Coming Home to Face the Music

It wasn’t easy to follow through with, but I was convicted, and for the first time in my life I knew what people meant when they said they were at peace with something. It was hard, but I knew in my heart it was right. Don't get me wrong, my time in the airport preparing to come home to future DH and share with him my massive conversion was not easy. In fact, my flight was delayed and I had a whole four hours to stress over it. But, God is good and He provided. I knew future DH was not going to go with his heart at first, he needed his head on board.  He would not be able to accept my conversion and new path based on the fact that I felt God had called me to this. He would want concrete answers as to what exactly was the church's teaching and why. Coming into the airport I couldn't explain that. But four hours later I could. This was because while at the conference I bought a book based on a recommendation. I really had no idea what I was buying, but it was a simple question and answer book by Christopher West called The Good News about Sex and Marriage.  The book is on the teaching of Theology of the Body. I read the whole thing in that airport and it was exactly what I needed to know to come home to future DH and his questions. I knew that he would have a hard time anyway, and he did. But he had answers to his questions and I had the peace of mind knowing that what I was doing was what was best. I also knew that if future DH wasn't the one for me, sadly, then God would provide someone else that would be a fitting mate. I had trust. Future DH survived with the help of the Holy Spirit and taking things one day at a time. We were stronger as a couple because of it. That was the first blessing of many, that came from my saying “yes” to God. Really trusting Him, and really let His will guide my life. It wasn't easy, but it was a start. I was finally in the wheelbarrow.

One mistake after another-3 to be exact

Okay. So to begin, I wasn't exactly living God's will. I mean I had always gone to church pretty regularly. And believed the church's teaching-what I knew of it. Of course, except on birth control. I mean, who believed that? I was pro-life. I ignored my own hypocrisy. I knew premarital sex was wrong. I got why the church was against it. But I was having premarital sex. Why? My standards weren't high enough. That is the truth. At the sad age of 8 I told my best grade school friend P that as nice as it sounded to wait for marriage, that was just not realistic in this day and age. So, I said, I hoped to only have sex with the man I would marry eventually. I thought that was good enough. Talk about setting a low bar for yourself! Sheesh! And I think (hope!) we can all see the problem with this slippery slope statement. When I was 19 and dating a guy for 9 months, I thought I was "ready." He was it, the one I would marry. I slept with this person and then continued to date him for another 4 years! Not because it was meant to be, because I was completely dating him with my eyes closed now that we were sleeping together. I was, for all purposes, already married in my heart! To break up with this person was like divorce! And that is why it was soooo long in coming. When it happened I knew it was the right thing to do. However, it meant facing my mistake. And I had opened Pandora's box. So guy #2-well no he wasn't it either. The sad thing was, I didn't even have the disillusion think he was! But I started to try and talk myself into the fact that he was, for example that intelligence and things in common didn't really matter. He was cute, we had fun, he treated me well. These are all good things. Sigh. Thank goodness I didn't sleep with the next serious one. Let's just say he tipped me off when he said "anyone who believes in God is f***in' idiot!" I was so offended and yet I didn't drop him on the spot....Why didn't I have higher self esteem? Anyway, when I met guy #3 there were so many great things about him. Yet he was very much in this world in how he thought about sex. I brought up the idea of waiting and he flipped and I caved after 3 months. Let's just say God had some work to do. But thank goodness He had better things in mind for me. And thank goodness He specializes in those that have fallen off the right path! God can and does write straight with crooked lines, as one of my friends often reminds me!