Watch this video Depraved Indifference
And now go to this website http://www.reecesrainbow.com/
I have been amazed over and over again since I have been watching this site and following these families. They aren't rich. They are just willing. God has moved mountains to bring these children home, especially in terms of the fees. Many folks have money and are willing to donate because they aren't in a position to bring these children into their home.
Now see Kody. Kody has my heart. He is running out of time. His profile is only available for a short time and then he will no longer be eligble for international adoption. He is one of the lucky ones. His orphanage seems awesome. His ransom fee is relatively low. He needs his mama and dada to run through that brick wall to rescue him so he knows the love of a mom and dad before its too late!
I am on the journey we are all called to-to accept God's will and perfect love. Whether I am white knuckling it with my eyes shut tight or standing up with my arms outstretched enjoying the ride, I try always to let God be the driver and not bail out the side when there are bumps (like IF!). On good days, I trust He won't run me into a tree. :)
5.22.2012
5.12.2012
HCG-Living and Dying by the Numbers
This blog is a blessing and a priviledge in so many ways. I had the opportunity, this past week, to go back and read some very real and painful posts. These were written in Word real time and then transferred to my blog later, so the dates are off in the beginning. I reread this one, discovering my first pregnancy in 2006-
and the details of my hcg rising and lowering and losing him TWICE
And I read about healing afterwards in this post
about conceiving and losing Gabby in 2007 http://tool4god-myjourneywithgod.blogspot.com/2008/12/gabby-and-another-test-to-following.html
this is about the answer to my miscarriages, an unresolved infection
Here is me finding out I was pregnant with Charlie
This is when my hcg dipped with Charlie and I thought we were starting to lose him
And when things were good again, as my hcg corrected and we saw Charlie's hcg rising
Here is where I was worried about AJ too because his hcg started off lower than the rest at the same time (200s) like Gabby and b/c I had a yeast infection during conception time
Here I think I am losing AJ b/c of hcg numbers so clearly this is a pattern with me where I think I can interpret them but I can't....
Reading all of these again was perfect timing as Mother's Day is upon us, reminding me that this path hasn't been easy, and it never will be easy, but it is my story and I am grateful for it. Through all the twists and turns, my husband and I were better able to rely on each other and God. And in the end, our family grew on this side of heaven. I am so grateful that I am able to be a mother, and as always, I put my story out there for those that are still struggling, who haven't been able to back up from their story and see the beauty in the bumps at this point in time. I pray for all those struggling on Mother's Day and everyday as circumstances put salt in the wound.
And I have a prayer request for you, as well. A summary doesn't give it justice, there is a lot more than I can write, but the reason I reflected back on these posts is because my dear friend K is in the most difficult time of her life right now. She got pregnant and miscarried. Before her cycle returned, she got pregnant again. Only there is some question because the hcg is low and slow rising (21 to 30) and there is some concern that maybe it actually be tissue from the first miscarriage. My friend K has been on an emotional rollercoaster since March about whether or not she is actually pregnant and it is viable, and she is spent, having given everything she has. She is exhausted and has to wait until the 16th to get another hcg. This level will tell her for certain if she is pregnant and if it is progressing normally. Ladies, I am not stranger to living and dying by hcg numbers. It is a very painful drawn out experience. Please pray for peace for my friend, K, and her husband, N.
To all of those mothers of babies in heaven or on earth, I wish you a happy Mother's day. For those desiring to be mother's, I also wish you a happy Mother's day, one that is pain free and one that you feel loved and supported by your spouse. Remember, your story is not yet over!
5.03.2012
Calling all Gluten Free Folks and More
So my sister found out her little girl has Celiac's. She was due 1 week apart from Charlie and is one month older to the day so 3 1/2 yo. The girl has never had a solid poop in her life, poor thing. She is also lactose intolerant and just putting her on lactaid has helped incredibly with the bowel movements. Since my sister is new to the world of GF and her daughter is in the most severe category (they told my sis not to kiss her with lipstick on unless is was GF lipstick!), AND she likely will get the same dx for her 5 year old, AND since these are 2 of her 4 children (including an infant), she needs your help! Any and all recipes or items for purchase that are worth making/buying. Please help! This GF world is overflowing with items, and we need to know what is worth purchasing/making. I shudder to think that this is linked to IF and my sweet niece might go through this...:(
As far as an update on us, the hcg shots are going well. I have terrible bruises, but they don't hurt at all. It is CD 12 and I still have one. Maybe it will be gone in time to start again? lol. I really don't care. What I do care about, because it was a little painful, was pregnancy gingivitus I got as a side effect-without the pregnancy! My gums swelled and were painful. I worried I had an infection but it healed and switched spots. This went on for two weeks before I got a prescription mouthwash. This is much better now, but I am wondering about when the script runs out and I continue to take hcg. Technically there isn't any left in my system, so I doubt I would have the problem right now. Just strange.
In terms of the SFA, I won't say much except we chose not to do it. The whole process was complicated and awkward, with timing it with kids, work, driving 25 min to give the sample, also timing it when I wasn't fertile since we still have to avoid and timing it when I wasn't about to start my period. Just too much to think about. We didn't even have reason to think this this was an issue. I guess we will deal with it if/when we don't get pregnant.
This is my first cycle on Clomid. Things are going well. It will be my second cycle on hcg. It did lengthen my post peak phase and my hormone levels looked great, so it should be doing the trick. If this cycle goes well, we will likely move on to trying. I was able to confirm we will get our oral abx on CD 1-10 when actively trying and get another IV upon postive hpt (actually we do quant hcg, they are mailing the order if I get to peak plus 17, that always worked for me in the past-I don't poas to avoid drama). Doc said I should/could go ahead and ttc and just cancel surgery if I get pregnant. I am still not 100% about this. We may wait. Need to have a convo with the hubs :) But we are prepared med wise to move forward with ttc next month.
That being said I have really mixed feelings re ttc. I know this sounds awful, but I am going to say it anyway. We have been blessed with two biological children. I am so grateful. I still want more, as big of a family as we are able, but I am conflicted given my love for the beautiful children of Reece's Rainbow, not to mention all the other children up for adoption. These children are already here. And they need someone. Now. Or more often, past due! But, dh is not on board yet, though I think his heart will turn toward adoption with time and prayer. And maybe it is in God's plan for us in the future to adopt. Time will tell :)
Prayer request-my dad's back surgery has been postponed until Oct, at the earliest. So he is still miserable with a broken back, alternating between days on end in bed sleeping and then getting up, feeling behind, overdoing things and making my mom quite frustrated. I understand both of them- the things he lifts with a broken back.... Sigh. Also, I have recently been aware of a local child in my church born with trisomy 18. Please pray for her, Ella Rose, and her family.
Continuing to pray for each of you! And please don't forget to send the GF info if you have it.
As far as an update on us, the hcg shots are going well. I have terrible bruises, but they don't hurt at all. It is CD 12 and I still have one. Maybe it will be gone in time to start again? lol. I really don't care. What I do care about, because it was a little painful, was pregnancy gingivitus I got as a side effect-without the pregnancy! My gums swelled and were painful. I worried I had an infection but it healed and switched spots. This went on for two weeks before I got a prescription mouthwash. This is much better now, but I am wondering about when the script runs out and I continue to take hcg. Technically there isn't any left in my system, so I doubt I would have the problem right now. Just strange.
In terms of the SFA, I won't say much except we chose not to do it. The whole process was complicated and awkward, with timing it with kids, work, driving 25 min to give the sample, also timing it when I wasn't fertile since we still have to avoid and timing it when I wasn't about to start my period. Just too much to think about. We didn't even have reason to think this this was an issue. I guess we will deal with it if/when we don't get pregnant.
This is my first cycle on Clomid. Things are going well. It will be my second cycle on hcg. It did lengthen my post peak phase and my hormone levels looked great, so it should be doing the trick. If this cycle goes well, we will likely move on to trying. I was able to confirm we will get our oral abx on CD 1-10 when actively trying and get another IV upon postive hpt (actually we do quant hcg, they are mailing the order if I get to peak plus 17, that always worked for me in the past-I don't poas to avoid drama). Doc said I should/could go ahead and ttc and just cancel surgery if I get pregnant. I am still not 100% about this. We may wait. Need to have a convo with the hubs :) But we are prepared med wise to move forward with ttc next month.
That being said I have really mixed feelings re ttc. I know this sounds awful, but I am going to say it anyway. We have been blessed with two biological children. I am so grateful. I still want more, as big of a family as we are able, but I am conflicted given my love for the beautiful children of Reece's Rainbow, not to mention all the other children up for adoption. These children are already here. And they need someone. Now. Or more often, past due! But, dh is not on board yet, though I think his heart will turn toward adoption with time and prayer. And maybe it is in God's plan for us in the future to adopt. Time will tell :)
Prayer request-my dad's back surgery has been postponed until Oct, at the earliest. So he is still miserable with a broken back, alternating between days on end in bed sleeping and then getting up, feeling behind, overdoing things and making my mom quite frustrated. I understand both of them- the things he lifts with a broken back.... Sigh. Also, I have recently been aware of a local child in my church born with trisomy 18. Please pray for her, Ella Rose, and her family.
Continuing to pray for each of you! And please don't forget to send the GF info if you have it.
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