3.26.2012

HCG drama continues *updated

***As is typical, I ended this post in a hurry because I got called away, and as is typical, I wish I had better conveyed my message.  I have attempted to rectify this with the addition of a final paragraph.  Thanks for commenting, it helped me realize this!

If I was in a hurry to ttc, I'd be going nuts right about now.  The plan is typically to cycle a month, cycle a month with a p+7 draw, get medicated the next cycle and draw, and then hopefully get the go ahead.  That was how it worked last time.

This time looks like this.  Cycle, don't make it to p+7.  Cycle with peak +7 draw, added B6.  Cycle with blood draw, add mucinex.  Learn none of blood draws were shipped and thats why they were giving me any scripts for meds.  Ship meds.  Cycle that is supposed to have hcg based on blood draw except...they called it in to Kubats.  Kubats calls for delivery.  Remembering Kubats costs and Cigna doesn't, I say no thanks, I have it covered and call Cigna.  Cigna calls Hilgers and gets the info.  Te script is for 30 days, not 90 days.  So I tell them to contact Hilgers and I am not worried b/c I have the Kubats script.  I call back Kubats and they are fine with filling it and don't mention anything.  I find out a few days later that it hasn't even shipped yet (past when I am supposed to start it).  They are just now ready to send it out.  It took so long because they tore up the script and had to call back the doctors at PPVI.  By now I know its going to be $60 instead of free (from Kubats-my insurance doesn't cover it compounded and its only covered under medical benefits, not pharmaceutical, so they have no way of paying Kubats for the meds) and now its Friday.  And P+5 I believe it was.  So maybe I would get half my doses in.  Not worth $60 plus priority shipping.  And it seems that Cigna may beat Kubats anyway.  I don't even remember the details, but that is basically how it went-no Kubats b/c I have Cigna, no Cigna but not worried, b/c I can fall back on Kubats, oh no Kubats b/c now its so late it isn't even worth it....Today I had another talk with Cigna.  They were calling to ship the meds and explained that the reason they do hcg monthly is b/c it is for fertility. She saw mine wasn't fertility and said maybe there is an exception, and asked how I am using the meds.  I vaguely explained it was to regulate cycles.  You won't believe this but she talks to her pharmacist and comes back to say that Nova.rel is very stricts on their uses and that isn't one of them so they will be calling PPVI back to have them rewrite the script for hcg (basically same thing).  Are you kidding me?!  Has anyone had this happen?  I hope I didn't open a can of worms...good grief.  I was just thinking it was an error, thought I always got 90 days of hcg,  but maybe I am remembering wrong.  Definitely the progesterone was 90 days.  So the saga continues. 

One thing that is also delaying things and annoys me is that PPVI didn't script Clomid and hcg, just hcg.  I think it was b/c Dr. H was out of town, but it seems like they could do both.  She said I could get it next cycle at the cycle review.  Well, of course I started on Friday and the office is closed today.  I will be calling them tomorrow, cycle day 5, to request my meds I take on cycle day 1-3!  Also, this time they gave me the normal dose of hcg, not good b/c I always take HALF the normal dose ever since I had the reaction where my hands were hot and swelled.  Half works fine. They never tried to give me more after that until now.  The nurse was clearly following a formula based on my numbers, and not my history, and when I called her attn to it she just said try it since its been awhile.  Why?  When half work?  Half the $ (if I was paying for it) and no risk.  Why the risk?  Isn't Hil.gers all about least meds necessary to do the job?  And I noticed they didn't do cyclical abx like last time.  I realize I don't have symptoms (no TEBB)  but it was nice to have it on CD 1-10 while ttc for security.  So, some of it may be change in preferances, or changes in staff. but I must say I liked the old predictable way of doing things better and if it isn't broke...

So here I am, on Cycle 4, where I should be getting the go ahead to ttc and in fact, I haven't done a cycle with my scripted meds yet!  Despite all of this, I am okay.  I am totally fine.  I am not in a hurry.  It is God's timing.  I truly have peace.  Is this because I have two children?  Maybe, but only because I am better place with God than I was then.  Plus, having kids in a lot of ways makes you want more kids!  Yes, my hands are full, but that isn't what we are basing the decision to be open on.  I would like to think my peace has to do with wanting God's will.  I truly 150% believe that God has my best interest in mind.  Maybe that means more children through these medications.  Maybe it means more children through adoption. (Yes, I am one of many who is completely enamored by Reece's Rainbow and all of the children waiting.  The older children, the children deemed undesirable by current society's standards based on disability and the culture in their country (and who are we kidding, in our country).  At the same time, my husband is not currently interested in this, so it isn't as if I have a plan B and that is why I have peace.  I don't have a plan, actually.  God has a plan and that is what I want.  Even if it means no additional children and God wants me to appreciate what I have and focus more on my husband (yes, you can do both, but I don't do both well, that I have admitted freely on this blog).  I can do that.  If its His will.  I tell Him often, if it is adoption that is His plan for me, then He needs to change the heart of my dh.  And I know He will if He wants to.  So that is good enough for me.  Yes, there are days I want to nag my husband about this or that.  But I am getting better and better about nagging God instead, in those moments.  But mostly, seriously, I am here.  Just being.  Reading Matthew and amazed at how God knows the number of hairs on my head, and how he cares for the sparrows, and how Jesus performed all those miracles of healing just because people had faith he could and courage to ask.  I am fine with the longer process detailed above.  I honestly think there is a reason for it all, and I trust the author of life.  I am in good hands!

3.19.2012

And the winner is...

S!  Thanks for your patience, everyone!  My mom called while we were out and needed some help...it turned into an all day affair!  In the video, ignore my son asking me if I am his mom-I promise he isn't a random kid I conned into playing my son, lol.  He thought we were pretending he was a helper, so he wondered if I was still his mom in this pretend game.  Funny how his mind works!  S, contrary to what I said here, your profile doesn't appear to link to an email like I thought it did.  Also, the email I had from another S name isn't connected to you like I thought it might be.  So...I need you to email me what sized shirt you want and the address you want it mailed to and I will get it out to you this week.  Congratulations!  And thanks to everyone that entered and prayed!  It was fun to "meet" some new folks and link to a new blog!

Here is the shirt design-if anyone wants one, they are $10 plus a couple bucks for shipping and the proceeds go to help my sidewalk counseling group with training and supplies.

The Giveaway Has Ended

Charlie drew us a winner, I just have to run a quick errand and then I will upload the video.

3.18.2012

Drawing winner tomorrow-still time to enter giveaway!

Sorry for the delay on the giveaway!  I will do the drawing tomorrow (I want Charlie to draw the name and he is already asleep).  That means anyone wanting to get in on it, its not too late! :)

3.15.2012

The Price of HCG and Robin Hood

I often like to use my blog to post little lessons learned along the way as I navigate through fertility treatments and the process of being an out of town patient of Dr. Hilgers.  I mentioned in my last post that I have benefits for hcg, but not through pharmaceutical benefits.  Injectibles are only covered through medical on my plan (boy did I go round and round with them before getting someone to admit that!). That means I could go to the doctor every time I need a shot (hardly convenient considering my cycle doesn't conform to weekdays) or I can find a pharmacy that bills my drug as medical.  To date the only pharmacy I know that can do this is the mail order pharmacy assosicated with my insurance.  And I am grateful to have them-they never screw up the billing, they deliver to my door, and I get all the lovely extras like alcohol pad, a sharps container, etc.

Today C.igna Te.l Drug contacted me regarding the hcg order I placed the other day.  I think, originally, she was calling to get my credit card information for the balance.  I was wrestling AJ into a diaper and pjs when she called, and surprisingly I had my cell phone on me and chose to answer an unknown number.  Another thing I love about the mail order pharmacy?  She asked, so would you like to receive that tomorrow?  Um, heck yeah!  (I never pay anything for shipping and today is Peak plus 3!).  During the course of her verifying information, she gave me the amount of the hcg.  $152.63.  I was a little surprised-our insurance coverage is worse (and costs more!) this year, but that much?!  Then  probed more and found out that was only one month's worth, as opposed to the 90 days they typically fill and I became very nervous.  As Anthony interupted our conversation, yet again, the nice woman asked the question I can't stand from insurance companies.  Is this for fertility?  she asked.  Shocked at how easily it came out of my mouth, I didn't think twice before I cooly denied it.  She said, "I didn't think so, I can hear your little one, but that is how it is written down."  I told her hormones can mess up a lot more than infertility, and asked if it was written that way from the doctor because I was shocked and she said no, probably the woman who received the fax wrote it up that way because it didn't say either way from the doctor's office.  How annoying that they assumed something that would negatively effect my coverage!  What if she hadn't asked me again?  Well, turns out, I would have paid $152.63 for one month of medicine.  And now that it isn't for fertility?  I pay $0.  That's right.  Nothing.  Nothing for 90 days worth of hcg.  That is exactly what I've paid for it in the past.  And exactly why I stockpile it like a hoarder and then give it away when I don't need it again.  (Robin Hood reference).

What's the moral of this story?  Um, let's just say I am struggling with that a little bit.  I almost called this post, liar liar pants on fire.  I mean, I know that I have a deficiency of hormones.  I know that I am treating that problem and it results in my fertility to be better.  I know that Dr. Hilgers calls it what it truly is and that is why he sees better coverage with his more accurate diagnosis codes.  But tonight, what she asked and what I answered, it didn't like in the past.  I don't know if that was because the exact question was worded just differently enough...?.  Normally I feel like what I am saying is more accurate.  And tonight, tonight it felt like I was lying.  So I will have to think about that one.  Part of me wants to say that insurance companies are evil and that there should be coverage for this and they deserve it.  But then I see the parental eyebrow raise and I lower my eyes to the floor in order to avoid eye contact and I don't feel like its justifiable.  I am interested in your all's thoughts...

3.13.2012

The Unmedicated Me

In case I forgot how sad my fertility was without medication, I got a reminder today.  The blood the lab accidently held onto was finally sent and analyzed to PPVI.  A quick recap, cycle 1 post nursing I was unable to get a P+7 because that was the day I started my period.  I think that is very telling.  Short post peak phase is common for me unmedicated, due to my Lutenized Unruptured Follicle Syndrome S(LUFS).

So, without further ado....(drum roll please):
Cycle 2 progesterone was 1.1 and estradiol 2.7.  Yes, you read the right.  Its a wonder I am female at all with those puny numbers!  Cycle 3 progesterone was 8.4 and estradiol 12.1.

Some of you comparing may see the estradiol is in different units than you are used to.  They want it to be 12, while they want progesterone to be around 13.  I was glad the estradiol went up so much because estrogen pills is something I will no longer be taking due to my clotting disorder (Factor V Leiden).  Hcg used to be enough for my est and prog, but following my 2nd miscarriage I was supplemented with estrogen pills.  I hope that hcg will keep everything where it should be.  They put me on 2000 units on P+3, 5 ,7, and 9.  I was a little surprised at that (an error?), given my history of allergic reaction (my hands swelled and were hot).  However, when I got back in touch with the nurse said since it had been awhile it was okay to try again.  So, I've been having peak type CM for a few days now.  Post peak (if we can get the meds in time) I will take the hcg and repeat the labs (we are still avoiding-we have to get the meds in line first).  Then next cycle we will add the clomid (better to do one at a time given the reaction).  And if the blood work is good then, we will be given the all clear to TTC.  (It would have been sooner if the lab hadn't forgotten to ship the blood etc).  

So for now it is back to the crazy world of injecting myself in the belly.  I only did this very few times before since I got pregnant with AJ so fast and before that it was intramuscular like the progesterone.  I don't mind needles at all, but sticking myself is something it takes getting used to for sure!

Also, I am praying we have the good fortune we did in the past with insurance.  One thing I have learned is to use the home delivery pharamacy attached to my insurance.  The main reason is my insurance covers the injection under medical, not pharmacy benefits, and so this is the only way to get it covered.  Secondly, its pretty cheap.  You get 90 days worth instead of 30.  They also send alcohol pads, sharps container, syringes, everything you could possibly need.  It was nice to be so well equipped-literally!  I hope that tidbit helps some some of you out there.  That was the original point of my blog-for girls that are doing Napro to learn from my errors so you all get it right the first time :)  (The second purpose was to spread the word about Napro and encourage women to truly heal rather than to treat the symptoms, as well as to morally treat infertility). 

One last thing-the giveaway is still going on so please read my last post to get entered!

3.05.2012

The Five Lies PP tells-blog GIVEAWAY!

I have mentioned before I have the amazing opportunity to be part of a group, Life Front, that does sidewalk counseling outside our local PP.  I have been away 15 long months (btw AJ waking, eating all night, not taking a bottle, and then my husband's busy time at work).  It was easy to keep staying in bed on Saturdays and let another week go by, but then my group sponsored THE Elizabeth from the book Unplanned to come and train us again.  The training was the perfect refresher and motivation I needed to get back involved.

I started again this past Saturday.  It is hard to describe this experience. On one hand, you know its needed.  On the other hand, I hate it.  I hate that it is always colder at PP.  I hate being there at 6:30am instead of home in bed.  I hate feeling inadequate in the face of such insurmountable odds, or like a telemarketer where no one wants to hear their pitch.  I hate the regrets, I wish I would have said this or that...the list goes on.

But, in the end I know that God can use me if only I show up.  And it isn't about me or my skills so much as about Him working through me.  And God sends His Holy Spirit to give me strength and comfort me.  I feel His peace.  I am not tired like I think I will be.  Or hungry.  The time flies.  I don't want to leave when my time is up, the parking lot is still so full.  Business is booming.  Somehow, there are moments of warmth and the sun never felt so good!  I get braver and stronger with every interaction.  The dust of 15 months away is coming off.  I know the discomfort is worth it.  I know the woman and children are worth it.  I know no one may stop to talk or receive information, but I also know that there is impact that we may not realize at the time.  For example, (a few weeks ago, I wasn't there), women come back to thank us and share the story of how they chose life for their child one year ago.  That same day there were 2 obvious baby new saves.  And then last week there were two more (at a different PP where some of our trained girls focus their efforts).  Our presence changes lives. 

The training brought a wonderful new group of young women and men volunteers.  Forty days for life brought more that are there to pray.  And we are seeing results.  I encourage all of you to participate in forty days for life at your local clinic.  And if anyone is called to start a sidewalk counseling group at your local clinic, I can connect you to the women that started ours.  She was just a girl that wanted to make a difference!  I think there have been at least 40 saves since the beginning (maybe 4 years ago) that we know of.

My group sells t-shirts to support our group, a non profit.  They list the 5 Lies Planned Parenthood tells (yes, it was hard to just list 5!).  I will be giving away a free t-shirt (I will update with a picture, but they are nice) if you will say a prayer for more prolife medical professionals as well as for the women, men, and children that have been hurt by abortion.  Leave a comment telling me you have prayed and I will choose a name randomly on St. Patrick's Day.  Be sure your comment links to your email or email me separately if you don't have an email and don't want yours public.  

3.01.2012

The Newest Napro Trained Surgeon?

Tonight my husband and I shared our testimony at a local church as part of their RCIA experience (tonight was contraception, gay marriage, and a host of other huge issues that had to be rolled into one).  Like anything worth doing, we have to push ourselves in some way.  It goes like this.  I say yes because I 100% believe in the cause, but I don't LOVE public speaking. I drag my husband into it (and he really doesn't love public speaking, but mostly he drags his feet b/c he abhors being overcommitted).  We do our best to look over what we did last time  and make it better and practice when we really don't have the time.  I practically write the entire thing, hubs just edits.  Our paper looks like huge paragraphs, but with bullets next to them (who are we kidding?!).  But I will tell you, everytime we practice, I feel closer to my husband.  And, though he barely seems into it in practice, he nails it out of the park when we actually do it.  Who is the fool left reading the paper of her own story?  Me, that's who.  That's why I love that man!  You could tell he took pride in what he is doing.  And doing it reminds him of where we've come from and why we are here.  And that is always a good thing.

Tonight was hard, but good.  The group was huge, which is exciting.  There were lots of smiles and encouragement from the group.  There was also those I couldn't read.  And then there was the ob/gyn who was vocal that she thought we were misrepresenting the facts.  After some digging, we discovered what she meant was we disagreed with when life began, but from her mouth it didn't sound that cut and dry.  But it was, and I just pray the audience got that as well.  I am writing this post tonight to BEG you all to pray a rosary for this woman, as well as the entire audience we spoke to tonight.  I ask that you pray that their hearts be open to the church's teaching on contraception.  You know, sometimes the bigger they are, the harder they fall.  I told the leader tonight, its more the indifferent ones that I worry about.  The ones that are pissed.  I mean, we used to be those people.  Those people have passion and are thinkers and those are the people that will keep thinking about these topics long after tonight!  And I just wonder what God has something big in store for that ob/gyn?  Maybe the newest trained Napro surgeon?  We can certainly hope (and pray!)