4.23.2014

Insurance is Maddening plus Hormone Forecast

Just a quick update on what is going on in my world:

Within the family, my oldest sister is still following through with her decision to disown me. Easter was alright with her gone. I realize that following God's will, of course, never meant everyone would like you for doing it. I still feel I did the right thing, and that writing that letter was prompted by the Holy Spirit. Confirmation is the continued bubble of peace :)

My little sister is now 24 weeks pregnant with a little boy. He is doing well. She was worried she never felt him move, but sono shows the placenta is in the way. She had a scare on Easter re losing her mucus plug, but her cervix is tight so it should regenerate. They are keeping a close eye on her.

In other drama, as you recall, I was told by our insurance company that our claim was denied due to inconsistent codes.  The location codes of doctor office mixed with home health were especially confusing, and detrimental as home health triggered a pre cert. Of course, that triggered hope they could be redone correctly. I spent a lot of time on the phone today about this. It started with finding out that wasn't at all the reason and that they are awaiting medical records. I clarified Toth had sent them all, and they mistakingly requested them from Hilgers for the HCG request and combined them with the Toth appeal. She said no, they want everything from Hilgers now because Toth's office was flagged as infertility (due to a google search by a nurse-really?!). Okay...we can fight this. First of all, Hilgers records sure don't state IF. Secondly, Toth is a pathologist and I saw him for infection. Third, I don't have the history of X amt of cycles of unsuccessful trying. We knew about various dx and were able to have meds on board from day one so thankfully we were proactive and never got there. Additionally, Hilgers office told us BC/BS was sued and it was now policy that repeat miscarriage is NOT infertility by their definition. So...bring it. Additionally, I called Jessica from Toth's office and she was under the impression the codes were changed based on their conversation. Which wasn't the case, unfortunately, so she is correcting that paperwork so it never gets down to this. I am doing this for me, and for all woman who go down this path. I really hope this reimbursement will come through. Jessica is already excited for all the extra knowledge she gained in the coding process that she can pass along.

So...I haven't been charting. But since I am not on HCG, technically a miracle conception could lead to a miscarriage without post peak support. So for now, I am semi charting and we are avoiding when I have really obvious signs. I need to get back on HCG for many reasons, but...there are barriers. Barrier one is it is flgged for infertility and they aren't covering the $100 a month. Barrier two: my skin is THICK! You really need to go at it with major force. Problem is I have no depth perception and I am afraid to stab myself hard in the wrong spot. Done it. Bad bad bad memories. My dh has never done the stomach ones. I am thinking I should maybe try my thigh, but there is no fat there and it seems painful. How is that not in the muscle? It's a sub cutaneous shot.  So I am struggling mentally with making myself continue this med indefinitely. But I know it is selfish. Plus, I was psycho over Easter and pretty sure it was hormone related. I just felt so angry about everything. I don't remember being like that before. It prompted dh to ask this morning for a hormone forecast, lol. He wanted to know if the forecast was "get the hell out of the house." Yes, I did laugh!

So that's it for now. Dh seems not ready to talk adoption (his work sucks, he is overwhelmed by house projects, the $15k from NY is still fresh in his head, and more) so I just info gather and try to be patient. It may not happen at all, and I am really okay with that even though I do badly want it. Not sure if that makes sense? I am sure $15k back from insurance wouldn't hurt toward that cause.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Resurrection Sunday and are enjoying the Easter season. He is Risen!

4.02.2014

God Continues to Write As We Discern Adoption

I am going to write this quick takes style :) I continue to try and stay quiet on the adoption/foster to adopt situation to give my husband a break, but I have great interest and curiosity about the process. A few things have popped up, and I can't help but wonder if they are from God. Dh doesn't mind if I learn some info and filter to him later, so I have begun!

  1. At the same time as we decided to stop ttc and look into adoption, my good friend Alive in Hope, started doing the same. It is awesome to discern together and see how God is already writing her amazing story! And it shows that God had this in mind when we first met because I am in a unique situation to provide resources and insight to a situation that recently came up. Love it!
  2. Our archdiocesan newspaper just posted a story since we started discerning about these nuns that facilitate adoptions. I think it is the same agency a friend of a friend used, and so I am reaching out to this friend to hear more of her story. 
  3. Remember how I told you all I am surrounded by infertility? There are woman that suffer in my immediate family, my extended family including my in laws, my high school friends, college friends, church friends, and more. Every group in my life has these woman. It certainly has made the road less lonely. I also have awesome examples in my life that have survived IF and either had children, adopted children, or came to peace and determined they were not called to adoption. Lots of strong amazing examples.  It helps, in this phase, to have access to people that have adopted, fostered, fostered to adopt, or are in the process of waiting to be matched (as well as those that discerned it wasn't for them). And so I have a bit of the picture going in, and lots of woman to tap into. A local friend did foster to adopt. In fact, as I looked up the website, there was her cute family's photo! I am meeting with her next week to hear more about their story. Also my out of town cousin did the same and fosters lots of children. In fact, I hopped on my cousin's facebook to ask her a question and saw this as her most recent post-ripped my heart out. http://vimeo.com/73172036 She and I have been communicating by fb and she is very open to answering any questions I have. I had two local friends who were waiting to be matched for adoptions. One is still waiting, while another dropped off the list so that is really important to understand that perspective too. I am also grateful for the many many adoption blogs I am looking at in a new light. Please remind me if you are going through this process so I can be sure to follow you closely!
  4. You know how my little sister is pregnant? Well her guy is a social worker and it just so happens he works at the only place in my state with the contract to adopt out children whose families' rights are terminated. And it turns out that my county is given the preference (likely due to location, the agency is here). So I can ask him questions anytime. He doesn't work on that side of things, but is very familiar. I am wondering, do you think God works through bumper stickers? lol. I do! Dh and I were with the kids going through the taco bell drive thru on 3/21 when I saw this in front of me: "Be a Foster Parent" and it listed the agencies phone number. I couldn't stop laughing. 
  5. And, while I am painfully aware that my oldest sister's kids even this week might be available for adoption (please pray for her court date Thursday), who knows? Maybe God is giving us this situation to help us be more sympathetic to what families on the other side of things are going through. I am sure she would be quite angry if we adopted and didn't take her kids if she can't raise them, but my husband has been quite clear how he doesn't feel that is good for us, and I support that.
  6. You won't believe this. Okay you totally will. I walked into my church's Women's Day of Reflection late last Saturday and found another woman close to my age who was trying to find the same retreat. We spoke for a minute, but she hung back in the cry room with her five month old while I went into the main church. After mass, I saw her heading back out the wrong way, so I grabbed her to follow the woman with name tags :) We visited as we walked to the social room where the talks were being held. I introduced myself and you know what happened next? She asked if I had a blog! Ladies, she recognized me by my picture and has been a reader for 4 or 5 years! Instant connection! Let's just say it was difficult to stop our conversation and focus on the retreat after that (even though the talks were excellent!). It's a good thing she didn't mind me sitting with her and her friend because I was NOT ready to end the conversation. Thankfully, the feeling seemed mutual, and we talked another 30 min post conference and exchanged contact information. I already feel like I have known her for years, despite her not having a blog. Her five month old son is her miracle baby post major surgery by Hilgers for endometriosis. God is so good! So glad I was running late and met you B! B is also a CASA advocate and represents what is in the best interest of children in court for abuse cases on a volunteer basis. Her first case resulted in the rights being terminated and she just happened to have a friend who was trying to adopt. Her supervisor told her to make the call, and now that family is wrapping up the adoption! I told her to keep me on speed dial for her current case :) And B's friend, A, that she was meeting up with at the talk nodded understandingly when I mentioned I had heard repeatedly that Catholic Charities is great, but doesn't do a lot of volume with adoptions. A had a friend that went with them, said the same thing. She ended up adopting through the Sisters. The same Sisters the newspaper just wrote about. Did I mention B used my good friend as her doula? So I called the friend and let her know I connected with B (which she loved, said she wanted to introduce us because so much in common) and then she was excited to hear everything. It turns out I didn't know she just completed the CASA training herself.  So maybe something will come from this route? Crazy small world regardless!
  7. Also, last week a good friend of mine finally connected with me again over the phone after ages, only to find out that they haven't resolved their infertility issues and they have decided to adopt. She is further along in the process than me and had shared about the two agencies they are exploring-Catholic Charities and the Sisters. I shared what I knew about Catholic Charities, introduced her to the Catholic infertility and adoption blogs (including mine), as well as the yahoo discussion board and facebook page. Infertility sucks, but going through it together helps, right ladies?! So welcome, S! And so excited I have someone local and close to me to explore adoption with!
I really didn't have time to write this (seriously, I wrote "right" the first time! that is def me in a hurry!), so I hope it isn't too all over the place! But then, that's a bit how I roll. If I waited until blog posts were perfect or I had time...there would be no blog posts!