The Day Hell Froze Over :)

I always knew we had an infection and that was the reason for our losses pre and post the boys. We certainly seem to have outgrown our current treatment. I figured it was what Dr. Hilgers wanted to talk about on our phone consult, so I was surprised he spent time talking and wanting to rule out genetics. But we did the testing, ruled it out, and I am glad we did. The following phone consult was actually with Dr. J while Dr. Hilgers was out of town. Consult with Dr. Toth was what we were told.

We didn't run to Dr. Toth. I sat on it. Thought I would confirm it in another month. But dh started getting worried about time, doing his own research, leading this train. I had and still have a lot of peace. God will open doors if we are meant to go. If we aren't, fine. More money toward adoption. I have really entered a stage of being at peace with no more biological children, or even the unknown of if we will ever adopt. I will forever be grateful for the children I have. I am just in a good place right now and have been for at least a few months. I trust God's plan for us.

I ended up emailing Dr. Toth's office and basically a phone consult (would have been our second) would surely have resulted in a recommendation for full treatment. I mean, we did the mainstream infection treatment and then we did the Hilgers/Toth orals/IV watered down combo. We were fortunate that worked to have our boys. There is not much middle ground left. Again, I am willing to let it lie, but the more my husband researches, the less he is. Hence the reason for this post. I never thought he'd go. I sure didn't put much into it. Here I am recommending it to others and yet...for him I knew the barriers. No guarantees. Lots of money. Likelihood  insurance will take time to reimburse and the amount is complete unknown. Lots of time off work. Lots of time away from the kids. Coordinating childcare. The fact that it isn't mainstream medicine. The location being NY in general. All of it isn't my husband's cup of tea. And more than that it taps into a lot of fears beyond the typical person regarding pain, leaving kids, etc. 

But there is another thing I underestimated that has been building. My husband is physically uncomfortable and the infection seems a pretty clear culprit. Never underestimate the power for that to motivate. And then there is health. My husband wants to be healthy, not just to have more children. And then there are the barriers that seem to be just melting in our paths like free travel credit, cheaper accommodations, family willing to help out where even a month ago there would be no way, time off work and more. Hmmm. I just sort of sat back in a place of peace watching it unfold and sort of marveling that he was even considering. I gave him all the negatives I could think of. I didn't shy away from the reality. Remember, I have no horse in this race and could make the argument either way. And yet, he continues to drive this show. And you know what? We aren't fighting. Because I am not nagging and emotional and invested. We are closer as he starts to understand more of the IF world I live in and the research I began back in 2007/2008 that led us here in the first place. 

The last cycle review via email Dr. J called me personally to address my questions as we made decisions. She quoted Dr. H as saying "he strongly recommends you go." Sort of "this is your problem, he is your best bet, obviously no guarantees and you have to be comfortable with it." But no uncertain terms, if you can, go. (p.s. I also got okay to go back on hcg shots while avoiding to regulate my hormones which are super duper low and an okay to go on LDN but not until we start ttc).

Well, we have flights booked. We have appts set. Though both of those are reversible and he claims more research is needed. That is fine. So here I am, soliciting hotel suggestions, bad side effects, anything you want to offer on either side of the debate. I welcome it all. But most importantly I ask for your prayers, that we hear and follow the direction God is leading us in. I want to be in the wheelbarrow!