Offering it Up and Trust *updated

Its been an exhausting last seven days, both mentally and physically.  I have had plenty to offer up for those still waiting. 

• 3 hcg draws, one of these included the prog draw-yes, I stuck with my plan and let go after this despite having access to more.  I almost caved once, but I stayed strong.  I don't need the drama.  My baby is in God's hands and no amount of information is going to change the outcome.  It just gives me the illusion of control and I don't need it.  Freedom!
• 8 2 cc progesterone in oil shots (mine is free through insurance but less strong so I have to get 4 cc's each time, so two in each hip)-1 of those shots was the most painful thing in my life as dh was taking awhile to psych himself up and the anticipation was killing me.  I moved, literally I could not control it, and he hit a nerve when he went in.  At least that is what the nurse thinks happened based on what followed: it felt like he hit a bone and the pain shot down from hip to ankle.  Insert uncontrollable sobs and dh and I are both traumatized for life! 
• 3 peripherial IVs (just the regular kind).  Yes, three.  I got one in on Friday because Dr. Hilger's nurse didn't specify a mid line so they weren't set up to do it. I guess my home health agency contracts out and they no longer had a provider so they needed a local doc to rewrite the script so a hospital would take it.  My local ob/gyn would be willing, but was out of town until Monday and then in surgery until Monday afternoon.  At that time he called in a mid line and the only time they would do it was Wednesday morning, which of course was when the funeral was.  Since I get it out next Monday, I said to forget it after I was told the regular IV could last that long and they were allowed as the standards of care have changed. That was before it got puffy and bled and had to be changed.  And then a few days later (Thursday morning), I ripped it out on accident by catching my tubing on the drawer handle.  Not good.  It's a miracle it lasted that long with boys and it being so low on my wrist, but of course we wanted to avoid the elbow.  Each time they replaced it higher and I was worried I was running out of arm space since they can't go above the elbow (veins too deep), so yesterday I called and said I would do a midline if they could get me in yesterday afternoon (Thursday) or Friday morning. Any later and it wouldn't be worth it-it comes out Monday
• 3 shots of lidocaine, a mid line, and stitches.  So they put the midline in this morning.  At the hospital.  First time I had it done this way and the experience was not a good one.  I am not kidding you, probably third worst pain of my life behind childbirth on pitocin pre epidural and dh hitting the nerve during the poi shot.  I went in thinking it would be quick and easy so I went alone.  It was definitely "a procedure" like they kept referring to it.  The hospital had more regulations than home health had to follow.  For example, they didn't use an xray to place (like with a PICC line), but the doc took several xrays during to check the placement.  I was not confident he knew what he was doing.  It was clear home health could do them blindfolded.  I was not a fan of having an xray pregnant and definitely not multiple ones.  The baby was shielded but still.  Why did these folks have shields on their throat and yet I had nothing but the shield on the baby?  I was not liking that fact one bit.  Or the five people required for the procedure-nurses, ultrasound tech, the doc, someone monitoring my stats in a room I could see through a window.  It was kind of freaky.  I was grateful my bloodpressure never really seemed affected so I was definitely dwelling in the peace bubble. The lidocaine was not taking affect in the right spots and it was killing me.  I kept telling them and they kept giving more.  I swear he was just digging around in there forever. And in the end they sutured some covering on top it that was new to me. When they discharged me they told me I can't lift my kids, which was frustrating. I still can't lift my arm very high.  Not the experience I was expecting.  Still totally worth it. 
• *I knew I forgot something! One blood draw for multiple tests through my ob/gyn office, typical of a new pregnancy appt

So there you have it.  Twenty pokes of various degrees, all for my lovely lady friends still waiting.  That better be good for something!  Add to this the inability to go back to sleep once my kids wake me and the other ups and downs in my life and its been a little chaotic here.

Speaking of those ups and downs, I decided to go back to school to take a few classes and earn a certification.  I am doing it just a class a semester and my work pays for it as long as I am employed there.  I had to fill out crazy amounts of paperwork that continued after we learned of Tom's death.  I had to gather recommendation letters, apply as a non-degree seeking student to grad school all over again, and even submit a transcript b/c evidently my school doesn't talk to my own school.  I also filled out paperwork to get my fees waived and paperwork to get the class covered.  Classes paid for isn't a given, so I was grateful it was approved this week even though I was past the deadline (I didn't miss the deadline out of error, I simply didn't decide to go back until 2 weeks ago and turned out the deadline was three weeks passed). I also met my mentor at the University that is coming from another college.  I prayed she would be picked as the new candidate and choose to accept and was so pleased it all worked out that way.  Since I have three degrees from the same university I work for, I need new experiences without changing schools.  She is a dream come true for me, and we met and hit it off.  I knew it was a good match before, but she was speaking to a large group back then and so she had to come to the same conclusion I did.  I was worried because I was rolling in pregnant, with an IV, and dealing with Tom's death, but it all turned out okay.  I wasn't too crazy, she was sympathetic, and she even told me she had IF and wish they could've had more kids than just the two.  She said it was the best time of her life and her son's name is Nathan, which means God has Given.  I was able to share the meaning behind my kid's names as well.  So all that is good news.  The bad news is taking a class depends on working at the university, and I found out yesterday that the grant I work on wasn't refunded.  I work on soft money and I have no idea what the plan is after September.  We are working on it.  There is a grant out that we would find out Sept. 29 and begins on Oct 1, but I need some contingency plan!  If I start a class and get let go or less than half time, I have to pay it back.  I am not interested in paying another $1k toward school.  We don't have it, and the appeal to it all is that it is free.  That is the only time this week I temporarily left my peace bubble. Possibly not having a job FREAKS ME OUT!  But as I write this, I am not anxious and I do honestly feel it will all work out so hopefully the freak out was just my initial reaction.  It will work out.  It always does.  God brought me to this, I know it, and so He will get me through it, as they say.  So back to trusting in the wheelbarrow and letting God drive.   So many opportunities to trust.  I continue my St. Raphael novena for healing, and I just realized I need to go back to saying my favorite Holy Spirit prayer on my main page.  Check it out if you haven't already.  It will change your life to say it and mean it.  Love to you all!  Please continue prayers for my sister.  Also, Monday is the ultrasound to check for a heartbeat at 6weeks 5 days.  Hoping and praying we hear that sweet sound!

Dun.der Miffl.in

Since things are slow around here (post worthy items anyway), just thought I would start a little side series called "Dun.der Miff.lin".  This is what dh calls my work.  (Carrie, I will seriously hunt you down if you share this!  And I mean that in the most loving way possible!)  Here is why-Introducing Mary, Willy, Bonnie, and Jonas (and a few other players that may make a later appearance).

Mary is an assistant for a technologically challenged brilliant man (my boss) that also is extremely forgetful (Willy). She does all his typing/computer work. He edits via paper. Problem is, Mary doesn’t know computers herself. Mary repeatedly sends items with no subject line, making it difficult for her and us to search emails. Maybe that was the problem in example three. Mary also has sent out professional documents with the title “RECOVERED”?!  I spend most of my time resending Mary emails she sent me and then can’t find and asks me to send back. Or a lot of time is spent asking Mary for something she doesn’t recall or can’t find. Then I have to reminder her of it. Then she claims to have never been involved. Then I finally find it and show her involvement.

Bonnie is the account manager for several large grants. Bonnie has the habit of telling people that we are running out of money and making everyone fear for their job unnecessarily. Bonnie also hoards money to protect us and those she cares about. Bonnie has let $80,000 go unspent on a grant. It expired. The money had to be given back. That looked bad.
 
These are the three people I interact with in the office and quite often via email. The other person I interact with is Jonas.  Jonas knows nothing about my job, but often tells me how to do it.  Jonas expects others to be anal (though isn’t himself) and Mary drives him nuts. He has been working on her about subject lines. He actually has asked me to footnote all our documents and page number them so they don’t get out of order when he prints. Yet he keeps his calendar and to do list on a notecard in his pocket. And when I asked him where he comes up with the numbers for the budget (for example, how many days did you plan on the summer training being or how much did you estimate rental cars to be), Willy doesn’t really know and tells me it was a “rough estimate.” Hmm. Thankfully, I work from home most days! 
 
I should also note that I work with three amazing women, two of which I barely ever see, and then two students (one is a shadow and the other is busy tooting her own horn and backstabbing on most days). Let’s call them Abby and Hilary. As a sidenote, with the exception of Hilary they are all incredibly nice well-meaning people. Infuriating sometimes, but very well-meaning!
 
I have compiled several past examples.  I hope in my hurriedness you can still get the main message.

Example one (occurred via email):
Samantha-Please send us updated scores for X school.
Me-Mary, do you have these? I do not.
Mary-(sends scores)
Me-Wow, I really wasn’t sure that that school had updated scores. It wasn’t on the list I was given. Any others I should know about? (communication is horrible, that part is not mary’s fault)
Mary-She wasn’t asking for the ones that changed was she? I just sent what I had and wasn’t looking for changes.
Me-Yes she was. She asked for “updated scores”. And you sent her one set that was old for that school and one set that was new. So you did send her what she was asking for (along with a little extra-I don't mention that out loud).  (Mind you, I am thinking, omg, read the freakin’ email first off, secondly, really read it before you send something, and thirdly, you sent her the right thing and didn’t even know it. Geez!)

Example two:
I send Mary the report in sections-goal one, goal two etc are separate documents. Mary evidently saves them on her desktop only. Mary informs me she can’t remember which ones he has seen and approved or not. I can't remember the details, but during that conversation I am compelled to ask Mary if she is saving them as “namefinal” or something similar. No. She shows me her strategy. She is moving the desktop icon from the left side of the screen to the right side of the screen once he approves the sections. Um, seriously?! Blind leading the blind.

Example three:
Mary asks for availability. Everyone gives it to her via email by date. Everyone signs in a different color on the same document. Mary does the date. The date needs to change due to circumstances outside everyone’s control. Mary asks everyone to resend their availability. Evidently she can’t search received emails?! I mean, our deleted emails are even held on to FOREVER!

Example four:
Everyone is working on a grant. Mary sends out a section evidently to many different folks for their input. At the same time. No, we aren’t talking google docs here. We are talking email attachment. The document name? “Narrative_use this one”. Hmmm. Sound like a disaster waiting to happen?! Well it did.

Example five:
Bonnie tells me my student funding will end in May, despite me no longer graduating in May. I tell Bonnie I am graduating in the fall, but can’t I continue at least until August when the new students come on? That makes sense because they will pick up when I end.  I realize the new students need the money I am using and have had long enough, but really do I need to end months before they begin?  The money will just sit going to noone over the summer. Bonnie says no. She is concerned my service obligation is too big. That is not for Bonnie to worry about. I get an email a month later when I ask for my exact end date. It is August. I ask Bonnie why August now and not May-did something change? She says no, she asked my boss repeatedly and asked me repeatedly for an end date and no one would get back to her (huh?!) and so she chose an end date of Aug. Is that okay with me? Yes, Bonnie, that is fine with me. Do I work in the twilight zone?

Example six:
Willy sends me an email. Please fill this out and return. It is for a spring graduation. This is in March. Yet, I have not proposed my dissertation. To graduate in the spring it would have had to have been proposed (via large meeting that includes Willy there), worked on for months and months, and then defended (via large meeting that includes Willy there) by April. I tell Willy I am not graduating in the spring. This is news to him. He is actually quite shocked and upset this is news to him.  Yes, I guess I should have blantantly spelled it out, but I kind of thought the emails regarding the illness and the lack of progress or meetings on his calendar might tell him something.

There is more, so much more.  And now that you have the main players down, I will let you know as they continue their nutty behavior.  Not only will this give a good laugh and make you appreciate your work, but I have noticed that I need another sane person to hear the situation and agree it is absurd.  Becasue if I hang out with looney folks long enough, I may just start thinking the sky is green and the grass is blue-just because they say it so often!  Did I mention how nice they are?  (They are, but I am clearly feeling a little guilty for this).