...it's called past experience. Whether it is today's scan or getting my blood drawn last week. Experience may not predict future. But it does predict my behavior :)
Blood draw Friday. New place. They said they ship to PPVI all the time, and Omaha confirmed. So when the lady drew it and I started reminding her of instructions and she said she's got it and the people downstairs know what they are doing....I let it go. because they are new to me and deserved the benefit of doubt. Guess who ran my numbers? Yup. Instead of mailing it. Sweet Meriam touched base with me today. She let me know she is working hard on getting the HCG covered by insurance. I let her know I need progesterone meds too. She let me know about the lab mixup and to call right away and see if they still have serum to ship. I did. And the lady apologized for the phone connection being so bad. She promised she would look for the paperwork, was sure they still had some serum, and she would take care of it. Then I got another call. First, they didn't handle it according to instructions so serum left isn't likely usable. Secondly, they said they haven't done this for years and there was a mixup. I need to find somewhere else. Ugh. she called back and said to try "anylabtestnow.com" after talking to Omaha. So frustrating. No progesterone numbers. No HCG.
God is telling me "let go of it already! I am bigger than numbers. I have this!"
Ultrasound today (transvag-and on the better machine with the tech not the doc). 5 w 5 days when you look at date of last period. 5 w 4 days when you look at ovulation. Said my rosary on the way. Glad it was joyful mysteries! I didn't know how much we would see today, or how to know if we were behind. I found a website beforehand (unsure how reputable) that had the detail I was desiring reported in terms of gestational age. http://www.baby2see.com/development/ultrasound_sonogram/first_trimester_scans.html
From there I wrote down that when the sac is 8-10mm, then you should see a yolk sac. The yolk sac is first visible at 5 weeks and it is always present by 5 weeks and 4 days. I wrote down from fetal pole is usually at 6 weeks or prior and can be see in if baby 2-4mm CRL. With transvaginal ultrasonography, cardiac motion can sometimes be seen in a 2-mm to 3-mm embryo, and is invariably detected in normal pregnancy when the length of the embryo reaches 5 mm. At the end of week 5, the heart rate is about 60 – 90 bpm. In early pregnancies, the actual cardiac rate is less important than its presence or absence. Hmm. That seems a little early.
Well, my gestational sac was 7.4mm and she could maybe possibly see the yolk sac but not totally sure. She measured the gestational sac, but told me it is the least accurate measurement. It said 5 w so it showed I was behind where I should be, but she didn't put it that way. She said there is variation of burrow time, etc. She could tell that I had a nice corpus luteum on the right ovary and it and the left (though crazy weird high as normal for me) looked healthy. Her thoughts on the whole thing was that it wasn't bad, that baby implanted late (I did see implantation bleeding, but I don't have a date for it! I think going back it was maybe 1/3/15, but I don't know), and that we need to see growth of the sac and a yolk sac next week. Probably a fetal pole, but don't panic if they can't see a heartbeat (on 6w5d). If that is the case, she wants me to come back in the following Monday (I would be 7w 5 d).
Here are my thoughts after looking at this info again, the website, and prior pregnancies. This is not good. Behind at this stage is not good. This looks a lot like Michael. I had a scan the same day with Michael and sac was 8mm and there was no yolk sac. I went back on 6w6d (coincidentally the same time I have another one scheduled) and the sac for Micheal was 1.1 and there was a yolk sac. My doc was worried no heartbeat, thought it was a blighted ovum. I had a heartbeat visible at 7w3d, but too small to measure. At 7 w 5 d it was 93bpm, it went down from there (73, then high 60's, then none).
So I wonder why she is telling me not to panic if I get no hb at 6w6d (when my previous doc's office was ready to call it) and to only worry when I don't get one at the 7w5d scan the following week (again see 93bpm with Michael on that same scan day-and he didn't LIVE!)? For reference, Charlie had a hb at 6w2d and AJ at 6w3d.
I am trying not to be pessimistic. I want to be realistic. I want TCIE's opinion! :) Are we "behind" or is there truly variability even with Napro and the date? Do I hit panic if we don't get a hb we can measure by 6w6d? I realize I hit panic with every pregnancy. I did with Charlie when we switched labs and didn't know that it would affect things this much. I did with Anthony (when the HCG didn't double in three days), which I had forgotten!
Update: TCIE was kind enough to respond quickly (and privately), but gave me permission to share. It looks like I will be able to function for another week :)
Her words: TON of variability in measurement of (gestational sac) GS, I was taught by "the best" sonographer in NJ to not even bother measuring it since its measurement never correlates. (Only to measure if it looks bigger than it should be, since often with anembryonic pregnancies i.e. blighted ovums it is generally much bigger.).
All I'd be concerned about as a sonographer at 5w4d is a) is GS high fundal of uterus, b) are there any subchorionic hemorrhages and if so, where and how big, c) is yolk sac visible (though I have NOT seen some at this stage and it turns up when baby does), and d) general appearance of GS (nice and well-circumscribed, round or oval and not "breaking down" looking.) and e) is cervix closed, and are adnexae clear.
This sounds to me like a perfectly appropriate u/s for right now!
Praying baby keeps growing!!!
I also asked her about next week's scan and what she thought. Shouldn't I be able to expect a heartbeat next Tues? Her response:
Not a DEFINITE m/c if it's not there, but I'd be highly suspicious if it weren't.
I am very grateful for her responses! I continue to have seriously vivid dreams, but it seems those are progesterone related (which we are obviously supplementing to the max) and not a sign of anything else.
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
Showing posts with label ultrasound. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ultrasound. Show all posts
2.08.2013
Journeying Together and Ultrasound Results
Thursday, as I was praying, I thought to google the Litany of the Saints on my phone and play it on youtube since I didn't have my ipod with me. So glad I did. I love this! These tools really help me because, I have mentioned, sometimes I have difficulty praying. It was nice to be able to call on all the saints.
Then I thought to google another one of my favorite songs, a version of the Servant Song (maybe not the one you are thinking of). The simplicity has always drawn me to it. I really found new meaning in this and really feel like our beautiful blogger community are described in this song. I am so grateful for each of you holding your hand out to me, holding Christ's light for me, and especially for weeping when I am weeping. Let's continue to share each other's joy and sorrow and be Christ to each other. It's so much better to be on this journey together!
And yet another example of how not alone I am-This email came from the PPVI nurse Teresa: "We will continue to pray for this pregnancy and for your family. One of my favorite Saints is St. Gianna Berreta Molla, I will pray for her intercession for your baby and you may want to pray to her also, as she was a mother married with 4 children and a great woman." My reply: "And a doctor! I got my PhD two yrs ago. By that time I had 2 in heaven, 2 babies on earth. We actually named our July loss Gianna when we learned she was a girl, post D&C. We are also praying for the intercession of Fulton Sheen." Teresa: "Awesome...you hit my two favorite Saints...my seventh child born on Oct 27th, is named Fulton Patrick ...after Fulton J. Sheen. His intellect and writings and sprituality are amazing as I am sure you know. I will pray to him for you also. My baby had it's cord wrapped around the neck 3 times for most of the pregnancy and St. Gianna and Fulton Sheen were my intercessors too!" God bless her!
God is so good to put you all in my life and I am grateful for you!
I thought that was the end of my post, set to publish Saturday morning. However, I had some tiny bleeding again last night and then nothing today (Friday). I made the decision to request an ultrasound this afternoon, rather than to wait until Monday. I wanted to know what was going on headed into the weekend. I knew the baby's heartbeat had time to rise...or not. My doctor's office is so kind as to grant these types of requests. And so, at 3pm, with two beautiful miracles in tow, I was rescanned. The news was not good. Nicholas' heartbeat is fading, barely discernible at about 65bpm. She took two growth measurements. One showed no growth. One showed one day's growth since Monday. Not good. I got through the appt without tears surprisingly and then went on to get a progesterone draw. Somewhat numb, I suppose, and the rest just focusing on my little Anthony's face which I could barely see between the tech and I. He was delighted and innocent, and oh so precious. My miracles. So this weekend I resolve to take care of myself, bring them onto my lap to smell and hold them close, appreciate the small moments, and draw closer to my husband in our grief. This is what came to me pretty quickly after I received the news, so I will leave you with this.
I thought that was the end of my post, set to publish Saturday morning. However, I had some tiny bleeding again last night and then nothing today (Friday). I made the decision to request an ultrasound this afternoon, rather than to wait until Monday. I wanted to know what was going on headed into the weekend. I knew the baby's heartbeat had time to rise...or not. My doctor's office is so kind as to grant these types of requests. And so, at 3pm, with two beautiful miracles in tow, I was rescanned. The news was not good. Nicholas' heartbeat is fading, barely discernible at about 65bpm. She took two growth measurements. One showed no growth. One showed one day's growth since Monday. Not good. I got through the appt without tears surprisingly and then went on to get a progesterone draw. Somewhat numb, I suppose, and the rest just focusing on my little Anthony's face which I could barely see between the tech and I. He was delighted and innocent, and oh so precious. My miracles. So this weekend I resolve to take care of myself, bring them onto my lap to smell and hold them close, appreciate the small moments, and draw closer to my husband in our grief. This is what came to me pretty quickly after I received the news, so I will leave you with this.
God has not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives thro’;
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives thro’;
God has not promised
Sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.
God has not promised
We shall not know
Toil and temptation,
Trouble and woe;
He has not told us
We shall not bear
Many a burden,
Many a care.
We shall not know
Toil and temptation,
Trouble and woe;
He has not told us
We shall not bear
Many a burden,
Many a care.
But God has promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.
Strength for the day,
Rest for the laborer,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.
Annie Johnson Flint
2.04.2013
I Asked For a Miracle
Through the grace of God, I got through another week. The pregnancy is not far from my mind ever, but I am not all doom and gloom 24/7. I go on with life. I get distracted by potty training and other parts of our daily life. And I know I couldn't be doing that if it weren't for all the amazing holy people lifting me up in prayer. I am not perfect. There was a lot of shortness of breath this week between my cold and being pregnant. I suppose I sort of resented the pregnancy symptom, given I didn't see it was getting me any closer to a baby in my arms. But I felt much better after I remembered to offer it up for Jelly Belly, along with other bloggers the month of Feb through Adopt a Blogger hosted by TCIE! She also got some sleepless nights and a good seven hours in the bathroom on Saturday potty training AJ. And every single cold symptom misery. So at least it was going for something.
As my appt today got closer, the feelings came closer to the surface. When dh hugged me a little tighter, or told me he loved me, or snuggled up close to me in bed last night, I knew each time he was thinking of the ultrasound and it got me close to tears each time.
I dropped the children off at their godparents while I worked today and received a call from the doctor. The ultrasonographer's child was sick. Would I like to reschedule for Wed or next Monday. Um, you're kidding right? Neither. I firmly, but politely told her I would happily go across the street like I did last Tuesday on her day off. And so she said a nurse would call me. The nurse had no problem making the changed and so I sighed with relief knowing that I wasn't going to have to wait a few more days or worse, a week! Today I managed to stay busy with work until about an hr before my appt when the anxiety was getting the best of me and I began to rethink my going to the appt alone. My mom probably could have gone, and though we are super close, I recognize that she doesn't know what to say in these situations and for me, I just get irritated unnecessarily and take it out on her. And feel worse. I expect her to know things she couldn't possibly know. And so, even though its mostly my fault, I was afraid I would feel worse, not better. My best friend was out of town. Dh is working long hrs as this is his busiest time. My little sister, so proud, has a new full time job interpreting. It's just me. So I did what any sane person would do. I fb a blogger friend that was online and asked for prayers. And then I put a prayer request for a special intention as my fb status, to which 90% of the awesome people that replied were blogger friends. Who says strangers can't be the best of friends? Not me! I even got an email from Andrea telling me she was thinking about me. I love you guys so much!
So what exactly was my prayer? And what was I so afraid of to my core? It's hard to explain. It wasn't exactly fear over losing the baby. The numbers already told the story. It was more like fear of waiting. Of it being drawn out. Of falling in love, of daring to hope, only to have it end up the same. Yes, it was almost harder to leave room for God. That unknown space to allow Him to work, no matter what that meant. That was where I was fearful. I have to admit something. Sometimes I have trouble praying. I don't have trouble being honest with God, being raw, and being weak. I do have trouble hoping for a miracle. My thought was, yes, of course God could provide a miracle. But why? Why would he? I know plenty more worthier than I am. A miracle isn't likely. If God wanted to perform one, he would and could. But I didn't need to ask. He knew. Plus, I just need to accept the facts and move on. Why make it more difficult with...hope? But last night or the night before as I was drifting off to sleep, I did something brave for me. A thought came into my head. Why not me? What was special about the people Jesus performed miracles for? They asked. They were bold and brave and dared to hope. They asked. And so I did it. As fearful as I was that it meant hope. And it meant uncertainty. Letting go of control and believing there was something to it besides the numbers. I asked. I begged. I pleaded. I was bold and brave. And I asked God for a miracle. Just because. For good measure, I also asked for the intercession of Fulton J. Sheen. I read a blog where there was a miracle being investigated that was attributed to Fulton J. Sheen. I had a little chuckle to myself, as I imagined us being bonded over our miracles. You know, so many of you prayed for a miracle for me. Used those exact words. You pray when I can't. There are no words for how grateful I am. Thank you for lifting me up.
As I got in the car to drive to the appt, I heard 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redmand.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul, I'll worship Your holy name
The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning. It's time to sing Your song again.
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes
This song has meaning for me, as my friends brother (a young father of three) died of cancer, and he went singing this song literally. So joyful. I thought of him and how he already knows how the story unfolds.
It was finally time for the ultrasound. As I laid there silently rolling my eyes because they start with an abdominal ultrasound (I am such a know it all! And so often wrong! And yet it doesn't stop me!), I stop short because I see a sac. And two things inside. It was the yolk sac, and a fetal pole. As she turns on the heartbeat I start sobbing. She kindly asked if I was happy or upset, knowing my situation and the roller coaster of emotions I was on. And you know what I said because I am such a horrible spoiled brat? I said upset. Because a heartbeat to me, in that moment, mean hope. And hope meant pain. An inevitable outcome, just a more drawn out one. Lord knows how weak I truly am!
However, every second that passed I did better. It didn't hurt that the baby measured 6 days bigger than my last ultrasound which was six days prior. I am 8 weeks on Wed and the baby measured 6 weeks 2 days, so certainly still behind, but go figure it took some numbers to encourage me and not my God. I have so far to go! Another number encouraged me further. The heartrate measured 109, very on point for a baby measuring 6 weeks 2 days. Granted, even next week it should be in the normal range of 130 ish, but it wasn't the 80 of my last pregnancy (a virtual death sentence per my ultrasound tech). She said she worries if its under 90. So next week will be very telling. Can the growth continue? Will the heartbeat increase to maintain the normal range?
I got in the car with my ultrasound CD with pics and even video of the heartbeat to share with my dh. Before I was just hoping for a pic of the baby before it passed away (my only pic of Gianna, her heart had already stopped beating). It was so surreal to hold that CD. I drove about ten feet before I slumped over the wheel and sobbed. I was just so exhausted from carrying it all. I cried tears of relief to throw the book out the window and truly give it over to God. As I sobbed, I heard the song on the radio was meant for me. Blessings, by Laura Story. Specifically these verses...
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe
Slowly my heart began to heal. I saw the doctor, who said just as I expected. He came in shaking his head. He asked me immediatly who I had been praying to and told me I picked a good one. I love my Catholic doctor! He said "you know, I don't write these things off. I have seen it happen before." He told me there is a 3% miscarriage rate when there is cardiac activity at 8 weeks. I asked, 8 weeks via ultrasound or my dates. He guessed via ultrasound, so still two more weeks. He didn't know of any other research or numbers that applied. Damn my weakness, always searching for comfort in the numbers when I should be searching for it in God. He left me with a hug, much better than a phone number if I started bleeding like last week.
Here is my progression of text messages so you can see how I went from pathetically weak (crying sad tears over a heartbeat) to God filling me with strength only he can provide.
"Another week of waiting...higher hopes...its scary."
"The odds just swung more in favor of life!"
"Maybe, just maybe, it will all be okay"
"All these strong women in my life! I can do this. I can be hopeful. It will be alright regardless. I won't regret being hopeful."
"I can handle it. You (my sister who's fiancee passed) have shown me strength. It's in me too. I can put it on the line and hope. Even if it doesn't work out, it's worth it. I won't regret loving this baby."
"Why not a miracle for us? We will see and survive what life throws us."
"Yes, I have got this. Won't regret hoping."
So there it is. Regardless of outcome, we received a miracle. Six days growth in six days on a baby that didn't even go up 40 points (of 700) in four days. A heartbeat of 109. And me letting go and daring to hope, despite what the hcg levels told us time and time again.
So without further ado, my baby.
And the beautiful visual of his or her heartbeat.
As my appt today got closer, the feelings came closer to the surface. When dh hugged me a little tighter, or told me he loved me, or snuggled up close to me in bed last night, I knew each time he was thinking of the ultrasound and it got me close to tears each time.
I dropped the children off at their godparents while I worked today and received a call from the doctor. The ultrasonographer's child was sick. Would I like to reschedule for Wed or next Monday. Um, you're kidding right? Neither. I firmly, but politely told her I would happily go across the street like I did last Tuesday on her day off. And so she said a nurse would call me. The nurse had no problem making the changed and so I sighed with relief knowing that I wasn't going to have to wait a few more days or worse, a week! Today I managed to stay busy with work until about an hr before my appt when the anxiety was getting the best of me and I began to rethink my going to the appt alone. My mom probably could have gone, and though we are super close, I recognize that she doesn't know what to say in these situations and for me, I just get irritated unnecessarily and take it out on her. And feel worse. I expect her to know things she couldn't possibly know. And so, even though its mostly my fault, I was afraid I would feel worse, not better. My best friend was out of town. Dh is working long hrs as this is his busiest time. My little sister, so proud, has a new full time job interpreting. It's just me. So I did what any sane person would do. I fb a blogger friend that was online and asked for prayers. And then I put a prayer request for a special intention as my fb status, to which 90% of the awesome people that replied were blogger friends. Who says strangers can't be the best of friends? Not me! I even got an email from Andrea telling me she was thinking about me. I love you guys so much!
So what exactly was my prayer? And what was I so afraid of to my core? It's hard to explain. It wasn't exactly fear over losing the baby. The numbers already told the story. It was more like fear of waiting. Of it being drawn out. Of falling in love, of daring to hope, only to have it end up the same. Yes, it was almost harder to leave room for God. That unknown space to allow Him to work, no matter what that meant. That was where I was fearful. I have to admit something. Sometimes I have trouble praying. I don't have trouble being honest with God, being raw, and being weak. I do have trouble hoping for a miracle. My thought was, yes, of course God could provide a miracle. But why? Why would he? I know plenty more worthier than I am. A miracle isn't likely. If God wanted to perform one, he would and could. But I didn't need to ask. He knew. Plus, I just need to accept the facts and move on. Why make it more difficult with...hope? But last night or the night before as I was drifting off to sleep, I did something brave for me. A thought came into my head. Why not me? What was special about the people Jesus performed miracles for? They asked. They were bold and brave and dared to hope. They asked. And so I did it. As fearful as I was that it meant hope. And it meant uncertainty. Letting go of control and believing there was something to it besides the numbers. I asked. I begged. I pleaded. I was bold and brave. And I asked God for a miracle. Just because. For good measure, I also asked for the intercession of Fulton J. Sheen. I read a blog where there was a miracle being investigated that was attributed to Fulton J. Sheen. I had a little chuckle to myself, as I imagined us being bonded over our miracles. You know, so many of you prayed for a miracle for me. Used those exact words. You pray when I can't. There are no words for how grateful I am. Thank you for lifting me up.
As I got in the car to drive to the appt, I heard 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redmand.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul, I'll worship Your holy name
The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning. It's time to sing Your song again.
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes
This song has meaning for me, as my friends brother (a young father of three) died of cancer, and he went singing this song literally. So joyful. I thought of him and how he already knows how the story unfolds.
It was finally time for the ultrasound. As I laid there silently rolling my eyes because they start with an abdominal ultrasound (I am such a know it all! And so often wrong! And yet it doesn't stop me!), I stop short because I see a sac. And two things inside. It was the yolk sac, and a fetal pole. As she turns on the heartbeat I start sobbing. She kindly asked if I was happy or upset, knowing my situation and the roller coaster of emotions I was on. And you know what I said because I am such a horrible spoiled brat? I said upset. Because a heartbeat to me, in that moment, mean hope. And hope meant pain. An inevitable outcome, just a more drawn out one. Lord knows how weak I truly am!
However, every second that passed I did better. It didn't hurt that the baby measured 6 days bigger than my last ultrasound which was six days prior. I am 8 weeks on Wed and the baby measured 6 weeks 2 days, so certainly still behind, but go figure it took some numbers to encourage me and not my God. I have so far to go! Another number encouraged me further. The heartrate measured 109, very on point for a baby measuring 6 weeks 2 days. Granted, even next week it should be in the normal range of 130 ish, but it wasn't the 80 of my last pregnancy (a virtual death sentence per my ultrasound tech). She said she worries if its under 90. So next week will be very telling. Can the growth continue? Will the heartbeat increase to maintain the normal range?
I got in the car with my ultrasound CD with pics and even video of the heartbeat to share with my dh. Before I was just hoping for a pic of the baby before it passed away (my only pic of Gianna, her heart had already stopped beating). It was so surreal to hold that CD. I drove about ten feet before I slumped over the wheel and sobbed. I was just so exhausted from carrying it all. I cried tears of relief to throw the book out the window and truly give it over to God. As I sobbed, I heard the song on the radio was meant for me. Blessings, by Laura Story. Specifically these verses...
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe
Slowly my heart began to heal. I saw the doctor, who said just as I expected. He came in shaking his head. He asked me immediatly who I had been praying to and told me I picked a good one. I love my Catholic doctor! He said "you know, I don't write these things off. I have seen it happen before." He told me there is a 3% miscarriage rate when there is cardiac activity at 8 weeks. I asked, 8 weeks via ultrasound or my dates. He guessed via ultrasound, so still two more weeks. He didn't know of any other research or numbers that applied. Damn my weakness, always searching for comfort in the numbers when I should be searching for it in God. He left me with a hug, much better than a phone number if I started bleeding like last week.
Here is my progression of text messages so you can see how I went from pathetically weak (crying sad tears over a heartbeat) to God filling me with strength only he can provide.
"Another week of waiting...higher hopes...its scary."
"The odds just swung more in favor of life!"
"Maybe, just maybe, it will all be okay"
"All these strong women in my life! I can do this. I can be hopeful. It will be alright regardless. I won't regret being hopeful."
"I can handle it. You (my sister who's fiancee passed) have shown me strength. It's in me too. I can put it on the line and hope. Even if it doesn't work out, it's worth it. I won't regret loving this baby."
"Why not a miracle for us? We will see and survive what life throws us."
"Yes, I have got this. Won't regret hoping."
So there it is. Regardless of outcome, we received a miracle. Six days growth in six days on a baby that didn't even go up 40 points (of 700) in four days. A heartbeat of 109. And me letting go and daring to hope, despite what the hcg levels told us time and time again.
So without further ado, my baby.
And the beautiful visual of his or her heartbeat.
4.21.2010
Ob visits-the norm, what I do, and how it is all different with #2
Typically when one becomes pregnant, they call and make a new ob appt. The receptionist has some guidelines to follow and you get in according to the doctor's preferences and their schedule. There is some typical bloodwork to be completed. There is an ultrasound if you are far enough along (which usually they are because they don't see patients early typically). Then you start seeing the doctor monthly. Each time you give a urine sample (UTIs aren't good to have when pregnant, so they test frequently) and mostly spend the time getting your questions answered. It is normal to have a ton. A good doc patiently listens. If you are fortunate, they track progesterone. Sometimes three ultrasounds per pregnancy is on the typical end. More if you are high risk or had a history of miscarriage. None of these frequent visits are subject to copay, thankfully.
My experience, admittedly, is a little different than this. And better in my opinion. Some due the miscarriages. Some due to a fabulous doctor. First of all, when I mention history, I can get in asap upon positive pregnancy test. I have just learned to ask. I could easily have just accepted the appt at 9 weeks given to me by my first ob upon pos test. But no thank you. lol. Secondly, I get scanned quite frequently. Those that are more of a natural nature might not like this idea, but it doesn't concern me (the quick exposure of the baby). After the dx "habitual aborter" which I hate of course, ultrasounds are covered at the doctor's disgression. My first ob, though lacking in a lot of ways, branded me with this after one miscarriage which was helpful in insurance coverage. Dr. Hilgers always covers my progestone support, and I have had to find ob/gyn that support this and don't feel their ego is being stepped on (one reason I left the initial ob).
Initially my ob (new as of this pregnancy) had decided to see me every two weeks. He also gave me that open req for hcg draws every 48-72 hrs (which was a mixed blessing if you recall...). Two appts ago, when he was seeing me for the 2nd time (I had also had an appt with his nurse when he was out of town), he said "let's go to monthly visits after next time." However, after the next visit, he said "come back...whenever you want." I smiled. He doesn't want me to worry. And I haven't been. Really. I haven't asked him a million questions. I really have none. I just want to come in, see the baby is okay, and leave. Very different than with charlie. Maybe having an 18 month old pushing the "call" button every 5 seconds and sticking his hand in the trash can adds to this?! lol
Yesterday I had another appt. I came after 3 weeks, trying not to take advantage. First the nurse gives me the forms for testing you can do for abnormalities. Let me clarify for anyone who doesn't know-a) these tests carry risk-from slight to more b) these tests are not near 100% accurate and can tell you more often than not your baby has down's syndrome and are wrong-no lie and c) if they do find any of the things wrong they test for, there is not one thing they can do about any of them. No surgeries in utero, nothing. So, these tests are mainly if you a) want to be prepared for a problem (though you may prep for a problem you don't have or not prep for a problem you do have if the tests are wrong) or b) if you want to terminate. I have confirmed this with my not even pro life and def doesn't believe in God brother in law anesthesiologist. So, as you can probably tell, I immediately deny all of them.
Second, I got in there and they tried to the use the doppler just to hear a heartbeat. Don't ever let this scare you?! I don't know why they do this, but for some women I imagine it is torture (maybe for me the first time it was, but I don't remember). It is hard to hear a heartbeat on top. The baby has to be older. And the position of your cervix matters (mine is tipped back). So they don't ever hear anything this way until I am very far along! Then they moved to a top of belly scan (if they make you wait to pee, this really can be torture!). Again, they never see anything until very far along. So there is that time of silence while they look and look and then give up. Eventually they go to the transvag ultrasound where they have no trouble seeing the baby. Since my doc is the one doing the ultrasound and not a tech, it is fast. He sees a heartbeat and prints a few pics. I prefer to have the baby measured (crown rump length gives you a measurement and then also corresponds that to the age of the baby so you can see if the baby is growing appropriately. A few days ahead or behind is no big deal, but some docs change your due date from this growth). I would love to hear the baby's heartbeat audibly and have it measured, but I am not complaining. I got to see the baby. I got to see the heartbeat flicker. It is a wonderful thing. I get dressed and he says, "I'll see you back here...whenever." He said he would keep operating this way, and scanning me at every visit, until I could feel the baby move for reassurance. I smile. I am attaching the baby pictures since it is one that is exceptionally clear. The head is to the left. I am 11 weeks 2 days here. Amazing, huh? One more piece of great news. This ob/gyn is getting trained in Omaha in September. Praise God! I hope he learns the surgery stuff too; I hear he is an amazing surgeon already!
My experience, admittedly, is a little different than this. And better in my opinion. Some due the miscarriages. Some due to a fabulous doctor. First of all, when I mention history, I can get in asap upon positive pregnancy test. I have just learned to ask. I could easily have just accepted the appt at 9 weeks given to me by my first ob upon pos test. But no thank you. lol. Secondly, I get scanned quite frequently. Those that are more of a natural nature might not like this idea, but it doesn't concern me (the quick exposure of the baby). After the dx "habitual aborter" which I hate of course, ultrasounds are covered at the doctor's disgression. My first ob, though lacking in a lot of ways, branded me with this after one miscarriage which was helpful in insurance coverage. Dr. Hilgers always covers my progestone support, and I have had to find ob/gyn that support this and don't feel their ego is being stepped on (one reason I left the initial ob).
Initially my ob (new as of this pregnancy) had decided to see me every two weeks. He also gave me that open req for hcg draws every 48-72 hrs (which was a mixed blessing if you recall...). Two appts ago, when he was seeing me for the 2nd time (I had also had an appt with his nurse when he was out of town), he said "let's go to monthly visits after next time." However, after the next visit, he said "come back...whenever you want." I smiled. He doesn't want me to worry. And I haven't been. Really. I haven't asked him a million questions. I really have none. I just want to come in, see the baby is okay, and leave. Very different than with charlie. Maybe having an 18 month old pushing the "call" button every 5 seconds and sticking his hand in the trash can adds to this?! lol
Yesterday I had another appt. I came after 3 weeks, trying not to take advantage. First the nurse gives me the forms for testing you can do for abnormalities. Let me clarify for anyone who doesn't know-a) these tests carry risk-from slight to more b) these tests are not near 100% accurate and can tell you more often than not your baby has down's syndrome and are wrong-no lie and c) if they do find any of the things wrong they test for, there is not one thing they can do about any of them. No surgeries in utero, nothing. So, these tests are mainly if you a) want to be prepared for a problem (though you may prep for a problem you don't have or not prep for a problem you do have if the tests are wrong) or b) if you want to terminate. I have confirmed this with my not even pro life and def doesn't believe in God brother in law anesthesiologist. So, as you can probably tell, I immediately deny all of them.
Second, I got in there and they tried to the use the doppler just to hear a heartbeat. Don't ever let this scare you?! I don't know why they do this, but for some women I imagine it is torture (maybe for me the first time it was, but I don't remember). It is hard to hear a heartbeat on top. The baby has to be older. And the position of your cervix matters (mine is tipped back). So they don't ever hear anything this way until I am very far along! Then they moved to a top of belly scan (if they make you wait to pee, this really can be torture!). Again, they never see anything until very far along. So there is that time of silence while they look and look and then give up. Eventually they go to the transvag ultrasound where they have no trouble seeing the baby. Since my doc is the one doing the ultrasound and not a tech, it is fast. He sees a heartbeat and prints a few pics. I prefer to have the baby measured (crown rump length gives you a measurement and then also corresponds that to the age of the baby so you can see if the baby is growing appropriately. A few days ahead or behind is no big deal, but some docs change your due date from this growth). I would love to hear the baby's heartbeat audibly and have it measured, but I am not complaining. I got to see the baby. I got to see the heartbeat flicker. It is a wonderful thing. I get dressed and he says, "I'll see you back here...whenever." He said he would keep operating this way, and scanning me at every visit, until I could feel the baby move for reassurance. I smile. I am attaching the baby pictures since it is one that is exceptionally clear. The head is to the left. I am 11 weeks 2 days here. Amazing, huh? One more piece of great news. This ob/gyn is getting trained in Omaha in September. Praise God! I hope he learns the surgery stuff too; I hear he is an amazing surgeon already!
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