fashion, he joins us for round two of dinner-that boy can eat! Before he is done the guests arrive and Charlie entertains us all with his chatter, as usual. I get my pizza and am just about to eat a 2nd piece when it happens. He is eating in his chair, which is a booster, and when he is done he gets down. He has fallen before out of the chair (just because he is almost three and likes to goof around). I wasn't surprised by the big tears, he is definitely tired after all. But when dh picks him up we all gasp. There is a huge gash on his forehead right over his eye. It doesn't bleed a ton, but it looks wide open and deep. We rush to the car and I buckle Charlie in. I remember my sister's advice and ask dh to grab a popsicle (which equals a calm quiet kid which equals slower heart rate and less bleeding). Instant happy child. Dh and I look at each other. It really isn't bleeding that bad at all (we had nothing on it if that tells you how little). But it looks deep. Were we too rash to think Urgent Care? I tell him I will call my sister (her dh is a doctor) and I get in the driver's seat. Dh listens to a few AJ instructions. My sister says go and agrees with my call to do the local children's hospital where they can sedate if necessary, etc. Can I just say I love children's hospitals?! Amazing! And Charlie-a hoot! Never another tear from him. First it was bandaid the check in lady put on him (duh-why didn't I do that?!). He ran around the lobby telling everyone "look at my owie. I have a rabbit band aid" and then squinty his eye like a pirate. He was happy kid and entertained everyone. Back in the room, a nurse told another he was "yummy." And he was! All he did was talk everyone's ear off and love the attention, lol. I told him he had to mind or they wouldn't share toys with him. A lady came in with videos and he picked Th.omas the Train (a huge treat, he never watches this). They topically numbed his head and we had great snuggle time watching the video while it took effect. The lady, kelly, returned with a doll and showed him what stitches were and how they were going to do everything. He got to touch the materials, etc and he wasn't scared. The doctor came in and we decided Charlie needed real stitches because he is so active. Because it was the forehead, they didn't need to numb it any other way, but it was a little tricky because it was the so close to the eye. Charlie would be able to see everything. I was glad they sedated him. He really didn't seem that sedated, he was awake and alert, but some slurring and he was more cooperative to be restricted. He watched Thoma.s and chatted with us answering a million questions we used to distract me. He just made a few annoyed sounds and tried to pull away saying "he's breaking me" about the doctor. The doc did 2 stitches one way, said it wasn't working, and then did 8 another way after taking the first 2 out. Charlie did great and I felt good because they joked about hiring me with my behavior skills. Good thing they didn't see my failure at nap time!
On the way home I learned AJ was great for dad, went down easy and never woke until now (past 11pm). But he wasn't taking the bottle. I thought I was going to have leave Charlie with dh and nurse AJ, but dh had gotten him back to sleep so we both got to put Charlie to bed together and tell dad about the trip. It's been a long night and is now 12am. I prayed he would sleep in! (just fyi, he slept til 9am and took a 3.5 hr nap with zero bathroom requests!)
I left Charlie's room and went to AJ's to wake him for the before-I-go-to bed feeding. I definitely did not want to wake once I went to sleep, if possible. He was happy to see me, as always! I usually go to bed at 11pm so I am ready but one thing remains. I am starving. I only had that one piece of pizza! I sneak into the kitchen for a cold piece before bed and Craig's sister is doing the same :) We end up having an hour plus heart to heart over cold pizza about her step sister's daughter that had 48 hrs worth of seizures and dh and her brother that had serious drug problems that have lead to legal issues. Dh comes down to get me because he's woken and realizes I haven't yet come to bed. He can't sleep without me :)
It's now 2am and definitely not a typical bedtime. I usually go to bed at 11pm and I was ready for it! Well, not exactly a typical day, but then what is?! I am surprised we haven't been to the ER with Charlie before now, and with 2 boys, I doubt it will be our last! Reflecting on this I realize the time at PP and with Chalie at nap were the only prayers. We forgot to pray at meals (unusual) and praying didn't even cross my mind during our emergency which is disappointing. I will definitely have to work on that!
Changing bandages. (The alcohol pads in the background weren't for him!)
Charlie the next day showing off his owie and the car Kelly the nurse gave him.
Puzzles earlier in the day.
Aj enjoying a mum mum. We have started finger foods recently and these are very well received!
I honestly don't know what you all will think of a typical day by me-anywhere from proud and impressed to feeling sorry for me (okay probably not from the IF population and that is more than fair) or thinking I am idiot for how I handle things. I often feel all of these emotions about myself on a daily basis as you will see Of course, go figure that the day I would record things would be a not so typical day in the sense that it ended with a trip to the ER and I went to bed at 2am. But minus those things, I would say it isn't that off. Please forgive me, but I am
6:50am I don't recall if dh's alarm went off or not, but this is a little on the early side for me to wake. I lay there for a second, but what's the point. Even though I cleaned the main floor from when the boys went to bed until I went to bed at 11pm the night before (very unusual), there is stuff to be done and no time like the present since it appears the kids are still sleeping. The morning is a race and I am off and running. Once they wake there is a lot to do at once. Dh is going to the gym before work today so his morning routine is minimal and he is out the door early. I am grateful he let the dog out, who is always dying to pee first thing. One less thing to do. I jump in the shower and am able to get ready before AJ gets up. Usually I don't bother trying to shower first thing (or at all depending on the day!)
7:20am AJ is up. I love the sound of his chatter. I put a few final touches on myself and go to his room. He needs a diaper asap before he pees out, and prevacid and then he is usually really ready to nurse since he went all night again (with the exception of the feeding before I go to bed). Also, AJ doesn't nurse well (loves solids though) and is crazy distractable, so it is hard to nurse when Charlie is up. Evidently AJ wasn't that hungry, he eats for a few min and then I get bit (ouch! its the new sign he is over it-let me tell you, its quickly making me over it, haha!). I get him dressed. This whole time I am monitoring Charlie. Charlie used to play nicely when he woke in his room (he can't get out, spinning door knobs), but lately he has been removing the nighttime diaper and when I was out of town he did that with poop in it for my mom!
7:40am Charlie is up. Thankfully AJ is done. I get Charlie quickly and take off his soaked nighttime diaper. He potties in the toiliet, get him dressed, and oops forgot to have him brush his teeth I realize later. Since dh is at the gym, that means we don't manage to squeeze a much needed bath/shower in. I was going to throw him in the shower with daddy, the easiest and fastest way to get him clean. We go downstairs and I get Charlie his vitamins and start cooking his oatmeal. He often wakes hungry and oatmeal has to be heated and then cooled (the irony) so everything is always so rush rush in morning! I grab a protein bar since I always wake starving too. I make a game time decision to hit the post office right down the street while the oatmeal is cooling instead of waiting. We have a certified letter/check that needs to be picked up and deposited asap. (Somehow I always manage to get a few to do's from dh to add to my already full list!)
8:20am Arrive at the post office with both kids. Discover they don't open until 8:30am. We are already out of carseats so we decide to get in line in the lobby. Charlie entertains everyone whether they like it or not. I find it endearing. "I got a book for pooping yesterday" he tells anyone who will listen. He befriends a girl and "reads" her the book. I pick up the check.
8:50am Since we are in the car already we swing by the library down the street and drop off books (this was all plotted the night before-everything takes planning). Somewhere in between Charlie becomes starving all the sudden. I find a box of raisins in my car (I have bin for such these occasions). Crisis (i.e.meltdown) averted. The library doesn't open until 10am, but they have a drop box. Why doesn't everything open at 7am?! ;) AJ is doing great.
Get home and Charlie eats his oatmeal while I feel AJ solids. He starts fussing toward the end Charlie amuses me with phrases like "oh no, my baby is not laughing!" with exaggerated compassion (swear that child is going to do improv). I shove in the food double time since clearly AJ is clearly not going to make it to the typical 9:30/10am nap time. This has been happening lately.
9:05am Give AJ motrin for teeth so he can have a long nap and decide to try to sneak some milk in before nap since he didn't eat before. No dice. I get bit. But bonus, I find the master bedroom cordless phone in the cushion of the rocker, lol. I lay AJ down at am happy there aren't any screams meaning I waited too long. He starts the "mmm mmm" sounds he makes of self soothing with the paci in and I know he will be out soon (think again). Charlie is playing nicely so I make some coffee and start working on the last bit of dishes from last night (the dreaded handwashing) and those from breakfast. I am excited for a playdate we have at 9:30am. I am finally starting to feel better and rested and have started scheduling these again. I am starving so I grab a bowl of cereal. I see Charlie didn't eat much of his oatmeal and know that is a sign he is teething. I decide to wait on teeth meds (advil) until closer to nap time and know it is a gamble not to head it off and with friends coming over. I get to talk to my sister while I work on the dishes and then hear happy screams from AJ. Why is he still up?! I take the opportunity to clean the toilet between the boys rooms. With Charlie now standing to pee, this is definitely a task that needs to be done OFTEN!
9:45am AJ is down. Charlie has a meltdown about going potty, something that isn't typical. I regret not giving him the advil so I give it. Normally he loves taking it, but he fights it because of the mood he is in. I am glad my friend is late and wonder how the play date will go.
9:55am. My lovely friend Jill arrives with her twin boys, almost 2. She struggled with IF and I am so excited she has asked us to write a referral for her. They are starting the adoption process. We get to do the disjointed conversations that happen during playdates with some refereeing in between.
I take AJ upstairs to nurse and then we get the kids fed together. We eat in shifts. Kids first (AJ solids) and then us and I feel accomplished we all got to eat! Jill brought the hard stuff-salad and dessert. I supplied a cold leftover rotisserie chicken from the day before-I know, I really went out of my way right?! Jill was a huge help. I love how she just jumps in and grabs stuff out of the fridge etc. Its what it takes. They take off after lunch and all kids seem exhausted.
12:50pm AJ goes down. I start the process with Charlie. First he goes potty, then stories (two) and then I sing the Hail Mary (not well, but it served the goal, he knows all the words!). He goes potty again (he initiates) and I put on a pullup. I say a prayer and go to leave when he says he has to go potty again. This is usually not true, but I always let him (last chance) and he poops on the potty chair! This is great because he did the same the night before. We have moved from pooping only in pullup or night diaper, to holding it and streaking everything and only going when we get tired of it and put him on the pot and wait an hour with him to now he tells us he has to go and it takes a bit but there is not holding or streaking prior. Well the reward for this is a little tiny pooh book and something from the candy jar. So I read that book and he gets his treat. Its 1:15pm. I am thrilled and very hopeful for a nap with the poop out of the way. I remind him of the rule "lay on bed, talk quietly, pants on". I go down to clean the floor for AJ. After 2 min Charlie swears he has to potty again. Sometimes there is more poop. It is forced but he does go potty. I check on him after 1 min and praise him for following the rules. I check at 6 min and he is climbing off the bed (I do checks after 1, 6 and 25 min check roughly and if he follows the rules and isn't asleep after the last then he gets out of bed, but he has to follow the rules to move to the next check. I do this because he loves attention and otherwise he was getting it for mostly negative-and if he could just sit still he often sleeps). I hear loud chatter and have to go in early-he looks upset and says there is poop in his pullup. He has streaked it. We go in to the bathroom again and hehas another bm! Another book and another treat. Not typical. (Of course, he could will anything to delay nap I believe!) He does well at 1min, but at the 6min check I hesitate to go in. He is quiet and I don't want to rouse him if he just is starting to go down. I wait, but then I hear him. I go in. He's naked. I start to feel quite defeated, but I am not upset and that is an improvement. He is worried there is more poo in the pullup, but it just diaper cream I put on that is very light brown. He tries to ask to pee. I let him go, regretably, but I tell him if he doesn't, I will be frustrated. He manages to squeeze a tiny out and asks if he made me happy. I take him back to room. He says he has to poop and potty before I leave. I tell him, I am getting really frustrated and he burst into tears. That is not typical. He is tired and needs to go to bed! I tell him I love him but am not happy. He cries loud. He wakes AJ. At least AJ got a typical nap in.
I nurse/wrestle AJ. I literally throw one leg over him! I start on the non-preferred side b/c I am feeling quite lopsided these days. I get 4 minutes out of him and am satisfied I got that far and didn't get bit. I try the other side. Less than average. I am surprised. I try for more. I get bit. Figures.
2:35pm I set AJ down on the main floor and realize I have yet to clean it with all of the up and down from Charlie. Charlie sounds happy on the monitor. We have to leave soon to meet dh to sign the house refi docs at 3:30pm. I never make plans in the afternoon for this reason. I have no idea how long the nap shenanigans will last and I don't want to have to quit when he is close. Before the refi I have to deposit the check from the mail today and get a cashier's check. Frustrated because I will have to give up the nap idea. I then see I have 8 work eamils. I check them quickly, reply to the only one that is time sensitive and roll my eyes at the admin assistant who is once again having issues because she throws out anything that hasn't been used in year (don't let her near your computer software).
2:50pm Go in to reward Charlie and let him out but he is on top of his dresser. So dangerous! He just started this yesterday and has since climbed that and the changing table. I am worried they will crush him and we have the same talk as yesterday. I put him back in bed to end on a good note but he cries for potty. Why do I keep falling for this? He doesn't have to go (btw, each potty break is filled with the "I can do it myself" etc so it is slow). I tell him he didn't earn his television show. He is sad and I am bummed I couldn't at least say "you are laying quietly so you can come out now". Even if it was only 1 minute that would have been better than this type of defeat. Charlie plays on main floor and I nurse AJ up in his room.
Time to head out. My standard routine is both kids in the car (running in garage with the garage open) and I run back in for a two second bathroom break. Going in public with 2 kids is never ideal. I bypass washing my hands for the hand sanitizer in the car. It's quicker. And...I realize now I never did it. Ew. I also had to run back in because Charlie was desperate for his afteroon snack. Unfortunately, it was peanut butter crackers and I forgot a water, a fact I would hear about for the next hour.
We head for the bank and to get the cashier's check. I briefly think about dh would die b/c that check is thrown loose in my purse in my hurry. I have to check email on my phone to even know the who or the amount. Thank goodness for phones. I wasn't prepared at all. A nice woman lets me get it through the drive through and I am grateful. I have a general idea of where the refi is, but not exactly, and I am happy to be able to look at the address etc while in the bank drive through, again, on my phone. I swear, half the time I get in the car I don't know exactly where I am going. There feels like no time to prep things like that in advance. I see the refi was pushed back 15 minutes and I am glad we will be on time because of this. I drive to the refi and dh calls. The refi may not be happening. Are you serious? I am a bit annoyed and he can sense it. These kinds of coordinated events are tough! Dh is annoyed at me for even hinting I am annoying because the refi has been a huge pain and he is the one spending all his time on it.
3:30 I am driving to refi and having a blast singing with Charlie for a good 10. Then I take a quick call from my BFF. I never get to talk to her because she works full time and all my social time is in the form of playdates and day phone calls. We quickly try to catch up in 5 or 10 minutes.
I am bummed as I turn onto the title company's road b/c I now recall they are right across from Plan.ned Parenth.ood. I feel guilt for not coming out to sidewalk counsel since AJ has been born. It was lack of sleep and his lack of taking bottles, but still, others with babies younger than mine have been back in action awhile. Not to mention they are desperate. Dh just read Unplanned and we both have resolved to make it happen again, yet I haven't signed up. I am grateful for IHO.P. They have 3 folks praying at 3:45 on a Friday and have always had a solid presence on the sidewalk. I look in the rear view mirror and see the Charlie is asleep. Crap. Right before we got to the title place he must have zonked. A short nap is worse than none at all. I call dh to see if he stay with him while I sign. Turns out he is just now leaving the office. Now we are going to be really late.
I get AJ out from his carseat and we have some really great one on one time with him on my lap. He is so jolly all of the time! He is smiling and babbling and we play with the mirror on my visor. Open and shut the cover. I catch a glimpse at myself-how long has that black thing been in my teeth?! And then he does the loud high pitch delighted scream and Charlie wakes. It was about a 20 min nap-this is not good! Little did I know...
At 4pm an alarm goes off on my phone titled "what's for dinner?" I look at it and laugh. Good question!
We sign the papers quickly and the kids cooperate decently thanks to pen and paper for Charlie. He is crabby, but it is tolerable. Dh agrees to pray at PP before we leave. I.HOP folks have left, so its just us and the tough security guard. We manage just ten Hail Mary's and a heartfelt prayer. As always, I wish it was more.
We get home and have some time with the boys. We fill out the adoption referral letter for Jill so it doesn't get away from us, and dh delivers it to the mailbox down the street with dog and kids in tow. We feed them early and order pizza. Dh's sister is coming into town with her boyfriend (whose brother needs a heart transplant and is at a local hospital-please pray!) They won't be here until close to the boys' bedtimes (which are earlier due to naps) and we want the pizza to be hot for the guests. The boys get fed, but the pizza comes early (and the sister is late due to traffic). In completely typical Charlie fashion, he joins us for round two of dinner-that boy can eat! Before he is done the guests arrive and Charlie entertains us all with his chatter, as usual. I get my pizza and am just about to eat a 2nd piece when it happens. He is eating in his chair, which is a booster, and when he is done he gets down. He has fallen before out of the chair (just because he is almost three and likes to goof around). I wasn't surprised by the big tears, he is definitely tired after all. But when dh picks him up we all gasp. There is a huge gash on his forehead right over his eye. It doesn't bleed a ton, but it looks wide open and deep. We rush to the car and I buckle Charlie in. I remember my sister's advice and ask dh to grab a popsicle (which equals a calm quiet kid which equals slower heart rate and less bleeding). Instant happy child. Dh and I look at each other. It really isn't bleeding that bad at all (we had nothing on it if that tells you how little). But it looks deep. Were we too rash to think Urgent Care? I tell him I will call my sister (her dh is a doctor) and I get in the driver's seat. Dh listens to a few AJ instructions. My sister says go and agrees with my call to do the local children's hospital where they can sedate if necessary, etc. Can I just say I love children's hospitals?! Amazing! And Charlie-a hoot! Never another tear from him. First it was bandaid the check in lady put on him (duh-why didn't I do that?!). He ran around the lobby telling everyone "look at my owie. I have a rabbit band aid" and then squinty his eye like a pirate. He was happy kid and entertained everyone. Back in the room, a nurse told another he was "yummy." And he was! All he did was talk everyone's ear off and love the attention, lol. I told him he had to mind or they wouldn't share toys with him. A lady came in with videos and he picked Th.omas the Train (a huge treat, he never watches this). They topically numbed his head and we had great snuggle time watching the video while it took effect. The lady, kelly, returned with a doll and showed him what stitches were and how they were going to do everything. He got to touch the materials, etc and he wasn't scared. The doctor came in and we decided Charlie needed real stitches because he is so active. Because it was the forehead, they didn't need to numb it any other way, but it was a little tricky because it was the so close to the eye. Charlie would be able to see everything. I was glad they sedated him. He really didn't seem that sedated, he was awake and alert, but some slurring and he was more cooperative to be restricted. He watched Thoma.s and chatted with us answering a million questions we used to distract me. He just made a few annoyed sounds and tried to pull away saying "he's breaking me" about the doctor. The doc did 2 stitches one way, said it wasn't working, and then did 8 another way after taking the first 2 out. Charlie did great and I felt good because they joked about hiring me with my behavior skills. Good thing they didn't see my failure at nap time!
On the way home I learned AJ was great for dad, went down easy and never woke until now (past 11pm). But he wasn't taking the bottle. I thought I was going to have leave Charlie with dh and nurse AJ, but dh had gotten him back to sleep so we both got to put Charlie to bed together and tell dad about the trip. It's been a long night and is now 12am. I prayed he would sleep in! (just fyi, he slept til 9am and took a 3.5 hr nap with zero bathroom requests!)
I left Charlie's room and went to AJ's to wake him for the before-I-go-to bed feeding. I definitely did not want to wake once I went to sleep, if possible. He was happy to see me, as always! I usually go to bed at 11pm so I am ready but one thing remains. I am starving. I only had that one piece of pizza! I sneak into the kitchen for a cold piece before bed and Craig's sister is doing the same :) We end up having an hour plus heart to heart over cold pizza about her step sister's daughter that had 48 hrs worth of seizures and dh and her brother that had serious drug problems that have lead to legal issues. Dh comes down to get me because he's woken and realizes I haven't yet come to bed. He can't sleep without me :)
It's now 2am and definitely not a typical bedtime. I usually go to bed at 11pm and I was ready for it! Well, not exactly a typical day, but then what is?! I am surprised we haven't been to the ER with Charlie before now, and with 2 boys, I doubt it will be our last! Reflecting on this I realize the time at PP and with Chalie at nap were the only prayers. We forgot to pray at meals (unusual) and praying didn't even cross my mind during our emergency which is disappointing. I will definitely have to work on that!
Aj enjoying a mum mum. We have started finger foods recently and these are very well received!
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