First Cycle Review Post 4th Miscarriage

Well, our cycle review wasn't exactly what I was expecting, but that is alright. A few things contributed to this.

First of all, of course I never travel for work, but I did this month. I figured it would be during blood draw time, it turns out I was there P+6-8. I barely had time to breathe in Los Angeles since I was only there Monday through Wednesday for work so no chance to hunt down a place to draw blood. Not that I thought to do that because I had in my head, mistakenly, that P+8 would be the day I got home and I knew that was acceptable. So first thing Thursday (my birthday-hello, thirty-five!) I started it off with a blood draw. Paid for a blood draw. Shipped a blood draw. And likely paid for it to be analyzed at PPVI. On to learn on the cycle review call it was too late and unusable. Boo! Oh well. My own dumb fault.

However, I wanted them to use this info to get me back on meds. Not to ttc (still more to learn), but to try to regulate things and see if a d&c of sorts would come from being on the right meds. While the nurse did say the doc might script meds without being able to use the blood draw results, he didn't.

To make matters a little worse, it wasn't Dr. H but another female doc Dr. J I think? that looked at my cycle review. So I don't know how familiar she is with my history. While I should trust (that's what files are for, right?) I am also realistic. I have two rather large PPVI files since I have been with them since 2005. Six pregnancies, two surgeries, many many cycle reviews. It's a lot to expect anyone to sort through.

So it was sort of an important cycle in my opinion, but the result was add B6 and consult Dr. Toth. I don't know if she knows that I have consulted Dr. Toth before, that I haven't done full treatment but have been down there once for testing and consider myself his patient too. I just don't know. I mean, it is reasonable to do this, I just really want to know if that is what Dr. H wants. There was some good news on the call. Our genetic testing came back normal. So we are back to the same hypothesis, our good friend infection. No surprises there.

So my choices are to do it or wait another cycle. I need to remind myself next cycle to also ask about LDN and lyme disease testing (western blot). I feel Dr. Toth will say do full treatment or at least testing in NY to see what bug we are dealing with, but I can't assume. So dh and I will have those discussions tonight. We do have a free SW ticket in our possession, same way we got down there last time. And we were just talking about a trip, though NY isn't our first choice for pleasure. It's possibly doable. Getting ahead of myself, clearly. Anxiety does not come from the Lord so when it starts to rear its ugly head I will send it back where it came from.

On the prayer intentions front, I have two lovely friends who struggle with fertility problems pregnant and due in December. They are both moving right along well and I couldn't be happier for them! Also, my dad is healing nicely from back surgery. My mom's mystery illness is starting to be uncovered. When her large hernia was untreated, her stomach went through it and sat behind her heart. Now we know the heart is having an electrical problem that is corrected with beta blockers. The GI/vagal response is still an issue. We just learned her stomach is not emptying as it should (she still had food in it 16 hrs after eating during a fasting test!) The meds for this have bad side effects and there is no cure so that part is discouraging. It looks like maybe the stomach position before it was fixed in surgery damaged the vegus nerve (which won't regenerate) and maybe caused the heart and stomach issue. Good to know what it is. Working on fixing it. So prayers for that. And prayers for my dad. We are watching the Catholicism video series together. I am trying to peak some interest there. We shall see.

P.S. I heard this at mass the other day and thought of my girls!!!!

 Therefore, having been justified by faith, [a]we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and[b]we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but [c]we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Romans 5: 1-5)

More waiting...and then finally the clock starts

So, after DH and I had our son, we were open to trying immediately for more (though a little nervous at the thought of 2 little ones and my school still not complete, we were more scared of the alternative).  We weren't trying to be selfish (trust me are grateful as humanly possible for Charlie), but because we don't take anything for granted, we had no idea if or when it would ever happen and didn't want to waste any time.  However, it turned out it was kind of like thinking I would have Charlie 6 weeks early and then he came one week late.  We were committing to try right away, and yet...no cycle.  Yes, I was nursing.  I told myself that wanting to try for baby #2 would not cause me to do certain things different with Charlie and nursing was one of those things.  Charlie was never an on demand nurser.  He was never really a comfort nurser.  He nursed for food and he had no desire when he wasn't hungry.  As a result, I fully expected to get my cycle back sometime in the four to six month range.  I remember when DH came up to me when Charlie was only about 7 months old and he joked, "are we ever going to have another baby?" We smiled at each other, knowing this was only the beginning of the waiting.

My cycle didn't return until almost 4 weeks after quitting entirely (despite me being down to 3 feedings ages ago and from there dropping off one feeding at a time; I nursed him just shy of a year).  So my cycle just started on the 25th of last month (you heard me right, we are officially in real time!)   I don't regret nursing him that long, and in some respects am even proud since I was unfortunate enough to endure mastitis 5 or 6 times.  (DT felt it was likely related to the underlying infection since it was happening a ton and I was doing all the prevention I could think of). 

Back to cycles.  Of course the folks that don't want it back get it very quickly it seems!  It is strange, others coming up and asking me about number 2 and I found myself sharing with perfect strangers that if my period was back we would certainly be trying but we can't.  I did it because I didn't want to appear to be the type I was not-like those who viewed children as a given, but also an inconvenience, the type that would try to perfectly space my family around my own selfishness.  Literally, the only thing worse than ttc and being unsuccessful is not being allowed to try, or even getting to start the cycle clock (once it starts we will be waiting the recommended 3 full cycles to try) even though fully anticipating the difficulty once it all began.  I tried to tell myself to use the time wisely, with work, with my son, with my husband.  Making the most of whatever stage you are at in life is important-I am a firm believer in not wishing life away but focusing on that moment.  I was relatively patient and living in the moment for the most part, as you might expect with my son to distract me.  Still, the desire to begin trying was/is definitely there.  Now the cycle clock has begun, after my son turned one.  So, we have a plan in place.
Cycle one-nothing
Cycle two-blood draw at peak plus 7 for pro and est (mailed to omaha)
cycle three-cycle review at CD1, indicated meds including oral antibiotics, blood draw
cycle four-cycle review, adjust meds as needed and ttc unless something else needs tweaking
cycle five, six, and seven ttc on med and cyclical oral antibiotics and cycle reviews and blood draws to monitor
If, after 7 cycles, nothing happens and nothing appears to need work via Dr. Hilgers, then it is off to NY, this time for full DT treatment.

sidenote: I have one bottle of hcg left from my old insurance and it isn't covered on our current insurance. Dr. Hilgers wrote a letter about it being hormonal, but it didn't matter, they just said it wasn't an option under my husband's plan (his work hadn't opted for it or something).  I am wondering what something like that would cost?