Blessed

No, not because of anything you don't already know. But I can't help but reflect on how fortunate I am. Being pregnant is a blessing. To get pregnant in one, two or three cycles of trying with my diagnoses is mind blowing. To think back at being married in 2006, I had a loss that year, a loss the next year in 2007, a pregnancy and birth in 2008, nursed through 2009, was pregnant and gave birth in 2010, nursed through 2011, had a loss in 2012, and am now pregnant in 2013. Regardless of outcomes, I really am very fortunate to be mama to six babies. I always wanted six kids. My mom and dad are both from six kid families.

I am sorry I was feeling sorry about myself for my losses in a recent post. Those who wait are never far from my thoughts. I hope, in my stream of consciousness types of posts I do more often than not,  I didn't say anything that is hurtful or insensitive. I realize saying it would be better not be pregnant than to have one in heaven was not sensitive. That isn't how many individuals feel. I am not sure how I feel. It was a weak moment. And I want to apologize.

The two week wait, while tortorous, is one I have not experienced month after month so I realize in some ways it is not comparable to those still waiting. Yes, it is hard even with children. Children make you want siblings for them. They are tangible reminders. They ask for siblings, pat my belly, talk about how nice it would be if we could have "one of those." :) AJ continues to sleep with not one, but two babies, that he cares for daily. However, I know that no matter what I have them. So it is different. I agree, as was mentioned, it isn't easy. It isn't ever easy. There is no get pregnant and never have a worry or a sign that things might head south. I do sometimes feel envious for others that experience that. But I know too many that don't have it as "easy" as I have it. Too many that struggle more than I do to conceive. In real life and blog buddies. So while there are similarities in my position with others, I do recognize how blessed I am. Finally, I feel exceptionally blessed for all of you reading this blog who have stuck with me through lack of posting, random posting, and just plain poor quality posting. I am grateful for all those that continue to read and, especially comment, because I am so terrible at that myself given I use google reader. I just want you all to know that, since it probably wasn't so clear even just a few posts ago. 

On a completely different note, please continue to pray for my mom. She is back in surgery. I will join family at the hopsital after my blood draw in the next hour. I was able to receive the midline catheter and IV infusion yesterday, so I am happy to get that going so soon. It was nice that Dr. Hilgers gave this pregnancy a vote of confidence when he wanted it in immediately following the doubling hcg on Sunday.  Grateful for those that worked hard to make the possible last night after hours. And grateful the midline placement was done in my home, at my kitchen table, in the way I was used to and not at all the nightmare last time of being in an operating room being xrayed a thousand times.