Is This a Test?

So I have a theory. And it only has a sample size of 6, so I would love for you to weigh in. I looked over my HCGs from the past. Normally I look at percent growth and try to make heads or tails. But today I noticed something different. See, I always knew that there was some things the doc say to make you feel better about a crappy HCG. It goes like this. First you are told it should double every 48. Then you are told it actually can take72hrs. Then you are told it's okay, as long as it doesn't go down. Then you are told some excuse for it going down. Exception-lab variability is very real. Do not change labs unless you have to and never compare one lab with anthers. Note, this is all based on my six experiences and nothing more. But I have found that my babies just do more than double initially in just 48hrs if all is well. You see below, M is my only case that did awesome at first and then did poorly. That is because he was my first infection baby and that is how infection works. The next baby was much sicker. What I am rambling about is revolutionary to me-every baby that didn't make it didn't double by 24dpo. It can be really close (Anthony), but if it doesn't by far, it never worked out. Why does this matter? Before, it was always the heartbeat that meant relief. Correction-an on time heartbeat. This is why dates matter. Dates are off all the time. But if you 100% know your dates from charting, then no one can say come back in a weak it's probably off, and keep you in limbo. You know this isn't good. Knowing sooner is better, in my opinion. So heart beat is early notice (6.5 weeks, same as 28dpo), but 22 and 24 dpo is even sooner. I will come back to this point.

	12dpo	14dpo	15dpo	16dpo	17dpo	18dpo	19dpo	20dpo	21dpo	22dpo	23dpo	24dpo	25dpo	26dpo	27dpo
M				514		1544		3438				5271		5184
G				279		321		353		444
C			546		1201		1838*		3365					12708
A				207			500		1634		3219			5247
G								899		1300s		2209 (sat)
N				47		100		215				625
K?	29	114	n/a	X	n/a	X	n/a		X

AJ has the flu. Type A. He maybe was a little warm yesterday. He was clearing his throat a lot, some junk was bothering him. He woke at 1:30am saying his eyes hurt and he was thirsty. He had a fever of 103. I wasn't too concerned. I stripped him down to summer pi's (because I knew he was burying in covers), gave him Gatorade and a popsicle, along with some advil and sent him back to bed. He woke at 6:30am (too early for more Advil) with a fever of 104.5. I wasn't messing around. I was out of Tylenol. I didn't want it to get any higher. Off to Children's Mercy ER we went. He was a brave one! The strep test wasn't able to be done in one swab and he willingly opened for her to get another. He got a chest x ray and a nose swab. They wouldn't have swabbed him, but because I am pregnant, it would make a difference in his care (Tamiflu). He didn't like the swab. But as soon as Advil kicked in, he perked right up. Sweet boy, you know he asked me today to pray a rosary with him? First time ever! God, of course, and also the fact we went yesterday and said one at adoration. My doc is worried about me getting flu, so it's Tamiflu for me too. And despite this, God has it. He has us, me and this baby, wrapped in His loving arms. (will add pics if I can get them to download!)

Dr. Hilger's nurse Stephanie called back today. I really love her. She said Dr. Hilgers has been spending a lot of time with my chart. I am sure-quite interesting reading. :) I am the four who had Dr. Toth's full treatment that I know of. Pretty sure he is following me closely, as he continues to learn daily. Dr. Hilgers wants me on HCG. I have heard of women on this to increase progesterone. It started after my last loss, I believe. Dh is going to give them to me, thankfully because I can't go there again. Not even for a baby because it has nothing to do with desire. It's about debilitating anxiety. But dh will give them and it will be fine. I realized something on the call though; once I take that first shot (obviously sooner is better), its no more HCG quants for me from the lab. I will get Sat and Monday, but then I will get the meds in the mail, and it will skew the result. So there goes that theory and the idea of earlier knowledge.

But you know what, I am okay. I feel like God is saying, are you really at peace? Is your faith in me? Or are you still trying to control? You said the baby is mine. Is that really true? So I am giving it to Him. Every bit of control over this baby. I don't want it. You are the one I want in control. You know best. Take my HCG quants, take my early sono, whatever you want to take it is yours. I will do all the shots, or none of the shots.  Your will be done.