12.31.2009

A Past New Year's Blooper to inspire, or at least make you laugh!

In reading other's posts, I am reminded of a funny story re: resolutions.  For those who know me IRL, they know that a) I love to make lists (I am surrounded by post its-I can spend the day organizing, reorganizing and organizing my lists rather than completing them!), b) I love to mark something off a list more than making them, and c) if I do something dumb (often) I love to share it with others so they can have a good laugh over it too (usually it is something incredibly embarrassing like running into a glass door, peeing my pants from laughing, or something similar that would mortify most people.  Most recently it was that my fast lane turnpike tag fell off my passenger seat and my bag fell on top of it so the sensor didn't pick it up and I ran into the bar that goes up going about 20 mph.  Fortunately, it was heavily padded!  I about peed my pants!) .  Here is a story about all three and ties into New Year's resolutions.  (by the way, I am fully aware of how dorky all of this sounds!)

It was just before New Year's (I was going to say a year or two ago-to my dissapointment I just checked and it was 2003-where does the time go?!) and I sat down at my computer to write my list "goals 2004".  My list is always way too lofty, and this year I decided to divide my list into mind, body and spirit categories so that it could help me be a more well-rounded person (sound familiar, Ann?! haha!)  I had completed my list (see unedited list below, if interested) and was feeling very proud of myself and optimistic.  As I was saving it on my computer, and picked the appropriate file folder, I noticed another document in the same folder "goals 2003" (no lie, same title, year before).  I was curious, having zero recollection of this (I have the worst memory on the planet, hence the lists) and feeling nostalgic I opened it and quickly fell from my place of pride as I viewed an almost identical list, complete with similar categories!  I couldn't believe it. Not only is my memory worse than I thought, but I had basically not moved forward in a year!  Shortly after I could look on this with humor, as with most things.  I was determined to make the current list actually happen.  Putting my behavior background to use (or really the skills that anyone who knows anyone that has ever potty trained a child would have), I designed a chart for my frig where I could see my goals daily and track my progress.  It was helpful, and I remember vaguely that I did make adequate progress on those goals (so go for it, Misfit!).  Hope my goofiness makes you chuckle!  Happy New Year, blog friends!  I hope you are better at keeping resolutions than I am/was!

The 2004 list I made
Church Goals (Spirit)

 Finish Romance bible study
 Start Creed I class to further knowledge of the Catholic faith
 Read the bible
 Church 1-2xs per week
 Regular confession (1-3 months)
 Become Eucharistic Minister
 Don’t use Lord’s name in vain

Health Goals (body)
 Don’t overcome skin to sun
 Floss daily
 Eat out less for saving $-if eat out make good choices
 Limit intake of bread (esp at home) and sweets (choc 1x per week?)
 Work out three times cardio at apt gym
 Drink more water/drink less alcohol (limit 2)
 Pay more attn to driving in general-don’t take risks and SLOW DOWN!
 Sit ups or Denise Austin video
 When have dog "custody", be more physical with him, walk/run him, play fetch…
 Remove contacts every night

Mind Goals (Intellectual Growth)
 Read more nonfiction to learn about areas I am not strong in (presidents, geography, history/dates…). In general learn new things.
 Work on writing ability (use writing center, ask Ray, get reference book)
 Finish my thesis!!!
 Get straight A’s/type class notes
 Follow my alumi's sports' teams
 Cook new meals
 Watch less tv and read more
 budget better/save money/no credit card use

Interpersonal Goals
 Be tolerant of family
 Spend more time with youngest sister asking about her day
 Listen more
 Talk less
 Do not gossip or share something someone wouldn’t want shared about them
 Hold back judgements, esp don’t voice them
 Make better choices when it comes to dating and physical limits
 Never say no to helping others, esp mom

Self Growth
 be aware of my own shortcomings
 be less rigid
 learn from my mistakes
 don’t cuss
 branch out past my comfort zone (internship, living situation, public speaking, help with mass, softball team)

2003 list I discovered when saving 2004 list


SPIRITUAL GOALS
• Attend mass every Sunday-take part in the Blood of Christ.
• Attend Bible study every Thursday.
• Read books about living faithfully-Passion and Purity, Saying no, Dating, Courtship.
• Learn more about the Catholic faith-apologetics, Mary, the saints.
• Attend young adult events.
• Attend confession every 1-3 months.
• Live more like Jesus would want, particularly in situations with friends.
Be less critical of others in thoughts and words and don’t gossip.
In my words-cuss less, don’t use God’s name in vain, temperance (in drinking).
More modest in dress and actions.
Christ-like view of dating and the purpose. Less physical…
• Keep the company of others that have high standards.
 Help others learn and grow when possible.
• Never say no to helping out others.

MIND GOALS
• Figure out a path for next year’s job and schooling required.
• Attend classes and do well this semester, Spring 2003.
• Read for enjoyment-Left Behind, Hobbit, autism books, Boy’s Life…
• Less television.
• Less time being idle.
• Be more pleasant in the mornings about getting up.
• Enjoy my job more/take pride in it.

DISCIPLINE GOALS/BODY
• More control over spending-eat out less, less need to have to fulfill-read book Money, Possessions and Eternity. Stay out of malls.
• Take extra jobs to continue to pay debt.
• More control over eating-seek out healthy cooking.
• Work out at Ann’s gym at least 3 times a week.
• Situps four times a week.
• Floss every day.
• Brush teeth min two times every day.
• Take contacts out every night.

12.29.2009

Antibiotic advice?

DH almost instantly had an upset stomach afterwards, despite food in it. I think I recall that for some you should avoid milk based products and for others, vitamins. This pkg said neither of those things. Any advice? We bought a probiotic, but I am always confused about when to take it so the antibiotic doesn't immediately kill it to. 12 hrs apart on the same day? Or wait until abx coure is completely done? Dh is coming up on busy time and would appreciate not feeling like crap! :)  He had no problems with it last time, not even metallic taste that I had...

Call back from Hilgers and not too late for one last thought on waiting...

We all can relate to Sew right now.  We are doers, and we are at our best when we can make use of that skill!  Today I got a call back from Dr. Hilger's staff.  He said that I should still get on the meds this cycle, and that we are still on the same plan (avoid and medicate this cycle, blood draw peak plus 7).  If the next draw comes back with good levels that can support a pregnancy, green light to ttc.  If not, then whenever it does-could be next month or could be several.  I was a little surprised, overall, having prepared myself to not even start meds this cycle.  It's amazing what happens when you give something over.
Here is what I am on-everything I was on before, really.
T3, prenatal, B6 (already taking).  Add baby aspirin daily, biaxin CD1-10 (dh and me), clomid (25mg) CD 3,4,5 (today is CD 4 so they said I could do 4,5,6 just this cycle); amox CD 11-15, mucinex cd15-Peak +2, and hcg post peak 3,5,7, and 9.  Plus probiotics.

There were a few surprises. 1) I expected biaxin 21 days before cyclical.  I didn't ask why not, not worried about it and trusting. 2) The nurse was surprised about the days I had amox and mucinex.  These were the days from last time, but she said the reasoning behind it didn't jive.  Basically you do amox 4 days before peak through peak and mucinex 4 days before peak through peak plus 2.  So she gave me the liberty to play with it while I was learning my cycles.  Interesting since the way it is listed above is what I did before.  And finally surprise 3) she (Tanya-I love love love her btw!) asked me how I did my hcg and I said intramuscular (butt) and she said, do you want to do it sub cu (tummy) and I was a bit taken aback-what, something has changed?! lol-I am used to everything being old hat and familiar, I guess.  Decisions!  On one hand, I have given shots to others (prog).  And dh hates to give the shots, and he is coming up on his crazy busiest work month where he works 80 hrs.  And it has been awhile since he's done a shot (well over a year) so nervousness will def be at an all time high for him.  But...dh he does it out of love and it has been a huge bonding experience for us.  I have a little nervousness, but I think needles and blood draws are neat (strange, I know) and like to watch procedures (dh can't even watch silly ER shows that aren't real without having twitches and ticks!)  I asked her if I could think about it, but it made a difference in the dosing, so I agreed to tummy shots, sad to give up the dh routine but thinking dh would be grateful for the gift.  (actually he seemed a little bummed on the phone-we are wierd creatures; I think he liked it as a way for him to be involved).

I got off the call and immediately the adrenaline began pumping!  I am a doer, I thrive on this stuff, even the little stuff, especially after all the waiting (I am proud to say I was the first to get the local IV from the Dr. Toth group, though it was my mom who was the catalyst-I like a challenge!).  The task this time was to figure out the hcg dilemna.  I had 10 boxes (required to order that way) from my insurance before dh and I got married (fabulous state  employee blue cross/blue shield).  It was pretty cheap-about $320 for it all.  I used it to conceive all 3 babies and had 1 box left. (Of course, that box is expired-had I known you ladies it would have been shipped out to one of you!).  I realized as I got closer to running out (fall of 2007) that I should check with dh's (my current) insurance.  No go.  They said it wasn't related to fertility, just wasn't covered.  Can't fight that.  I didn't end up needing it, thankfully.  But now I do.  So today I called Tar.get to get the price of it not covered-$124 but you must order 10 boxes.  But a "substitutable" product is $120 (Novarel-anyone try it?) but you can order one month at a time.  Next I called Cigna tel drug to see what the cost, covered or not, through their tel-drug mail order program and to check about coverage again.  First pharmacy dept, then specialty (for injectables)-they said no go.  Then they suggested it may be covered under medical.  (of course I happily continued to get transfered, happy just to be doing something toward my goal!) Medical said no way for fertility, but if it is another reason then I can have the doc's office go through a process to get it covered.  Interesting  how you get different answers when you keep asking the same question!  Gotta love insurance companies.  So, lovely Merilyn from Dr. Hilger's (we meet again! same issue...) is going to start the process.

Of course, I need to take my own advice.  I did all this (and will go to Target to get the meds) today while I was supposed to be working on my dissertation  (paid for childcare and all!).  I need to start seeing that dang thing like the hcg and as a challenge, something to get me toward my goal as well, the goal of being done and having more time with my child/ren. That is something I can get passionate about.  I will pray for this and try hard to work on it, and I need prayers from you ladies to as I am sure the distractions/task (and more fun stuff, in my mind) will increase...Isn't it funny how you can miss all those appts and calls? :)  I think in a bad way, some of us, probably myself included feed off the drama.  What would we do if we didn't have IF? 

Okay, sorry for long post, but this is good stuff-Last night, I saw the newspaper for our diocese from last week.  Our archbishop wrote a great article on prayful waiting.  I didn't realize Immacule.ee Ilibagiza had a 2nd book where she wrote about waiting and trusting in God, but the description in the article makes it sound like a must read for all IFers (her first book, Left to Tell, is amazing; the second book is called Led by Faith: Rising from the Ashes of the Rwandan Genocide). The end of the article reads: "During the Advent season, the church invites us to cultivate a spirtuality of prayerful waiting.  In a sense, we are currently spending an indefinite amount of time on earth waiting to gain admittance to heaven.  How we spend this time of waiting is extremely important because it will determine our eternal destiny.  Immaculee's method of waiting is worthing of  imitation.  During this remaining week of Advent, spend some time recalling God's many blessings, thanking him for each by name.  Pray for those byname you have hurt by your sings and ask God to bless them.  Finally, and most importantly, ask the Lord to free your heart from the imprisonment of anger by granting you the grace to forgoive those who have hurt you.  Ask God to bless them by name."  Since waiting isn't limited to Advent, I thought I would pass on this great advice.

12.28.2009

Cycles Post Nursing and Rookie Mistakes

Can cycles smoke crack?  Just kidding.  Sorry, that is a crass habit I must move past (btw, my sister's husband actually did smoke crack so you think that would have helped me kick the habit by now, no pun intended...just a little insight to my less than perfect nutty family that I love so much even when they drive me nuts-ha!)

Okay, so here is what my cycles have looked like post baby/nursing.  (Recap-I nursed my son for about 12 months, but he was completely weened by his birthday; I started dropping feedings slowly at 9 months (mastitis, etc, another story for another day...)  My period didn't come back until 3 weeks after his birthday.  Those that don't want it to return get it in 4 months; I was ready to have #2 at 4 months so mine came back late-oh well.) :)

I was dry the entire time nursing (I guess some get mucus the entire time).  Then I got some mucus here and there for 6 different times.  The last time I had 3 post peak dry days and then my cycle started for the first time.  I had 4 light days and that is it.  I was told that the second one back is the bad one.  The first cycle I had 10Kx1 on CD15 and then 10Kx1on CD21.  Odd.  And that was it for mucus.  So late peak I guess, delayed with stress maybe?  Weird.

The 2nd cycle had a much stronger period-heavier than what is typical for me.  It lasted 7 day (typical) but had some heavey and more medium than typical for me.  It really wasn't as bad as I expected.  then came the crazy mucus.  I had 10Cx1 on CD 9, then 10Cx1 on CD 15, then 7 days of mucus that was mostly 10 C/K Lx1 and went from 1-5" (sorry TMI).  Seriously-7 days!  Totally unmedicated-just prenatals, T3, and B6.  Then I had a dry day (CD 25) and then I had 8cKx1 on CD 26.  I was an idiot and went with the last day of post peak mucus (typical instructions) instead of point of change (CD 24-the 5" day) which was the instructions I had when I got pregnant.  So...P +7 was Dec. 26th so I continued what I fondly refer to my traveling tour of the U.S. hospital labs and got my blood drawn in my hubby's home town 3 hrs away, a first for me, surprisingly.  But that wasn't the real peak plus 7 because I didn't go with the point of change, and peak plus 7 turned into CD1 (grrr) so there should be no surprise that I had very low hormones on my first cycle review since the baby (pro 1.2, est 2.2) with Dr. Hilger's staff.  So...this draw was supposed to determine the meds for current cycle so we could ttc next cycle, but I am thinking probably no dice.  I mean, the draw gave Dr. H no information at all.  We will see.  Waiting on return call from the nurses.  I am at peace with it, really, just feel silly I made the error.  I would rather do things right and that will likely mean waiting. I trust Dr. H and we will do whatever he recommends.  I learned from this I don't know everything (haha) and made an appt with my Fertility Care practitioner immediately.

12.24.2009

Advent Prayer Buddy Revealed

I've been praying for Mrs. Mike and what a blessing it has been.  I got to know her better by carefully reading select entries in her blog and I was so impressed with how articulate and faith filled she is!  I have really enjoyed getting to know her.  I had barely finished up this homework (and saw how much we both had in common in terms of being moms, but still part of the IF world...) when she emailed me, having just learned some about me and wanting to know about infections and Dr. Toth etc based on a comment I had left her.  I really enjoyed our emails and following her blog.  It was through that I saw that she was praying the Christmas Novena and the Novena for the Immaculate Conception.  I had never prayed either before, so I thought I would join her in these prayers.  My intention for her was "to heal (name's) desire to have a biological child soon, in whatever way You see most fit; and give her the Grace to carry out Your will for her."  When I was done with the Immaculate Conception Novena, I added my own person favorite, the Novena to St. Raphael for healing.  Not only do I feel like I have gained a friend through this process, but I am also grateful for opportunity to put my own self aside to concentrate on someone else this advent season.  Additionally, it was great to create the habit of setting aside time carved out for prayer-that has slipped away this last year, I am embarrassed to admit.  The advent prayer buddies was a wonderful experience-thanks TCIE and Sew for organizing!

12.20.2009

A Personal Favorite

Novena to St. Raphael (the Healer):

Glorious Archangel Saint Raphael,
great prince of the heavenly court,
you are illustrious for your gifts of wisdom and grace.
You are a guide of those who journey by land or sea or air,
consoler of the afflicted,
and refuge of sinners.
I beg you,
assist me in all my needs
and in all the sufferings of this life,
as once you helped the young Tobias on his travels.
Because you are the medicine of God,
I humbly pray you to heal the many infirmities
of my soul and the ills that afflict my body.
I especially ask of you the favour
(Make your request here...)
and the great grace of purity
to prepare me to be the temple of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

St. Raphael, of the glorious seven who stand before the throne of Him who lives and reigns,
Angel of health, the Lord has filled your hand with balm from heaven to soothe or cure our pains.
Heal or cure the victim of disease.  And guide our steps when doubtful of our ways.

12.18.2009

God is ALWAYS the goal

The reflection today in the Word Among Us today really struck me.  It was something I needed to be reminded of as we ttc again.  I thought it was worth sharing.

The Gospel is about how Joseph was going to divorce Mary quietly, but the angel came to him.  Basically "God had a different plan for him."  (aside, I love the archangels-my babies lost were Michael and Gabby, and my son is Charles Raphael). 

WOA: "In Joseph we see a model of humility and openness to God...Joseph was willing to follow a new path, even if it didn't completely make sense.  When faced with a radical change in his plans for his life, he took his confusion and distress to God, and he wasn't disappointed.  God spoke to him in a dream and gve him the peace he needed to embark on his new adventure.  Joseph's story tells us that we should guard against being too attached to our plansSometimes even good and noble goals, such as marriage, a chosen career, or community service may have to be put aside if God moves us in a different direction.  Of course, we should always "test everything" and "retain what is good" (1 Thessalonians 5:21).  A trusted spiritual advisor, a confessor, or a close friend are indispensable in this process.  But in the end, it always comes down to our own humility and openness to God's infinite possibilities.  Whatever plans the Lord may have for us, it's comforting to know that God is always on our side.  If we seek Him, He will reveal himself to us.  And as we seek His plans, He will make them clear as well.  We just need to stay focused on the main goal for our lives: to grow closer to the Lord and become more and more like HimHoly Spirit, nothing can compare with your wonderful plan for me.  Help me to remin open to you so that I can see more of your will for my life."

It is a motto I try to live by, one that was first presented to me through the wheelbarrow analogy I chose to name my blog after.  I am not saying I am perfect at it by any stretch, I have to recommit to it daily, but I truly believe that when I made the initial decision to reprioritize my life with the goal being to follow God's plan (knowing, at that time it may mean to remain childless), that is when I really had true spiritual healing. The physical healing, that followed later and was just icing on the cake.

I will pray the prayer suggested in the Word Among Us, for myself and for all of you.  I am attaching my favorite homily from Fr. Larry (Steubenville) that has really helped me.

12.15.2009

Prayers Please, Advent Prayer Buddy!

Okay, because hopefully my Advent Prayer Partner is reading this, I am going to come clean with something I need major prayers for.  Something I am ashamed about and don't really have the words to express, but because I need prayers I am going to try.
In 2003 I started a doctorate program.  While this is still a program and a career path I believe in, a lot has changed since then.  I applied for the program before I met my husband.  I got in while we were dating.  The entire contents of my blog happened while I was in the program (I found out about IF, we got engaged, we got married, we had 2 miscarriages, we got pregnant with our son, I had my son, my son is now 1).  I would say that is a lot.  But I have used this excuse and used this excuse and now it can't be used anymore.  The truth is that I simply don't have the same level of passion at the end of the day.  I don't have the energy for it.  I don't desire to spend the precious time I have with my son, the precious time I have with my husband while my son is sleeping, or the precious time I have to get the things done that being a wife and mother and home owner require.
A doctorate will serve me well in any career path.  I want to write a book about my faith and IF and our journey.  I want to speak on the topic as well.   I still want to help schools and children.  My doctorate (since it is behavior focused) will open many career doors for me outside of schools, with consulting, etc.  I can literally write grants on a number of areas and do a wonderful combination of research and direct service provision.  My area relates to policy and systems change as well.  I have the ability to impact real change and make things better for children and families.  It is still a worthy cause.
I can't quit.  Trust me, I have considered it.  I have spent too much time and too much money.  I have obligations-to my coworkers, to my advisor, to my peers, to my husband, and to my goverment (my money is tied to a service obligation-I cringe now, 2 years for every year of funding I took or I must repay it).   I am so close to the end.  I have taken all my courses, passed my comps, I have data for my dissertation.  But still I have to propose it.  I have to stand before a committe and be convicted that what I did was necessary and important.  I have to believe it myself and then convince others. 
My advisor wants me done by May.  That means basically April.  He wants my proposal rough draft by Jan. 15th.  I can't believe I am saying this outloud (sort of).  I am close to 7 years in the program (this summer). Here is one of the problems: my proposal is basically half of my dissertation.  And then, after that (and data taken) they could still say no and back to the drawing board.  Additionally, my advisor is nice and brilliant, but he is losing his mind.  Literally.  Very very forgetful.  It can be infuriating.  The process is so political and sticky anyway (I am not all savvy about these things, very naiive in fact) and so this makes it that much tougher.  I have seen folks do everything right and then almost fail or have to make huge changes last minute because someone doesn't get along with someone else etc.  To see all of this, makes it so so hard to put one foot in front of the other. It feels insurmountable. I feel like, why bother to be shut down.  Even on good days when I feel I can do it, I don't want to.  I want to do other things with my time. 
I was fortunate to recently hear Imaculee Iliabigiza (sp?) speak on her Rowandan experience.  She spoke of how there are always two voices and the voice of doubt is always louder, telling her who would want to hear her story, a girl from Rowanda with barely any English, etc.  But that was the devil.  The truth is her story was on the New York Times best seller list within 2 weeks or something crazy.  So I have to get past this voice, these doubts.  I know this!  I think the worry and stress has taken years off my life!
I am tired of feeling the weight of this on my shoulders.  I am tired of confessing it (because basically I just indulge in what I want to do, not what I should).  Not that I am off drinking martinis or something-too much of a Martha for that!, really just folding laundry, watching a show with dh, running errands, or reading my son a story...but I know that I am not trusting God with this, I know that I am not making him happy or glorifying by my behavior.
That is it.  That is my dark dirty secret.  That is the weight on my shoulders and the cloud over my head.
I would much rather focus on what I like to call my honorary PhD in IF. Or my son, or my husband, or anything really. :)
I never used to be a procrastinater.  I had fire and momentum and I had passion.  But I also have a plan, a timeline, and when I get derailed from that like with IF etc, I have a terrible time getting back on track.
And now, the time is coming.  The time that we have been waiting for to ttc.  That is how most of this started-you all know how easy it is to make doctor's visits and home research a full time job.  And what have I been doing this last year?!  Where has the time gone?  Why didn't I make the most of it in terms of working on my dissertation?  I think if I had a 40 hr a week job away from the home it may have been easier.  But instead I work from home and have childcare 2 days a week (outside of the home).  It is enough to do my work, but not my dissertation.  To get that done I need to do it on my own time or pay for additional help and be away from my son more.  I hate that-the time and the money thing.  Both.  So we don't.  I think I will do at night and then I don't, or when he naps.  But other things are calling my attn-needs and wants.  I call it productive procrastination.  Good grief, you know I am an expert if I have coined a term for it!  I digress.
I need prayers, lots of them!  Prayers to put one foot in front of the other and just do it!  Even though the thought makes me nauseated just to think about.  I have rambled long enough.  Prayers please.

12.13.2009

You were my inspiration...

I have mentioned before that I do sidewalk counseling at an abortion mill.  It is not something I love to do, but certainly something I feel passionate about.  I only do it one Saturday a month, the minimum, and I absolutely dread it.  I dread being there at 6:30am, I hate the cold (really hate the cold), I feel incredibly inadequate (every week I go I think, I should have read more, learned more, practiced what I am going to say, etc).  But I still go.  I figure that yes, I should prepare more, but that if I stay home instead of going that I am not even there for God to work through.  I always want to be a tool for Him to use, it is my constant prayer.  Yes, I would be a better tool if I were more prepared when I go, but step one is always to go.  Be present.  Trust that He will use me as His imperfect instrument.  One time last year, I expressed my dread of going to a friend who gave me a pep talk.  She had heard a talk and the speaker said: the devil whispers in these girl's ears that "it doesn't matter, that it isn't a baby, just tissue."  So they go through with it.  Then the same devil looks at them with disgust when they are done and whispers in horror to them "what have you done?"  The message stuck with me and still brings me to tears.  Yesterday, as I crawled out of bed at 6 (why shower when you are bundled up like the Michelin man?!) I thought of this.  I grabbed my protein bar and kissed my hubby on the way out.  I listened to K Love for inspiration, all my rituals to prepare.  And then before I got there, I heard a song (can't recall now) that made me think of you all.  I saw sidewalk counseling in yet a new perspective: I was going out there to fight for more babies to be put up for adoption.  So that you all weren't agonizing on these ridiculously long waiting lists.  I was going to go out and fight for these babies for you.  Thank you for being my inspiration yesterday.  I lead the prayer before we got started.  There were only a few of us and so, unusually, I was on the front drive.  Sometimes, on the back drive, for 3 hrs solid no one stops.  But the front drive is different.  And yesterday, the Feast of Our Lady, was a very different feel indeed.  First of all, we never saw the abortion doctor arrive.  Secondly, there was a lot less traffic.  Thirdly, car after car stopped and got the information and listened to me speak to them about the crisis pregnancy center 2 doors down, about Plan.ned Parenthood's racist roots, about how PP is in the business of selling abortions and selling contraception that fails, about how their child had a heartbeat, that we have counselors who would love to adopt their babies, about how we've had over 3 dozen turnarounds in the last 2 years, and about how we would love to throw them a baby shower.  I also got to talk about NFP to a women coming for pills and give her Dr. Janet Smi.th's awesome CD-Contr.aception Why Not?  The security guard who normally storms down and yells at us seemed to be feeling exceptionally lethargic and barely called out, "move on" a few times.  And we had more groups (4!) come out and pray the rosary at separate times.  All in all, it was an amazing day.  It was hard.  I cried, as I often do, we said 3 or 4 rosaries, but mostly I was happy.  I knew God was working.  I didn't get to have the satisfaction of escorting a couple to the pregnancy center.  I didn't get to be the one that handed a couple a baby bag to congratulate them on keeping their child, there wasn't any of that personal type of satisfaction.  But I just knew in my heart that this day was different.  The sun was shining, despite the cold, and I was smiling most of the morning (I know that added to people stopping).  Thank you for being my inspiration and getting me through one more cold early morning on that sidewalk!

12.11.2009

Commenting issues...

After a month of active blogging and commenting, I still can't remember to check that dang box when I make a comment.  What is wrong with me?!  If anyone said anything directly to me, I am not ignoring you!  I don't know when and where I've made comments!  I am sure I am the one really missing out because likely there wasn't anything directly for me and what I have really been missing out on is other's lovely responses....

12.10.2009

Prayers to you!

Everyone please pray for Mrs. Blondie, who has surgery today at Pope Paul VI!

12.06.2009

Hide and Go Seek CM and Pro-Life Poundcake

Do you ever feel like there might be CM there, I just can't find it!  This is how I feel about CM when I am not on meds.  Since I often only have one day of peak type CM (and only one time that day) without meds, I have to be extra careful observing.  Especially when a peak plus 7 blood draw means I better know when Peak actually is!  In that respect, I am actually looking forward the range of meds that increase CM-mucinex, amox, etc.
I was surprised to find CM this month early.  I had barely finished the red stamps and was looking forward to a week of green, silly me, when there she was-10Cx1.  Not K, not L, not great in quantity or quality in general.  I was hoping I would see more the next time to confirm or more the next day, but no luck. OAD.  I must chart on its merits, so there it is.  What I had extra of last month (hormones), I appeared to lack this month.  I figured it was temporary.  I am one of those low hormone gals both pre and post peak and needed prog my entire pregnancy as well. Hopefully if it is a peak that go delayed b/c of stress than I will have the real deal prior to a week from now when I get the blood draw. 
On a very bright note, I received my pound cake from Kathryn (though you forgot the book, silly!)  It's timing was impecable since I was going to a bachelorette party (of the lovely low key variety, a bunch of girls sitting around chatting and laughing, eating a great meal with even better desserts and margaritas to boot-sidenote of a sidenote-I am not a margarita fan, call me crazy, but I do love that they equal a festive atmosphere!).  The girl getting married is the one that started our sidewalk counseling group at the local abortion mill.  She is AMAZING.  And the girls there, the counselors, are some of my favorite people in the world even though I have known some of them only 2 years or less.  I received the cake in the mail right before I was heading out the door and thought there was no better group who would appreciate this poundcake for a cause!  And I sure didn't want to eat it all myself (and I have a bad way of bringing desserts in the house and tempting dh when he tries to be so good!)  I must say, it was as delicious as you've heard!  Here's our group minus a few (busy making margaritas).  I am in the top left corner.

12.02.2009

God didn't promise...

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Just a little reminder for anyone who might need it.  I was looking for this phrase yesterday to share with someone and then someone sent me an email this morning and this was their signature!  Funny how that happens. I am also updating some recent past posts with pics today, now that I found my camera!

12.01.2009

Thoughts On Waiting...

There have been some really wonderful and timely posts on waiting that have recently sprung up.  And though not near as profound, I feel called to share my two cents.  Waiting. Sucks.  There are so many times when we are called to wait in life.  Just a few examples include waiting to grow up, waiting to find the love of your life, waiting to try to conceive, trying to concieve/waiting for a baby, pregnant and worrying/waiting for the baby to arrive safe and sound.  Once you have children the waiting doesn't end.  There is waiting for him to take his first nap to get things done around the house, there is waiting for him to wake up to go run errands, there is waiting for him to go to bed to have time with my husband.  There is waiting to stop nursing and waiting to get AF back to start ttc again.  If I spend all my time waiting and worrying, I would miss the best things.  The time with my husband before we had children.  The beautiful time of pregnancy.  The time to just be with my son, to get on the floor and play and enjoy and let the dishes wait.  Ha!  Someone/something else can do the waiting! :)  The time where my son is an only child and there isn't someone else to tend to.  The point is I am a big believer in enjoying the phase in life we are given.  I know, you say, easy for you to say because you had a son.  I did/I do.  But I had to wait to get here and there is still lots of waiting and patience required now that he is here.  Waiting on things is a fact of life and won't change, but how I wait-well that is something I can do something about so that has changed.