Despite our expensive treatment and currently being on the 6th month of cyclical antibiotics, the tail end brown bleeding is most definitely back. While I only had two observations in one day, it is enough. Dh and I have notified Dr. Hilgers during the cycle review correspondence. I have already taken clomid for this cycle, and ordered more hcg (which is a pain-more on that later) so if we are advised to not ttc, it will be another month of avoiding. At this point we are only together during fertile times, a very difficult state to have maintained the last six months. We are already trying to prayerfully discern what to do if given the choice with no guidance. My dh might just need to know we've done everything, even if everything means another miscarriage. I don't know that for sure, but I sense he isn't quite at the point I am at. I am trying to meet him where he is at, whatever that means. I would lie if I didn't tell you there have been tears. Not tears over TEBB. Nope. The tears are over the possibility of another loss. Seeing the last baby I lost rocked me to my core. It was unexpected. We weren't prepared. I had thought the baby already passed. We had no plan. It is difficult to think back on. I still see Nicholas' tiny body on the tissue. It's been a hard week for sure.
Family drama continues. Dh feels strongly we can support the children, but not bring them into our home. We have our own stresses, etc. It feels selfish, but I get it. It isn't selfish to put your marriage and children first. Their case meeting was postponed to next week due to weather. Their mother still strongly
Lots going on. Prayers always appreciated. I am fine, I really am, but we all need them, right?
And p.s. moms, how great is this? http://catholicmom.com This is exactly feeling like me most days-between the hamster wheel, feeling I am neglecting the kids, the distraction and open tabs and half finished things, and list that goes to the floor, and what in the world did I spend my day doing? lol. So enjoy. And your welcome.
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
4 comments:
Damn TEBB...it's a monster...so hard to get rid of and you and your dh did a lot! I just wonder what really causes it...is it something in our diets that we really can't help? I'm talking dyes, preservatives, etc. So many couples deal with TEBB.
Try not to get discouraged. (it's hard i know, we've been ttc for almost 6 years now). Treat each day as a new start. And Prayers to you!
Suzanne
So sorry about the TEBB. It makes me sad every time I see it too. :( Continued prayers for you guys!
PJ, I think diet can help (like anti-inflammatory) but I don't think diet is the cause. Our cause is infection. Specifically Chlamyd.ia. I can't speak to anyone else's-our hormones are great.
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