Uncomfortableness in Infants and Resolutions

I was only dreading going to my MIL for Christmas for one reason-AJ was off before and I knew being out of town, etc, it would take him a bit to get back on track and I wouldn't know if it was that or something else...what was going on is that AJ is grunting for long (like one hour or more) periods in the night and seems really uncomfortable.  I have a child with reflux and this is similar, but I wasn't totally confident as it appeared different and definitely isn't as severe or black and white as when Charlie had it.  Anthony is also struggling with sleeping.  He cat napped in the am, then slept well in the afternoon.  He did pretty good at night.  He had gone to more 40 min naps (no longer any long stretches) I could tell he was tired and wanted to sleep longer.  Plus I think I feed him more (every 2 hrs), unnecessarily, when he is up more.  I think, hey he's up so why not feed him so when he does sleep he doesn't have to wake to eat.  It isn't just me-AJ thinks this too! :)

I ended up going to the doctor today and they helped me sort out what I knew in my heart-two separate things were going on.  We have a plan!  It reaffirmed things I already knew and I feel really good we caught things early.

First of all, I am going back to rocking Anthony until sleepy, NOT asleep.  Otherwise he goes, hey what happened?  I was in warm arms one second and now a big bed the next.  No thanks, I prefer the arms!  Gma made this worse by holding him for all day every day we were there.  That would have been fine had I planned to continue that at home, but it is not realistic for us, so we are dealing with major transition issues.  Also, I realized I was contributing too, unknowingly to this.  Even though I don't hold him sleeping, I was starting to rock him to sleep most of the time and then transferring to bed in an attempt to get him sleep better/longer.  It did the opposite.  I realized that was almost the same thing as holding him for two days and then coming hom to using the bed.  It resulted in the "I am surprised to be in bed now/how did I get here?!" reaction.  AJ would either wake immediately or wake at 30-40 (after one sleep cycle) and protest at being in bed.  Also, when he protested, I would remove him from the bed and rerock him.  I had stopped trying to soothe him while he was still in his bed out of pure laziness, assuming it would get to the point I would have to rerock him anyway, I would skip to that step.  I have resolved again to rock until sleepy and also to soothe in bed.  It isn't that hard at this age-a paci and a some covering his eyes or rubbing from his forehead down over his eyes and he gets sleepy again.  Then I leave him to fall asleep in his bed.  AJ was doing great putting himself back to sleep before, I could always here him going in and out for the long naps, but he had stopped that so I think we caught it early enough that he will go back to his natural good habits.  Several times when he was doing better I would hear him, go in, and he'd be asleep.  He was always exceeding my expectations so good habits are definitely natural to him and I just have to get him back there!

Second of all, the doc did think he has reflux.  I felt good going in giving all my data, etc and letting her make the decision rather than being convinced and fighting for a script.  I was just not sure, but she thought yes, so I feel good giving the meds.  I am tired of seeing my good boy so uncomfortable!  He would just writhe and grunt forever and I couldn't sleep either, listening to every move on the monitor etc.  At least now I can do something about it!

So a new day and more resolutions to do what I know I should do.  Oh, and speaking of, I have just two this year after bombing mine every year (see last year's embarrassing repeat of the year before-it is kind of funny in a pathetic way).  One: finish my dissertation.  Sort of a given, I HAVE to be done in May, but worth mentioning for all the time and effort it will take.  And Two: for weight and for money, I will no longer throw a bag of check out candy onto the belt with my groceries.  Or a pound of m&m's.  This went from occaisional to EVERY time I go to the store.  And I go to the store a lot :)  Happy New Year's everyone!  Be safe!

Reveal and Merry Christmas (in pictures and song)

During this advent season I had the priveledge of praying for Mrs. Blondies.  It was wonderful to get to pray for her, her dh, and their baby Blondie.  I prayed the St. Andrew novena faithful during all the night feedings.  I must say, I always prayed it at least fifteen times, but often more due to sheer exhaustion! :)  I had your prayer buddy/baby gift shipped a little early from Amazon.  I thought it would be a later expected arrival date, so I hope it didn't ruin the surprise too early!  

From my home to yours, wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas!

Heading out to dh's Christmas party.  They aren't my clothes I am fitting in, but they are someone's :)

We all have our things we look forward to when we have kids- mine was monogrammed stockings.  I am so thrilled to have these this year.  I definitely don't take these things for granted! 

 Okay, I clearly need the creche because these are blending in way too much with the brick.  I love my nativity and keep it up year round.  This year my mother in law added the camel and some other animals.

 This red is one of my favorite colors, so I love that it is more prevalent at Christmas time.  These hurricane were my meager attempt at creativity this year.

 It bothers me how plain this is.  I really need to spruce it up next year-with greenery!  Charlie loves singing Happy Birthday to Jesus but most days it morphs into Happy Birthday to Charlie :)

No, we didn't torture him.  He was a willing participant...on the second attempt.  This is after we gave up and let him play in the waiting room.  He decided to take the toy from the waiting room into the photo studio to ask Santa for it. :)

Since Charlie can't share his sticky candy cane with you, I thought he could give you a different kind of treat.

Click here for Charlie singing Jingle Bells (but getting distracted because he wants to grab the camera and watch himself while it is still recording!)  Please ignore my voice (I had a strep like virus) and my attempt at singing (which, I won't lie, is never good) to encourage him to continue despite the distracting camera :)

Our Loss at Christmas Time

You all probably do not know this, but my first loss was at Christmas time.  We have a Wil.low angel on our Christmas tree in remembrance.  In honor of my Michael, and for those of you (most of you, understandably) that haven't had a chance to read from the beginning, here is the story of my first baby, a fighter, my Michael.

http://tool4god-myjourneywithgod.blogspot.com/2008/12/try-try-again.html

http://tool4god-myjourneywithgod.blogspot.com/2008/12/michael.html

*Note I spent some time catching up my blog in the beginning, so this part was never written in real time, hence the incorrect date.  Michael was conceived and passed in 2006, the year I was married.  Sorry the posts are lengthy, I meticulously recorded every detail at the time and then later transferred it to my blog, so the thoughts are fresh.

Finally This Far

The other day I noticed my weekly emails related to little AJ's development from a well known website were off a week.  I realized they were going off my due date, not my delivery date, so I went in to update my information really quick.  But I what I saw brought me to a halt.  And then to tears.  It was my screen name.  I had set it up when I was pregnant with Charlie.  It was "finallythisfar." 

I was finally, at the time, far enough to sign up for those updates.  I was finally far enough to have less fears about miscarriage.  I was finally going to be able to hold one of my babies in my arms after two miscarriages.  Finally. 
And then, right on the heels of that, was another stop in my tracks moment.  I saw the Willo.w statue my mom gave me when I had the preterm labor scare with AJ.  It was the one with arms full of flowers, an overflowing bouqet (it was called "surrounded by love"). I realized my nightstand was no longer a good place for it, between my alarm clock, lamp, and now two monitors, I kept knocking it off in the night.  So I brought it down to my kitchen shelves where so many other Will.ows are and immediately saw an open spot.  But as I got closer, again, my breath was taken away.  The Wil.low on the other side of the open spot was one dh and I had bought after our second miscarriage.  It was titled Remember and the girl in it looked sad.  She had one flower and it was in her hand which down to her side.  The little paper that came with it read "Always I will Remember."  It stood in stark contrast to the other Will.ow with arms overflowing with flowers, her face buried in them.  It was definitely the perfect spot for it-on one side, the second loss.  On the other, the second life. 
Even though these ideas are never far from my mind, this was just a clear sign to me how much things have changed so quickly, how fortunate we are, how many people are still waiting, and how they don't know what the future will bring.  All I have to say to you is, things can turn around and turn around fast.  We don't know the time or the place.  But we can trust that He has good things in store.  Thinking of you all and praying especially hard as I know the holidays can be particularly tough.

Dr. Appt Update

Where to begin?  How about, I am fine.  Everything is fine.  Yeah!

Go figure the bleeding slowed yesterday for the first time.  I thought maybe it was in the morning, but didn't know if it was my imagination.  Well, it wasn't.  It was still descent enough at the doc's office that I didn't look like an idiot, and I didn't mention I suspected it had because the appt was a little chaotic.  I never planned on going there with both kids, by myself, first time out ever like that!  My mom was supposed to meet me in the parking lot of toy.s r us across the street so I could run in and get a dinosaur for Charlie that they finally had restocked.  Then she was going to stay in the car with the kids while I ran into the appt.  I had gone through a drive through for Charlie.  I figured if he ate, I would get home in time for naps and be on schedule.  Ha!  My little sister has a really crummy immune system, sick ALL of the time.  She lives with my mom (23) while finishing up her sign language interpreting program.  Mom called on her way out the door (I was in the parking lot, she just lives a few minutes away) to tell me my little sis (KT) was vomiting and she was worried about exposing us.  Thank you!  So...I braved toy.s r us and the doc's office by myself!  Not ideal, but we survived.  My biggest concern was more the germs than the idea of me and two kids (though Charlie in toy.s r us has the makings for a big meltdown!).

I managed to get the toy without Charlie being aware, and also a shower gift!  AJ slept the whole time, thankfully, but I knew he'd need to eat soon.  I had planned for it, so I actually arrived at the doc office early.  Of course, didn't plan on bringing the kids in so didn't have single or double stroller with me-augh!  Charlie did well staying wtih me and holding my hand, I carried AJ in his carrier and asked my doc's office if we could go back to a room early so I could feed both kids.  No.  Excuse me?!  I knew they didn't allow food, but I thought it was in the lobby with the new furniture.  Nope.  It smells up the whole office evidently (okay, it was McD so that was prob true).  What to do?!  McD was how Charlie was going to sit through my appt!  Plan B came to reality.  We sat in the hall of the office building.  Me nursing and feeding Charlie french fries at record pace (of course, they forgot the ketchup-what is with people?!)  I honestly felt like a rockstar, lol, thinking I CAN do this! :)

Once I got in the office, everyone was really nice helping. The nurse got Charlie a sucker (plan B for sitting still while I get examined-she has a two year old).  You'd think the baby would be the easy one, but the nurse is taking my blood pressure repeatedly, trying to hear, and AJ is over in the corner filling his pants very audibly! lol  Of course, blood pressure is high.  Really?  I never would have guessed! lol   AJ wasn't happy with pants full, so he cried and the doctor shadowing mine was happy to love on him.  Still, the conversation following the exam was very rushed and distracted.

Basically he said the bleeding is fine.  He ran tests for anemia.  He said that the lab results showed it was clots and not placenta.  He said I needed the D&C, he agreed, but that his approach was more conservative (wait and see) and his partner's was more treat now just in case.  Either way was fine.  I was safe.  He does want me back on the aspirin now, though.  I just felt good to remind me of all my issues, have him actually look to make a decision if I was okay, etc.  And the bleeding slowed, so I am grateful for that.  I just couldn't believe in two weeks post surgery there was no change-no slowing or change in color.  I did also remember that my first D&C was followed by cauterization so I had literally no bleeding.  I am trying not to think of possible side effects from too many D&Cs.  Those are maybe's, we will worry if/when we get there.  I mean, it was necessary, so what can you do? 

That is it.  I wish I could have gone down my list line by line, but there was no way.  We got in and out, we survived, and I am okay.  That is what matters.  Tahnks for your prayers everyone.  I know they helped.  I was pulling snacks for Charlie out of places I had stowed them away weeks earlier (just in case), and the McD toy was something they just featured on Sesame so he was very entertained by the binoculars which probably would have been thrown to the side otherwise.  It's the little things that make all the difference!

Bleeding Post D&C

I have lots of thoughts on posts, but it will have to be in quick takes form and not today.  Today I have some anxiety about visiting my ob.  I have a 6 week appt, but today I am only 4 weeks out (happy 4 weeks, AJ).  After calling my ob's office twice for concerns related to bleeding, they decided to see me even though they told me the bleeding is normal.  I feel like a freak, pestering them, but I don't feel comfortable until they look at me.  This is for many reasons.  I loved my ob, but now my trust is a little shaken after what I have been through (I hope today he can clarify without feeling defensive, I so want to love him again!), and I am trying to listen to my instincts and advocate for myself more.  Internet searching and our local ask a nurse call line seem to agree with me and disagree with my ob's office.  Here are my notes for my visit, to state my case for concern and hopefully not come off as a nut.  But then, having an outline to go into an office visit in and of itself might be a little nutty, lol.  Sorry if this is TMI, but come on, the post title says blood :)

1. Bleeding-my symptoms-tired of it!


a. Blood is everywhere!  Every wipe, every time I pee its in the toilet, every time I dry off with towel from the shower, even ran down legs going to grab a pair of underwear 10 feet away!

b. Pad every four hours (thick) or thin every hr/time I go to the bathroom

c. Much heavier than any period I ever had, but then I've been spoiled

d. Maintains bright red color and amt, no change whatsoever in 2 weeks

e. Now I have chafing from wearing the pad so long-two weeks

f. It is not my period as the nurse suggested.  I am solely nursing and got my period back at 14 months with Charlie.  And my period is not this heavy.

g. My post partum bleeding was almost done entirely before the need for D&C-that is earlier than expected.  It had gone through all the phases and was almost non existent.

2. Reasons I am concerned-

a. I had too much bleeding, beyond normal limits/cause for concern:

i. After giving birth –was this b/c of placenta? they were getting nervous but it finally slowed on its own

ii. Before D&C-reason for the procedure

iii. After D&C-they called me more drugs to contract my uterus

b. Factor V-more bleeding equals clot risk right? Not on aspirin yet

c. Mom had D&C and had DIC and almost died (bled out)

d. I didn’t have this much bleeding with first D&C (though I did recall he said he cauterized area so I wouldn’t-2nd ob found odd and no notes about it-very sketchy)

e. Issue of trusting (see below)

3. Know the D&C was necessary-so why did it get to this point?

a. Is this not obvious at delivery?

b. Was the excess bleeding in the hospital after birth a sign of the placenta still there?

c. You said I didn’t need to go to the ER, but then I had the cramps and remembered the factor V and the ask a nurse call line said to go.

d. The u/s tech was concerned and said I would likely be kept, and then the ER doc said it was doubtful it was a product of conception and that fits and spurts of blood are expected, it was a lg clot and if after 3-4 days still there then D&C…was this the ER doc or you? He said he consulted you.  Did he give you bad info to go off of?  Where did he get bad info if the u/s tech recognized the problem and he wrote the report?

e. Your partner told me the next day I needed a D&C immed for 4.5 cm of retained placenta and that she has no idea why you didn’t do the D&C when I was already in the ER.  (The fact it was the day before Thanksgiving and the fact you didn't have priveledges at the hospital I went to didn't play in, did it?  No I won't be asking that!)

4. Concerns about D&C (even though I know it was unavoidable)

a. Read online that adhesions are more likely when the D&C is done for the reason it was done on me.

b. I also read it could traumatize the lining and jeopardize future implantation?!

c. This isn’t my first-I had one before due to miscarriage

See, good reasons for anxiety.  But, I am prepared as possible so trying to "let go and let God."  Prayers please.  Appt at 11:15am CST.
                       

A Nice Free Nursing Cover and Basic Sling

The following was sent to me by a friend.  I have one someone made and like thye premise (they go around your neck so no worry about the blanket falling, plus you can look down and see baby due to the bowed wire at the top); what I don't like about mine is the size, it's pretty small.  This one, however, looks to be a much more appropriate size. So, I decided it was worth the shipping ($9.99-you could probably sell it on crai.g's list or at a consignment sale for more than this) and ordered one.  Last week I also ordered a free sling from seven sl.ings (an offer they give again when you order the nursing cover).  It isn't as great as my baby k't.an sling or the mo.by wrap because it is just one simple piece, but it is cute and seems made decently and, again, it will probably sell for more than it cost to ship-$15 if I recall correctly.  Enjoy!

Hi X,

We wanted to say thanks for being one of our Planning Family members and give you a promo code for a free $32 nursing cover at the Udder Covers website (if you're not currently breastfeeding they make great baby shower and holiday gifts)!

We have made an arrangement with the Udder Covers website so you can get one nursing cover (regular price $32) free. You just pay the shipping. The code is "Family2010".

Go to the Udder Covers website, click on "Shop Now", select the product you would like (they also have 3 piece gift sets available with this promotion) and you will automatically be directed to the center of the page where you can enter in the promo code! Type in "Family2010" and it will pull up the ones available. They are selling out fast. You can use the code more than once - you just have to open a new browser/window to do so. Good Luck!

This promotion gives you a $32.00 discount off your total order no matter what you put in your cart! This promotion code is valid once per transaction, so you can order as many times as you would like!

Thanks again,

Planning Family

Better Now

Just wanted to say after my minor breakdown that all is better.  I feel better in that: I have forgiven myself and moved on, I have asked my husband for more help, I have gotten more rest, and baby is sleeping better so I have already seen some fruits of my labor.  I am sure we will backslide and move forward again, but it was just nice to see that it was already starting to pay off.  That's all for now.  Praying for each and every one of you!  God bless!

The Hard Part

How quickly we forget....I have entered a hard stage I forgot about.  The stage where my child where sleep anywhere but the bed.  Nice long naps in the carseat, the swing, the sling, anywhere but bed.  In bed, he has started waking FREQUENTLY.  It's painful.  Yesterday I started pushing through with the encouragement of my pediatrician that it wasn't due to reflux.  Today I cheated and did the carseat once (after I was ready to poke my eyes out) and tonight I cheated in another way-I nursed to sleep.  Others may do this, but I choose not too (after the beginning, and in the night doesn't count).  Not to mention that my child wasn't due for a feeding (he will eat whenever it is offered, at least half) and so...it made him sick.  He has spit up twice, his tummy is rolling and I feel like evil bad mom that went to her only secret weapon b/c I am weak-the boob :(  It made him sick and it didn't even work to put him to sleep.  Today (and yesterday) we are just having that kind of day.  Prayers for grace please, prayer buddy.  I am not worthy of this awesome task to be AJ's mommy.